1. Listen to Head backwards and open the gates of hell.

2. Drink heavily and contemplate Peter's speech in Head...the doors of perception will burst wide open.

3. Take career advice from "Salesman."

4. Songs like "Gettin' In" make men virtually useless...and with today's modern technology...well...

5. Create a frodis room, plant a garden, invite your friends.

6. Just remember, magic glasses make life just that much more fun. Woohoo!

7. Beat Ol'Davy Bastard into sweet 60's Davy remission. Preferably with his own shoes, and force him to say "Mike is the boss of me" 101 times or until he believes it.

8. Wear spandex. Lots and lots of spandex.

9. Create a website disguised as a simple fan page to corrupt the fragile minds of today's American youth.

(Please note that we do not condone the use of drugs or alcohol. We all know that they are bad so use that noggin of yours. It's there for something. Although if you do try any of these things let it be #7, please.)