The night of October 21st, 1993....at I think around 12 AM, the horror began. Here's my story......
After burning some cologne in my room for about 1 hour straight, my head began to spin. I then began to hear some odd voices. One went, "Sam, we can see what you're doing, and that's disgusting". Whoa. I decided, after that interlude, to hit the sack. After a few minutes of light resting, I heard a noise outside. I put on my trusty bunny slippers and went out to the back porch. I then heard a buzzy noise and saw some light in the distance. While I was sneaking through the yard to see what was going on, I felt a soft gooey substance all over one of my bunny slips. AH!!!!! I looked down, and it was a piece of dog shit......come to life! What the hell?! "Wooooooosh", was the noise the wind made as I ran the hell outta the yard. As I followed the light deeper into the woods I heard some footsteps behind me. I started to wet myself(and on my Underoos too!). I tried to walk faster, but I knew that I couldn't get away now. Tons of living breathing...well, shits and stuff were following me. What the hell was in that Preffered Stock?! "You'll never take me alive, you little pukes!", I yelled. Racing further into the woods.....I was really beginning to get lost. After I thought I was outta danger, I decided to take a breather on a stump. I think that I slept for about 1 hour. When I awoke, I started to get some of the vapors out of my brain. I then thought to myself, "ah, it was just that cologne. I guess i'm OK now. I'll never do that again, boy oh boy." Feeling VERY relieved, I stood up and decided to head on out. As soon as I did, an alien jumped out from behind some black berry bushes. He waved a big skinny finger at me and went, "you're the one for me, fatty". I quickly pulled out some Reese's Pieces, but it was too late. He grabbed my butt and went, "I'm gonna make you squeal like a pig. SQUEAL LIKE A PIG!". ACK! I kicked him in the groin, but he just laughed....like Richard Dreyfuss. You know, that really hard "heh ha ha ha" laugh? Then he just hit me in the head with a....I think it was a jockstrap? All went black. I then woke up on some kind of a cold, hard surface. I had, what seemed to be, a large needle in my arm. Besided me was a big statue of.......Yanni. I knew I was not in West Virginia anymore. All of a sudden, a tall, slender alien came in, wearing what seemed to be a jock strap on his head. He started talking to me, in this really squeaky voice. He said, "my friend, we are not going to hurt you. Sorry about your Underoos". I knew if I didn't act fast, they were going to probe my anus. I quickly grabbed the jock strap looking thing off of his head. I grabbed a Reese's Piece out of my pocket and put it in the jock strap.Then, as in a scene from the Bible, I slung it into one of his large black eyes. As he fell to the floor, I dashed out of the room. Looking for a quick exit, I noticed that there was a window near me. I ran head first into it, and fell straight to the ground. Amazingly enough, I landed on some old woman who was picking flowers near the forest. Days afer the incident, I gave the woman a box of Depends, to show my graditude.
want me dead.
Get your own Free Home Page there, so they will leave me be. PLEASE!!!