COMING HOME

Ten years.

Ten long, lonely, isolated years.

Ten years was enough, I thought, as I packed away all my meager possessions into the back seat of my seldom used, all wheel drive, second hand pick-up truck.

The first three years were perfect, here alone in the woodlands West of my former home. I was kept constantly busy by all the simple things needed done just for the mere sake of survival.

But as the years wore on, as I became more and more accustomed to the way of life in the wild, I was faced with the challenge of finding different pursuits other than mere survival as a means to fill the free time upon my hands.

Early on, during the middle years, I found a release for my mind and my energies by practicing on several of the weapons I had here with me. For hours on end in a single day I would spend targeting a tree with a bow. I became rather good with the instrument, and even took down two deer one fall. My first real kills.

But slowly, as with the building and maintenance of my house, I quickly found short cuts that allowed myself free time even from my recreational activities.

It was this free time in the last two or three years that was the hardest to deal with.

This free time allowed me the opportunity to remember things which I wished never to remember again, and also to think of what I might have been missing from life by my isolation.

My limit had been reached.

Having collapsed under the weight of my own thoughts and memories, I was eager now to leave this place of solitude and loneliness that I once so foolishly sought as a means of escape from the troubles of the world, and return home- ward.

Without a glance backward to my old home that I had raised and cared for myself these past long years, I jumped into my old mud covered pick-up, and headed away, back towards the world and people I knew, and once loved.

The drive back was much easier than expected. The dirt road to the main road, which lead to the highway, was not as weathered and used as I remembered.

As I drove up the on ramp, preparing to make my way from the main road, onto the highway, a nervous tension began to grip me, which I knew was rising from my life long fears of traveling on the highways. From my earliest years I could recall being terrified of the thought of having to travel somewhere by car on the highways, even if the place I was heading was someplace I wanted to be going.

Most of all I dreaded trying to merge in with the oncoming speeding traffic.

I braced myself for the approaching battle which was about to take place upon the on ramp to the highway and the highway itself.

Reaching the crest of the on ramp, I prepared myself for a quick burst of motion in an attempt to out distance and evade any oncoming traffic.

I stopped, and stared.

I could not believe what I saw there on the highway.

It was eight o'clock in the morning. A weekday I believed, from my reckoning of days, and the entire highway was free of cars.

Not a single one. Not even the sounds of cars that have speed past my point already, or those approaching from the West around the bend in the road. There was no one on the highway, but me.

Not wishing to let this golden opportunity slip away, I drove quickly onto the highway.

The lack of morning traffic was a blessing I had not counted on, but was more than willing to enjoy, as I eased my foot off the gas peddle and drove for a while at a leisurely pace toward the East.

After enjoying the freedom of the road for several miles, I began to worry about the cars I was not meeting along the highway.

Several ideas raced across my mind as to the cause for the absents of the cars. The most logical one I found, and thus accepted, was that my former society finally found some other means of mass transportation other than cars and highways.

It seemed logical enough, at the time, didn't it?

Two and a half hours I spent on that highway, though it seemed much longer now that there was nothing to brake the continuous roll of hills and grass lands.

It was now nearly eleven o'clock, as I exited the highway down into the outskirts of Wilkes-Barre, now only some fif- teen minuets away from my parents home.

Leaving the highway behind me I decided to venture into the city itself, rather than taking the shorter route of skirting around the far side of the city, so that I might have a clearer picture of what changes had occurred during my self inflicted exile.

Still only on the very outskirts of the city, I knew something was not right.

The city, as I went from one street to another, was completely deserted. And appeared to have been deserted for sometime, as all around there were signs of unchecked growth from trees and shrubs along the road side. The roads themselves were in varying stages of decay from the long harsh winters that had returned to our area once more. And the houses and yards were both dilapidated and overrun with weeds to the near point of being lost from view.

Store fronts were shattered and broken into, as merchandise was scattered everywhere, both in the stores and out on the sidewalks and streets. There was a rotting, odor of death throughout much of the city, which I hoped was that of spoiled food.

The once proud city with a heart appeared to have suffered some great upheaval which now left it dead and forgotten.

It felt longer, but I only managed to spend a few minuets driving through the city.

My mind running wild with the thoughts of some great disaster sweeping across my old world, I was eager to reach my parent's house.

I left the inner part of the city, and, turning onto River Road, headed North on the main road that once connected Wilkes- Barre with my old home town of Plains.

To my left were the levees which had guarded the city for many years, and had once been the spot for recreation and relaxation while I attended the nearby college.

Those memories of fun and friendship seemed forgotten ghosts as I gazed across the street to the once beautifully clean and well groomed commons, now resembling a forest of unchecked overgrowth.

Pulled by an urge to see the River, I left my car at the side of the road still running, and headed across the commons to the levees.

Thankfully some things do not change, I thought with my first view of the Susquehanna River. It still flowed along the same path that it has for untold centuries, its high fast running waters defying man's futile attempts to alter or change its patterns of flooding with dikes or levees.

Standing there, lost in the memories of my youth, I thought I heard a faint call above the roar of the running spring waters.

