Meeting Jen by Melissa and Tammy Part 2 in the Series
Rating: R for sexual content
Short Summary: The events in episode 2, only according to us. Only we
added sex. Lots of it. And we're blatant. We're not coy like wussie
Kevin "Walk my Dog" Williamson.
Disclaimer: No, we don't own the characters. By the way, this is a parody.
Dawson stood at his bedroom window, looking at the house next door.
"I
wonder what Jen is doing right now."
"Will you give it up?" Joey said. "She told you to f*ck off."
"Yeah, but I don't think she meant it." Dawson pulled down his
shade.
"And what if she didn't?"
"I won't think about it now. I'll think it about it tomorrow.
After all,
tomorrow is another day."
"Whatever, Scarlett. I'll be going now." Joey stood up and
started putting on her shoes.
Dawson, who was undressing, asked, "Hey, where are you going?"
"Home."
"I realized that. Why?"
"Dawson we just can't do this anymore. Well, what I mean is that we
can't have sex anymore."
"But Joey, we've been doing it since we were ten years old."
"I know that, Dawson. But we're fifteen right now. And having sex
at
this age is just wrong. It's just wrong I tell you."
"Okay, Joey. What's really up?"
"Truthfully?"
"No, I want you to lie. You know how I can't take the truth."
"You're bad in bed."
(Cut to theme music)
(School)
"Just do it, Joey." Dawson urged.
"Why can't you do it?"
"Because telling her I forgot to take my medicine that night, sounds
kind of lame."
"And by me telling her that, it's not lame?"
"Well, yeah. You see, you can come off as the concerned friend telling
the newcomer. While, I would end up sounding like a psychopathic
loser."
"Fine, I'll tell her in biology."
(English Class)
"So, Tamara, what say you and I get it on tonight?" Pacey said.
"Hell, I'm only in the middle of class, let's go at it right
now."
=93But it's my first time, and I'm a little self-conscious with the
audience principle."
"Pacey, an active audience will only help us. They can cheer us on,
yell out suggestions. Just pretend you're a porn star. Act real cocky
and pretend you know what you're doing and the audience will never
know
you're a first-timer."
"Okay. You can call me Naked. Buck Naked."
"And you can call me Dick Swiftly"
(The Hall)
"Did you tell her?" Dawson asked Joey.
"No, not yet. I forgot," Joey lied.
"You forgot? How could you forget the most important part of your
being?
Do I not matter to you anymore? Or is this some passive aggressive way
for you to get back at me? Are you mad because I didn't go down on you
last night? Is that it!?!"
"No, damn you. I just forgot. Oh, well. It's too late. It looks like
Cliff Elliot just moved in on your little Jennie."
"I have a personal obligation to know all the prettiest girls in
school."
"Wow, that's a big obligation," Jen said sarcastically. But she
decided
to cut the boy some slack, after all he had tight football pants on.
Cliff saw Joey approaching. "Okay, I got to go. That Joey girl is
coming
over, and she is scary. She once took on five guys in the cafeteria."
"See you later Cliff. Hi, Joey," Jen greeted.
"Hi. I'm going to be fast. Remember that night at the movies?"
Joey
asked. Jen grimaced, so Joey took that as a 'yes'. Well, Dawson
was
acting all f*cked up because he forgot to take his medication. You see,
he's manic depressive, and he forgot to take his lithium."
"Oh, I'm sorry. I had no idea."
"It's okay. But Dawson is pretty embarrassed about it."
"I can see why. He really acted like a c*nt rack."
"Yeah. Anyway, he wanted me to ask you - Will you be in his movie?"
"You mean that thing you guys were filming when I moved here?"
"Yup."
"Sure, why not?"
(The Movie Set)
"You're the director, Dawson. I'm the monster," Pacey informed
the
director.
"He's right, Dawson," Joey told him.
"Fine. But this is my vision, remember. I can change it at any time.
Jen, are you ready to come out?" Jen was changing in the bathroom.
