Piper Laurie Article 4
The following article is called The Things Mom Never Said, by Peer Oppenheimer, Photoplay Mag. It is a very long, but extremely interesting article, very informative, with many personal touches, and has been specially transcribed by Glenn Abernathy.
A girl can learn a lot from experience - and a mother who never shows her guiding hand!
Even her closest friends in Hollywood didn't realize how close Piper came to getting married a short time ago. They might have been more surpised had they known that it was the refusal of Piper's mother to interfere that was instrumental in making up Piper's mind! That evening Piper walked in her mother's bedroom. Mrs. Jacobs knew instantly her daughter was facing a crisis. She also had a strong notion what it was all about. "Mom...you know whom I've been seeing these past few months..." "Yes, dear..." "Frankly..." she hesitated a few seconds, "I don't know if we are right for one another. And we have religious differences, too..."
Mrs. Jacobs agreed with her daughter, but she didn't say so. The decision she felt, was up to Piper. "Why don't you talk it over with someone of his own faith. Be frank with him. See what he has to suggest. Then make up your mind..." The following afternoon, they drove to a near-by church. While Mrs. Jacobs waited in the car, Piper went inside to see the clergyman who was of the same faith as the man she loved. She was gone almost an hour. When she came back to the car. she quietly asked her mother to take her home and spent the rest of the afternoon in her room by herself, thinking.
When Piper joined her mother just before supper, her mind was made up. "I'll start dating again," she announced. Her mother knew an important decision had been made - by Piper. By not high-pressuring her into the decision, Mrs. Jacobs had not only kept her daughter from becoming rebellious - and possibly going ahead with the marriage becuae of that reason alone-but had also stuck to the line of reasoning she had followed since Piper was a little girl. Mrs. Jacobs never imposed her will on her daughter, never interfered in her problems, never pushed her into a decision. Instead, she always tried to guide her in such a way as to help Piper to help herself. Telling Piper what to do would have been easier - for her mother. Quite probably, Mrs. Jacobs could have kept Piper from making a number of mistakes, some serious. But she would have also made Piper dependent on her and unprepared against the time when whe would no longer be around to tell her what to do. Piper was guided into making her own decision at an early age through small seemingly insignificant matters like eating Brussel-sprouts. Piper had just turned six when she faced them for the first time. Never having tasted them she made up her mind in advance that they weren't for her. There was a challenge in her voice when she announced, "I won't eat them, Mom" Mrs. Jacobs reasoned that if Piper succeeded in talking herself out of Brussel-sprouts, she might object to any other unknown dish in the future as well. Yet, if she insisted on having her eat them, Piper would resent it even more. And so she tried a more diplomatic approach. "You don't have to, honey. Just help yourself to meat and potatoes." But when Mrs. Jacobs had finished her portion of Brussel-sprouts, although she could harldy swallow another bite she took a second helping , and-seemingly cheerfully- even a third. Each time Mrs. Jacobs loaded up her plate, Piper became a little less convinced of her preconceived notion, until at last she decided to taste the Brussel-sprouts herself. She took one careful bite, smacked her lips and took another. Today they are one of her favorite vegetables.
More serious was Piper's dislike for anything that spelled domesticity. She was fairly good at keeping her room in order, but as for cooking, washing dishes and the like- an emphatic "NO!" Not wanting to insist upon it, Mrs. Jacobs tried to inject in her daughter a desire for cooking by letting her see how much fun it could be. but sometimes, of course, even the best-laid plans don;t work out exactly as expected. One evening Mrs. Jacobs brought home all the ingredients for hot fudge. She knew Piper had a weakness for it. When she asked her if she wanted to try her hand at it. Piper went at it so enthusiastically, Mrs. Jacobs thought her plan had succeeded instantly. Her optimism wasn't justified. By the time, Piper finished her fudge, the kitchen was in such a mess that it took her mother three hours to clean it up. Piper's not overly enthusiastic offer to help came to an abrupt end when she managed to drop a couple of dishes in quick succession. Her mother has never been quite certain whether or not it was accidental. (I am) Freud, the old boy who thought everthing had a hidden meaning, might have described it as a mental block which wouldn't let Piper accomplish the dreaded kitchen work! But even this problem worked itself out eventually - although Piper hopes she will never again have to learn her lesson as dramatically as this. By mutual consent, Piper stayed out of the kitchen another year- till the day her mother suffered a stroke. It came without prior warning and for several months paralyzed Mrs. Jacobs from the waist down. Although it would have meant additional hardship at a time he could least afford it. Mr. Jacobs suggested getting a housekeeper until his wife was again in good health. But neither Piper nor her older sister Sherrye would hear of it. While Piper particularly had no liking for domestic work, she appreciated the financial difficulties the extra expense would involve - and insisted on doing her share of the housework. It probably came as much of a surprise to her as to the rest of the family that - doing it on her own accord and combined with a new sense of responsibility - she actually enjoyed it! Never again did she shun the kitchen.