I laughed.

In all the many years of isolation I had never once fallen prey to the delusions of my mind. Yet now, once more back among the civilized world of my race, I was now dreaming things that did not exist.

I heard the voice calling again.

It seemed as if a chorus of voices were calling to me. Faint and distant. Yet, close. Very close to me.

It was nearly noon. And although it was a warm mid-spring day, I stood shivering.

There was no wind. Nothing, but the rushing sounds of the swollen river, and that faint calling of voices which I could not block out of my mind.

A fear was in me. Everywhere. All around me.

A fear stronger and more terrifying than any fear I had ever lived through before.

The voices called, getting louder or closer. I could not distin- guish which, but understood within my very soul that it was for me that they were calling.

An urge began to swell within me. An urge to turn back to the city and face the voices that were calling to me. The urge was intensifying. Slowly, conquering everything within me. Conquering even the dreadful terrifying fear I had of turning around.

Slowly, infinitely slowly, I turned.

As I struggled against the frozen rigidness of my body, the rushing waters of the Susquehanna roared increasingly louder and louder within my ears.

Or was it the voices, changing their tone and words as I tried to turn to see them??

I turned.

I saw those who's voices I was hearing. I saw the great multitudes gathered before me, around me, and all about me.

The fear that had been suffocating me, strangling my very soul was gone.

I felt at peace, and knew where I was

With a smile broader than any I had ever shown, I stepped down the slop of the levee and walked toward them.

My heart was light and my step was quick as I crossed the commons to join their chorus.

Entering the outer circle of the chorus I saw the faces of many foreign lands all about me. Turning back to the center of the city I was not surprised to see nothing where it had once stood but beautiful open grass fields.

As one the group started to moved toward the open grass field. And I, now part of its fold, moved with it as one.

For a day, or for a year we might have traveled across that field of grass. I don't remember feeling the drain of walking any great distance upon my body.

In the distance, toward the Eastern horizon, which we had been walking towards, there appeared a sparkling white light as brilliant as the sun at high noon.

As we neared the light, it slowly became clearer what it was the group was walking towards. It was a great city, with walls towering several feet high. The entire city was whiter than snow.

Along the outside wall I could see now pillars rising at a set distance in the wall, which severed as guard towers for the inhabitants within the great city.

The group I was with continued marching on toward the city.

When we came within a hundred yards of the city wall, a huge gateway became visible.

Through this gateway I could faintly see into the city itself. And what I saw was unbelievable and exciting!

Grass lands rich with vegetation and animals stretching back to a thick forest full of the sounds of life. And every so often a person, happy and content, playing with lions and tigers, and all types of wide animals as if they were teddy bears.

My heart swelled with joy as we neared the great city gate- way. I understood completely where it was we were heading to.

Ten feet from the gateway to the city, the group I was traveling with slowly began to veer off to the right side of the gate.

I became annoyed and more than a bit worried at this sudden deviation from our course. And as it became apparent to me that the group was not going to change its course back to the gateway, I pulled myself away from them.

I watched as the group continued on without me, marching off towards the South, apparently intending to go around the city wall.

I cautiously approached the city gateway, waiting until the few who were standing under its archway entered.

At the gateway stood a man who was of extreme old age, yet appeared as alive as a new born child.

When I approached him the expression he wore of supreme contentment quickly vanished, being replaced by a sad under- standing one expresses to someone who has just lost a loved one.

He stood and waited, apparently wishing me to address him first.

"I'm"

"I know who you are." he replied in a gentle voice which had the commanding authority of silencing me. "And I know why you are here."

After a pause which I did not know if he wished me to speak, he spoke. "You can not enter here."

I did not believe him. He had to be wrong. I was here and heaven was there. The gates were here. And here was the entrance. He had to be wrong!

"Listen, you don't understand."

I tried explaining myself in as calm a tone as I could, but again the old man cut off my words with his soft quiet tone.

"I understand everything. But I am afraid that does not change the fact that you can not enter here. I am sorry."

With that final word he turned back toward the inner part of the gateway.

Slowly, noiselessly, two huge golden doors closed the gateway.

I was furious, and only barely managed to restrain myself from kicking the doors in my anger.

Frustrated, but not defeated, I sat down next to the city wall just right of the gateway, and thought through the darkening twilight what approach I might use to get into the city.

I thought long and hard through the night. But with the approach of morning I was still nowhere nearer to any solution to my problem.

At the first light of day the huge golden doors slowly swung open, and into the gateway walked the old man whom I had dealt with yesterday.

Though I felt the chances for my succeeding against him were nothing, I approached the gateway and once more tried to enter.

And again I was halted by the change of his expression as I tried stepping into the gateway.

"No." he stated in his soft quiet tone, which sounded as a thundering declaration in my ears.

"Why??" I pleaded and begged in the most pitiful of manners, "Tell me why?? What have I done?? What???"

"There is where you belong. Out there. Find the others who were with you if you wish, but out there is where you must stay. Now go."

The old man turned and once more entered into the city.

As the golden doors began to slowly close behind him I shouted at the top of my voice into the city after him.

