. Shallsee walked towards Micheal's room. So much had to be done,
and she wasn't sure how long they had. Zarah was so close to the edge.
Her words were so dark. She needed someone to help her, but no one
could get close enough. Perhaps DW could. She hoped. She did not want
to see Zarah spiral into the abyss. Last door on the left. It was
early, but this could afford to have Micheal awakened. She knocked
softly.
"Micheal?" She pushed on the door. And froze. Alia was curled up
on top of the bedcovers, Micheal sitting next to her. He was stroking
her hair as she slept. At the sound of Shallsee's voice, Micheal
looked up. A look akin to guilt shadowed his face. He got off the bed
in one smooth motion and walked silently to the door.
"Shh, I don't want to wake her up. Outside," Micheal whispered to
Shallsee. They stepped outside, and Micheal closed the door. Shallsee
could feel a small anger settling in her stomach.
"I hope this is where Alia spent the night? She was in a bad way
last night." Shallsee said. She refused to say anything to him, but
this was the last thing she would have expected from the two. If she
had even suspected, she would have told Zarah herself earlier. Had
they? Alia was dressed, and on top of the covers. So nothing had
happened, she assumed. She would have to be sure.
"Keep your voice down. And yes. She came down here early this
morning, in a panic over Zarah. She said that Zarah looked so bad,
that she was hurting so much. And that you wouldn't let her help her
sister." He aimed a look of reproach at Shallsee. "She came here, and
she started crying. Do you have any idea how long she cried for? She
only calmed down after I held her. I had to rock her to sleep. Poor
little girl. But what did you think....."A look of understanding came
into Micheal's features.
"You thought....we had.... no, we didn't. She just...." Micheal
was wondering what Shallsee had assumed. She shook her head.
"Micheal, I'm sorry. But I need your help now," Shallsee tried to
get him to refocus on the present.
"Dreamwind wants to see you. I'll watch Alia," She added when he
looked doubtful.
"About what?"
"Just go see him, OK? And do it now. We might not have alot of
time." Shallsee walked back to Micheal's door. He hesitated, torn
between obeying the summons of a man he admired, and the thought of
leaving the girl he ached to comfort. In the end, he chose to turn and
walked towards Dreamwind's office. He only hoped Alia would forgive
him for not being there when she woke up.
***********
He saw her sitting on a chair, looking out the Tower window. Her
hair was pulled back and her arms were covered, but the scars of her
collapse still showed. Her shoulders were hunched, and she looked so
young. The last time he had seen her, she was invincible. Strong,
reassured. Even though she was cold, very centered, Dreamwind knew she
had a heart stronger than most. This time, however, it was as though
her soul was drifting away from her core. The first time he had seen
her, she was 14 years old. He had thought her beautiful then. As he
spoke with her, grew to know her words, he saw her ability to be a
chameleon. One minute, she could move with the sensuality of a
panther, the next, as cold as ice. But a single thread had run in her
physical postures. Now, she looked different. He brushed his fingers
against the door. She turned her head.
"Dreamwind." An acknowledgment. Nothing more. Her eyes went back
to the window.
"Zarah, dearest. May I enter?" He took her silence as aquicense.
He moved across the room, pulling a chair next to Zarah's. He sat, and
looked at her. Minutes passed in heavy silence. She looked out the
window. He wondered the thoughts in her head. Had he known, they would
have given rise to more worries.
She was remembering something that had not happened to her. On a
business trip, so long ago, Catherine and Jacob had been on a train
cross-country. This was after Raines initiated constant surveillance
on Catherine. Their words had been recorded. Zarah had read the
manuscript.
Now, she was remembering it.
Jacob had the window seat in the compartment. He was staring out
the window, lost in thought. Catherine was pretending to read, but
instead was fully aware of him. She was sitting across from him, and
she could see every detail of his face in the dim reading light. The
times they had been together, closer than she would have ever thought
two people could be, ran in a jumble through her mind. She remembered
the way he ran his fingers along her waist, lightly. The way he
touched her neck with his lips. The way he whispered close in her ear.
How he held her, so hard and so soft at the same time. The way she
felt, deep down in her chest, whenever she saw him. She could feel her
face begin to flush, and her heart begin to beat harder. She slammed
her book shut. Jacob had looked at her then, questioning. Had he seen
the hunger in her eyes? He must have, for he leaned forward and took
her hand. His touch brought a sob to her throat, and she jerked away.
His look of confusion was replaced with sorrow. He got up and moved to
Catherine's side. He sat down and put his arm around her. She leaned
her head against his shoulder. The feelings of pain were overshadowed
by the joy of being near him, of his promise of safety. With him, like
this, she could banish the darkness.
