BITTERNESS

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger, and clamor, and evil speaking, be put away from you, with all malice. Ephesians 4:31

Bitterness is a mental attitude sin. It is grouped among the other sins above as well. Bitterness can ruin any relationship. Bitterness is usually based on some negative event in the past, or some event where the person didn't get their way. Some relationship or event did not turn out quite the way they planned, and the person who feels on the "losing end" because they can't have their way. If they are energized negatively by this failed experience or series of experiences, they can become "bitter".

EXAMPLES

Let us take for example a failed relationship. One party believes they have been ill-treated, or perhaps were ill-treated and their anger brings about a bitter attutude toward a person or such a set of circumstances. This can carry on over into a general bitter attitude toward future relationships as well, where they expect all will turn out for the worst. "Murphy's Law" carried to extremes so to speak.
If a man feels he has been ill-treated and rejected by a woman he may become bitter and say, "Never trust a woman, they are all alike". This is bitterness directed not only against the woman who rejected him, but also against women in general, because of his bad experience. Jaded women who have passed through several unsuccessful relationships also may similarly saying such things as, "Never trust a men, they are all alike", etc.
Bitterness over-generalizes and tries to put persons or circumstances in a "slot" where the bitter person can then feel free to be bitter because after all, they have done this or that. They feel self-righteous and even justified by so doing.
Bitterness can also be learned by persons who would not otherwise be bitter, but having become exposed to a person with a bitter attitude, learn principles of bitterness from them.[1] Bitter persons can also band together in various "cliques" and gossip or have "pity parties" agreeing about whatever they are bitter about.[2] This is why the Scripture warns about such people:
Looking diligently lest any man fail of the Grace of G-d; lest any root of bitterness springing up trouble [you], and thereby many be defiled. Hebrews 12:15b[3]
This can be very destructive not only to all involved but also ones who come in contact with their negative mindset. By dwelling on the past and then classifying future relationships as potentially negative, they prejudice each others' thinking and others. It can become a "doom and gloom" scenario.
Bitter people, in other words, can instill a spirit of sour grapes within people and so spoil it for the rest of us.

PREDISPOSING

Those that are bitter will attempt to "predispose" a persons' future relationship. They may tell them, "You just wait" and so-and-so might do this or that, and "you'll find out" going back to, "all men\women are the same", etc. Their arguments are circular and do not take into account that there just might be someone who does not fit their mold of bitterness.[4]

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FOOTNOTES

[1]This may be what has become known as a Generational Curse (Exodus 20:5), where close relatives or family members who have become bitter, pass their negative mindset on to another family member. This behaviour can be also "learned" among co-workers, fellow students, "friends" or any number of ways people meet. Congregations can also be affected by bitterness, and Pastors are well-advised to keep watch.
[2] Such behaviour can also be a manifestation of Masochistic Behaviour.
[3]The Scripture says that bitter persons may fail of the Grace of G-d because they become influenced by bitterness or bitter people. It goes on (Hebrews 12:16) and links this behaviour with fornication and uncleanness. Continuing in such an attitude could result in one "losing their birthright", i.e., because of learned bitterness, becoming bitter and actually rejecting the mate who was meant for them. Not only that, but after rejecting the one G-d has Designed for them, they go out and marry someone who will make them completely miserable for the rest of their lives; thus "fulfilling their own prophecy". In this way, the bitterness cycle continues right on to the next generation. What a pity! Then they can practice their imagined bitterness of all men\women because they have make it a REALITY in their lives and they are now truly bitter!
This is a tragic and terrible thing and we should always be on guard against any attitude of bitterness and encourage them to see what is taking place and break the cycle of bitterness once and for all.
Whatever you do, DO NOT MISS THE ONE G-D HAS FOR YOU!
[4]Bitterness can also be a function of what is known as a "power trip" (power lust), where the bitter person feels driven to have it "their way or no way", without regard to Scripture. At this point, it may become Spiritual Anarchy as well.
While rare, but it is known to have happened, a person who has learned bitterness may sometimes actively seek out a "patsy" or "fall guy" to practice what they have previously learned as a means of "self-justification" because of a past failed relationship. They are just trying to "get even" in their own minds and this seemed like "as good a time as any" to use what they have learned.
They will "fix" their attention on one aspect of the other person that causes them to be bitter, and decide to "punish the offender" by rejecting them. This can be clinically defined in psychiatry as a "Reaction Formation". They may have a previous "score to settle" and some can derive "psychic pleasure" from taking someone "down a notch or two". They may then even "report back" to their "friends" and announce their "victory". This, of course, would be considred neurotic.
All this because of bitterness.
The false teaching of The Feelings Gospel which focuses on "feelings" as all-important may produce a tendency for people to concentrate on how they "feel" about each amd every situation while disregarding Scripture. This false teaching may act to also accentuate any "feelings" of bitterness.