Twilight
By Julia
Comments to: frosty@tdn.com
Disclaimer: The Star Trek Universe is owned by Paramount/Viacom. I have no
affiliation with them and their wonderful universe, and I don't have any
claim over the characters they created. Yet, the story and characters I
created are mine, as with the idea, so please be nice and don't steal it.
Thank you to Paramount for letting me borrow their wonderful characters.

Author's Note: Well, look at that! I finished it! I can't even remember
when I started this story, sometime last year and now it's July of the
following year! I'd like to thank Nicole, Chile, and Jane for their
wonderful help on my writer's block. This story is dedicated to all of my
friends, and it's easier to say that then list them all!


***


        Someone was humming when I entered the dark kitchen, the sun just
starting
to creep over the Bitteroot Mountains. The first few rays illuminated only
a small portion of the cozy kitchen, it was still dark. 
        A figure sat at the kitchen table, drinking coffee from a mug. He was
drawing something on a piece of paper. I didn't say anything as I poured
myself my own cup of coffee and sat down beside him.
        My father, Tom Paris, looked up and smiled gently at me. His blue eyes
shone through the darkness and made his face look younger than his
fifty-two years. His hair was still blond though, streaked with gray, but
still blond. His eyes were the color of Voyager's warp core, the same color
of eyes my mother often said she had fallen in love with.       
        My father and I have always had a special bond. I don't know if its our
joy of flying and traditional living and ideals, or if it is the fact that
I'm the oldest of six kids, and his baby girl. Or maybe it is even that I
remind him of my older sister, Shashawna, who died when I was only a year
old. 
        I don't know what it is, but I love being so close to my father. I
glanced
down at his drawing. It was of the mountains, the sun creeping over them. 
        Unlike my father, I can't draw. He took up drawing the day I was born,
doodling on a clipboard, waiting the time when he could come in and be with
my mother, B'Elanna Torres.
        It was still early, this often happened. The kids would still be asleep,
and we'd sit in silence, listening to the sounds of the awakening day.
        We might hear the sound of one of our cats brushing up against the door,
or the far off call of the bird. Occasionally, I hear the soft snoring of
Moira, whose room is right down the hall from the kitchen. Dad swears that
she doesn't snore, but I know my little sister.
        However, this morning, I was surprised. Normally, there would be an empty
coffee mug in the sink, where Mom had put hers the night before when she
had gotten home. And the chair at the other end of the table would be
pushed slightly out. There was no coffee mug, and the chair was pushed all
the way in.
        "Where's Mom?" I asked quietly, taking a sip of my coffee. Dad looked up
from his drawing.
        "Hmmm...?"
        "Where's Mom? She's not here."
        He regarded me. "How do you know?"
        "Her coffee mug isn't in the sink and the chair's pushed in."
        "No, she didn't come home with me last night. She went to Luna."
        "But its the day before Thanksgiving! You said that she didn't have to
work today."
        "She doesn't."
        I sighed and stared at the black liquid in my mug. "Oh." Dad smiled
crookedly at me and pushed his chair out, standing up.
        "Mind staying home today?"
        "No, not really, why?"
        "I gotta go to San Francisco for a few hours. I'll be back by
mid-afternoon. Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Chakotay are coming over for
Thanksgiving. Lauren-Rose will be coming home after school with Amy, Jeshua
probably will too."
        "All right, I'll get the guest cottage cleaned and presentable today. Do
we have all the food I need to make dinner with here?"
        "Probably not, I'll leave the express card with you."
        "Ya know, Dad, if I had my own, you wouldn't always have to leave yours."
        Dad smiled at me and tweaked my nose. "Christmas is coming, and the goose
is getting fat! I'll feed Moira and Chakotay while you're taking the kids
to school."
        "Okay, I'll go get everyone else up."
        I stood up and put my coffee cup in the sink next to Dad's before turning
around and leaving the kitchen.
        I've always loved my house. It's modeled after an old farm house, but its
made out of logs imported from some planet in the Federation. 
        When you first enter through the front door, all you see is the large,
winding staircase. The house is three floors, including the attic. The
attic is my domain, no one ever goes up there.
        The ground floor has the kitchen, my parent's room, and the nursery.
Sometimes I hate having two two-year olds living with me, but when you see
Chakotay or Moira smile, it doesn't matter anymore. 
        The main floor also has the library, lap pool, living room, and den. As I
said, we have a pretty big house.
        The next floor is for my other siblings. There's another three bedrooms
and a huge play room. My brother Mathew, who's 11, has a small kennel for
his large sheep dog, Andrea. She's lived with us since he was born.
        I poked my head into his room after I made my way upstairs. He was curled
into a fetal position, Andrea laying at his feet. Matt's blond hair needed
to be cut, I noticed, as I sat down beside him. His eyelids fluttered open,
revealing large, chocolate brown eyes. As soon as Mathew grows into his
sort of turned up nose, he really will be a cute boy.
        "Hey, Matty. Time to get up."
        "School again? When will the torture end?!"
        "In about seven hours. C'mon. Up you go. Don't forget to feed Andrea." I
pulled the covers back for him and ruffled his hair. "Get dressed, I'll
start breakfast as soon as I get Amy and Braiden up."
        The next room down was my sister Amy's. Amy's eight and looks like a
doll.
She has the soft, curly blond hair and the large innocent eyes. Her face is
round in shape and she has a perfect set of dimples. You can't even tell
she's a quarter Klingon. Matthew's the same way.
        Amy's rear end was sticking up in the air when I entered her room. Her
head was stuffed face down into her pillow and her arms were spread wide.
The way Amy sleeps is something I'll never understand, I don't really want
too.
        "Amy, time to get up." No response. I kneeled down beside her bed,
careful
not to kneel on any of her toys that were scattered around her room. I
shook her. "Hey, Amy, time to get up." 
        There was still no response. She didn't even move.
        "Yo! Get up!" I said louder and tapped her lightly on the back of her
head. She moaned and collapsed, her head still face down on the pillow.
"Amy, get up, now. You need to get ready for school." Another moan.     
        I yanked the pillow out from under her face then, and her head crashed
down onto the mattress. The confused girl sat up a few seconds later and
looked around the room, her eyes blurry and out of focus. 
        "Deirdre!" She giggled as I hit her lightly with the pillow.
        "That's my name, don't wear it out.  Now get ready. Do you need a bath?
Of
course you do. Get awashin'."
        "Okay..." She yawned and stood up, stretching. Her nightgown shirt came
up
slightly and I took the oppertunity to tickle her tummy. She giggled again
and fell back down onto her bed as I tickled her. She screamed and screamed
for me to stop.
        "Promise me you'll wash behind your ears and eat your breakfast and do
your homework on the way to school?" I asked her, tickling her sides.
        "Yes!" She screamed, still giggling. 
        "Okay, then." I stopped the tickling and Amy paused to catch her breath
before latching onto my leg as I stood up. She walked with me down the hall
towards my last brother's room, Braiden. I unwrapped her arms from around
my left leg and pointed to the bathroom. "Keep your promises!"
        Braiden was already awake when I opened the door. The five year old was
sitting in the middle of the floor, meditating. His hands were in the
Vulcan pose for meditation, the one that Tuvok had taught me when I was
small. The mass of dark hair was combed perfectly and the blue eyes stared
intently at the point in which he thought was between his fingers.
        "Braiden?" I asked softly. People might have thought I had spoken so
quietly because I was afraid of upsetting him, but I've learned that
Braiden doesn't get upset. He hardly shows any emotion. Braiden looked up.
        "Hello, Deirdre." He said with a grace beyond his five years of age. 
        Braiden is odd. He's smart and tidy. At times, I think he really is
Vulcan. Except for the very prominent brow ridges on his forehead. Dad
thinks the whole meditation thing is just a stage, I'm not so sure. Braiden
may learn to suppress all emotion. 
        "Good morning. It's time to get ready for school."
        Braiden nodded and bowed his head. "Thank you, Deirdre, I will prepare."
He stood up and turned to start laying out his clothes.
        Shaking my head, I closed the door behind me again. I heard the water
start to run into the bathtub and pretty soon an off key voice came
filtering under the bathroom door.
        "Rubber ducky, you're the one. That makes my bath time so much fun..."
Amy
screeched in mid-song and began the verse over again. Arg, I hated her
singing.
        I opened the door at the end of the long hall. It had a flight of narrow,
sturdy stairs. Taking them all two at a time, I entered the attic, my room.
        I have three whole rooms to myself. One is my bedroom, the next is my
bathroom, and then the main room that you enter when coming into the  attic.
        The attic is shaped in somewhat like a turret, only bigger than a normal
turret. I looked around my main living area.
        An old pink chair sat in the corner with a glass table next to it. A
black
leather couch spanned one wall with an ancient Klingon Bat'leth hanging
over it. My favorite piece of furniture in this room is the recliner from
Voyager. It had been in my father's quarters and was propped against the
wall facing the couch. My parents had only been married a year before
Voyager got home by the help of the slip-stream drive.
        I made my bed and got dressed, pausing to glance in the mirror. I have
straight, chin length dark brown hair and dark eyes. I don't look a thing
like my father. My ridges are evident even more so than Braiden's. 
        Moira and Chakotay were sitting in their high chairs when I came back
down
to the kitchen. Braiden was eating his breakfast in short, even bites and
looked up as I entered.
        "Would you like breakfast, Deirdre? I can make some toast if you prefer."
He said quietly.
        I shook my head. "No, thanks, Brady. I'll eat when I get home from taking
you from school."
        "Why does SHE get to stay home?!" Matthew groaned as he came into the
kitchen. 
        "She has to watch the babies, besides, she gets to cook and clean all
day." Tom answered him and I smiled sweetly at my younger brother and left
the kitchen.
        Standing at the bottom of the stairs, I paused to listen for Amy moving
around getting dressed. I still heard her off-key singing. "AMY!" The
singing stopped. I reluctantly went back upstairs and pounded on the door.
"Amy! Get out here right now! We're leaving in five minutes! You need to be
brushed and have breakfast eaten! And you're still in the shower!"
        "Am not!" I heard the plug pop and the water start to drain out.
        "Better not be! Let's go, go, go!"
        "You really should be a marine!" Matthew observed as he came out of his
room, backpack slung over his shoulder. "That way, you can yell at other
people all the time. Wait, you already do that."
        I glowered at my brother and followed him back downstairs. A few minutes
later, Amy came running downstairs, PADDS under her arm and her hair wildly
wet and curly.
        "Okay, I'm ready! Let's go!" 
        I tossed her a pack of StarFleet rations. "Here, this is your punishment
for not getting out early enough. Eat them."
        "Ewwww! Gross! Daddy!" Amy turned and gave Tom an excellent pout. 
        "Amy!" Tom mimicked and gave her a kiss on the head. "Have a good day at
school." He ruffled Matthew and Braiden's hair.
        "Okay, let's go!" I hollered and led them out the door to the landing
pad.
Three shuttles sat in a row. My personal shuttle, the family one, and my
father's. There was a space between mine and Dad's where Mom's usually sits.
        I got my own personal shuttle last year when I kept borrowing my parents.
I wouldn't be surprised if Matthew got his own this Christmas. 
        Matthew climbed into the passenger seat next to me as Amy and Braiden
clambered into the back. Amy put down the small work desk and began her
homework as I powered up the engines. "Am I clear?" I asked Matthew. He
fiddled with a small control in front of him.
        "Yup. Nothing's up there."
        "Good." I waved to Tom through the window where he was watching us take
off. He smiled and waved Moira's arm. "And the 'Swan' flies!" I grinned at
Matthew as we lifted off. I love flying!
        It's only a short flight to the elementary school. Before I knew it, I
was
getting conformation from the tower and landing at an available spot. Matt
took Braiden's hand and headed towards the school, waving over his shoulder.
        "Got your homework done, Amy?" I asked her, looking back into the back
seat.
        "Most of it." She said grumpily, she was still mad that I had given her a
StarFleet rations bar.
        "C'mere." I told her and Amy came over to my open door. I rummaged around
in the small cove between the two front seats and pulled out a package of
chocolate. "Here, how's that for breakfast?"
        Amy grinned and waved the chocolate bar at Lauren-Rose. "Thanks, Deirdre,
bye!" She started running towards Lauren-Rose but then turned around.
"You'll pick me and Lauren up after school, right?"
        "Of course." I was just starting to take off again when I heard my name
being hollered. I bent forward to look out the window. 
        Jeshua Kim was running towards me. Jeshua is my best friend. His parents,
Megan Delaney and Harry Kim, are both involved with StarFleet and he
doesn't live with them. Megan and Harry separated when Jeshua was about
three, he's lived with Uncle Chakotay and Aunt Kathryn ever since. 
        He tapped on the window and I hit the button for the door to roll back.
"Can I come with?" He asked hopefully.
        "Jesh, you have school."
        "So, you do, too. And it's not stopping you." He climbed through the back
seat and into the seat Matt had just vacated. "'Sides, Civics 101 wouldn't
be as fun without you. Where are we headed?"
        "Grocery store."
        "Only you don't know what a replicator is for."
        I turned and looked at him. "What's a replicator?" Jeshua just shook his
head.