"I'm not coming out," Jen called.
Dawson approached the bathroom door. "Why not?"
"Because - look at what I'm wearing - No! Don't look at it!"
"What's the matter? Is it too tight?"
"Among other things. If you weren't the consummate professional,
I'd be
thinking you got some pleasure of seeing me in this."
"C'mon, Jen. We're all friends here."
Jen stepped out of the bathroom reluctantly, wearing only a red teddy
and garter belt. "What the hell does this have to do with a monster
movie?"
"Everything, Jen. Everything," Dawson answered, trying not to froth
at
the mouth. The outfit was too tight.
"Where did you get this?"
"My mom's closet."
"What!"
"Okay, positions! Pacey, you're behind the door. Joey, tie Jen
up."
Joey led Jen over to Dawson's bed. "Lie down," she ordered.
"Pacey,
where are those handcuffs?" Pacey tossed them over to her.
"No, no!" Dawson was exasperated. "Can't you do anything right?
Silk
scarves! Let me tie them." He walked over to the bed and gently tied
Jen's wrist to the bedpost. "Don't tie too tight. The scarf should
be
able to support her weight, not cut off her circulation. Let's not
bruise Jen's delicate, lovely skin. Her beautiful skin. Her incredibly
soft skin. Her gorgeous skin." Dawson started to lose control of what
was happening in his pants, and to regain control; he pulled on the
scarf harder. Jen screamed in pain.
"Pills, Dawson. Take your pills!" Joey yelled. Shamefaced, Dawson
ran to
the bathroom. But not for his pills.
"Can we start the scene already?" Pacey asked.
"Did you read the rewrite I gave you?" Joey inquired.
"What rewrite?" Jen demanded.
"Don't worry, Jen," Joey reassured her. "Just follow Pacey's
lead." She
lit some candles, dimmed the lights, and got behind the camera. "Okay,
start."
Pacey approached Jen's bedside in his monster costume. "Who are
you?"
Jen asked.
"I'm the monster from the creek. Don't you recognize me? I saved
you
from a burning building," Pacey told her.
"Really? That was you? You look so different."
"Yes, that was me. I risked my life for you - are you willing to repay
the debt?"
"Yes - Do I have a choice?"
"The only way to restore me to my original form is a kiss. Just kiss
me. Kiss me once."
"Sure. Okay." Pacey leaned over and kissed her on the lips. Joey
blew
out the candles, then quickly relit them. Pacey was now without costume,
standing over Jen in his boxers.
He looked in the mirror.
"Damn," he muttered.
"What's wrong?" Jen asked.
"The curse is double layered, you see. A kiss turns me into a man. An
ugly one, with a Caesar haircut. But if you'll have sex with me,
you'll
restore me to my original hotness. With a dope haircut."
"Define hotness. Hot like Ben Affleck in 'Chasing Amy' or in
'Good Will Hunting'?"
"More like Ben Affleck in 'Armageddon'."
"Well, why didn't you say so before? Of course I'll do it."
"You're an angel." Pacey climbed on to the bed and started to
untie the bonds.
(Fifteen minutes later)
Dawson emerged from the bathroom. "Okay, we're ready to shoot the
scene." But, lo and behold, the scene was already in progress.
Both Pacey and Jen were doing some weird porn star sh*t that Tamara
taught him. Their clothes had been discarded long ago.
"Hey, what the hell is this?" Dawson yelled. "I didn't say
action, I didn't say action, did I? So don't start the scene until I tell you
to." He flipped on the lights. The stars cried out in shock, reaching for a
sheet or something to cover their bodies. Finding none, Pacey put a
pillow in his lap, and Jen hid behind Pacey.
Dawson walked over to the bed. "Pacey, what the f*ck were you
thinking?
Jen, are you okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned.
"Fine, Dawson," Jen replied, staying behind Pacey.
"How long have you been shooting this, Joey?" Dawson asked.
