Disclaimer: I don't own the song "Empty Spaces" by Pink Floyd.
Another Note: This is my brand new fanfic. It started out as a Pacey/Andie or Pacey/Joey fanfic... I don't know, something like that. Then suddenly it just metamorphasized into a whole different story about Pacey. The song was sent to me with another bunch of them by an online friend and they sort of seemed to fit.
What shall we use to fill the empty spaces?
Where we used to talk?
How should I fill the final places?
How should I complete the wall?
"Empty Spaces"
~ Pink Floyd
Pacey Witter ran his hand through his hair, carefully inspecting it in the
bathroom mirror. He sighed in relief, his hair was back to it's normal brown
color. No more "frosted tips" for him. What a waste of forty dollars.
Pacey sank to the floor and sat against the door. What a day he thought. When
he had changed his hair color he had been determined to overcome the image of
Pacey the loser. At the hair salon he had spotted Kristy Livingstone, blond
cheerleader, senior, and had decided to go for her. What the hell did he have
to lose? Plenty. Now he sat, defeated, his head in his hands, reliving the
shock and humiliation of his conversation with Kristy. He hadn't been in love
with her but this latest failure indicated to him that he would always be a
loser, he would never be more than that. No matter what he did.
Andie. Pacey thought her name. Ever since her car had run into his he had been
attracted to her. She certainly had a good sense of humor, one that matched
his. He would never have thought of a "heart stripe." Behind her attitude he
sensed the potential of a good friend and more...but he couldn't believe how
she had hurt him, she had no conception of what her revenge had done to his
already low self esteem. She had confirmed what his family and Capeside had
told him, he was a loser.
Pacey frowned. What about his friends? Where were Dawson and Joey? Or Jen? He
hadn't seen them in a while. Certainly not Joey other than a glimpse in the
halls. What was with the spaghetti strap shirt? Definitely un-Joeylike
clothes. They seemed to have magically emerged after she had gotten together
with Dawson. And Dawson, he and Dawson hadn't really talked since the day they
cut their hair. He was happy for the two but it seemed as if he had become the
third wheel. Jen. They had never been really good friends but Pacey realized
that they had a common goal: to change from the person they once had been. Not
that it seemed to do any good.
"Pacey. Get the hell out of the bathroom!" his father yelled, "Before I beat
the shit out of you! Other people need to use it too!"
Pacey sank down further against the wall and closed his eyes.
The next morning Pacey got up and quickly dressed after taking a shower.
Today's my sixteenth birthday, he thought, at least I'll get some
acknowledgment from somebody. He went to the kitchen, maybe his mom had made
breakfast. No. The kitchen lay silent and empty. Disappointment flooded
through him, she had forgotten his birthday...again. He walked over to his
parent's room and saw her huddled on the bed, a bottle held loosely in one
hand. She looked up, her eyes bloodshot, her hair falling around her shoulders
in dirty clumps.
"P-P-Pacey?" she said.
"Hey, mom," he said softly, then fled to the safety of the kitchen.
His mother's drinking problem was a secret that none of his friends knew, a
secret he had kept since the 5th grade. Not even Dawson knew and definitely
not Joey. They never went into the house, he had always claimed that it was
because of Doug, but it wasn't, it was because of her. He hid her from them
like she was something to be ashamed of. A long time ago when they were little
kids they had seen her all the time, before she had begun to drink, turning to
the bottle for the comfort she didn't receive from her husband. Pacey felt
disgust, not toward her but towards himself. He couldn't face his mother, he
couldn't try to help her. Every time he tried he would always end up fleeing
from her.
Pacey got some milk and warmed up a Pop Tart. He quietly ate his breakfast in
the silent kitchen. Doug walked by Pacey and out the door. Without glancing
back he called out, "Pacey. Don't you dare steal the truck again!" It wasn't
as if he had expected anything else from Doug but Pacey felt worse.
He grabbed his backpack and stalked out the door. He tried to open the truck
but the door was locked, then the piercing sound of an alarm filled the air.
Shit he thought. Then jumped onto his bike and got out of there as fast as he
could. I'll hear about this when Dad gets home from work. Isn't that going to
be fun?
As Pacey arrived at school he saw Dawson walking toward him and jumped off the
bike, letting it crash to the ground.