Zarah closed her eyes, and jerked back to reality. She was alone.
No one was holding her. She could feel no safety. The panic was
churning in her stomach again. She must have moved, for Dreamwind
leaned forward.
"Zarah? May I speak with you?" His comment slammed her
consciousness back into her body. She jerked her head around, saw him
as if for the first time.
"What? Why are you here?" A note of sadness, hidden by defense
systems no longer working. She no longer sounded like herself.
"I have spoken to Micheal, mine dear. He has told me of thy
trouble. I must talk with thee. Thy actions have placed you in the
path of a storm, the kind which threatens to destroy thee,"
Dreamwind's calm voice caught Zarah's full attention. "I know what you
have been doing. You must stop."
His last comment brought her to her feet. Standing over him,
still but full of fury. She isn't eating, she's lost weight again, he
thought. But still she had the sensuality of being he sometimes
noticed in her. She moved, flung herself about the room, avoiding
furniture, not slowing. Dreamwind watched, entranced. She moved around
the obstacles, turning and flowing, as if she knew in her blood which
moves to make. Twirling, spinning. Hands stretched out, fingers barely
brushing the surfaces of chairs, lamps, walls. Then she stopped, an
inch from a wall, facing it. She pressed her cheek up to it, moved her
body so her breasts, her stomach, her legs, were against it. Held her
hands spread wide on the wall, breathing hard.
Was she crying? Dreamwind walked to where she stood, and looked
into her face. Her eyes were wide open, with a glaze of tears. Her
lips were parted slightly, and her ragged breathing signaled her
feelings. She made no indication she saw him. He spoke first.
"I want to help you. For Micheal. For Alia. For you."
She hugged the wall for a few more seconds, then pushed back. She
walked to the center of the room, stopped, and turned around. Stared
at him. Looked into his eyes, with her own. Her gaze felt heavy.
"What do you see when you look at me?" She asked him. He did not
answer. "Others see what they want. Some see a cold woman. Some see a
girl who is acting. What do you see?" Her tone turned demanding.
Dreamwind thought about his answer before he spoke.
"I see a girl. Young, tall. Eyes of blue, sometimes of fire,
sometimes of ice. You hold yourself with care, knowing where your body
is. Sometimes I see a knowledge of the physical you should not have.
Now, you look like a child. Before, you looked like a dancer who was
dancing for her lover."
He could see his words were unexpected to her. He had never seen
her look so stunned. She swallowed hard. What was it he said? Was it
the remark about the child? Or was it the remark about the lover? She
blinked and looked away.
"I'll ask again, why do you want this?" She saw him preparing to
respond, and raised her hand to stop him. "Do not say you want to help
me." The derision she placed on the last two words caused Dreamwind to
wince. Her voice was gathering frost.
"I wonder..... Do you enjoy watching me suffer? Need one more
test subject for your little project?" She had grasped her hands in
front of her now, and was moving slowly towards him. He forced himself
to stand still. She stopped close, ever so close to him. She was tall
enough to look him directly in the eye. He could feel the fabric of
her skirt brushing his pant leg. Then, without moving, her posture
changed. She was once again the dancer. "Do you want to tear me down
and build a little fantasy girl in my place?" She reached up and
removed his glasses. Placed them on a nearby table. "Ever wonder what
I see in you?" She moved from in front of him, around his side, to
stand directly behind him. He could feel the swell of her breasts
brush against his back, her breath on his neck. "I wish you could see
me as I do. Then you might understand why I do things I do. Like this.
You never imagined I would do this today, did you?" And she reached up
and brushed her fingers against his cheek.
He moved away from her then, stepping forward and turning to face
her. She looked so strange. Like a different person. She was smiling
so coldly. Masking her fears.
"If you really want me to understand you, allow me to help."
Dreamwind spoke, covering the tremor in his voice with an effort. This
sudden act, so unlike her, concerned him more than anything he had
heard. He suspected that the Catherine sims were taking a heavier toll
than he had first thought.
She tossed her hair, turned away. Moved to the window once more.
"What do you suggest?"
"Dreamscape. Allow me to help you."
She glanced at his reflection in the window. She nodded.
"Fine. Just remember, you may regret this. My mind is not a place
most would tread willingly. Are you prepared to know me? The real me?
Not this facade?" She asked. He nodded. "As you wish it. One thing,
though," She added as he turned to leave. He stopped.
She spoke once again into the silence.
"Quid pro quo. I show you my soul, you show me yours."
