By: Katy (LP) and Lemon (Al)

Mike was sitting on the edge of the stage in the pad tuning his guitar cause he had nothing better to do. Peter was off in the kitchen doing something Mike really didn't want to know about.

"Hey Mike?" Peter asked from the kitchen.

//Oh no...// Thought Mike to himself. //Its that innocent 'I didn't mean to do it' voice, I really hate that.//
"What's up Pete?" He asked.

"How do you get zucchini stains out of clothing?"

//I didn't even know zucchini COULD stain.// Mike thought. "I dunno Pete, how?" Mike asked, trying to turn it into a joke. But without Davy there, the "how" joke just didn't work.

"Huh?" Said Pete, then he shrugged and went back to mixing something in a large bowl.
"Hey Mike?" Pete said about five minutes later.

"Yeah?" Mike asked, thinking that this story really wasn't getting very far at the moment.

"Where's Micky and Davy?"

"I dunno Pete, prolly out frolicking... I mean out with some chicks." Mike said, accidentally breaking one of the strings on his guitar and saying something that Monkees aren't allowed to say.

Suddenly Peter perked up. "Did you hear that?"

"Hear what?" Mike said not really paying attention because he had his injured thumb in his mouth.

Unbeknownst to them, but knownst to us, Peter had just heard a noise that generally only dogs and birds were capable of picking up. But this is Peter we're talking about.

Pete looked out into the living room and saw Mike sucking his thumb. He opened his mouth to say something, but then just shook his head and asked something else. "I heard someone yelling for help Mike, didn't you hear it?"

Mike mumbled something and was about to continue tuning the strings that were left on his guitar when suddenly he heard something too.
"I heard that though!" Mike said.

"What was that?" Peter asked, a bit scared.

"Sounded like a girl who needs help!" Mike cried, standing up and accidentally dumping his guitar to the floor. Mike developed a look of pain as he heard it thump to the ground and dove down, petting the precious guitar like it was a small child he had inadvertently injured.

Peter poked him. "Mike, shouldn't we do something!"

"Oh, oh yeah!" Mike said, standing back up and carefully putting his guitar on the stand. "This is a job for..."

Mike and Peter disappeared into their respective rooms for a moment before emerging decked out in red and black.

"MONKEEMEN!" Mike finished.

They stood around for a moment, looking a bit uncomfortable.

"Um, now what Mike?" Peter asked innocently.

"Pete... I don't have a clue..." Mike said quietly and slightly confused.
Peter gasped.

Suddenly they heard the distant screams for help again. Mike and Peter both looked at each other with a definite look of determination and headed for the balcony.

"Up.. away and .. all that jazz!" said Mike, slightly less than enthusiastically. Mike and Peter followed the sound of the voice until they got to a palm tree at the edge of the beach, which was deserted. Up the tree was a girl, and below the tree were three large dogs of undetermined breed.

"HELPPP!" she shouted at them.

Peter started forward but Mike held out his hand. "Let me, fellow cohort!" he said heroically.

"Huh?" said Peter.

"Oh, geesh, Peter you ruined the mood. Here...... just let me do it...." Said Mike.

"K!" said Peter and stepped aside.

"Here doggies!" said Mike in a silly voice. The dogs turned their attention to him and ran for him. Mike pulled his cape about him in an ominous gesture and pulled out 3 long strings of sausages. Flying into the air a ways, he flung the sausages far and wide, the three dogs following after.

Peter, meanwhile, had helped the girl out of the tree.
"Gee, how come those dogs had you up there like that?" he asked.

"Uh... well... I don't really like to talk about it... can you take me home?" she asked.

Mike thought this was odd but Peter was more than happy, so they walked her home a bit.

Having gotten to her house, Mike asked her quietly why the dogs had put her up the tree.

"Well, you see.........." said the girl. Mike gave her a reassuring look. "I'm sorta a werecat." she finished.

Mike did a double take and gaped at her. "A WHAT!?" he nearly shrieked.

"A werecat..." said the girl, and began sobbing.

"Oh no no don't do that. um... Pete.. little help....." said Mike, who was always a bit shy around girls..

Peter took her in his arms for a bit and let her cry on his shoulder with Mike looking on.

"Thanks buddy." said Mike, a bit relieved.

Peter looked at Mike wide-eyed. "What did you do!?" he said.

"Ah.. she's a... werecat.." he whispered.

Peter looked even more confused, but the girl had stopped crying and sat on the bench on the porch. "Sorry, I'm always a bit sensitive about that.."

"Well..... how.. what.. how.. uh..?" asked Peter.

"Oh.. well I dunno. I'm cursed you see. I turn into a werecat at night and um.. the dogs chased me up that tree. I was stuck there all night and day!" she said.