***


        "Could you get the list out of the compartment?" I asked Jeshua as I
landed the shuttle once more. He dug around in the compartment in front of
him and then handed me a PADD. "Thanks." He shrugged.
        The grocery store was crowded. Something I like about living out here, we
don't have so many rich, city people that look down on people who actually
don't know how to use a tricorder. And I don't!
        Jeshua just followed me as I went up one row and down the next, throwing
things into the cart. He crossed the different items off the list when I
called them out and kept tabs on how much I'd owe.
        The Federation has pretty much left my county alone with the dealings
with
money. We can spend it and we earn it from working farms. 
        Sure, I have some modern gadgets, like my shuttle, but I don't let them
rule my life. Jeshua, on the other hand...well, I won't go into that.
        We loaded all the groceries into the back of the shuttle and took off
once
more. 
        "Going back to your place?"
        "Nope, it is Thanksgiving, and do you see a turkey?" Jeshua turned around
and looked at the bags. 
        "No...did we forget it?"
        I hit the accelerator on the shuttle and we sped up. "We're going to get
him now."
        Jeshua shuddered. "I can't believe they still kill live animals...the
poor
things."
        "Jesh, the animals are raised to die. We have plenty of turkeys left in
this universe."
        "Oh. I knew that."
        "Sure."
        "I did!" He objected, glaring at her.
        "Whatever you say..."
        We fell into silence and when they finally touched down, an hour had
almost passed.
        "Hullo, Deirdre!" An old man came out of a white house and waved.
        "Hi Joe! Got a turkey for me?"
        "That's 'ight. A big 'un?"
        "Yup, I know Jeshua would never admit it, but he loves turkey."
        "I do not!"
        The old man raised an eyebrow at Jeshua. Jeshua moved behind me. Joe
grinned.
        "Take your pick." I stepped up to the fence and surveyed the turkey. 
        "Okay, we need one that's named Fred, a big one, party white, with yellow
feet. That's according to Amy. Matt just wanted one that had plenty of dark
meet, and Braiden didn't really care... Moira tried to eat the picture of
the turkey I gave her, so I'll assume she'll go with whatever I bring home,
and Chakotay was asleep."
        It was Jeshua's turn to raise an eyebrow. "Deirdre, it's a turkey!"
        "So? We're going to be eating it, aren't we?"
        "You might be..."
        I shook my head and pointed at a big, fat turkey that sat in the corner.
"That one!"
        Joe nodded and entered the pen, gently pushing the turkey's out of the
way. He ushered 'Fred' into a small cage and carried him back out. 
        "Gentle creature, he'll be a good 'un. I'll 'ave 'im delivered to your
place later today."
        "Dead, right?" I asked, grinning at Jeshua. He turned and walked back
towards the shuttle.
        "I can't believe how cruel you are." He commented as we headed back
towards my house.
        "He's a turkey, as you said."
        "But...he's a live turkey! And tomorrow he's going to be the center
piece!"
        "Deal with it." Jeshua dropped the subject after that and we talked most
of the way back. School, parents, Jesh's father, Harry Kim not coming home
for the holidays.
        "He's busy," was all I got when I asked about it. Jeshua's relationship
with his father is a tricky one. I don't even try and understand it.


***


        My father was waiting for us on the back porch when we landed. Moira and
Chakotay both sat in their little rocker chairs, the morning sunlight
falling onto them slightly. 
        "Hello, Jeshua. Does Kathryn and Chakotay know you're here?"
        "Uhh...Chakotay does! Don't you, Chuckles?" Jeshua said, bending down to
tweak Baby Chakotay's nose, gently.
        "Mmm-hmm...well, they shouldn't mind. I have a meeting with Kathryn in a
few hours, I'll tell her then. Got all the stuff you need?"
        "Yup. I can put him to work cleaning the guest cottage."
        "But I'm not sleeping there!"
        "And just where are you sleeping?" Tom asked, giving him a calm glance.
        "In Deirdre's room...like I have since I was three!"
        "And how old are you now, Jesh?" 
        "Fifteen..."
        "Do you see my point?" 
        "No...oh. She's my best friend, Tom! What would happen?"
        "Remember that." Tom said simply, kissed my head, and left. His shuttle
powered up a few minutes later and disappeared over the yard fence.
        "Okay, first things first. I need some coffee. Watch the babies." I don't
think Jesh even heard me, he was tickling both their feet.
        I got myself a cup of coffee and brought the pot along with me outside. I
sat down in the chair next to Moira and offered a cup to Jeshua. He
wrinkled his face.
        "No thanks, I'm not addicted to that stuff like every person in StarFleet
is. I'll start the Anti-Coffee Revolution when I go to the Academy. You're
not planning on going to the academy, are you?"
        "I'm not sure. I'll either hit it big in my own shipping business or I'll
enter the Academy and pilot a huge starship. I'm leaning towards my own
shipping business at the moment."
        "At least you'll get off of this planet...have you ever left Earth?"
        "Sure, I have! I'm not a complete idiot. I've been to Voyager when it was
in orbit, I've been to Luna, and Deep Space Nine. I've been to Risa and
I've been to the Klingon Homeworld. Bajor, Cardassia, even!"
        "I outrank you. I've been to Cardassian, Romulas, Luna, Bajor, eight
planets in the Gamma Quadrant, Vulcan, and Cait."
        "And you were like, what? One?"
        "It still counts!"
        "Sure, it does..." I took the last sip of my coffee and stood up. "Okay,
pick a baby." Jeshua picked up Chakotay and I picked up Moira. "Follow me."
        I led him into the nursery. The nursery is two rooms connected with a
walk-in closet. We keep all the baby supplies in the closet. 
        "You like my siblings?" I asked Jeshua. He nodded. I carefully lay Moira
down on the changing table. "Then have fun. There are the diapers, there's
the garbage. Here are the wipes." I turned to look at Jeshua's expression.
It was grim. "Have fun!"
        He smiled at me and I knew that he'd get me back somehow. "I will!
Thanks!" He said, his voice dripping with sarcasm. If I could open his
brain and peek inside, I know that he'd be concocting some evil plan to
take out on me. Oh well, at least I didn't have to change the diapers.
        I went back into the kitchen and looked around. "OK, first, I need to
pick
up...and then start dinner...and then...hmm..." I trailed off and
absentmindedly tapped my foot. "Might as well start the cake..."
        I through some ingredients into a glass bowl and was in the process of
reading how to make the turkey stuffing for tomorrow, when an annoying beep
interrupted my train of thought. Wearily, I got up from sitting at the
kitchen table and hit the 'receive' button on our computer console. My
mother's face appeared. She looked tired and grouchy, she usually did when
she was working.
        "Good morning!" She said, leaning back slightly in her chair.
        I smiled at her and continued stirring the cake batter.
        "You didn't go to school today?"
        "It's Thanksgiving tomorrow, Dad wanted me to watch Moira and Chakotay.
He
went to San Francisco about an hour ago."
        "Yes, he just contacted me. I think you should have gone to school. You
miss too much of it already."
        "No, I don't!"
        "What's your attendance record this year?" She shot back.  
        "I don't know! I'm fine in English, Creative Writing, and piloting! I'm
having a few problems with Engineering 130 but I'll just have Dad help me
with it."
        B'Elanna's face grew a slightly dark. "You're flunking Engineering?!"
I remained calm. "I'm not flunking, I just have a few questions and I
haven't had time to ask the Professor yet."
"Why not?" She demanded.
"The second I get out of class I have to come home to watch Moira and
Chakotay!"
"We're just going to hire someone to watch them after the holidays are
over. I have to go." She paused before looking up at me. "Thank you,
Deirdre. For doing all this. You know how busy I can get." She gave me a
weak smile and hit the 'disconnect' button.
I sighed and turned back to mixing the batter for the cake. I fight with my
mother more than I'd like to, Dad says its how we show affection, I don't
believe it. Something's up.


***

        
        That night was just like every other night before Thanksgiving I had ever
had. I was curled up in a fetal position on my bed, my green quilt pulled
up to my chin, grasping one of my pillows. Jeshua was sprawled out on the
floor next to my bed, his hands behind his head, staring at my ceiling. I
could see the Big Dipper out of my attic window and could hear the soft
music of the fiddle that came from the other attic room. 
        "Did you worry when your parents got divorced?" I asked him quietly.
Jeshua turned his head to look at me.
        "I was only three."
        "But weren't you scared?"
        "Why do you ask?" He asked, quieter than usual. 
        "I dunno...it's like my mom doesn't even care about my family even more,
she's not even home yet."
        "She said she would be home tomorrow morning, didn't she?"
        "Well, yeah..."
        "Don't worry, Deirdre, she'll be here." He sat up. "I'm not tired, let's
do something."
        I regarded him. "Do what?"
        "Let's go somewhere."
        "Jeshua, it's dark out."
        "So?! Come on, haven't you ever sneaked out before?" He teased.
        I blushed. "Yes."
        "Yeah, to go feed the chickens or something."
        "No..."
        "Where did you go?" He demanded, standing up and looking down at the
landing pad at the back of the house.
        "To meet someone, okay?"
        "So the rumor is true!" He crowed, grinning.
        "What rumor?"
        "About you and Nykol last summer!"
        "I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer." I told him, going
into my bathroom and getting changed into jeans and a baby tee with a large
black sweatshirt to wrap around my waist. I came back out and Jeshua was
already dressed. "Come on, let's go...uhh...where?" 
        "Hawaii?"
        "Tahiti?"
        "Rome?"
        "Paris?"
        "Seattle?"
        "Yeah!"
        I shook my head, grinning. I silently opened the door and Jeshua followed
me down to the kitchen.
        "So, where are you two off too?" I heard a voice ask from the darkness. I
whirled around to see my father.
        "Umm...Seattle?" Jeshua managed to squeaked, darting behind me as my
father stood up.
"We're...not tired. We thought, well, oh come on, Dad! I'm almost fifteen!
And its only about ten o'clock! Please?! I've been working all day and
haven't gone anywhere in days! It's not like we're going to any wild party
or anything."
"Says who?" Jeshua whispered from behind me. I elbowed him.
        Tom sighed and handed me the Express card. "Be careful and I want you
back
in two and a half hours. Oh, and here's your transporter license. No need
taking the shuttle that far. And no one will ever know about this, or my
head will be mounted to that wall."
        "Thank you, Dad!" I gave him a quick hug and grabbed Jeshua's arm. He was
still standing there, staring at my dad, actually surprised that he let us go.
        Within ten minutes, we were at the transporter checkpoint. I handed them
the card and they nodded to both of us.
        "Location?"
        "Seattle, Washington, the station near the Space Needle."
        The officer nodded and I felt the soft tingling on my skin. The next time
I opened my eyes we were standing on a Seattle street with the Space Needle
in front of us.
        "Awesome!" Jeshua said, looking around. "Let's go to the fair first."
        "Why? I want to go up the Space Needle."
        "We can do that afterwards! I haven't been to a fair since last summer.
We're only going to ride a few rides."
        The 'few rides' turned into every ride at the park.
        "Now that was cool!" I said when we got off the roller coaster.
        "Come on, last one. The merry-go-round!"
        "Jeshua! That's Amy's favorite ride!"
        "Funny, it's Lauren-Rose's too. Come on." He grabbed my hand and pushed
me
in front of him to make sure I got on. I sighed and handed the man my last
ticket.
        "You don't even know how to ride." I told him. He shrugged and swung his
leg over a red horse with a white mane and tail.
        I climbed onto the one beside him, a dark brown one with a black mane and
tail, and two white socks. The parade music I loved as a kid started and
the merry-go-round started to spin. 
        I glanced at my chronometer. We still had another hour. A few minutes
later, I felt the Merry Go Round slow, and then it stopped. I gently patted
the wooden horse and dismounted. Jeshua coolly flipped a piece of black
hair out of his face and smiled at a passing girl. She smiled back. I
glanced at him, disgusted.
        He gave me a sad face and slipped his arm around my waist. "Jealous?" He
said softly and looked down at me. I glared up at him. 
        "No." I pulled away from him and Jeshua dropped the subject. 
        "Ice cream on the top of the Space Needle?" He asked me a few seconds
later and I shrugged.
        "Sure."
        We stood in line for the elevator going up and stood near the window as
we
ascended. The stars shone brightly as Jeshua and I leaned against the rail,
looking down at the city and up at the sky. I studied the moon.
        "Mom's up there..." I said softly. Jeshua watched a shuttle streak across
the sky and disappear over the horizon.
        He motioned to the entire sky. "My dad's out there...somewhere." 
        I fidgeted, uncomfortable. "Come on, let's get some ice cream or
something."
        We walked through the gift shop and into the restaurant. A waiter seated
us and we ordered. 
        A few minutes later, my orange creme soda and Jeshua's Brownie Delight
arrived. We finished eating and took the elevator back down.
        We got to the transporter checkpoint to find it closed. The next was
about
a kilometer away. I contacted my dad at a nearby station and told him we'd
be a little late, he didn't seem to mind.
        A cold wind blew right through my sweatshirt as Jeshua and I started out
towards the next transporter checkpoint. I didn't pull away when he
nonchalantly slipped his arm around my waist again. I sighed and leaned
against him, tired. 

        I don't really understand why life can't always be this simple.


***


        The house was quiet and dark when I got home. I felt great. Jeshua and I
had gone to Paris, France after school and had eaten dinner there. I hadn't
been out of the house since the night before Thanksgiving, and I had a
great time.
        I'm not sure where I stand with Jeshua anymore, at the moment, I don't
really care.
        It was a quarter to eleven, wasn't too bad. Dad had wanted me back by
11:30. I shrugged off my coat and hung it by the door. I opened the freezer
and took out a carton of ice cream. Ice cream seems to help me sleep.
        "You're home awfully late." Someone said from behind me. I turned around.
B'Elanna stood there. 
        "I'm home forty five minutes early. Did you just get back from San
Francisco?"
        "No, I went for a walk. I got home about five, I was looking forward to
having a family dinner and you weren't there."
        "Sorry, Jeshua and I went to Paris. I haven't been out of this house in
almost two and a half weeks. Dad let me go."
        "He always lets you go." She grunted and opened the refrigerator to take
out the milk.
        I studied my mother's face when she turned around. Dark circles were
around her eyes and her long hair was pulled back in a tight, high ponytail. 
        "Who was home to take care of Moira and Chakotay today?"
        "Oh, Uncle Chakotay wasn't working so he said he wouldn't mind watching
them."
        "How did you do on your Engineering exam?"
        "Eighty three percent. I missed a few questions on the warp harmonics
dealing with the different type of engine specifications."
        "But we went over those twice!"
        "There was some material on the exam I didn't know was going to be on
there! I still got a B."
        "I need you come home after lunch tomorrow, Moira has a doctor's
appointment."
        "Can't Dad take her? I was going to—"
        "Well, you're not anymore. I need you to take your little sister to a
doctor's appointment, is that too much to ask?"
        My temper flared and I matched my mother's glare. "Yes! It is! The last
two and a half weeks every time I turn around I have to do this and I have
to do that! I don't really give about how much you have to work! There are
other engineers in StarFleet! I'm almost fifteen and I'm sick of acting
like I'm a thirty year old mother! All the time, I'm carting my siblings
everywhere! To basketball, to piano, to meditation lessons! I love my
sisters and brothers, but I need time to myself! This was the first time in
two and a half weeks I was actually able to relax and be with some friends!"
        "How do you see Jeshua nowadays, hmmm...?" She retorted back. "He can't
keep his eyes off you!"
        "Mom, you've gone too far. It's the middle of the night and I'm tired. I
don't think its ANY of your business what my relationship with Jeshua is.
It's mine, not yours! I'm not you, okay? I don't want to be an Engineer, I
want to be me! I'm going to bed." I turned and left the kitchen and almost
ran smack into Dad. He gave me a weak smile before entering the kitchen.
        Then the screams started. My parents have fought before but it was never
like this. It was my mother at first, she started cursing at my father in
Klingon, and I could tell she was saying, 'You favor your oldest daughter
more than me' or something.
        I tiptoed upstairs to see Amy standing at the end of the hall. She ran
towards me and gave me a hug. Her face was white.
        "Mommy and Daddy are fighting again!" She whispered to me and dragged me
into Matthew's room. He was sitting on his bed, Braiden sat beside him,
holding Chakotay. Moira crawled around on the floor.
        "Again? What do you mean?
        "They started fighting when Mommy got home. And Daddy got really upset.
And then Mommy apologized and then they got all lovey dovey and then they
got in a big fight at dinner."
        "Matthew? How bad was the fight?"
        "Dad was crying."
        That hit me like a slap in the face. "Dad cried?" Matt nodded. I looked
around at my siblings. They all nodded soberly.
        "Come on, let's go up to my room. You guys should be asleep and I know
I'm
exhausted." Matthew took Amy's hand and Braiden held Chakotay. I picked up
Moira and led the way to the attic stairs. I heard screams coming from
downstairs. I shooed my siblings up the stairs and closed the door.