"Hey, Pacey. What's up?" Dawson said. Before Pacey could answer he said,
"Pacey. What do you do if you found out something about a girl you never knew
before?"
Pacey's heart sank. Dawson, his best friend, had forgotten his birthday.
Great. It looked like nobody was going to remember. And what was it with him
suddenly becoming the person to ask advice from? "You must be talking about
Joey. Well, Dawson, you deal with it." He definitely did not want to talk
about Dawson's problems right now. They seemed to so small in contrast to his
own, and he never was begging Dawson for advice every three seconds. Come on,
Dawson had to learn to face his own problems eventually.
Dawson sighed, seemingly oblivious to his friends lack of enthusiasm. "But
it's as if she's a whole different person from the one I know."
Pacey's temper rose. Why the hell should he help Dawson? It was obvious that
they weren't as good friends as he thought. Dawson couldn't even remember his
birthday. "God, Dawson! JUST DEAL WITH IT! Some people have bigger, more
serious problems than yours!"
Dawson seemed to actually see Pacey for the first time that day, and was
shocked at Pacey's outburst. "What's your problem, Pacey? Is it because
Kristy Livingstone didn't go out with you?!"
"You're way behind Dawson! Don't you know what today is?!" Pacey waited.
Dawson opened his mouth, then closed it.
"You don't have anything to say to me." Pacey knew he shouldn't have even
tried to count on Dawson.
"What's up with you?" Dawson asked, looking at his friend strangely.
"What's up with me? You want to know what's up with me Dawson?! Today's my
fucking birthday and I have not received acknowledgment from anyone. Not even
my best friend. All you talk about is Joey and now I wonder if I'm your best
friend or advisor. We never talk anymore. I mean really talk, like we used
to," Pacey unleashed his anger on Dawson, "Well, you know what Dawson? I'm
going to celebrate my birthday with or without your help!" Pacey grabbed his
bike and angrily rode off, leaving a shocked Dawson staring after him.
Pacey rode toward the docks. Why should he go to school anyways? It wasn't as
if it was going to help him get out of this stupid town. He slowed as he saw
the wooden docks ahead and jumped off. Pacey quickly walked toward the end and
saw Jen sitting there, looking out at the water.
"Hey, Jen," he said.
She looked up, startled. "Oh. Hey, Pacey."
He gave her a quick smile and said, "Well, isn't this a coincidence. So, what
are your troubles, Jen?" His tone softened, "Is it your grandfather?" His eyes
searched hers.
"Yes...no. It's my whole life, Pacey. It's completely fallen apart," Jen said,
then changed the subject, "So why are you here?"
"Well, see I get to school and the first thing Dawson does is talk about his
problems, and has completely forgotten the fact that I've just turned sixteen.
How's that for a friend?"
"Today's your birthday?" Jen asked, surprised.
"Whoopee," Pacey said sarcastically. Even Jen didn't know it was his birthday.
Well, he wasn't surprised. It wasn't as if his friends thought about him
anyways.
"I'm sorry Pacey. I didn't know," Jen said, looking apologetic.
"That's all right. Anyway, screw Dawson. I'm going to have a big bash without
his help."
"Pacey...he's got a lot on his mind," Jen said, "he'll make it up to you."
"Yeah...well, I have to go." It figures that Jen is standing up for Dawson.
She's totally in love with him.
As he walked away his thoughts drifted toward the party. It was obvious he
couldn't have it at home. His father would throw a fit and his mother...well,
he didn't want to go into that. He decided it would be on the docks and he was
going to invite everyone, he was going to show Dawson and Joey that he had
other friends and that he could do fine without them. Where is Joey? he
thought, Oh, yeah, the problem Dawson was talking about. Then his mind was
back on the party. Hmm...I wonder if Andie will go.
Pacey looked at the docks where over a hundred of his classmates danced to the
music that filled the air. He was pleased with the outcome of his party. A
loser, this shows I'm no loser, otherwise nobody would have come. He searched
for Andie in the crowd, she had said she might be there. Then he saw Dawson
approaching the docks, Pacey walked over to him.