"Oh man that stinks!" said Mike. "EVERY night!? But its almost night now!"

"Yes. well I don't go crazy or anything, but people are scared!" she said.

"Well, you come back to the pad with us. No one bothers us but the landlord, and we can figure out how to get you uncursed!" said Mike and Peter shook his head in agreement.

Back at the pad the girl looked around in awe. "WOW this is a groovy pad you got! But just you two live here in this big place?"

"Nope, we're in a band but the other two of us are out." said Peter.

"Oh.. wow I hope they're as nice as you!" she said.

"By the way, what's your name?" asked Mike...

"Um, Crystal." said the girl. Then she looked at them oddly.

"Oh! Mike, we're still in costume!" said Peter, blushing.

"Oh.... um, excuse us Crystal!" said Mike, tugging Peter off.
They returned clad in normal attire.

Unfortunately, Crystal was her catty self.

"Oh my! You changed fast!" Peter said.

Mike nudged him and Peter shut up. Crystal was sobbing a bit.

"Oh its horrible isn't it!?" she asked.
She was indeed a large cat-person thing, and she was gray with black stripes and white around her ears and paws. Her paws were more like hands though and she tended to walk on two feet instead of four. Peter had to stroke her fur which seemed to calm her down a bit.

Mike didn't know what to do. "Are you uh.. hungry or anything?" he asked, as she *HAD* been up a tree all day.

"Yes.. please.." she said.

Mike fixed her a bologna sandwich and they all sat down at the kitchen table.

"You have nice fur." said Peter, staring at her.

"PETER!" said Mike, and turned to Crystal. "Sorry... sometimes he's a bit..., uh, vacant."

"MIIIKE!" said Peter, horrified.

Mike chuckled as Crystal gave a little smile.

"So, how do we help you?" asked Peter.

"Well, there was this guy, his name was Glick." said Crystal.

"OH HIM!" said Peter and made a pouty face.

"Huh?" asked Crystal.

"Oh, well he tried to take over the world once but we stopped him... he tried to use an alien's power to hypnotize everyone." said Mike.

"Oh! Yes yes he . I don't know but he had some sort of machine and he zapped me with it! But I got away. But now I turn into a werecat all the time!" said Crystal and started to cry again.

"I think you're a nice kitty!" said Peter.

"Knock it off man!" whispered Mike.
To Crystal he said "Well we'll help you change back to your normal self! I mean, how hard can it be?"

Unfortunately, Mike was rather wrong as it would be quite hard.
Glick cackled evilly as he watched the trio.
"OH heehehehee I'll get those meddlesome Monkees yet!" he whined happily.

Mike and Peter let Crystal stay the night at the pad. She couldn't very well go home looking like she did, what with all the stray dogs about. So she fell asleep curled up on their couch, last night had been very trying for her.
That night Mike and Peter came up with a plan to help her.

"I don't know Mike, it doesn't sound like much of a plan to me." Peter said a bit downheartedly.

"Don't worry so much Pete, it'll work! Trust me." Mike said with more assurance then he really felt.

The next morning Crystal woke up her normal human self and yawned. She stretched, trying to remember where she was when it came back to her. She bolted upright on the couch and looked around the pad. There were both of her heroes, sprawled on the floor near the couch, snoring a bit.

She smiled, they had been really nice to let her stay, but she knew she had better get back home before anyone worried about where she was at.

Crystal tiptoed out the backdoor quietly and ran home, smiling the whole way because she had finally found two people who were not only not afraid of her, but they were willing to help.

Mike woke up slowly, feeling just a bit stiff from lying on the floor all night. He reached over and shook Peter awake.
"Pete, Pete, she's GONE!" Mike said.

"That's not your line." Peter said, still mostly asleep.

"Huh?" Said Mike, confused.

"Huh?" Said Peter waking up.

"Nevermind," Said Mike, "The point is, Crystal, she took off man!"

"Oh no!" Cried Peter "What if she got chased by dogs of an undetermined breed again?"

"Um, we don't have any dogs in the Pad Pete." Mike said.

"Oh, then maybe she just went home."

"Oh..." Mike said. "Well, in any case, we have to help her out, and that means going after Glick ourselves!"

"Shouldn't we wait for Micky and Davy?" Peter asked

"Naw," Said Mike, "Who knows when THEY'LL be back! We have to act fast man!"

So Peter and Mike set off to go after Glick.

Meanwhile, Glick stared into his crystalball, TV deally that showed him every move the Monkees made.
"What do those kids think they can do? All they will do is lead the girl back to me so I can finish my e-vil experiments on her!" Glick said, chuckling evilly for about 10 minutes.