***


        I didn't want to get up the next morning. I was too comfortable. Amy was
curled up next to me, with Moira between us. Chakotay was on my other side,
almost under Matthew. Braiden was lying perfectly straight at the end of
the bed. I sighed contentedly and then remembered last night.
        The yelling had kept most of us up till midnight, I did manage to get
some
sleep. I gently shook Amy and her eyes fluttered open. "Get up. Come on, we
overslept."
        "Okay..." Amy sat up and Moira gurgled at the both of us. Chakotay just
smiled. Matthew kicked Braiden lightly and the five year old sat up, blinking.
        The kids left with Moira and Chakotay. I had fallen asleep in yesterday's
clothes and I felt horrible. I took a quick shower and then got dressed. My
hair dried quickly in the December sunlight that filtered through my window.    


***


        Amy, Matthew, and Braiden ate silently at breakfast, there wasn't any
sign
of our parents. I didn't bother checking the messages, I really didn't
really want to talk to Dad and especially not Mom.
        "I'll be back to pick you guys up when school's out. I have to take Moira
to San Francisco for a doctor's appointment."
        "Okay." Amy said, taking the lunch bag I handed her.
        I ran smack into my father on the way out. He gave us each a hug and a
kiss. He pulled me aside as he released me.
        "Come straight home after you drop them off."
        "Dad! I need to go to school! I missed three days last week because Mom
couldn't watch Moira and Chakotay. I'm failing Engineering!"
        "Deirdre, this is important. I'll talk to your professors."
        "Fine."
        I flew the kids to school and dropped them off. I was at least going to
get my homework.
        I saw Jeshua in the hall and he ran to catch up with me. I didn't want to
see him at the moment.
        "Hey!" He was in a good mood.
        "Jesh, I can't talk right now. I need to get home."
        "You're not staying today?"
        "No."
        "Well, why not?"
        "My Dad needed to talk to me, something happened last night."
        "What happened?" He placed his hand on my arm to stop me. I looked up at
him.
        "It's nothing."
        "Deirdre, don't lie to me. What happened?"
        "My parents have been fighting lately...I'm not sure what's up, but my
Dad
got really upset last night according to my siblings. And Dad doesn't get
upset easily. I need to go."
        "Mind if I stop by later?"
        "Sure, I don't care..." I started to walk off but Jeshua stopped me
again.
He pulled me back and kept his hand on my waist.
        "Deirdre, if you ever need a place to stay or need someone to talk to,
you
know I'll listen, right?" 
        "Yeah, I do." Jeshua pulled me into a tight hug and wrapped his arms
around me. 
        "Good." He looked down at me but I stepped away.
        "Jesh, I need to go."



***


        I got my Calculus and Engineering assignments. We were having a test in
Twentieth Century History that I would have to make up tomorrow.
        Dad was sitting at the kitchen table when I came in. He looked up and
beckoned me to sit down. I sat, dropping my bag next to the chair.
        "What exactly happened last night?" He asked softly.
        "I was home at ten forty five and Mom came back from a walk. She started
asking me all these questions..."
        "Like?"
        "How I was doing in Engineering, my relationship with Jeshua. She wanted
me to miss more school to take Moira to a doctor's appointment."
        "Don't worry about that, I canceled it. Your mother has been under a lot
of stress recently."
        "She's been home a lot, though."
        "I know, but she could have a promotion coming in, and a relocation."
        I stared at my father and then sat back in my chair. "I'm not moving. I
don't care about her job or where she's being relocated too. I'm not moving."
        "I know, I don't want to move, either."
        "There's something else too...isn't there?" I asked him softly.
        "Nothing you need to worry about...I just want this Christmas to be
perfect. And I've discussed it already with your mother, and we're going on
a vacation."
        "Just you guys?"
        "No, our entire family, the Janeway's, and Seven of Nine and Tuvok will
meet us there with their son, Navic."
        I sat up a little straighter at the mention of Navic. He's part Human,
Vulcan, and Borg. He's also really good looking. 
        "So...where are we going?"
        "Risa." A voice said from behind me. I turned around. Mom stood in the
doorway. She looked up at Tom and he got up.
        "I think you guy's have a few things you might want to talk about." Dad
got up and left the room. Mom stood in the doorway, uneasily. She looked
over at me.
        "I want to apologize for last night, Deirdre. It was late and I was
stressed out. Matthew probably told you that your father and I got in a
fight earlier."
        "It's okay, Mom. But there are a few things I want to talk to you about."
        B'Elanna sat down. "Oh, like what?"
        "First...I need to stop missing so much school. Either that, or I just
not
go to school at all, and I get a tutor."
        "We'll decide over vacation. It's up too you."
        "Personally, I would rather stay home. I know how hard it is to find
someone to watch Moira and Chakotay, and it'd give me more time to study."
        "And the other thing?"
        "I want more free time! I want to be able to hang out with Jeshua and my
other friends. And if you and Dad got home in the early evening, I could."
        "All likely possibilities, I'll discuss them with your father."
        "Thanks." I smiled, relieved. "So, we're going to Risa?"
        B'Elanna smiled. It was the first time in a long time that she really
smiled. "Absolutely. And you know what that means?"
        "What?"
        "We get to go shopping!"
        

***

        
        The next Saturday, Mom, Aunt Kathryn, Lauren-Rose, Amy, Moira, and I all
hit the malls in New York City, Paris, and Tokyo. 
        We shopped most of the day, getting things for the trip. Even Moira,
who's
only two, had fun.
        Amy and Moira were falling asleep when we got home. Aunt Kathryn and
Lauren-Rose just dropped us off. Dad was asleep on the couch, and he had
left a note saying Matthew, Chakotay, and Braiden had gone to bed about
three hours ago.
        Mom and I spread PADDS all over the den, starting to plan our trip.     
        We would stay on Risa a week, and leave on Monday. It was about a day's
trip, so we would have six days on Risa. We'd get back on the twenty-first
of December.
        Three coffee pots, two boxes of doughnuts, and eight chocolate bars
later,
we were finally finished. It was 0400.
        "Well, I think this will work. This is what we have." I handed her the
PADD.
        "We're renting the Mataiya Cabin. The Mataiya Cabin is on its own private
island about a kilometer from the main land. Jeshua will have his own room,
and your father and I and Chakotay and Kathryn have our own suites. You
have your own room as well. Braiden and Matthew are sharing a room, and so
are Lauren-Rose and Amy. The babies have their own nursery off my suite.
Tuvok and Seven of Nine will only be there to drop Navic off, he'll stay in
Jeshua's room. We have bikes, shuttles, boats, and ground cars at our
disposal. Servants are there as well."
        "Ya know, I think this is the first time, I'm actually happy that you,
Uncle Chakotay and Aunt Kathryn are such high ranking officials. We get
treated like gods!"
        B'Elanna smiled. "Complete relaxation."


***

        
        "Hey, can I come in?" I looked up as Jeshua poked his head into my room.
I
was in the midst of packing, and had clothes strewn from the door leading
into the attic, through my main room, from the bathroom, and my floor was
covered.
        "Just don't step on anything." I folded a tee shirt and put it carefully
on my growing stack.
        "Umm... Deirdre? You do know we're only going to be gone a week?"
        I grinned. "I haven't been on vacation for awhile, get off my case!"
        "Fine, fine. I'm all packed."
        "Well, obviously, if you're here...is everyone waiting for me?"
        "Basically."
        "Oh, oh well. Here, hand me that dress."
        Jeshua helped me finish packing and hauled my three suitcases down to the
shuttle. I began packing some books and PADDS into my bag. I threw in my
poetry book, sketch book, and camera.
        I threw the bag over my shoulder and took one last glance in the mirror.
I
had gotten my haircut on Saturday when we had gone shopping, it was shorter
now and layered, and I have to say, it looks really cute. I had on a tee
shirt and shorts, it felt weird to be wearing them when it was winter in
Montana.
        Well, I'm going to be going to a paradise planet where it will be almost
90 degrees, so it doesn't really matter.
        My sunglasses were pushed onto the top of my head and they held a few
parts of my hair back. I made sure my room was partially clean before
running down the stairs to the ground floor.
        Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Chakotay, plus my parents, were sitting in the
living room, drinking coffee. Moira sat on my father's lap, and Aunt
Kathryn held Baby Chakotay. Amy leaned against my mom, Matthew and Braiden
were sitting on the floor. 
        Outside, I could see Jeshua loading all the stuff, Lauren-Rose was
handing
it to him.
        "Okay! I'm ready! Let's go!"
        "The great leader has spoken!" My father joked and stood up, balancing
Moira on his hip.
        "From here to San Francisco to get the 'Regal,' our runabout, and then on
to Risa!" My mom said, taking Chakotay from Aunt Kathryn.
        "Here, here!" I told her and took Amy's hand.
        We all stuffed ourselves into the shuttle and about a half hour later, we
were landing in San Francisco. There was a few ensigns milling about the
shuttle bay who whisked our luggage away towards a larger ship. 
        The 'Regal' is Aunt Kathryn and Uncle Chakotay's private escort ship for
StarFleet business and on occasion, the Federation lets them use it for
pleasure rides or vacations.
        About an hour after we landed in San Francisco, we were in the air again,
only this time heading out of Earth's atmosphere.
        The grownups went back into the Mess to have a late lunch and then take
naps. Moira and Chakotay were already asleep. Amy and Lauren-Rose were
playing in their cabin, Braiden was meditating, and I'm almost positive
Matthew was asleep, though he would never admit he still takes naps.
        I was piloting the 'Regal,' Dad said I could, just as long as StarFleet
never found out a fourteen year old was piloting one of its captain's yachts. 
        Jeshua sat beside me in the co-pilots chair, running normal scans of the
solar systems we passed. We were only going Warp 6.
        "Computer, music from the twentieth century. Play random selections from
the uploaded files from Deirdre Paris's personal database."
        The song 'Barbie Girl' came blasting over the speakers. I sang along
softly and before I knew it, Jeshua had caught on and was up and dancing
around like an idiot.
        "Computer, holographic dance partner." He called out and a teenage girl
appeared. They started dancing, and in the middle of a difficult turn, I
swerved the ship just as Jeshua's feet left the ground. He tumbled to the
deck.
        "Ouch! Deirdre, drive the darn ship, not destroy it!"
        "Don't tell me how to pilot." I took the ship in several more loops and
turns.
        The 'Macarena' started. "Computer, auto pilot!" I called out and danced
this song with Jeshua. I know it sounds a little nutty, but my father loves
this song. It's hard not to get up and dance to it. I'm pretty sure they
played it at my parent's wedding.
        The 'Macarena' ended and I took the ship off auto-pilot and calmed down
again.
        "You're no fun!" Jeshua complained, sitting down beside me.
        "I'm not leaving this thing on auto-pilot, I'm taking the oppertunity to
pilot a real starship. Think I'd really pass it up?"
        "No."
        "Didn't think so." I took a sip of my orange creme soda and leaned back
in
my chair slightly.
        The doors whooshed open behind us and my dad entered. "Ensign, you're
relieved." He grinned at me.
        "Aye, sir." I got up and bowed to him as he slid into the chair.
        "I'm going to get some chow. See ya." I called over my shoulder. Jeshua
followed me, I knew he would. We passed Mom in the hall, she was heading
towards the cock pit, too. The kid's rooms and Aunt Kathryn's and Uncle
Chakotay's room was dark as well. It was getting late.
        "Garden salad with thousand island dressing. Glass of milk and apple
slices." I told the replicator. The food appeared and I sat down at the
corner table. Jeshua ordered a hamburger, the food he seems to live on, and
sat down across from me.
        He looked over at me. "Deirdre?"
        I looked up from my PADD. "What?"
        "When we're on Risa, you're not going to have to watch your siblings all
the time, right?"
        "Hardly at all. We're getting hired help."
        "So, we can go places and stuff?"
        "Sure, I guess. Navic's going to be there, I'm sure we can find some teen
hang outs or something." 
        "Can we also spend some time...just the two of us?" I glanced back up at
Jeshua and shifted uneasily in my chair. He wasn't acting like the usual
Jeshua I knew.
        "Uh...sure."


