Joey ground her teeth as she thought of Jen, her over-bleached hair, her perpetually open mouth, her
superiority complex and her failed nose job.
"What for?" Joey asked, trying to project an uncaring demeanour but failing utterly.
"She was caught on the dock doing favours for sailors." Pacey said.
"Jen's a hooker?" Joey screamed.
Several little old ladies and a nun, who was on the street for no apparent reason, shrieked and
needed to be fanned with a newspaper.
"Yep." Pacey said "Least I never had to pay for it."
"Where's Dawson?" Joey asked "He'll be mine now. All mine."
"In jail." Pacey said "In the cell right next to Jen's."
"What????" shrilled Joey.
"He stripped naked and ran around the cinema at his 89th viewing of 'Saving Private Ryan'. He got rather excited. A pensioner in the front row nearly lost an eye."
"Dawson!!!!!!!!" Joey screamed and ran off towards the local jail. Elbowing her way past the
doughnut chewing local cops, she made her way into the cells. To find Jen and Dawson going at it,
through the bars of their respective cells.
"Yeah baby! Yeah baby! Oh Mr Leery!!!!" Jen screamed.
"Oooooohh." wailed Dawson.
Joey covered her ears and screamed then when that failed to attract their attention, she fell to the
floor in a gibbering heap and rolled around.
"Ooohhh my little oommpa loompaa!" Jen shrieked. Somewhere several panes of glass shattered.
"What did you call me?" Dawson yelled. He grabbed Jen by the throat and started to throttle her.
"Gaaaaaa!!" wailed Jen.
The local cops rushed in.
"He is an imminent threat! One yelled.
"He's coming right for us!" The other yelled.
They drew their service revolvers and made like Dirty Harry. Sadly neither had spent enough time on the practice range and Jen and Dawson ended up like
Bonnie and Clyde.
Joey sat up "Dawson! You killed Dawson!"
"What the hell kind of girlie name was Dawson anyhow?" One cop said.
"Yeah." The other cop replied.
Joey began to cry, the cops diagnosed she was having a psychotic episode and packed her off to
the local loony bin where they gave her lots of electro-shock that put a nice curl in her ratty hair.
Outside where Pacey was still eating his chocolate syrup, the clouds parted, the sun shone and from the nearby video store came the faint tune of 'Ding Dong the witch is dead'.
Pacey smiled. "I never liked my friends anyway." he growled in a Christian Slater in 'Heathers' way. "I just want my high school to be a nice place. Hey wait. I'll still be in it though. Mmmm, tis a far far
better thing I do...."
He stood up and walked into the middle of the road. Where 5 seconds later he was hit by a
speeding milk float and turned into road pizza. In an ironic twist, a bad TV movie was made about
the tragedy. It starred 4 untalented actors who were never heard from again.
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