Pete and Mike made it to the warehouse just in time to hear the end of the e-vil chuckle.

"Yup, this is the place!" Peter said with a smile.

"Don't do that." Mike said for no real reason as he quietly opened the door to the warehouse.

"Mike?" Peter said.

"Shhhhh!" Mike said louder than Peter.

"Mike?" Peter whispered.

"Whadya want man, I'm tryin to be sneaky here." Mike said slightly annoyed.

"Why do the bad guys always rent warehouses? Wouldn't it be cheaper just to get a studio?" Peter asked quietly.

Mike gave him a withering look and Peter hunched down and followed Mike quietly.

They looked into all the rooms they passed, but didn't find anything strange. Well, except for that one that smelled like rotten zucchini and had a large gorilla jumping up and down on a trampoline, but that is beneath the point.

Finally they came to another door.

"I think this is it Pete!" Mike whispered.

"How do you know?" Peter asked, amazed at Mikes ability to tell these things.

"Cause there's a big sign on the door that says 'No Monkees beyond this point, E-vil things are afoot!' On the door." Mike said, pointing at the surprisingly small sign on the door.

"Oh." Peter said.

They entered the room and came face to face with Glick.
"I've got you now!" Glick shouted with glee...

"Shouted with glee, what is that man, glee, c'mon..." Mike asked with a bit of a giggle.

Some various E-vil chick in the background fainted at Mikes giggle.

"You, you... YOU ARE E-VIL!" Peter shouted, "You don't have us!"

And with that a 30 minute monkee romp began. It went on for the entire half hour to Pleasant Valley Sunday on repeat before someone finally got smart and grabbed a semi automatic weapon and.......

*At this point the current author is being censored for writing in things that shouldn't go in nice G rated Monkees stories, she will be watched, you have been warned*

In any case, Mike and Peter stood proudly over Glick who was now tied to a chair with a large roll of dental floss.

"Mint flavored!" Peter said happily.

"Pete, man what does that matter?" Mike asked

"It's important. I never floss with anything but Mint flavored!" Peter said pouting.

"Yeah," Mike said slowly, so Peter would catch it, "But we ain't flossin his teeth, we're teachin him a lesson."

"Doesn't matter, still has to be mint flavored." Pete insisted.

"Oookay, Mint flavored it is." Mike said.

So there sat the E-vil wizard Glick tied to a chair with green Mint flavored dental floss.

"Now, Glick, you will tell US how to REVERSE the PROCESS that made CRYSTAL into a WERECAT!" Mike, who was suddenly overcome with the urge to overact, said.

"Never, I can't tell YOU!" Glick said, Laughing maniacally till some various extra finally slapped him.

"Thankyou!" Chorused most of the set crew before going back to eating their donuts.

"You can't or you WON'T?" Peter asked menacingly, well and menacingly as one can imagine Peter being.

"Well," Glick began in a normal and civilized voice, "Can't actually, I don't really know how to reverse it because they never wrote that part into the script."

"Handbook!" Mike declared, as if he had caught the man on a fine point.

"Wrong episode." Peter said.

"Oh." Mike said. "Well now what?"

"I dunno." Peter said, untying Glick, because what would the world be like without E-vil villains around.... it just wouldn't make for very good future Monkees episodes.

"Hey Mike?" Peter began.

//Oh no, here it comes.// Mike thought to himself, putting his face in his hands.

That night at the Pad...
Micky and Davy walked in, laughing and joking around, after having been gone for a few days and missing all the action. As soon as they shut the door Davy sneezed and Micky looked around at the Pad trying to figure out just what was different.

"Um, Mike?" Micky called from the doorway.

"Hey Mick, welcome back man, how was the frolicking?" Mike asked.

"Pretty fun man, we had a ton of fun, and Davy found this friend, her name is Sassip...." But before Micky could get any further in his story his eyes landed on what was different in the Pad. "Um, Mike... There's a large cat on our couch."

Davy finally saw Crystal and screamed like a girl.

"Don't do that!" Micky said.

"Hey guys!" Said Pete from the couch, next to Crystal. "Meet Crystal, shesawerecatandshesmynewpetcausemikesaidicouldkeephersincewecouldntmakeherallbetterbutionlygettohaveheraroundatnightcauseshehastogohomeduringthedaytobewithherfamily." Peter said, then collapsed to the floor from not taking oxygen into his lungs.

Mike smiled from the kitchen, "It's good to have things back to normal." He said, before going back to attempting to get the zucchini stains out of his favorite shirt.

Back to the WereMonkees! Series
Back to the Fanfic Page
Back to Skipple...