***


        The 'Regal' touched down behind a huge mansion. The sun shone bright as
the twelve of us walked down the ramp extending from the ship. 
        A man came forward and greeted Aunt Kathryn and Mom. "Hello, I'm Adam,
the
caretaker of Mataiya Cabin. I'll be the butler as well. Anything you wish
or desire, just come and ask me. Joey, Morgan, come take their things.
Please, come in."
        Braiden walked beside Uncle Chakotay and held Moira. The girls and
Matthew
ran ahead to check out the house. Jeshua grabbed my hand and we ran after
them.
        The house was huge! We entered the back way but quickly found our way to
the front of the house. There was one staircase that kept going up and up.
When I looked up, I could count four floors.
        Dad came into the main room and looked at a PADD. "Matthew, Braiden, and
you girls. Your rooms are on the second floor." The kids took off. Even
Braiden looked a tad bit excited. Jeshua and I stood around, waiting for
him to explain more about the house. 
        "Navic should be here early afternoon. Jeshua, you and his room are on
the
top floor, their are only two rooms up there, both with balconies. We gave
you those."
        "I get my own room?" I asked Dad. He shook his head and I stared at him.
"B'Elanna didn't tell you? Seven and Tuvok are bringing another teen from
their ship. You remember Joe Carey and Samantha Wildman? It's their
daughter, Ariel Carey."
        "I've never met Ariel." Jeshua commented. "Hopefully, she's not some
snob."
        Tom shrugged and handed me the PADD. Jeshua and I raced up to the very
top
floor and found our luggage already there. 
        I peaked into my room. The floor was marble with a fountain in the middle
of the room. A blue futon bed was near the window looking out sideways, and
a white leather chair in the corner by the door. There were murals of
different types on the ceiling and the wall. One showed a sandy beach,
another one showed a sun set.
        There was a short hallway leading across horizontally and I followed the
one that veered to the right. It led me into one bedroom, with one right
next to it.
        The room had a canopy bed that was raised on a platform with steps
leading
up to it. A large oak door led into the bathroom. The room was good sized
and there was a small pool off to my right. I looked into the water, there
were a few fish swimming around, the water was very still and clear. The
floor was made of marble and had pillars shaped from Greek mythology that
seemed to balance the ceiling. A night stand was on either side of the bed,
and a desk and a bookshelf were against the aft wall. The entire left wall
was a window with a narrow opening near the middle. A huge balcony
stretched out before me.
        The bed had a maroon colored quilt and the canopy was a solid gold. I
went
into the bathroom and found a walk in closet that had a gold plated dresser. 
In the bathroom, the tub had steps leading up to it. There was also a
shower and most of the work was done in green or black smooth stone that
had silver designs engraved into it.
"Do you want this room?" A voice asked me. I looked up from examining the
PADD, trying to get a layout to the rest of the house.
A tall girl stood there, her hands behind her back. She had long blond
hair, that was in a high pony tail, and dark green eyes. Her face was
pleasant looking, and she was smiling. 
"Ariel Carey?" I asked her.
        The girl smiled and nodded. She extended her hand. I shook it.
        "I'm Deirdre Paris. And if it's okay, I would like this room."
        "Its fine, come see mine!" The shyness was gone and she smiled brightly
at
me. I followed her out of my room, and into the next one over.
        It was identical to mine, but reversed and in different colors. 
        We came back into the main room and I stared at another stack of
suitcases. "I'm not the only one that packs as if there is no tomorrow!"
        Ariel shook her head. "I pack like this if I'm leaving for two days. And
we're here for a week! What's down that hall?"
        "I'm not sure, let's go find out."
        We found another pool of water, though I think it was a swimming pool.
There was a small living room and a kitchenette.
        "This is so cool!" Ariel bubbled. I glanced at her and smiled. She
blushed
slightly. "Sorry, I get excited easily. I hardly get off the 'Artemis' for
vacation, Dad and Mom are addicted to their work. My sister, Naomi, is the
first officer of the 'Hermes,' another ship in the Greek Fleet."
        "It's okay. I hardly leave Earth."
        "You get to live on Earth? You're so lucky!"
        "With five siblings? Believe me, I'd give anything at times to live in
space."
        "Five?! I only have Naomi, and she's hardly ever around. The only other
kids my age on the 'Artemis' are Navic, and then the Snob Squad: Elizabeth,
Cynthia, and Stephanie."
        "I basically have Jeshua and myself."
        "Navic's not much help, he's obsessed with getting into trouble."
        "Navic? A troublemaker? Nah!" I grinned, recalling the time Navic
suggested we rewire the entire computer network at Engineering Headquarters
when we were about nine. The computer had started to play old songs from a
kid's TV show called "Barney." Big purple dinosaur holograms had wandered
around for hours, harassing the officers with a small green dinosaur as a
side-kick.
        I consulted the PADD. "Well, we're on the fourth floor. The parents are
on
the third, and the kids have the second. The ground floor is where the main
rooms are. Hey! We have another room on this floor. Its labeled the 'Rec
Room?'"
        "Let's go check it out!" Ariel and I left our suite and looked over the
banister. The floor was a long way down!
        "Deirdre!" I heard a voice call from behind me. I turned around and Navic
ran towards me. His eyes were shining with laughter as he picked me up and
whirled me around. 
        Navic has dark brown hair but blue eyes. His skin is very dark
considering
his father, Tuvok, has dark skin. His ears are slightly pointed and his
hand has Borg metal covering it, like his mother's.
        "Navic! Okay, you can put me down!" Navic sometimes forgets how strong he
is. Borg and Vulcan DNA mix well when it comes to physical strength.
        Jeshua came out of his suite and came towards us. He shook Ariel's hand.
"You must be Ariel Carey."
        She nodded and I introduced Jeshua. "This is Jeshua Kim."
        Ariel grinned. "I know him. Your father talks about you a lot."
        Jeshua let a rare grin of pure happiness cross his face. "Really?"
        "Yeah, he's always telling my parents or the people on the Bridge about
you."
        Jeshua grinned at me, the happiness still evident on his face. I gave his
hand an encouraging squeeze.
        "Why don't we get a boat or something and go check out the main land?"
Navic suggested, jumping onto the banister and sliding down. He soon
disappeared and we heard a thump from below. "Hey! That was fun! You try
it!" Jeshua shrugged and slid down as well.
        I rolled my eyes before following him. I could see Ariel looking at the
ground floor and gulping, before the banister turned and I couldn't see her
anymore. A second later there was a piercing scream and Ariel came
barreling around the corner. 
        Suddenly, I was in mid air and thrashing around. A second later, strong
arms caught me and righted me. I looked up to see Navic.
        "Oops," was all I said. "Thanks." Ariel did a  perfect flip off the
banister, a twist in midair and then landed upright. It was a perfect
combination. Jeshua and I stared. 
        "Didn't you know Ariel was a gymnast?" Navic asked.


***


        Fifteen minutes later, we found the dock. Boat after boat spanned the
shoreline.
        "So, what do you want to take?" I asked.
        "Jet skies?" Jeshua suggested.
        "I've never jet skied before." Ariel said. I shook my head.
        "Neither have I. I do know how to drive a boat though."
        "The question is, what boat?"
        We finally selected one that had two decks on it. The bottom deck was
under cover with a small patio at the back and the front that could be
closed off. There was an open aired deck on the top deck where two leather
chairs were. There was a co-pilot's chair and the pilot's chair with a
ladder leading down into the under covered area. The cockpit area had dark
glass for a windshield and had a retractable cover. A window pushed open to
get to the deck in front of the cockpit. 
        "Be back by dinner, the Misses says." Adam told us as he handed me the
key
and a picnic basket.
        "Misses?" I asked him.
        "Your mother."
        "Oh..." I stored the picnic basket in the refrigerator and followed Ariel
back up to the house to change. I found a beach bag in the closet and threw
a few towels, a book, the sun screen, and my wallet that had the Express
card Dad had given me earlier that day as an early Christmas present.
        I changed into a pair of jeans shorts with flip on sandals. I had on the
top half of a simple two piece bathing suit, which is a dark purple, with a
white baby tee over it. I threw in my blue long-sleeved shirt in case I
started to burn. My sunglasses held my hair back.
        "Ariel? Almost ready?"
        "I'm ready!" Ariel entered, wearing Jean shorts like me, and a pair of
white sandals. Her swimsuit was silver and she had a white unbuttoned,
short sleeved shirt over it. 
        "Got everything?"
        "Yup! Let's go!"
        We met the boys in the hall, they had on cut off jeans and white ribbed
tank tops. A towel was thrown over each of their shoulders.
        Mom and Aunt Kathryn met us at the bottom of the stairs. They gave us the
normal, 'be back by dinner, don't get into any trouble' speech before
letting us go. We grabbed more food to last us, just in case we ran out, as
we went through the kitchen.
        "You're driving first, right?" Jeshua asked me, walking beside me on the
way down to the dock.
        "Yep."
        "Okay. Hey, Navic, Ariel! Who is gonna be co-pilot?"
        Navic turned. "I will! Ariel, you wouldn't mind making us lunch?"
        "Nope! I love cooking!"
        "And she's good at it, too!" Navic insisted. He jumped into the boat and
held the dock as he extended his hand to Ariel. She jumped in and
disappeared into the covered area. I took his hand and jumped aboard, going
around to the rear of the boat and climbing up the ladder. 
        Navic followed me and retracted the cover so we had some sun. Jeshua
stayed with Ariel on the lower deck, but brought my up an orange creme soda
and a strawberry shake for Navic.
        "Just out for a spin and we can come back and explore the mainland later
tonight?" I asked everyone.
        "Affirmative, Cap'n!" Jeshua yelled from the lower deck. "Conformation
from the galley as well!"
        "Any objections, first mate?" I asked Navic. He shook his head and stood
up on his seat, waving to Lauren-Rose and Amy who had come with us down to
the dock. They waved back and Lauren-Rose whispered something to Amy. They
both giggled. 
        Navic threw a music disc down to Jeshua, who inserted it into the player
and tropical island music blared out. He turned the volume up to maximum,
but it wasn't so loud that Navic and I couldn't talk.
        He sat on the top part of his seat and put his feet on the console in
front of him. "This really is the life, isn't it?"
        "Yeah. No siblings, music, being with my friends. Ariel's really nice."
        Navic grinned. "It was my idea that she came along."
        "Oh?" I grinned at him, teasingly. He shook his head.
        "I don't like her like that. She's just a bud. About the only person I
can
stand on the 'Artemis.'"
        "Jeshua's about the only one who I ever see on Earth. I'm always too busy
taking care of my siblings, but that might change. Mom's considering
letting me quit school and get a tutor. I can still watch the kids but have
fun too." 
        I waved to a passing boat and veered out of the bay and into the open
ocean. 
        Navic looked over at me. "He's only a friend?" He asked me. I looked over
at him too.
        "More or less. I kinda, well, I dunno. I don't really want to talk about
it right now with him right down there."
        "I understand, later? When we actually have a time to talk in private?"
        "Yeah."
        "LUNCH!" Jeshua yelled from the lower deck. Navic went to the edge of our
deck and reappeared with a tray. There was soup and sandwiches with
tropical fruit. Jeshua and Ariel came up and joined us a few seconds later.
Jeshua, who had eaten already, took the wheel and Ariel and I sat down out
front, our lunch sitting on the table between us.
        After we finished eating, the four of us talked for awhile. I took us all
on some dizzying spins and turns in the open water, Navic almost fell
overboard.
        About an hour later, it was getting warmer.
        "Hey, Deirdre, find a lagoon or someplace. I wanna go swimming!" Jeshua
called from the front. Navic initiated the scanner and pointed to a small
cove not far off.
        "Is it deep enough?" I asked him.
        "Looks like it." 
        I turned the boat in and we anchored in the middle of it. The water was
calm here and we could see down quite a ways. It was about thirty feet deep.
        Navic and I dived right in, Ariel sat on the edge of the boat and dangled
her feet in the water. 
I looked around for Jeshua before I felt a pressure on my shoulders and the
next thing I knew I was underwater.
I thrashed around wildly for a second and then stopped moving. The person
released me and I surfaced, pretending to start choking on water. Jeshua
moved around to see if I was okay. I splashed him in the face and ducked
underwater. 
        "Hey!" I heard him yell before I ducked under. I looked over underwater
to
see if he was following me. He was.
        I surfaced for air and swam around to the far side of the boat, hauling
myself aboard. I flattened myself against the side as Jeshua swam by
underwater. He surfaced near the front.
        "Where'd she go?!" He demanded of Navic. Navic shrugged.
        "I'm not sure. You're the one chasing her." I jumped in behind Jeshua and
swam around to where Navic was. I surfaced and took Navic's outstretched
hand. 
        "Hey! That's not fair!" Jeshua hollered before swimming over to Navic and
I. 
        Ariel, feeling left out, jumped in and joined us. "Race?" She challenged
us. "To the shoreline and back." I let go of Navic's hand and sprinted as
fast as I could in the water. Ariel was a few feet in front of me, Jeshua
behind me, and Navic taking up the rear. 
        I soon felt land under my feet and started half running, half swimming.
Ariel was already on her way back. I ran out of the water, turned around,
and ran right back in. Navic stopped me.
        "Here, piggy back ride. I can get us both there quicker. Just kick with
all that Klingon blood of yours."
        He charged back into the water and I held onto his shoulders. I started
to
kick as soon as we were in deep enough water and Navic used his arms to
propel us forward. Ariel was too far ahead to catch up with now, but we
were only a few lengths behind her. Jeshua wasn't even half way back.
        "I win!" Ariel said, panting for breath. She grasped the rope that we had
thrown from the boat to hold onto. Navic held onto one part of the rope, I
held onto Navic's shoulder. I extended my hand to Jeshua as he came back.
        "Nobody loves me!" He said, grinning.
        "Oh, be quiet, shrink." I told him as he treaded water next to me and
Navic. I balanced between Navic and Jeshua before splashing them both in
the face and doing a backward somersault as I swam underwater. Ariel took
the hint as I surfaced a few feet away from them and splashed them both
again, and swam right between them. Jeshua caught her foot.
        A water fight soon followed, me and Ariel against Jeshua and Navic. We
finally called a truce and grabbed onto the side of the boat.
        My sides hurt from swimming so hard and from laughing. My stomach
growled.
        "I think it's time to dry off." Ariel said, jumping back into the boat.
        Jeshua helped me in and Navic followed me. Ariel and I got changed into
fresh clothes in the lower deck dressing room and then climbed up to the
second deck. I started the boat and we headed back to the house.
        "Why are we going back?" Jeshua asked us when we docked again.
        "Ariel and I are exhausted and we want to shop. Unless you guys are
interested..." I trailed off and Navic hurriedly jumped off onto the dock.
        "We'll go jet skiing."
        "Yeah." Jeshua jumped off too. "We'll tell B'Elanna and Kathryn where
you're going. Main island, right?"
        "Yeah!" I shut off the boat and jumped down to the dock, Navic caught me
and then Ariel.
        "You're not taking this boat?"
        "Too big. I want something small and fast."
        "That one!" Ariel pointed to a boat a few slots away. I grinned.
        The boat was black with a red lightning bolt on the sides. It was a
two-seater and I could tell it was one that went up when you went really fast.
        "That one works!" Ariel jumped back into the other boat, which we had
decided to call 'Paradise' and got our bags, and some food. She threw the
stuff into the small area in front.
        "Bye!" I hollered to Jeshua and Navic. "Now, this is the way to get your
hair dry fast!" I told Ariel, putting the boat into the highest gear and
pushing the peddle down. We sped out of the bay and into the ocean again. 
        The wind whistled in our ears and we ricocheted off the large waves
caused
by bigger boats. Suddenly, I saw a big wave and headed towards it. We shot
over it and were in the air for a split second before hitting the water
again with a crack!
        I slowed as we got nearer the shore and pulled into a dock at the tip of
the mainland. A balding man came to meet us and help us out of the boat.
        "How long will you be staying?" He asked me.
        "About two hours."
        "The boat's name?"
        "Umm..." I looked at Arial. She shrugged uncertainly. "Petra!"
        The man scribbled it down a piece of paper and handed us a card. We
grabbed our bags and I slipped the keys of the boat into my Jean short pocket.
        "Where'd the name Petra come from?" Ariel asked me as we walked across
the
beach to the boardwalk.
        "It means rock. And that boat is as solid as a rock!"
        "Well, it survived your piloting, so it must be!" 
        We shopped for an hour and got another bathing suit each. The sun was
still burning bright when we sat in an outdoor restaurant, sipping
orange-kiwi sodas. 
        "Ouch, look at him!" Ariel nodded towards a guy about seventeen walking
across the beach.
        "Dang... he has more muscle than Navic."        
        "We have got to come back here tomorrow and meet some guys."
        "Definitely." I agreed, taking another sip of the soda. 
        We finished our drinks and I charged the meal onto my Express card. "My
first transaction!" I told Ariel. She smiled then frowned.
        "Mom and Dad say I don't need an Express card because we're not on a
planet enough. I can't wait till I'm old enough to leave that ship. Two
more years. At sixteen, I'm entering StarFleet Medical."
        "You're a gymnast who loves to cook, the daughter of an engineer and
stellar cartographer and you want to be a doctor?"
        "Yeah! What about you? You're the daughter of some of the greatest heroes
of our day, are a part-time nanny, and have a really good guy hanging
around. What are your goals?"
        "To own my own shipping company or be a pilot."
        "Woah. Big goals!"
        "I don't really want to be in StarFleet, I'm horrible at Engineering..."
        "I'm okay at it, I'm just not interested in it. I like the medical
field."
        We fell into a contented silence as we strolled back towards the dock.
        The sun was starting to dip beneath the horizon and it sent the last rays
onto the ocean water as we sped back. We hit more ocean waves and the
"Petra" held together perfectly. 
        "Hey, there's Navic! And Jeshua!" I said, pointing to a few water skiers
converging on our position. 
        "WE CAN BEAT YOU BACK!" I heard Jeshua challenge and Ariel yelled
something back. She nodded to me and I sped up. We were going faster then
we had been on the way there. I swerved around suddenly, spraying water
into Jeshua's face and completing the circle, doing the same to Navic. They
had to turn quickly to risk not hitting each other.
        Soon, we left Jeshua and Navic behind. We docked the boat and gathered
our
stuff. We were already halfway up the path when they docked. 
        "That wasn't fair!" Jeshua cried, wringing out his shirt. "You soaked
us!"
        "So?" Ariel told him as they caught up to us.
        Dad came out to greet us. "Get a little red, Ariel?"
        Ariel looked at him confused and then looked down at her arms. They were
bright red. I studied her face.
        "Ariel... you look like you're a tomato that sprouted hair. How long has
it been since you were in real sun?"
        "Umm... six months?"
        "Well, go figure!" Jeshua said, returning with a med kit. He administered
a hypo. "There, you should be just fine in a few minutes."
        "Go get dressed for dinner, it's a formal occasion." Dad told us and I
followed Ariel upstairs.
        "What are you going to wear, Deirdre?" She hollered from her room after
we
both showered.
        "Uh... probably my white dress."
        "Can I come in?"
        "Sure!" She came into the closet and looked at my wardrobe. 
        "I know this sounds funny, but can I borrow a dress? I hardly have any,
there's not much use for them on the 'Artemis.'"
        "Sure. Umm... here." I handed her an outfit. 
        "Thanks!" 
        Fifteen minutes later, I checked my appearance once more in the mirror. I
had on my white dress which comes down to a few inches above my knees and
sort of twirls around me when I turn. It's short sleeved and airy, a summer
dress.
        I had on my white lace up sandals and my hair was held back with a thin
headband.
        "We'll go clothes shopping tomorrow, okay, Ariel?" I called. She yelled
yes.
        "Come on, I'm starved."
        "I'm coming. I'm coming." Her dress was floor length and a light green
that matched her eyes. It had a small slit up the back left leg and it
looped with a silver sash in the middle. "Look okay?"
        "Yeah!"
        "Are you guys dressed yet?!" Jeshua yelled from the doorway. 
        "Yes! You can come in!" The door opened and Jeshua entered, wearing a
light blue tee shirt with black pants. Navic came in a second later,
wearing khaki's and a nice white shirt that accented his dark complexion.
        "Woah!" Navic exclaimed and twirled both me and Ariel around.
        "Hey, hey. You only get one of them." Jeshua said, bowing and then
offering his arm to Ariel. I looped my arm through Navic's and followed
Jeshua and Ariel out the door.
        I felt like I would trip on the way down to the dining room. I don't
usually wear dresses.
        Uncle Chakotay and my dad both wore suits. Baby Chakotay had on an exact
replica of Uncle Chakotay's and sat next to him at head of the table.
Matthew had on nice pants and a white shirt. Amy and Lauren-Rose were both
wearing frilly white and pink dresses.
        B'Elanna and Kathryn had on Hawaiian print dresses. They were both tight
and they had obviously planned that to bug Dad and Uncle Chakotay. My mom's
was blue and red, while Aunt Kathryn's was green and blue.
        Braiden just wore a suit and sat quietly beside my father. Moira had on a
blue dress and was sitting on my father's lap.
        "Good of you to join us." Uncle Chakotay said, pulling out two chairs for
Ariel and myself. Ariel and I sat. Jeshua sat beside me, and Navic beside him.
        Adam and a few maids came out of the kitchen and set down steaming plates
of food.
        Soon, dinner was over and I followed Ariel, Jeshua, and Navic back
upstairs.
        A knock came at the door a few hours after dinner. I lifted my head
lazily. Ariel and I had just been talking and reading.
        "Who is it?"
        "Navic."
        "Come on in." Ariel called. She set down her book. 
        "I was wondering if you wanted to go for a late night swim or something."
Navic said.
        "No thanks, I'm pooped." Ariel yawned.
        "Deirdre?"
        "Sure, why not. Ya mind, Ariel?"
        "Nope. I've gotta contact Mom and Dad."
        "Is Jeshua coming?" I asked Navic. Navic shook his head.
        "He's asleep."
        "I'll meet you out at the dock in fifteen minutes."