Although her success on that one was just accidentally succssful, Mrs. Jacobs batting average on really important problems has been excellent. As Piper grew up, she faced all the problems and temptations of the average teenage. Smoking, for instance, which has become such a fad among high-school students. (Nothing changes in 45 years). From experience Mrs. Jacobs knew the usual result of flatly prohibiting a girl to light a cigarette. If they don't smoke at home, they have ample opportunity at parties, dances, movies, in dozens of places where the parents are not there to observe their children's actions. The only way to control it successfully was to let Piper decide by herself whether or not she'd be better off without smoking. Long before Piper was tempted to do so, her mother had planted within her the idea that smoking was neither ladylike for a young girl nor healthy, and - what proved most convincing in the long run - that to smoke just because all the other girls in her class did it would simply make her one of the crowd, instead of standing out as an individual. As her mother had anticipated, it was the "challenge" to be "an individual" that kept Piper from smoking, and although she was ridiculed at first, soon whe was highly respected for her action. Not till Piper had to smoke for a part in a picture did she light her first cigarette. (It must have been that first one that got her).
One of Mrs. Jacob's prime concerns was to help Piper overcome her shyness. As a somewhat strong-minded youngster, Piper could be helped only by a slow, indirect process of encouraging her to mingle with other children her age, of gaining self-confidence by winning friends. Mrs. Jacobs still didn't interfere even to the extent of lecturing Piper on the value of friends - but she did cheat a little. At the time, Piper didn't realize why the youngsters from whom she had shied away so long suddenly showed such an interest in her. Had she been older she might have known that the vast amount of ice cream and cookies provided by her mother had something to do with it. Soon Piper learned to be a hostess for the group. The youngsters had a good time being with Piper, and Piper found she had a good time being with them.
At first, Piper was content just to be near new friends, but Mrs. Jacobs realized that Piper would have to develope more curiosity - to increase Piper's interest in the people she met. And gradually Piper began to forget her shyness until now she has reached the point where one reporter complained that after she had interviewed Piper - she knew more about him than he about her! With the beginning of Piper's career, a whole new set of problems arose, the most recent of which nearly broke into headlines. When Piper had been a minor, an agent talked her mother into signing, as Piper's guardian, a contract with him which would assure him ten per cent of Piper's earnings. Because Piper and Mrs. Jacobs were dissatisfied with his work, however, Mrs. Jacobs engaged another agent for her daughter. Recently, the original agent threatened to sue Mrs. Jacobs for "breach of contract" - unless the matter could be settle out of court. A law suit, no matter what the outcome, would have been lengthy, costly, bad publicity and indecisive as long as appeals were being filed by either party at higher courts. Having been a minor when the contract was signed, Piper could have denied any personal responsiblity for the contract. Instead, she insisted "this whole case concerns and affects me," took it out of her mother's hands and assumed reponsibility for the contract. By doing this, Piper left herself open to serious legal action, but before she was finished, the matter was settled out of court to her satisfaction...
