Chapter  1

I never  expected to be a detective.  I’ve always had weak nerves.  Before  I stepped into that office,  walking up the stairs in darkness would have made me jump out of my skin. I’ll try to tell this story as truthfully as possible.  My friend Dennis is here just in case I twist the facts.  Anyway as I was saying I had just walked into the dentist’s office.

 My legs were shaking so hard that my knees were knocking together.  I never liked dentists before, but I was especially  scared when I saw the plaque that said  ‘Dr.  D. Eath’.   Dr. Death more like it!  Then I saw her.  She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.  “Hi,” she said, “My name’s Liz Haustein.”
“I...I’m...Andrew Brown”  I could tell she was staring at me because of my good looks.
 

 “Hold it!  Andrew, she was only staring at you because you were sweating so much you looked like  you just went swimming!”
Oh yeah... Dennis was there too.

       “I’m  Dennis Buckoltz”
“Hi.”  said Liz then she turned back to me “Is it wet out?”
“Uh.........um I just went swimming.......and I guess I didn’t dry myself off very good..... so what are you doing here?”
“I have an appointment with the doctor.” she said as if it were obvious.  Well it was obvious!  “See ya’ later, Loser!”
 

 “Andrew she didn’t call you a loser.”
Yeah.......well she implied it!
“No she didn’t...”
Just shut up Dennis.
 

    Chapter 2

 “Andrew Brown?  Your next.”  I stepped into the hallway and walked down to the room that said ‘D. Eath - dentist’.  Inside the room I could hear talking. “No! you’ve got to get rid of him tonight.  No, we can’t just tie him up!  He know who we are and he knows we robbed those banks!”
I stared at the door in shock, and turned to flee.  “Oh........look!  It’s one of my patients!”

 “Hey! I was there too!”
All right, All right........

“It’s a couple of my patients!”  Eath cackled, “Bring them in here!  It’s too bad you heard that!
“I can’t hear! I’m deaf!” I said.
“Then how did you hear what I just said?”
“I can read lips!”
“All right......read my lips.” Eath mouthed some words.
“power head eat?”
“Almost. I said Your dead meat.”
“Wait! We won’t tell anyone!”  Dennis foolishly tried to bargain.

 “Hey! You said that!”
Fine.
 
 “Wait! We won’t tell anyone!” I heroically tried to bargain.
“Nice try,  but I’m not as dumb as you look.”  Eath’s  partner had  tied  us together and thrown us into the closet.  I heard a click and I knew the closet had been locked.  “Oh great!”  I said and tried to sit down.  That dragged Dennis down and I heard a snap.
 “They tied us up with dental floss?!”  exclaimed Dennis.
Suddenly the door creaked open.
“We’re dead”

    Chapter 3

 It was Liz.  “I came to save you.”
“How did you know we needed saving?”
“I heard Eath laughing at you.  I’m a detective.”
“That sounds fun!  Are there health benefits?”
“Not really.  Actually  most people try to kill you.”
That’s when the door opened.  Eath looked furious “What’s going on?!”
“It’s a tea party, wanna join?”

 “HOLD IT! You didn’t say that! Liz did.”
I’m really starting to regret my choice of a partner.
“Without me you’d be lost”
HA! Shows how little you know! I have a map.

 “And know you die!” screamed Eath.  Detectives have to be aggressive, I thought.  I charged at Eath and successively did a flip and kick Eath in the face.

 “You tripped!”
The important thing is it happened.

 Liz was running out the door of the office to a waiting car when she turned around, “Andrew Brown, You are one defective detective.”  Then she got in the car and sped out of my life.

 Ya’ know I never did see her again.
“Its only been a week and besides she didn’t say good bye to me.”
Shut up Dennis.

“Stop right there kid!” Said Eath he had Dennis and a gun.

    Chapter 4

 Eath shoved us in a car.  He watched us while his partner drove.  About half an hour later we stopped by an airport.  “Your taking us out of the country?”  I asked.
“Off the continent.”
“WHAT?! Why?”
“I needed to go to Africa anyway, I had enough money, and I don’t need to take the chance of someone witnessing your death.”
 

  A  couple centuries later  we arrived in Africa.  Well it only seemed that long.   Then we got in a jeep filled with ten other men.  I could only guess they had concealed weapons.  An hour later we stopped by an abandoned factory beside a jungle.  They brought Dennis to one  room and me to another.

 You can tell your story now Dennis.
“Not much to tell. I sat in a room for a couple hours and then the police came.”
Don’t tell me that. Tell them.

 “I sat in a room for a couple hours and then the police came.”