***


        Fifteen minutes later, I met Navic. We took the 'Paradise' into the
middle
of the ocean, where the water was calm and only an occasional wave rocked
the boat.
        I leaned back in the chair on the front deck and balanced my feet on the
rail. I looked up at the sky, it was all alien to me.
        "Well, we can talk now." Navic started. He was sitting cross legged on
the
floor of the deck, his back up against the rail.
        "Where to start? How's your life?"
        "It's okay... the 'Artemis' is a dull ship, and I'm sick of my parents
trying to make me suppress emotion or be 'Borg.'"
        "And I thought I had problems." 
        "Well, from what Jeshua mentioned, you do."
        I sat up and glowered at him. "What did he tell you!?"
        "That your parents were having problems and you never got to spend time
with him anymore."
        I snorted. "Well, that about sums it up." A warm tropical wind blew and I
stood up.
        "Let's go swimming." I climbed down to the lower deck and dived in. The
water was cold but felt good. I surfaced several meters away from the boat.
I don't know what made me change the subject so quickly, I knew I could
tell Navic anything, I just can't think of what would happen if Mom and Dad
separated. Maybe I'm jumping to conclusions, I just don't know anymore.
        Navic through some floaties into the water and jumped in. He swam up to
me. I floated slowly on my back. He floated beside me.
        "So, what exactly is the problem?"
        "Everything." I told him, ducking my head underwater to get my hair out
of
my face.
        "I need more information than that, Deirdre."
        "I feel like I'm a thirty year old mother, Mom treats everyone like crap
and I might have to move. I don't want to live on a starship."
        "What if it was the 'Artemis?'"
        "Well, maybe then, but I love Earth. I wouldn't mind living here either."
        "Everyone in the galaxy wouldn't mind living here." Navic told me,
matter-of-factly. He grabbed a floating and leaned on it. "What about Jeshua?"
        I hopped onto one of the floating chairs that was a few feet away. "What
about him?"
        "You know."
        "Oh. That. I don't know, Navic! I like Jeshua, yes, I mean, he's my best
friend! But a relationship with him? That's an entire different story!"
        Navic swam closer to me and raised his eyebrow. "So, you don't like him?"
        "Like the way he likes me? No, I don't. At least, I don't think. I don't
know, Navic! I thought that's what this vacation was going to be about, not
thinking! Besides, I think he likes Ariel."
        Navic smiled a small smile. "Good."
        I looked down at my arms and saw they had goose bumps on them. "What do
you mean good?"
        "Deirdre, I don't know a lot of girls. I mean, there's the Snob Squad,
which Ariel told you about. And Ariel is not the least bit interested in me."
        I lifted my eyebrow this time. "And you think I am interested in you?"
        "You have to admit, I am pretty charming." He grinned and the next thing
I
knew, I was underwater. I thrashed around for a moment and then surfaced. I
whirled around just in time to splash Navic in the face and duck underwater
again.
        "Hey!" I heard him yell and I felt something grab my foot. I kicked my
other foot furiously but it didn't work. I surfaced and started treading
water with one foot. 
        "Let go!" Navic shook his head and pulled me towards him. I tried
splashing him in the face with my foot, but he only grabbed my other foot.
"This is not fair." I managed to say between trying to splash him and his
attempts to keep both hand on both feet. I finally stopped struggling.
        "Good girl." Navic said, smiling. 
        "You better watch out, pointy ears. I can hurt you."
        "Pointy ears are irrelevant. But you better watch out too, bumpy
forehead,
I'm the one with the advantage right now."
        I splashed him in the face and Navic released one of my feet, and grabbed
my arm. He grabbed the other arm and held them behind my back.
        "I got you now. So there!"
        "Men," I grumbled. I was still for a few minutes and then threw all my
strength into pushing myself free from Navic's grasp. I took off at a quick
swim towards the boat.
        "Ha! How was that, ears!?"
        Navic grumbled as I helped him on board. We drove back and it was almost
ten. Two of the boats were gone. Ariel and Jeshua were sitting at the end
of the dock waiting for us. 
        Ariel and I retired onto my balcony when we got inside. She told me about
life on the "Artemis" and I told her about my life back in Montana. She
wanted to know all about my siblings and my school.
        "The thing is, I don't really go to school." I told her.
Ariel looked over at me. "Why not?"
        "Taking care of Moira and Chakotay. Besides, I don't really fit in
there...it's all just, well, boring."
        "I have classes with Tuvok twice a week, my parents tutor me after
dinner,
but I mostly hang out with Navic...day after day. Not fun."
        "You should come to Earth or something. My dad always said that a
starship
was no place for raising a child."
        "I don't really mind living on the 'Artemis,' it's just that nothing
except excitement happens. I don't know if I could stand being away from my
parents though, they are pretty good parents."
        "I'm just hoping my parents will last to their anniversary. They've been
fighting a lot lately, it's starting to scare my siblings."
        "My parents don't fight that much...but Naomi and her husband fight all
the time...I love my sister, but she can be such a snob at times. Being
spoiled by everyone on Voyager for so long went to her head."
        "I've never met your sister..."
        "Don't. That's my only advice for you."
        I laughed.


***


        Ariel and I slept in till ten the next morning, we only woke up when
Navic
and Jeshua threatened to throw water on us.
        The grownups had gone to the main island and the servants had taken the
kids on a boat ride. Everyone would be gone most of the day.
        "Well, I want to go jet skiing again." Navic proclaimed and eyed me and
Ariel. I looked at him.
        "Don't look at me! I'm going shopping. Ariel and I have money to spend."
        "Auh, come on! Why do you wanna go shopping?!" Navic protested. Ariel
glared at him.
        "It's fun!"
        "Fine, we'll come with."
        I raised an eyebrow and looked over at Jeshua. He shrugged.
        Rising from the breakfast table, I left a note by the door, telling our
parents that we were going to the mainland.
        "Fine, you can come with us. Go get some food, we might as well just go
shopping and then swimming."
        We took the "Paradise" across to the mainland and Ariel and I headed back
towards the boardwalk where we had been yesterday. Navic and Jeshua
finished tying the boat to the dock and ran to catch up with us. 
        "Okay, how long will you guys be here?" Navic asked us. Ariel and I had
stopped to look at a stand with embroider belts.
        "I dunno...few hours. Do you guys need anything?"
        "I need a new pair of pants—" Jeshua started but Navic grabbed his
shoulder and stepped in front of him.
        He turned to Jeshua. "We need nothing...we'll just...go...look at the
chic's. Yeah, that's it."
        "I'll pick you up a pair, Jesh." I grinned at the two guys. "Have fun,
and
remember, be back by one. Good doggies. Now go!"
        Ariel laughed and I followed her into a store.


***


        Ariel and I made our way back to the boat at one, our arms loaded with
packages and bags.
        "I am so glad I got my Christmas shopping done." I declared, taking the
boat key from the man working at the dock.
        "I don't celebrate Christmas, but I'm glad you got yours done." Ariel
said, hopping on board the "Paradise" and storing her bags in the lower
deck. I climbed up to the top deck and looked down the shore to see if
Jeshua and Navic were coming.
        "Ariel, come up here for a sec!" I hollered to her. Ariel appeared a
moment later.
        "What's up?"
        "Is that Navic and Jeshua over there?" I pointed to two guys talking to
some girls on the beach.
        "Talking to those girls? Yeah, it is! Come on, let's really embarrass
them."
        "How?"
        "How do you think?!"


***


        Ariel and I walked up to Navic and Jeshua and crossed our arms. The girls
noticed us and said something to them. Jeshua and Navic turned around.
        "How could you do this to us?!" Ariel exclaimed. "How could you?!"
        "Ariel, what's going on?" Navic asked, confused.
        "I thought I could trust you! But no! You had to go flirt with some
random
babe! How could you, Navic!?"
        "Yes, how could you?" Jeshua teased Navic and Ariel jabbed me in the side
with her elbow.
        "I thought you promised to be faithful! And Jeshua?! You of all people! I
really thought I could trust you!"
        "Hey, wait a minute, what'd I do?!" Jeshua exclaimed. He grabbed my arm
and turned his back on the others. "Just what is going on here?"
        "We're being annoying, just play along."
        Jeshua grinned and then cleared his throat. "I'm sorry, Deirdre, really I
am. I just couldn't help it!"
        "Of course not! That's always your story! 'I couldn't help it.' Well, I'm
sick of it, Jeshua! I want someone who can commit to a relationship, not
destroy it!" I turned and began to walk away.
        Jeshua grabbed my arm again and I stopped and looked at him. "What do I
have to do to convince you?"
        "You can't, Jeshua, accept it!"
        "No! I won't!"
        "Okay, you guys can quit!" Navic said, coming up to us. "They called us
womanizing idiots and left."
        "Good, now we can go swimming." Ariel said, grabbing Jeshua's hand and
running towards the dock.
        "They seem to be getting along fairly well."
        "Good, then he can go back to being my best friend."
        "Come on, I'm hungry and I wanna go swimming."