Always of major concern to Mrs. Jacobs has been Piper's extravagance in spending money - on others. When still in grammar school, Piper went into the "newspaper business" with her sister Sherrye. Their efforts were restricted to buying the early edition of the Sunday paper on Saturday afternoon, selecting what they thought were the most interesting items, cutting them down to about half the size, mimeographing and selling them up and down the neighborhood for a penny a piece. Piper's share of the net earnings seldom exceeded a dollar a week. yet after the first month, she bought her mother a brooch which cost four dollars. At first Mrs. Jacobs didn't want to accept it, urging her daughter to put aside the money for her future. But Piper was so insistent that her mother - not wanting to hurt her feelings - had no choice but keep it. This was only one of many such incidents, with Piper's expenditures for presents climbing right along with her income. Mrs. Jacobs feared that if the trend continued, no matter how big her earnings, Piper would never be able to save anything. Luckily, help came from an unexpected source, but again Piper had to learn her lesson the hard way. Last Christmas, Piper gave a small pearl pin to a friend from high-school days. The girl was delighted with it, but the next morning she brought it back to Piper with tears of disappointment in her eyes. I'm sorry, but I can't accept it," she said seriously. "But why?" "The pearls...they're real!" "Yes, I know." "Mother said I couldn't keep them because I can't give you anything in return worth nearly this much." So Piper learned the hard way that there is such a thing as 'going overboard," even on presents.
There's no better way for young people to learn than by their own mistakes, Mrs. Jacobs believes. That's why she didn't interfere in Piper's first stockmarket venture, even though it had the makings of a complete fiasco. One evening Piper came home from work, all excited. "I'm going to buy some shares of stock," she announced. "I can't miss. Isn't is wonderful?" (sounds familiar) Mrs. Jacobs looked at her husband and back at Piper. She remembered only too well what can happen to stocks - particularly carelessly bought stocks - from 1929. "Are you going to invest much, dear?" "Not at first. But the moment I see them climb I'll really go to town." Famous last words, thought Mrs. Jacobs, but forced herself to say nothing. Every morning at breakfast, instead of looking at her favorite sections of the paper - the drama page and the news - Piper grabbed the stockmarket report and moved her finger down the column till she found the latest quotations on her new investment. And every morning she looked a little more disappointed until finally, a month later, she admitted, "Maybe I wasn't so smart about it after all. I guess I should have talked to a broker. When she had sold her shares, she took a thirty per cent loss to her pride. But eventually she realized she had been amply compensated by the lesson she had learned.
Although she doesn't believe in interfering with Piper's life, Mrs. Jacobs draws the line in one respect - when her daughter's health in concerned. Here she speaks up, no matter what the consequences - to the point of denying not only her daughter but some of the most important men in the film industry as well. Not long ago, Piper returned exhausted from a personal appearance tour. She was run down and had a temperature above the hundred mark. Mrs. Jacobs insisted she go to bed immediately. "But I'm supposed to test for a loan-out picture in the morning, Mom." Piper protested. "I don't mind staying in bed this afternoon, but tomorrow...." "But tomorrow you are going to stay right here too!" Piper didn't argue with her mother, but the studio officials who wanted her for the loan-out did. They sent their physician to check her health. "She had a temperature," the doctor agreed, "but she ought to be able to go to work the day after tomorrow." "Over my dead body," said Mrs. Jacobs. It was not up to the physician to argue with her, but a coupleo fhours later Piper was notified that if she didn't report for the test within forty-eight hours, the part wouldn't be held for her. Although Piper's temperature was down to normal the second morning, Mrs. Jacobs wouldn't let Piper get up. She recalled what had happened two years before, when Piper had talked her mother into letting her fly to Korea in spite of her run-down condition, and how she collapsed upon her return. Mrs. Jacobs was determined not to let this happen again. Piper was going to get a good rest no matter how many opportunities she missed. The part went to another actress, but Piper - unhappy about it at first - was soon reconciled. She knew her mother would have never stepped into the picture unless it was serious. Besides, by missing the loan-out, she was able to play the lead opposite Rory Calhoun in "Dawn at Socorro" a really challenging role. (I've never seen the picture, so don't know if that is a true statement)
It is still to early to tell, of course, whether or not Mrs. Jacobs way of raising Piper has been completely successful. (From the perspective of 45 years, I would say she was pretty succcessful). But there is little doubt she has succeeded in helping Piper become a popular, happy, healthy girl who is friends with herself and her own decisions as any girl in Hollywood. Certainly these are some of the most valuable gifts any mother can bestow. Piper could pay her mother no greater compliment than by her decision - without any pressure on the part of her parents - to live at home. A number of Piper's friends have rosily (a play on words??) painted the advantages of "being on her own." None of them could ever completely understand Piper's answer. "But I am on my own already."