 “Your turn”
All right....

 It had been a couple minutes and I figured out that if I didn’t do something I’d get shot.  I knew I couldn’t wait to be rescued, ‘cause I didn’t think my parents would look for me in Africa.  So I waited until my guard  went to get some water.  I remembered I had seen a tube going through the floor, just big enough for me. I ran out of the room and jumped down into the tube  It went down about a meter then curved so it slanted to one side.  I saw a light ahead of me and then fell out into  the air.  I still had to fall fifty feet before I hit the ground.

Chapter 5

 I quickly grabbed at a root sticking out of the side of the cliff.  I began  painstakingly to climb up the cliff face.  I slipped a couple of times but finally I made it.  That’s when I saw the ten men running towards me with automatic rifles.  I looked around for a way to escape.  I was stuck between assassins and a hard place.  Finally I found what I’d been looking for.  I could only hope it would work.  I grabbed a vine from a tree that hung out over the gorge.  I took a couple of steps back and then I ran and swung.  I soared out over the cliff.  I probably wouldn’t have made it if the  vine hadn’t snapped.  So anyway I landed on the other side and heard gunfire.  I jumped into the bushes as the bullets went past, then  I took off.
 

 “Did that really happen?”
Of course it did, Dennis.
 

 I saw the guards running after me and felt like I was going to throw up.  Then a miracle happened!  There was a jeep right in front of me, with the keys in it!  As I roared down the road I heard one of the guards exclaim, “Oh shiseh*!”
 
 

Chapter 6

 The jeep careened down the dirt road.  It didn’t help  that I’ve never had any lessons.  I had to swerve to avoid a small group of trees.   I didn’t see the edge until it was too late.  The jeep flew over the cliff and I just barely caught hold of that tree limb.  Unfortunately  the branch snapped.  All of the sudden a gun flew up into my hands.  Wait a minute, I thought, this is a grappling gun.  I aimed up at a  tree trunk and fired.  The grappling hook wrapped around the tree.  I started climbing up and fifteen minutes later  I made it up.  I looked down and realized the gun had come out of the truck. I started to walk away but I felt something poking me in the ribs.  An automatic rifle had been caught in my shirt.  Slowly a grin crawled across my face.
 

 I peered through the bushes.  I could see five  guards get into another        jeep. I fired a shot and hit the gas can.  I was aiming for the tire but at least I didn’t hit one of the guards.  I took another shot  at the tire  just as all the guards jumped from the jeep. It exploded behind them.  They ran out into the jungle looking for me.   I ran into the clearing  and picked up what looked like a grenade launcher.  The ten guards ran out at me.
“Don’t move!” I screamed, “Don’t move or I’ll shoot.”
The guards started to laugh and walk towards me.  I aimed up and fired.   A single flare shot up into the sky. “oops...heh.......heh.......heh”   A  huge man walked up to me. I grabbed at the nearest object and swung.  The frying pan hit him square in the face and he crumpled to the ground.
 
 

 “You hit him with a frying pan?!”
Yeah.  That had to have hurt!

Chapter 7

 The fist came flying towards me and knocked me  off my feet.  My nose fell like it had been run over by a dump truck.  I could feel blood dripping down my face.   I ran over to a tree, snapped off a branch  and  hit the man in the face with it.  He flew over to a wall.  Then he picked  up a  rock the size of my fist.  As soon as he threw it I picked up a shovel and swung with all my might.  The rock hit him right between the eyes.  There were only  three of the guards left.  Five had been knocked out by the explosion, one was unconcious because of the frying pan and now this one.   Another man started chasing after me.  I ran to the gorge hoping another vine would be there.  I was in luck.  I swung over the gorge.  The man must have not see the edge because he ran off the cliff and fell screaming.  I ran back to the clearing.    One man grabbed me from behind me and the other got ready to start punching me.  He pulled his hand back and went to punch my face, but  I swung my head to the side and he punched his partner instead.  Then I pulled my feet up and kicked the other man away.   I noticed that  Eath’s partner was hiding just inside the bushes.  The guard must have thought he was me because he hit the man square in the face with the butt of his gun.  Ten down, one to go, I thought.   I picked up a nearby hammer and chucked it. And the crowd goes wild! Eleven down!

 Eath walked in the clearing a couple minuits later, handcuffed.  The police had seen the flare.  As Eath looked at the pile of unconcious guards he exclaimed “Who the hell are you?”
“The names Andrew Brown......Defective Detective.”

 And the rest is history.
 
 

The End
 
 
 

*- look it up in a German/English dictionary!