***


        I let Jeshua drive and collapsed out on the upper deck. Ariel joined me
as
we sped far out towards the horizon.
        Navic came out and pushed my feet off the railing to sit on the bench.
"Hey! Don't leave me!" Jeshua hollered from the cockpit.
        "Sorry, buddy! I'm enjoying the warm air."
        "Ariel?"
        "I'm coming." Ariel got up and went under the cover. Navic took her
place.
        I don't know how long we shot out across the ocean, it must have been
hours. I must have fallen asleep, by the time I woke up, it was dark.
        "Where are we?" I asked Navic, who was reading on the other seat.
        "Just entering the bay. We want to ask the parental supervision units if
we can take the boat out for the night and just spend a few days at sea."
        "A few days?!"
        "Yeah, it'd be fun!"
        "How many days are we talking about?"
        "Tonight and tomorrow night. Jeshua and Ariel are for it. We just need
your opinion, which doesn't really matter since its three to one if you say
no. Then you need to convince your parents."
        "Me?" 
        "Well, they are your parents!"
        "Arg." I sat up and stretched. "It should be fine, just as long as my dad
can give you a long lecture about abstinence."
        "Would that really happen, Deirdre?!"
        "You got a point."
        Another boat was just pulling in when we docked. It was all the adults.
        "Mom, Dad! Wait up!" I gave Ariel, Jeshua, and Navic a
'don't-go-anywhere'
look and rushed after my parents who were on their way up to the house.
Ariel and Jeshua listened, but Navic rushed after me.
        My dad gave me a hug and I noticed he kept his arm around my mom. Good
sign, it meant they were working out whatever problems my family had been
having lately.
        "Can Jeshua, Ariel, Navic, and myself take the boat out for a couple of
days? See if we can make it across the ocean or something?"
        "You mean, not come back? That'd be great!" Mom grinned. "We were going
to
take the kids up the mainland to a resort up there for a few days. Bring
plenty of food, check in with us every day you're gone, and make sure you
know where the mainland is. You could probably make it over to the Morkara
continent in a day, be there for a few hours, turn around and come back."
        "So we can?"
        "Fine with me. Tom?" B'Elanna looked up at my dad. He shrugged and looked
at Navic when he said, "Just remember that I know how to break someone's
neck in ten different ways if anything happens to my daughter and Ariel."
        "I'll...remember that." Navic saluted and remained at attention. I jabbed
him in the side. "Ouch!"
        

***


"Get lots of food and emergency care. Don't forget your communicator and do
you have your Express card?" Ariel asked, coming into my room. I put the
last of my clothes in the suitcase.
        "I got everything. Ready?"
        "Yeah! Are we taking the 'Paradise?'"
        "Spend two to three days on that boat with two males? No thank you! We're
taking something bigger, that's why yachts were created!"
        We met Jeshua and Navic down by the dock. They had suitcases and boxes of
food. You would have thought that we were leaving for years.
        "Guys, we're only going to be gone three days, maximum."
        "I know, but we never know when we might need food!"
        "Hate to disappoint all of you, but the boat we're taking has a
replicator. We don't need any food."
        "We should still bring some along, just in case!" Jeshua interjected, I
sighed. 
        "Fine, now what boat?"
        "We're not taking the 'Paradise?'"
        "No! We're taking that!" I pointed to the largest boat at the end of the
dock. It was four stories, each deck a little smaller. There was a large
sail at the back of the boat with a flag flying high above us. The boat was
white.
        "Dude!" Jeshua and Ariel ran ahead.
        "They seem to be bonding."
        "Yeah."
        "Is that a good yeah, or bad yeah?"
        "Its just...yeah." Jeshua helped me onboard the boat and I looked around.
        "The cockpit is the second deck up. There's stairs through there. There's
actually five levels, the rooms are at the very bottom. This deck here is
the living area, there's the dining room and kitchen. The next level is the
cockpit, like I said. The next one up is the hot tub and storage supplies,
and the last is the sun deck." Jeshua took the bags from Navic and
disappeared.
        "Is it just me, or are we spoiled?" Navic asked me.
        "Oh, we're definitely spoiled. But I'm not complaining!"


***


        The next few days passed quickly. We ate, sunbathed, swam, and took risks
we normally wouldn't take. I noticed Jeshua spending more time with Ariel,
and less with Navic and myself. 
        It doesn't really bug me how Jeshua feels about Ariel, with everyone
going
on in my life, I don't think I'd really have time for a serious relationship.
        Maybe I'm just making excuses.


***


        Before I knew it, it was the day we left to go back to Earth. I could
tell
that everyone wanted to stay, and I could also tell that something was up
with Mom and Dad. They weren't talking, they had gotten in a fight at
dinner last night.
        The rest of the vacation had passed quickly, with several weird things
happening. Matthew found a new best friend, a boat. Braiden smiled for one
of the first times in his life, Navic and I walked in on Ariel and Jeshua
making out, and my parents got into that huge fight.
        The night was colder than most on Risa, we were leaving at night so we
could get back early tomorrow morning.
        Everything was packed and I was out on the balcony, watching the ocean
below. Ariel and Navic were leaving the same time we were, Tuvok and Seven
were downstairs talking to my parents, who were trying to be polite to each
other.
        "Deirdre?" I turned around to see Jeshua.
        "Hey."
        "Is everything okay? You've been kinda quiet ever since we got back from
our outing on the boat." He leaned against the railing with me.
        "I'm fine."
        "Are you sure?"
        "Jesh, I'm surviving. What else do people want?"
        "I want you to tell me that everything's okay between us and that you're
happy."
        I looked over at him. "Everything is okay between us, but no, I can't say
that I'm happy." He was quiet for a long moment and I sighed. "Jeshua, if
you're going to give me bad news, than give it to me."
        "How did you know I had something to tell you?"
        "You weren't talking."
        "Well, I'm not coming back to Earth just yet."
        I looked over at him again. "Why not?!"
        "Seven and Tuvok said that my father wanted me to come visit him. Think
about it, Deirdre, I haven't seen my father since last January!"
        "I guess. When will you be back home?"
        "New Years, probably. Maybe a little bit later."
        "Deirdre! Let's go!" I heard my Dad holler from the bottom of the stairs.
        "I'm coming!" I straightened up and tried to smile. "See ya."
        Jeshua straightened up as well and pulled me into a tight hug. "Be
careful
out there."
        "You, too."
A few hours later, I watched as Risa shrunk away from me and I sighed,
sitting back on my bed in my temporary quarters.
        My parents were fighting, my siblings were all growing up, I gained a
best
friend, and was losing another.
        Suddenly, I felt like I wanted to lose my lunch.


***

        
        A few days later, I was rudely awoken by pounding on my door. It was
still
dark outside as I groggily trudged through the main room to open the attic
door, which I had locked the night before. The door was pushed open a crack
and I looked down to see Braiden. He gave me a small smile.
        "This is your alarm calling you," he said. "Mom's making breakfast and
we're going to go get the Christmas tree today."
        "We're still getting one!? Yay!" I picked up Braiden and gave him a hug.
The five-year old screamed happily and squirmed around in my arms. Maybe my
dad had been right, maybe the meditation thing was just a stage.
        We'd been home from Risa for two days now, and I'd done nothing but slept
and unpacked. I didn't miss Jeshua yet, I hadn't talked to him. I had spent
most of the time with my siblings or Dad, Mom had stayed in San Francisco
when we got back from Risa, and it was a surprise she was even home.
        "How about this. You go wake up Amy, because I know she would never get
up
this early, and I'll be down in just a few minutes. Okay?"
        "Okay!" Braiden giggled and left the attic. I made my bed, got dressed,
and stifled a yawn.
        A few minutes later, I was presentable for my liking and made my way
downstairs. Mom was standing at the stove, frying eggs as I entered the
kitchen. She was humming "The First Noel" and I joined in. She turned and
grinned.
        "Good morning!" She said brightly and handed me some plates. "Could you
set the table? Your siblings will be down soon," she added
As if they heard her, three pairs of feet appeared on the stairs. One after
the other, they galloped into the kitchen, their faces shining and their
cheeks red. Dad came out of the nursery, carrying Moira and Chakotay. He
secured them in their high chairs and kissed Mom good morning. Matthew gave
me a thumbs up sign. 
        "Okay, we have eggs and pancakes and fresh strawberries, imported
from...well, wherever strawberries grow in this time of year. Deirdre,
could you get the orange juice out, please?" I got up and collected
glasses, and bottles, and got the orange juice out of the refrigerator. I
poured everyone a glass and passed them around.
        "Okay, gang, listen up! We have a busy day today and not much time to do
it in. We have to haul all the boxes up from the cellar, get all the lights
ready, get the Christmas tree, decorate the Christmas tree, plan the
Christmas Day menu, and all the while, sing Christmas songs as if there is
no tomorrow." Braiden grinned.
        "I WANNA DO LIGHTS!" B'Elanna looked over at him in shock. This loud
behavior wasn't normal for Braiden. She looked pleased.
        "How about you and me do lights, sweetie?" She grinned at the five-year
old.
        "Yeah! I getta be with Mommy, I getta be with Mommy!" Braiden took a
large
bite of his pancake and looked back to Dad.
        "We're all going to get the Christmas tree, right after we finish eating,
and Matthew and I will haul up all the boxes. You're pretty good at
arranging some of the stuff, Amy, so we'll put you in charge of that.
Deirdre and your mother can help her, and also cook."
        There was a round of enthusiastic replies and we finished breakfast. Mom
and Dad retreated to their room for a few minutes to get dressed in warmer
clothes, and I dressed Moira and Chakotay. I found two new outfits in their
dressers, Mom must have picked them up in San Francisco. I don't think you
would find winter outfits on Risa.
        I heard sounds of feet on the stairs again and Matthew and Amy appeared,
dressed warmly. I handed them each a baby and went to get my coat and
winter things.
        A few minutes later, we were all crammed into the family shuttle, which
was, once again, getting to small for all of us. I had suggested I take
some of the kids in my shuttle, but Mom had firmly told me that she wanted
all of us to be together. So, now I was crammed into the back seat with Amy
beside me and Moira on my lap. In front of us were Braiden and Matthew,
playing a rousing game of Mario Kart, and in the front were Mom and Dad.
Dad was flying, Mom held Chakotay.
        "What farm are we going to go too, Daddy?" Amy piped up as we got into
the
air. I could see his brow furrow and he looked over at B'Elanna. She shrugged.
        "How about the one in Colorado? That's only a few hours away."
        "Okay! Just make sure they have hot chocolate!" B'Elanna laughed and
leaned forward, digging out the carton of hot chocolate she had made before
we left. Pouring some into a cup, she passed it back to Amy. Amy was quiet
for awhile.
        We made it to Colorado no worse for wear. My head pounded with the sounds
of the Mario Kart, and the whining of Amy saying, "Are we there yet? I'm
bored. Play a game with me, Deirdre!" I love my family dearly, except when
we travel together. 
        It was snowing as we unloaded from the shuttle and Amy and Braiden ran
ahead, spinning around in circles. Braiden was sitting proudly atop Dad's
head, something Dad had confessed to me he had always wanted Braiden to be
able to experience. Mom was holding Chakotay and I had Moira. 
        "Why don't you start looking around at trees, 'Lanna?" Tom said, heading
towards the cute, log cabin a ways of the driveway. "I'll get a saw and
tell them we're here."
        "Okay," Mom agreed. "Are you going with Daddy, Braiden?" The little boy
nodded and Tom patted his son's leg.
        Several hours later, we were no closer to finding a tree then we were
when
we started. It was getting colder, and I was getting grumpy. Every tree
that most of us liked, someone didn't like. We almost chose one a few hours
ago, but at the last minute, Amy decided she didn't like it. Finally, Dad
made the choice. "We'll get three trees. One downstairs, one in your kid's
playroom, and a small one for the attic. Amy, we'll get your tree that you
liked, we'll get this one for the downstairs, and Deirdre, we can get that
cute, little one near the front that you wanted."
        "Finally!" Mom and I said together. We both laughed. We turned and
started
heading back to the shuttle. We both had the babies, who were asleep by
this time. Mom looked over at me, and smiled gently.
        "I was about to go insane if they didn't choose one soon," she told me,
switching Moira to her other hip.
        "Me, too! It's just a tree, really. There my tree is!" I took the saw
that
Mom had been carrying and quickly cut the tree down. It was little and
squat, but very cute, as far as trees go, of course. "O Christmas Tree, O
Christmas Tree..." I could hear Dad start to sing farther down the hill.
Mom and I broke out laughing.


***


        We didn't finish decorating the house or the tree till midnight. Moira
and
Chakotay had gone to bed hours ago, but the other three munchkins had been
too excited or hyper to even blink for very long. I was almost asleep on
the couch when Amy and Matthew came bouncing in from the kitchen, carrying
the last box of ornaments. I watched them quietly, as they withdrew the
last ornament from the box. It was the Star. Suddenly, everyone was in the
family room, and we gathered around the tree in anticipation.   
        The Star is our most valuable ornament. It's a crystal, actually, that
Dad
found on a planet in the Delta Quadrant. He had never found the exact use
for it until the first Christmas he and Mom spent together. Mom used the
bat'leth that hangs in my room to carve it into a Star, and it takes the
place of our angel. 
        Everyone was silent as Dad carefully ascended the ladder and leaned over
to place the Star carefully on the top of the tree. Mom had dimmed the
lights when she had come in, and in the candlelight, I noticed her eyes
were glossy.
        Fighting or no fighting, hardships, or no hardships, she still loved us.
All of us.


***


        I was the first one up on Christmas morning, like always. Ever since I
can
remember, I've been the first one up. I normally make coffee for mom and
dad while we wait for the children to get up, but as they've gotten older,
they'll wake up soon after I'm awake.
        I hurriedly got out of bed, wrapping a robe around me. My feet hit the
cold floor and I gasped. Hurriedly, I rummaged around my closet for my
slippers.
        Now it was time to wake everyone up. Braiden was only dozing as I entered
his room and soon was awake and wide-eyed. He went into wake up Matthew and
gave me the privilege of trying to wake up Amy. She was lying in her
customary pose: her butt in the air, sucking on her thumb. But she was
easier to wake up now then on most mornings. She didn't even complain as I
hauled her out of bed.
        "Matthew, go get Moira and Chakotay and we'll go wake Mom and Dad up.
Remember how we all do it?"
        "Of course we remember, Deirdre," Amy said, sounding insulted.
        "Just making sure, Amy." 
        We waited in the kitchen for Matthew to reclaim Moira and Chakotay. He
was
soon back and he handed me Moira. "Okay, now on the count of three.
One...two...three!" We all took off at a run towards Mom and Dad's room,
throwing the door open and jumping on the bed all at once. Moira screeched
with delight as I gently let her fall onto Dad's stomach and Mom squirmed
as Braiden tickled their feet. It didn't take long for both of them to wake
up.
        "Well, I guess this is what we get for having kids," Dad said sleepily. 
        Amy had left soon after Dad had sat up and she now hollered from the
living room. "SANTA WAS HERE! HE EVEN ATE THE COOKIES!" Mom and I exchanged
a smile over the kid's heads. We had enjoyed eating our own cookies the
night before. I helped her sit up and took Chakotay from her. The seven of
us trooped out into the living room to see Amy sorting presents. 
A perfect Christmas had begun, I thought to myself.


