. I am not looking forward to today. As I drive into the parking
garage, I wonder what messes this day will hold. I park, pick up my
briefcase, get out, and see Catherine standing a few car lengths down
from me. Oh god, but she looks scared. My stomach knots up. Why is she
standing there looking at me like that? It can't be Missy, she
wouldn't be so collected. Does her husband know? No, she wouldn't be
able to stand at all if he knew. I slam the car door and walk closer
to her. She just stands there. Why won't she say anything?
"Hello." She has such beautiful eyes. Sad eyes. Her silence is
not doing much to dissuade my fears. "What is it?"
"How could you?" Mad, anger, hurt, how can anyone sound so
accusing? My mind goes blank. How can I answer? I do not know what she
is asking.
"Excuse me?" She gets agitated at my response, and starts moving
around. I stand still while she walks around in front of me.
"How could you take innocent children and cast them into the pits
of this hell-hole?" I do not know what to say. I think I know what she
is talking about, but I hope I am wrong.
"Aren't you exaggerating?" I try to joke it off. She stops
walking, stares at me, the accusation in her eyes. God, why did I say
that? Please don't look like that, it hurts me when you are hurting.
"Not for the kids. When I first met you, when I knew what you
were doing... We worked around each other. You did your damage and I
cleaned up after you." She is getting angry. And dangerous. I must
look as stunned as I feel, I have only seen her like this once. One
thing is for sure, I never thought this would happen today.
"What are you talking about, Cathy?" I have to know. I need to
know the exact accusations so I can mount a proper response. I do the
same thing with Sydney when he is mad at me.
"I'm talking about Jarod." She turns around at look at me, eyes
blazing. "Poor boy. But at least he has Sydney, who might treat him
like a human being for a while. And Kyle. Do you know what Raines is
doing to do to him?" She sounds desperate. Damnit Cathy, of course I
know. How could I not? Don't you think I know that I've killed that
boy by bringing him here? "We....WE take these children, rip them out
of their homes, away from their families and throw them into this
cage!" She stops. I can hear shame in her voice. Or am I projecting my
own guilt onto her? I can't stand to let her hurt like this, I have to
help her. I walk over nearer her.
"Cathy, what brought this on?" I put my hand on her shoulder. She
feels cold. And so frail. She doesn't speak. I wait.
"I was watching Missy play yesterday. Do you realize that she is
the same age as Jarod? He can't play anymore. In a few months, he
won't remember his family anymore. He'll only have Sydney. His
parents, do you know what this is doing to them? They had their
children ripped away. They don't know if they are dead or alive. If
that happened to our daughter, I don't know what I'd do." She stops to
breath.
Our daughter, she said our daughter. She has never said that.
Does she even realize? No, she is speaking again.
"I can't let anyone take her away, She is all I have left. How
can they do this?" She moves out from under my hand, to stand in front
of me. "How can YOU do this?" She pushes me. Hard. Away from her. I
stumble back a step. And I freeze. I can't move. She is so angry now,
angry at me, at everyone. "You bastard! You're just like them, just
like them, you're all the same," and she starts to cry. Her sobs sound
throughout the garage. "How could you be like them, I thought you were
different, I thought I loved you, I thought you were different...."
Her voice falters, she puts her face into her hands and just sobs.
Seeing her so vulnerable, so childlike, I can't stop from trying
to comfort her. I put my hands around her, stroke her hair. She takes
her hands away from her face and returns my embrace. She puts her face
on my shoulder and cries against me. Her tears burn me. I know I can't
make any of this better, I know this is all my fault. She holds onto
me so tight, will she ever let go? I hope not.
"I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I didn't ever want to hurt you. I'm scared
of not saying the right thing, how can I convince you. But we decided
long ago, to protect the families." I whisper into her ear. Her sobs
quiet, and her ragged breathing grows softer. "I know it hurts. I'm
sorry, I never wanted to hurt you or your daughter. We have to stop
them, I know." I have to look at her. As much as I don't want to let
her go, I take her by the shoulders and look into her face. She looks
so sad. How can anyone be so tragic and so beautiful at the same time?
"I'll talk to Syd. Maybe I can convince him. But remember.. We have to
do this. If we work together, we can beat them."
This is what it has been about from the start. Protect the
children and the families. This is what we are working for. To bring
this place down, to start over. She does not say a word. She just
looks at me. Then moves closer, and kisses my cheek. Her lips tickle
my skin, so warm and soft. A thousand memories rush back in an
instant. Then she walks away. Turns around. Doesn't look back. Into
the elevator, and the doors shut. I close my eyes. Oh, god. So much at
stake. So many lives. I pick up my case and move to the stairs. She
said our daughter, didn't she? Missy is growing so fast. So like her
mother. Thankfully. Why can't I forget her? Cathy seems to always be
lurking in my mind. More so lately. I hear something. I stop, turn
around. Nothing. Only cars. It sounded like a camera shot. Strange.
Nothing now. I turn back to open the door to the stairwell. One more
day of pretending everything is all right.
***********
Zarah stood leaning against the wall. Shallsee entered the room
from the control booth.
"Find it this time?"
"I think so. It answers my question on if they were working
together. But I wonder for how long. And Jacob knew about Missy,"
Zarah said, moving off the wall and slowly walking to the center of
the room.
"So? What are you gong to do next?" Shallsee followed her, a pace
behind.
"Now? How would you feel about a game of make believe?" Zarah
turned and looked at her friend. Shallsee grinned.
"You know me, just blending into my surroundings. Who are we
going to mess with today?"
"Sydney. I just have to know what he does." Zarah drawled the
words out. She was always in a good mood after a successful sim. She
gestured towards the door. "Shall we?"