"At least fifteen minutes."
"Really? That's all?" Pacey remarked. He turned to Jen. "It
didn't seem
that long? I really got into the scene, didn't you?"
"Yeah, I know. It didn't seem like anyone else was in the room. I
became
my character. I was no longer Jen. I was the innocent being seduced."
"Seduced? There's nothing about seduction." Dawson frantically
flipped
through the script. "Page 67, Monster kisses beautiful goddess.
Monster
becomes human. The end."
"Hey, it was in my script," Pacey said. He tossed the pages at
Dawson.
"Hey, these are written in! Joey, I need to talk to you." He grabbed
his
producer and dragged her into the bathroom.
(The bathroom)
"Why the hell did you write this in? You ruined my wonderful
script,"
Dawson cried.
"Hey, you said you needed some action. I gave you action," Joey
protested.
"Not that type of action!"
She shrugged. "Minor detail."
(Simultaneously)
"Hey, are we still on camera?" Jen asked
"Yeah. I think so," Pacey answered.
(Back in the Bathroom)
"You suck!" Dawson screamed. Then he composed himself. "What would
Spielberg do? He would reshoot the scene. That's what I'll do." He
went
back into the bedroom, to find his stars once again going at it. He
tried to pull them apart, but Jen kicked him in the head. Then Pacey
scooped up Jen and they finished in the privacy of the bathroom. Except
for Joey, who was stuck in there with them.
(An Hour Later)
The scene was reshot, so Dawson was happy. Joey wasn't. Having sex was
one thing, but watching it live was another.
Before she left, Jen asked Dawson if he was going to the dance.
"No, nobody asked me." Dawson shuffled his feet hopefully.
"Oh, well, Cliff asked me."
"Cliff? Why would you go with Cliff? I mean, he's good looking and
nice
and everything, but why him?"
(Three Hours Later)
Joey loyally remained at Dawson's side, even though everyone left
hours
ago.
"How could she go with Cliff?" Dawson wondered for the hundredth
time.
"My script is so much better than his. His is pure crap. A badly
written, stupid football movie. I mean, football movies with teenage
protagonists never work out. You know, like that movie. What was that
movie? 'Varsity Purples'?"
"Yeah, why would Jen choose Cliff over you? Your script is so much
better that his. You even gave her a bigger part. She is just
cheerleader in his movie. In yours, she is the star."
"Well, I'm not going to sit around and mope. I'm going to the
dance."
Dawson started to dress in the appropriate dance attire. After all, his
pants were in bad shape after his little bathroom expedition.
(The Dance)
Jen and Cliff danced to Savage Garden's "I Want You". Dawson
tapped
Cliff on the shoulder. "What?"
"I'm taking over for you, Cliffie. Jen is my girl. Thanks for
priming
the pump, but I can take over from here."
"Dawson, what the hell are you doing?" Jen questioned.
"Yeah, right loser," Cliff retorted. "You have to fight me
first."
"Fine. I'll take you on. I'll take all of you on," Dawson
answered
bravely. The rest of the football team turned around. "Well, maybe
just
Cliff."
Cliff let go of Jen and took a fighting stance. Dawson swung wildly and
missed. Cliff laughed and shoved Dawson lightly. Dawson lost his balance
and fell down. "Hey, no pushing," he complained.
"Fine. I'll kick instead." Cliff kicked Dawson in the head, but
because
Dawson's head was so big; Cliff actually hurt his own foot.
A circle of kids formed around the boys. They cheered for the winning
guy, aka Cliff. They yelled, "Go Cliff! Whup his ass! Break his
vertebrae in a million pieces! Hit him where the sun doesn't shine!
Come
on, Noel, you're supposed to be a RA. I know you can hit harder than
that."
Jen walked away, muttering "Stupid assholes." Dawson staggered after
her.
"Jen?" He called. His voice was pitiful, weak.
She turned around. "You forgot your pills again, didn't you?"