***


        I don't know how it started. I don't know why it started. Everything was
going so well. Everything had been perfect for almost a week. It was like
how it was used to be. But then everything fell apart at once.
        It started New Year's Eve morning. Amy had slept in my room the night
before and shook me awake when I got an incoming call from Jeshua. She left
me alone to talk to him. 
        "Jeshua! I haven't talked to you in days! I thought you were going to
contact me!"
        "Well, sorry...It's been really busy here. We had a run-in with a
Dominion
scout ship, it wasn't a pretty sight. But how are you?"
        "I'm great! Everything has been so perfect since we got back from
Risa...well, except for you not being here. But at home, things have been
great."
        Jeshua grinned. "That's really good to hear, Deirdre, and I hate to spoil
your good-luck streak...but I have bad news." I watched as he sat down in a
chair. My gaze remained fixed on him.
        "What...what's wrong? Did something happen to somebody? Are Ariel and
Navic okay?"
        "Yeah, Ariel and Navic are great...but, well..." Jeshua trailed off and
ran a hand through his jet black hair. I could tell whatever was on his
mind was going to be hard for him to say. He slowly looked up at the
screen, up at me, and I knew then. I sunk down into my desk chair, placing
a steadying hand on the console in front of me.
        "No...no, you can't!" I began, Jeshua just kept staring at me, and then
suddenly, looked away.
        "I'm sorry, Deirdre. But...but Dad wants me to stay. And I want too. I
didn't realize how much I missed him. And Ariel's here..."
        I bit my lip to stop the flood of tears that had somehow made their way
to
right behind my eyes. I couldn't cry. I had seen it coming. I could have
had him, he could have come home, but somewhere, deep in my heart, I knew
he wouldn't have. 
        "I'm sorry," I could hear him say and I slowly nodded my head. He was, I
could hear it in his voice. But it didn't change much. "Deirdre, I know
this is hard for you, it's hard for me! But somehow...staying here feels
right."
        I looked down at my hands. "Have you talked to Kathryn and Chakotay?"
        "Yeah...I talked to them a few days after I got here. They've already
sent
me my stuff."
        "Then why did you wait so long to tell me!? Do you think I haven't been
worried about you!? Mom and Dad told me StarFleet had lost contact with the
'Artemis' and do you not think I wasn't scared!? Staying on the 'Artemis'
is suicide!"
        "It's adventurous, Deirdre," his voice stayed level and calm. "And that's
the kind of life I've always wanted, you know that. In a few years, I'll be
joining StarFleet myself, and being on the 'Artemis' will make it a lot
easier for me to be accepted."
        "You would be accepted either way, you're Harry Kim's son, for god's
sake." I said bitterly. Jeshua sighed and it was his turn to look down. 
        "Deirdre, I won't debate this. I've made up my mind, I've talked to
Kathryn and Chakotay. I just want to be happy."
        "I guess that's everyone's wish." I said simply, and disconnected the
communication. I felt his presence before I saw him. "You knew?" I asked
him, not looking up. I felt Dad's reassuring hand on my shoulder.
        "Actually, I didn't. I thought he'd be coming back. I'm sorry, Deirdre."
I
sighed and stood up, about to turn to go back to my bedroom. Dad caught me
by the shoulders and turned me around. "Are you going to be okay?" I
nodded. All I needed was time.
        Dad left a few minutes later and I went back and laid down on my bed,
trying to fall back asleep. Maybe if I fell asleep, I'd wake up to find
this nightmare over, and Jeshua back home where he is supposed to be. But
that's another childish dream. 
        I skipped breakfast, I told Mom I wasn't hungry. I skipped lunch, saying
I
didn't feel good. I know it was childish of me, and I know that if I had
just told myself that there was nothing I could have done, things might
have been different, but I didn't tell myself that, and things aren't
different. 
        Around five o'clock, I heard a soft knock on my door. It was Mom. She
didn't look very happy with me as she sat down on my bed where I had been
for the last few hours.
        "How are you feeling?" She asked, her voice neutral. I shrugged.
        "Okay, I guess."
        "Do you want to come down and get some dinner? Join us for a game of
Scrabble or something?" I shook my head, pulling the covers tighter around me.
        "Deirdre, look, I'm sorry to hear that Jeshua is not coming back, but
moaning over that fact isn't going to help the situation any." Mom began,
her voice getting a little firmer. "Now, come on, let's get you out of bed
and back into the real world."
        "Mom, stop, all right? I don't feel good and I don't want to 'get back
into the real world.' My best friend just told me he wasn't coming back,
and I doubt I'll see him again for at least a year! How would you feel?" I
snapped back.
        "I wouldn't be moaning and groaning about it, I would be doing something
about it!" She sighed irritably and got up, slamming the door behind her. 
        A moment after you left, I heard the thunder start. Thunderstorms in
winter, stranger things have happened, I've been told. The rain started
soon after that and I could hear Amy scream and run down the stairs. I was
just about to fall asleep when another annoying beep woke me up. Growling
quietly to myself, I got up and once again intercepted a sub-space mission.
It was Navic.
        "Deirdre, my girl! Don't we look down in the dumps?" I gave him a Look
and
he held up his hands. "Woah! Don't take me out with one glare there!"
        "Can I help you, Navic?"
        "Actually, I was going to see if I could help you. Jeshua told me and
Ariel about telling you that he was staying...I'm sorry, Deirdre."
        "I don't need anyone's pity," I told him. "He's staying, and I'll
survive."
        "Then why do you look like you're about to fall over and why are your
eyes
red and why when I talked to Jeshua was he close to tears at the fact that
you were so bitter towards him?"
        "Why does he have to stay on that damn ship of yours!?" Navic set his jaw
and gave me an easy stare. "I'm not taking that back, Navic, and don't
think I will."
        "Look, Deirdre, I can tell you're upset right now, but if you want to
blame it on anyone about the fact that Jeshua is staying, blame it on me,
okay? It was my idea, and I was the one that had him talk to his father.
So, forgive Jeshua, and if you want to get mad at me, then get mad at me."
        "I'm not mad at anyone, I'm hurt."
        "And jealous?" Navic asked.
        "Think about it! Of course I'm jealous! You guys are light-years from
Earth, and the 'Artemis' hardly ever comes here, and you'll get to see him
everyday and I'll get to see him MAYBE once in a year."
        Navic shrugged helplessly. "Those are some good points, Forehead, I'll
give you that one. But we're not getting to the point that I'm trying to
make. Don't be so mad at Jeshua, all right? Listen, I'll contact tomorrow
after you've thought about this, and maybe we can arrange something where
you can come spend a few weeks on the 'Artemis' later this year, or we all
come there. Have a happy New Year." He gave me a weak smile and cut
communications. I sat there, staring at the computer screen, for several
minutes.
        The rain continued to pour, it continued to get dark, and I continued to
brood. Downstairs, I could hear Mom and Dad start to fight. Everything was
falling apart.
Finally, I guess I couldn't stand it anymore. I got dressed and left my
room, peeking into Amy's room to see her, Matthew, and Braiden playing with
some action figures. I knocked on her door lightly. "Hey, guys, why don't
we start getting the Christmas stuff put away? All right? It might help Mom
and Dad's moods."
        "Where have you been all day?" Matthew asked. "We've tried everything.
Nothing has improved their moods. Oh, and I don't think Mom is very happy
with you."
        "Well, we can't please everyone. Come on, though, we can at least try." I
was met with complains and loud sighs, but they followed me downstairs. We
tiptoed past the kitchen, where Mom and Dad were  "discussing" things, and
into the living room. Matthew found the boxes in the closet, and brought
Moira and Chakotay into the living room to be with us. We began to pack
everything up.
        The screams started again. I turned on Christmas music to muffle it out,
they shouldn't have to hear it. We were halfway done packing stuff up when
I heard Mom yell my name from the kitchen. I sighed and stood up, leaving
the living room. Mom was pacing the kitchen like a caged animal. She looked
at me accusingly as I entered. "What are you doing!?" She demanded, her
voice louder then normal.
        "Packing up the Christmas stuff," I told her, trying to stay calm.
        "Well, I don't want it packed up! It's only a few days after Christmas,
and we shouldn't need to pack it up so soon! Is it too much to ask for a
few more days of tranquillity?"
        "I'm sorry, Mom. But we're almost done packing, it would seem kind of
silly to unpack it all, wouldn't it?"
        "NO! It wouldn't!" She whirled on me and glared at me. "You should have
asked first!" My own temper flared.
        "Well, maybe if you and Dad hadn't been screaming at the top of your
lounges at each other, I would have!" 
        "We were NOT screaming!" She yelled at me. I took a step back, turned,
and
left the kitchen. Dad had come back out of his bedroom but I brushed past
him as I entered the living room.
        I closed the living room door behind me and turned to see Amy, Matt, and
Braiden looking at me, very solemnly. Even Moira and Chakotay, who had been
crawling around the floor, playing, were silent. As if someone had hit the
"play" button, everything happened at once. My siblings threw themselves
towards me, their eyes wide; my parents screams started up once more; and
the lightening flashed, making our lights blink on and off. I moved, with
slight difficulty, to the couch. Amy and Braiden crowded my sides, Mathew
was next to Braiden. Moira and Chakotay both lifted their arms to me and I
picked Moira up, handing Chakotay to Amy. We sat there in silence. 
        I'll never forget what I heard next for as long as I live. Some of their
fights had been bad, some even to the point where I thought it was all
over. But this seemed to determine that. 
        "I'M LEAVING!" I could hear Mom scream and there was a long silence. I
had
to strain my ears to hear Dad's voice. It was dripping with anger, and it
was shaking.
        "B'Elanna, if you leave this house tonight, then you are not coming back.
I will assume you have left me, our family, and our life together. If you
leave, then that will tell me that you don't love me anymore."
        There was an even longer silence between this one. And then, the door
slammed shut, shaking the entire house, and making the Christmas tree
shudder. We watched in horror as the Star shook with the rest of the tree,
came unhooked, and fell, as if in slow motion, to the floor. It shattered
into a million pieces. My family was broken.


***


        Two weeks have passed. Two long weeks. It's rained. And rained. And
rained. Dad hasn't come out of his room. Braiden keeps asking questions,
Chakotay and Moira are fussy. 
        The rest of the Christmas stuff was cleared away. I'm taking care of
everyone. School started again, I'm not going. I was cleaning the house
earlier this afternoon and I found a PADD of Dad's. It was a resignation
from StarFleet. That's it, I guess. Mom leaves, Dad resigns. I'd like to
see my life get much worse.
        I was being shaken awake by someone. They wouldn't leave me alone. It
couldn't be morning already, could it? It felt like I just went to sleep a
few minutes ago. Braiden was sick with the flu, and I had been up half the
night reading to him. Or at least it felt like half the night.
        I forced my eyes open to see Mom sitting on my bed. Over the last few
weeks, I envisioned conversations between me and her. Oddly enough, I
wasn't that mad at her. She left, yes, but things had been...peaceful. Was
I upset? Yes. Would it be hard to talk to her? Yes. Was I a little mad at
her? Yes.
        "Hi," she said quietly as I sat up. I covered a yawn and blinked.
        "What time is it?"
        "Midnight, come on, I want to talk to you. Get dressed."
        "Where are we going?"
        "San Francisco."
        I didn't argue with her. She told me she'd wait in the shuttle, I guess
she didn't want to see Dad. I got dressed and was heading out the door when
a hand on my arm stopped me. I whirled around to see Dad. He looked like
death! His eyes were almost completely red from being bloodshot and his
hair was sticking straight up. He was wearing the same clothes he had been
wearing when I had seen him about a week ago.
        "Is she out there?" He asked me, his blue eyes boring into mine.
        "Yes, she is...she wants me to talk to her. I'm going to go."
        "Go," was all he told me. He turned and walked off into the darkness. I
heard the bedroom door close and I left the house, running through the
pouring rain to her shuttle.
        We didn't say anything as she flew us towards San Francisco. The rain
continued until we entered California and the night continued to clear as
we got closer to San Francisco.
        We landed at StarFleet Headquarters, but instead of going to Mom's office
as I thought we would, Mom led me to a small base cafe, called The Warp
Core. It was mostly empty, except for a few cadets sitting in the far
corner, looking as if they were cramming for a test. An old man greeted
B'Elanna as we sat down at the bar.
        "Hello, Torres!" He said brightly, not seeming at all tired. B'Elanna
smiled at him.
        "Hello, Doug. I'd like you to meet my daughter, Deirdre. Deirdre, this is
the owner of The Warp Core, Doug Macahdlie."
        "Wadda want?" Doug asked, wiping the counter in front of us with a damp
towel.
        "Black coffee for me," she looked over at me. I nodded. "And the same
thing for Deirdre."
        "Coming right up," Doug said. He turned and poured the coffee, sliding it
towards us. Mom led me to a table near the window that overlooked the Bay
and we sat down. There was an uncomfortable silence. Finally, she set down
her coffee mug and looked up at me.
        "Deirdre, I don't know any other way to say this, so I'm telling you
straight out." She took a deep breath. "I realize the last few weeks must
have been very hard for you, and I don't expect anything but you being very
angry and upset with me. But I've had a lot of time to think, and I've even
talked with a counselor here at Headquarters. And..."
        "And you filed for divorce," I finished for her. I don't know how I knew,
I don't even know why I said it. B'Elanna looked at me, her dark eyes
boring into mine.
        "I'm sorry, Deirdre. But it's for the best. I've contacted a lawyer and
he's set a court date for us. It's next Wednesday, and I'll be granted
temporary separation. I just...wanted to tell you first, to see if you had
any questions..."
        "One...where did it go wrong?"
        B'Elanna shook her head and took another sip of her coffee. "If I knew
the
answer, Deirdre, I'd tell you. But I don't. Some marriages just don't last.
And I'm sorry. That's all I can think of to say."