"Hey, Pacey," Dawson said, then started talking in a low angry tone, "Pacey. I
know it's your birthday and that I forgot. I'm sorry. But you don't have to
take it out on me. Just because I made a mistake doesn't mean you have a right
to go yell at people. I really wonder, Pacey. I don't know you anymore. And
frankly I'm not sure if I ever did."
Pacey couldn't believe this. How could Dawson be mad at him? "Dawson, what the
hell gives you the right to lecture me? You say you don't know me. Well, have
you even TALKED to me seriously about anything other than Joey recently? Our
friendship has gone downhill ever since you kissed her. Everything's different
now, you've got Joey and our friendship just can compare with what you've
got!" He raged at Dawson in a loud angry voice. "Everybody in Capeside's
written me off and my best friend in the whole world looks at me the very same
way! You're right, you never did know me!"
He stormed off. Dawson didn't know him? He sure as hell didn't. Dawson didn't
know about his mother, about the drinking, or about the rest of his family.
Not that Pacey would have told him but Pacey was beyond thinking about this
rationally. I'm leaving my own party he thought Not that anyone would notice.
He walked home with his hands in his pockets.
Doug waited for him on the porch, his hands crossed over his chest. He was
smirking and shaking his head.
"Well it seems like you tried to steal the truck this morning, Pacey. Dad's
pissed. And I heard about that party you threw for yourself. Pacey, did you
stop to think that nobody went to the party because of your birthday but
because they wanted something to do? You'll never be anything more to Capeside
than a loser."
He grabbed Pacey by the shoulders as he tried to shove past
him. "Pacey..." he punched Pacey in the stomach, "that's for screwing up
again. About five minutes ago the station called me. It seems that alcohol was
confiscated at your little bash. You've humiliated your family in front of the
whole town again."
He punched Pacey in the stomach again, then strode off. He
called back, "So long, little brother."
Pacey staggered into the house and fell against the sofa, clutching his
stomach. It had taken all his willpower and years of experience from Doug's
beatings not to collapse in front of Doug. For a few minutes he rocked back
and forth, trying to keep the pain in. As it faded to a tolerable level his
mind filled with thoughts of revenge.
Pacey sighed. He knew that whatever he did wouldn't make a difference. His
father thought Doug was perfect and that Pacey was a complete failure,
deserving of Doug's occasional beatings. What Sheriff Witter didn't know was
that Doug was gay. It didn't matter. If Pacey tried to tell, his father
wouldn't believe him and the consequences would be painful to say the least.
Ever since Pacey and Doug were little kids Doug had been the favorite. He had
soon had begun to lord this over Pacey, hitting him if he did anything that
Doug thought would humiliate the family, which was basically everything Pacey
did.
Pacey closed his eyes and leaned back against the couch..."Pacey!" his sister
Samantha poked her head over the side of the couch, "I heard you had a little
party. Why wasn't I invited?" she pouted.
"Samantha. You weren't invited because I didn't feel like inviting you. Go
away." She was so annoying. His thirteen year old sister seemed to revel in
bothering him or pestering him about her social life.
"Well, fine then. Pacey you're such a loser." She turned her attention back to
the television she had been watching.
Pacey lay on his bed listening to music in his dark bedroom. Suddenly the door
flew open. Pacey covered his eyes as the bright light streaming from the
hallway hit them. After a few seconds he took his hand away to see his father
illuminated in the doorway, a tall black shadow against the light.
"Pacey, you're a disgrace to the family. You need to learn a lesson."
Sheriff Witter quickly shut the door behind him and walked across the room. He
grabbed Pacey by the arm, his fingers painfully digging into the flesh.
"The way I'm going to do this is beating that waste that is lying in my bed.
That'll teach you to steal my car, to supply alcohol at a party," he said this
in a cold voice, "And you're going to watch."
"No!" Pacey cried, he wasn't going to let his father do this. He launched
himself at his father, madly trying to punch him. His father was waiting for
him and shoved Pacey, hard. Pacey realized that this was what his father had
wanted, he had known what Pacey would do. If anything happened to him his
father could say it was in self defense. He was Sheriff Witter and nobody
would believe anything Pacey said, especially because he had been in trouble
so many times. His father gave him a quick punch to the head and Pacey saw
stars. He fell to the floor and passed out, the last thing he saw was his
father's sweaty face.