"The day's only begun! You can't close these doors on me now! What if someone else comes and wants to get in?!!"

Before the doors finally closed, the old man replied.

"Very few ever enter through THIS door."

The doors closed shut.

Turning away from them I was shocked to realize that it was now once more completely dark.

My heart sunk. I knew now that there was no chance of ever entering the city through the gateway. And the thought of scaling the city's walls, which had been tormenting my mind throughout the previous night, was something that I could not bring myself to attempt, fearing the possible ram- ifications of such a bold act.

With my spirit the lowest it has ever been in memory, I reluctantly turned my thoughts from trying to gain entrance into the city, and with a heart full of sadness, accepted my place outside on the grassy field.

It wasn't to bad, I tried to convince myself. And if it were possible to find where my group had traveled, at lest I would not be forced to be alone.

With these heavy thoughts weighing down upon me, I started off towards the Southern horizon.

I marched on, and on, and on, never finding those that I had been with, and never seeing the rising of a new day.

I stayed close to the city walls, fearful that if I ventured to far away from them I would never find my way back.

In a miserable state of depression and loneliness I continued walking around the city walls. And no matter how far I traveled, I was still nowhere.

Emotionally exhausted, I struggled to continue on with my march. What else was there to do?

At the point where it became clear in my mind that I could go on no longer just simply walking and walking, I pushed myself forward, holding onto the childish notion that just around the next turn in the wall I would find the group I had been traveling with.

And every time I reached that point I had told myself they would be, they were not. And slowly I sank deeper and deeper into a despair which was blacker than the darkest night time sky I had ever remembered.

I had finally reached, and passed the point of my endurance.

And passing it in failure, I collapsed to the ground heart sickened.

My body was incredibly tired. And with no sign of the group I had been traveling with earlier, I rolled myself onto my side and gave into the weariness of my body and slept.

I might have slept for a day, or I might have slept for a millennia. I could not tell.

But slowly I was brought out of my restless slumber by the bright light of an early morning sun rise. Its light was beautiful and warming, and its golden rays spread out over the entire grassy field.

Slowly I lifted myself into a sitting posture with my back against the wall of the city and watched as the day unfolded before me, bright and clear.

The beauty of the morning was tainted however, by the cold slabs of stone which made up the white walls of the city.

With great longing I turned my eyes to the walls, and was blinded by the sparkling of a brilliant white light reflecting off its surface.

Stepping away from its smooth surface, I turned to view the city once more in the light of day.

I stood in saddened silence.

There, only a few feet before me, rose the golden doors of the city gateway.

With great weariness I realized that I had traveled all night in circles around the city.

Slowly, noiselessly, the golden doors open.

Out of the shadows of the inner city, the old man appeared once more.

Fearful of sparking his anger by appearing at the gateway, and seeming to not have accepted his words, I stepped quickly to the right side of the gateway trying to hide myself.

The old man stood quietly in the gateway.

Though a day or so ago I would have thought it incredible, I now found myself wishing the old man would close the doors and leave, allowing me the opportunity to move away from the gateway without his seeing me.

The old man remained in the gateway.

I remained against the wall on the right side of the gateway hopping he would leave.

"Are you coming? Or do you wish to remain outside?"

I heard the old man's voice, and could not suppress the hope that it might be me he was speaking to.

I gazed out into the horizon. And as far as I could see there was no one else. Nobody!

"Well??"

It must be me the old man was talking to. It had to be me!

Although I realized that I might very well be building up my hopes only to have them crushed by his refusal to let me enter, I could not suppress the overwhelming flood of emotions that were rushing through me.

It had to be me!!

Fighting against myself, I struggled to push my body away from the wall where I had been hiding. In one quick awkward moment I sprang out from the wall and in front of the gateway.

"Ah, there you are, Andrew." the old man addressed me in a pleasant caring tone as a smile of friendship appeared on his face.

"Yeah, that's me." I stammered out.

"Come. Your place has been prepared for you. Come."

I could hardly believe the wonder and excitement I felt as I let the old man take my hand and walk me into the city.

Behind us the golden doors slowly began to close themselves.

"There won't be anyone else coming in today?"

"Perhaps, there may be a few. Perhaps none." the old man said in a soft quiet tone, "They only come through this gate- way when they have found it. Just as you have found it."

"But I found it yesterday. And you wouldn't let me in then."

"That was a different gateway, Andrew. You could never have entered through that one." he tried to be as polite as he could while stating his correction of me.

"Different gateway? What do you mean? They're both the same? Same doors, same archway, same man at the gate, you." I tried to explain how the old man was wrong.

"There is only that one gateway. But through that one gate- way only those who have merited their reward may enter. Those who have not yet prepared themselves, or need more time in preparing themselves, must find that gateway on their own. And then, only after they have passed through the fields of purgatory."

"Purgatory." I said in a low voice, unable now to comprehend the misery and sadness I had felt outside during the long night. "How long was I out there?"

The old man gave me a quiet friendly smile.

"Come. I'm sure your sister will be happy to see you, and tell you all about her great-great-grandchildren."

THE END