***


        Mom and Dad went out to dinner last night, I guess you could call it
dinner. I don't know what was discussed, but Dad seemed...well, he seemed
different. Not the same, but not totally a complete stranger. The next few
days were peaceful, I don't remember much about them. Mom was in and out
every few hours, packing stuff. I sat and watched her. I didn't help. She
told me at the cafe a few nights ago I would probably get my choice of who
to live with, but I didn't know. 
        The court date arrived and it's not one of the most pleasant memories I
have of all this. Amy was scared, Braiden was back in his meditation stage,
and Matthew was pouty. Moira and Chakotay could tell something was up, and
Moira clung to me as I waited outside of the courthouse in San Francisco
for Mom to show up. Dad had gone inside to meet with his own lawyer, I
didn't even know he had one, and the other kids were with him.
        I saw Mom coming down the street, escorted by a tall man I didn't
recognize. I guess that's her lawyer, Portis Montgomery. I had never met
him. He scrutinized me as they walked up. Mom enthusiastically took Moira
from me, kissing her on the head and on the cheek. Moira broke into a wide
grin, she hadn't seen her mother in almost three weeks.
        "Deirdre, I'd like you to meet our lawyer, Portis Montgomery. Port, this
is my daughter, Deirdre." Portis extended his hand and I shook it firmly.
        "Hello, Deirdre," he said. "Have you made up your mind as of who you will
live with?"
        I immediately didn't like him. Mom glanced at me worriedly, I guess she
didn't expect him to ask that flat out, but I know Mom was curious. But I
simply smiled and shook the guy's hand, and shook my head. "No, I haven't."
        I sat with my brothers and sisters while the judge talked. They argued
for
what seemed like hours, but in reality, was probably only about fifteen
minutes. I knew this was hard for my siblings to watch, and I silently
cursed my father, who had been the one that had pushed for us to be here. I
hugged Chakotay tighter.
        Finally, the judge and lawyers stopped arguing. I sighed out of confusion
and let the air out slowly. They were off the basics and the judge glanced
over at us. "Now I wish to address the matter of your children. As you have
requested them being here today, I am granting them free will as to which
parent they will live with, with the exception of the two youngest,
Chakotay and Moira, who will be placed in their mother's care. Would the
children please stand now and tell the court which guardian they have chosen?"
        I stood then, I couldn't take it anymore. "With your Honor's permission,
I
would like not to make each of my siblings stand, and not discuss who they
have chosen as their guardians in court. This entire experience has been
very hard to deal with and  I think it best for my parent's feelings, and
for my siblings feelings, that we discuss this privately, as a family."
        "Your Honor, I protest-" Portis began but the judge held up his hand. "I
agree with Miss Paris. We will adjourn for fifteen minutes, let them
discuss it."
        My siblings looked at me, relieved. I gathered them around me, holding
Chakotay in my lap. "You guys, I hate to make you decide this. I would
never want you guys to get hurt-"
        "It's too late," Matthew said, glaring over at Mom. "I'm going with Dad.
And so is Braiden, aren't you?" Braiden nodded. 
        "Where...where would we live if we stayed with Mommy?" Amy asked, looking
worried.
        "In San Francisco, probably." I told her. Amy shook her head.
        "I'm staying with Daddy, so I can be at my school and be with Lauren."
        "All right."
        "What about you, Deirdre? Who are you going with?" Matthew looked at me,
accusingly.
        "You guys know I love you, I always will. And you're getting old enough
to
take care of yourself. I have to go with Mom, I can't let these two be
ignored or grow up without knowing any of their siblings."
        "You sound as if we're never going to see each other again," Matthew said
bitterly. "Just go then, we don't care, do we?" He was met with no response. 
        A few minutes later, the judge returned, and I stood up. Mom and Dad
looked at each other briefly and then at me. I cleared my throat and the
judge looked up. "Your Honor, I've talked it over with my siblings, and
I'll be staying with my mom, and Moira and Chakotay. The rest of my
siblings have chosen out of their own freewill to remain with their father."
        Portis frowned and whirled on the judge. "Your Honor, I don't think it is
wise to let small CHILDREN decide where and-" He was interrupted by Mom's
hand on his shoulder. She whispered something and he sat down. "Excuse my
outburst, Your Honor."
        The court proceedings went on. Temporary separation my ass. 


***


        Boxes, boxes, and more boxes. After living in one place for fourteen
years
of your life, it really gives you a sense of how much JUNK a person can
collect. I sighed and looked around the attic again.
        Mom and I had gone apartment hunting the other day and had found a large
apartment in an upscale neighborhood of San Francisco. I had agreed to go
back to school, now that I wouldn't have to look after three other
siblings. Moira and Chakotay would spend their days at Headquarters with Mom.
        Dad hadn't tried to talk to me after the court hearing, and I'm not
surprised. I really think he believed I'd stay with him. I still ponder why
I chose to live with Mom, and I've outweighed more cons of it than pros.
Maybe I should have stayed with Dad, but in a lot of ways, going to live
with Mom will be easier.
        I finished taping the last box and pushed it out of my bedroom, into the
main room. I'd keep my furniture here, when I came to visit every other
weekend, but Mom had agreed that we would refurnish the apartment. 
        Amy is already planning our parent's wedding again, she's convinced
they'll end up together in the end. Matthew doesn't seem to care, he acts
as if he hates me and Mom. Braiden seems confused, but my heart still
flutters every time I see his boyish smile. He doesn't talk that much, but
what he has said implies that he does want them to get back together. 
        Like any child of divorced parents, we want it to be the way it used to
be. I admit, I would give my right arm for things to be normal again, but
as the oldest, I guess I have to face reality. It's not going to happen.
And maybe things will change. It is a "temporary" situation, but Mom has
already set a final court date. It's in a month. And I doubt people can
change in a month.
        "Deirdre? We need to be going!" Mom's voice from the kitchen shook me out
of my thoughts. I looked around my room one more time as the movers Mom had
hired took away my last few boxes. It wasn't like I wouldn't be seeing this
house anymore, but it would probably be the last time I saw it...in this
sense. Sighing, I left the room.


***


        I paused outside of the kitchen to hear Mom and Dad talking. It was
forced
calm, forced to be pretending that things would be okay, and that they were
both happy with this arrangement. I hung back.  
        "Well, I guess this is it," I heard Dad say. His voice was low.
        "Yeah...well, dreams don't always last forever...so...so I'll see
Matthew,
Amy, and Braiden in a few weeks?"
        "I'll send them down to San Francisco," he answered, somewhat
uncertainly.
"B'Elanna, are you sure this is the right thing-"
        A piercing squall broke the silence. Their talking stopped. Hurriedly, I
rushed into the nursery to see one of the movers trying to pick up
Chakotay. He looked flustered as I easily leaned down and picked the small
child up.
        "He's just a little fussy lately," I told him, and Mom appeared in the
doorway. She kicked into Mother Mode and began comforting Chakotay almost
immediately. I claimed Moira but a mover took her from me at the look that
Dad gave them. They made a hurried exit.
        "Deirdre...I want you to know that I'm not mad at you...I understand why
you chose to live with B'Elanna."
        I looked over at him, not convinced. "Do you?"
        "I can...try." I didn't respond. "I just don't want to lose touch with
you
over all of this. You've always been my girl, and you living elsewhere will
not change that."
        "Of course it won't, Daddy," I said, suddenly giving him a strong hug.
Dad
wrapped his arm around me and I knew he was trying to keep back tears.
        "It's just going to be so hard..." He started. "And without you here, I
don't know how I'm going to do it. I can't even cook!"
        "Well, my cooking wasn't that good either!" I told him and drew back.
"But
Mom needs me...I need this."
        Dad shook his head, and pinched my nose playfully. "I know, DD," he said,
using the nickname no one ever got away with using, except for him.


***


        That first night in our new apartment was strange. Everything was put
away, the apartment was too clean. If it had been a different situation, I
probably would have loved the apartment, but after we left Montana, my mood
had turned sour.
        It was really more of a townhouse, then an apartment. It was spacious and
elegant, with a full kitchen and separate dining room. There was a long
hall leading from the front door. Mom's room and the nursery were down
there. There was also two more rooms, which were being used for storage
right now. Mom had gone shopping for furniture the day before and had
picked up a living room set that was done in white leather. There were two
decks: one off the kitchen, and one off the living room. A twisting
staircase led up to the second floor, where there was a living room and my
bedroom. Mom had just given me the floor, knowing I was used to having a
large space for myself. The building where our townhouse was had a pool and
laundry facilities. The townhouse was very modern, with a replicator and
every piece of technology that made living just a little bit easier. That
was one of the first things I didn't like about it.
        Mom had taken the liberty to enroll me back in school, and I have to
admit
I did miss going to school everyday. I would be attending a private school,
most high StarFleet personnel's children went there. It seemed to be a prep
school but I had met with the principal last week and he seemed nice.
        I sighed and stood up from where I had been sitting at the window. I went
downstairs to find Mom feeding Chakotay and Moira dinner. She looked up.
"I'm going for a walk, to get used to the neighborhood." Mom nodded and I
left.
        It had been raining earlier that day and the streets were wet with
puddles. I shivered in the cold January air and looked up at the darkening
sky. A shuttle sped across the bay, heading towards the Academy. I soon
left the apartment building behind and wandered between the fancy houses
and apartment buildings. It was a pretty good neighborhood, people smiled
as they passed me and it was quiet. 
        An hour of wandering around houses had gotten me nowhere. I was now
positively lost. I hadn't memorized our address yet, and it was growing
dark. I turned another corner to see two kids my age in front of me. They
were walking with an elderly Admiral.
        I scooted over slightly to let them pass and was a few yards behind them
when I heard someone call my name. I turned and recognized Admiral
Nechayev, an associate of my mother's. I don't know how she had recognized
me, I had only met her once and that had been several years ago. Maybe Mom
told her we were moving around her. No matter, she came back towards me,
the two kids behind her.
        "Deirdre! It's so good to see you again!" She drawled in her Russian
accent. "I just passed you and thought to myself, 'Is that B'Elanna's
little girl?' and couldn't help but to stop you! I'm so sorry to hear about
your troubles, I know how hard it must be for you! Here, I'd like you to
meet my grandchildren. This is my grandson, Vladmir and my granddaughter,
Anastasia." I shook each of their hands.
        Vladmir was a tall boy with unruly blond hair. It had a natural wave to
it
and he had dark brown eyes. He was at least a half head taller than me, and
shook my hand firmly. Anastasia was at least a half head shorter than me,
and glowered at me, but shook my hand. "I take it you'll be going to MY
school," she said, her voice tight.
        "I guess," I told her. 
        "When do you start?" Admiral Nechayev wanted to know. I shrugged.
        "Monday, I think."
        "Well, we'll see you there, then," Vladmir said, grinning. They said
good-bye and walked off again. Vladmir turned at the corner. "Oh, and your
building is down the block to the left." He gave me a wink and left.
        I let myself in to quiet. Moira and Chakotay were probably asleep. I
heard
rustling coming from upstairs. I went upstairs to find a large, furry sheep
dog on my bed. Mom was trying to get it off. "What...what is this!?" I
asked, my mouth falling open. Mom stepped back.
        "This...is...a dog, I think. I took Moira and Chakotay for a little walk
around the building, and left the door open a crack. When we got back,
this...thing was on your bed!"
        I extended my hand to the dog and checked for a collar. There wasn't one.
"Well, he doesn't seem as if she's going anywhere." She licked my chin and
I giggled. Mom sighed.
        "I take it we have just found another member to the family," she stated.
"What are we gonna call...it?"
        I studied my new friend. "Elf?"
        "Elf!? Where'd that come from?" Mom laughed and kissed the top of my
head.
"Well, Elf it is. I'm going to bed, sweetie, I'll see you tomorrow morning.
I took the day off and we can go shopping for more stuff, okay?"
        "Okay," I said quietly, studying Elf. She had put her head on her paws,
and was looking at me with a soft gaze. I heard Mom close the door behind
her and Elf lifted her head again. 


***


        I started school the next Monday. I had gone to sign up for classes the
day after we got settled in, and I was happy with my choices. We had six
classes. It was mandatory for us to take an English, Math, History, and
Science, but what I found that I liked about the school, is that they had
different classes in each subject. Besides the four basic classes, we could
take two electives. I was taking Shakespeare for my English class,
Integrated 25 for Math, Earth History, and Engineering 101 again, at Mom's
urging. I had decided to take PE instead of Home EC, and was also taking a
Scuba class. The Scuba class was the most interesting to me, we'd travel
around the world looking at wrecks of old ships, and learn about Marine
Life. Part of the class consisted of learning how to pilot a submarine,
which was what had attracted my attention. 
        Amy contacted Mom and I last night and asked if she could come spend the
night with us tomorrow night. Mom had gently reminded her that she had to
stay there unless it was absolutely okay with Dad, which it was,
surprisingly. I hadn't talked to Dad since we left, but Amy was getting
lonely, and I had a sneaking suspicion that she was missing Mom a lot. 
        Things had been too fast for my liking, and as they continued to
accelerate, it felt as if I couldn't stop them. The divorce...it...was
supposed to be temporary, to try and salvage my parent's marriage. But so
far I hadn't seen them going to any marriage counseling. Did they actually
want a divorce? I started to hate that word.
        The day I started my new school dawned bright and clear. The weather
broadcast had predicted rain, but I guess at the last minute, they changed
their mind. But it was bright and sunny, and Mom woke me up at seven
o'clock. The school wasn't far from our building, and I sighed sadly at the
fact that I wouldn't be able to take my shuttle to school like I usually
did. My shuttle was parked in the hangar bay with Mom's, not in use. 
        Moira and Chakotay were crawling around the living room, Mom sat just
outside on the deck, keeping one eye on them, and one eye on the report she
was reading. There was a pot of coffee sitting on the island in the
kitchen, and I poured myself a cup, while getting an omelet from the
replicator. I hated to admit that the replicator actually was a lifesaver. 
        "What time will you be home tonight?" I asked Mom as I sat down across
from her. Moira and Chakotay toddled out onto the deck and Mom helped them
climb up into the chair between us.
        "About four," she answered. I looked at her in alarm. She noticed my
look.
"What?"
        "Four!? You're coming home at four!? Back home you were never home before
nine!"
        "Those were...different circumstances, Deirdre," she told me. I sighed.
Mom coming home at four would take some getting used to. Just like
everything else. At that moment, I wished more and more that Mom and Dad
would just forget their problems, and get back together.
        "I thought that maybe we could go out to dinner tonight," Mom began,
leaning over to wipe cheese of Chakotay's mouth. He had decided he was
interested in my omelet, and had swiped part of it.
        "Yeah, sure. I hope they don't load me up with homework on the first
day."
        "They shouldn't," she said. "I talked to your father last night after you
went to bed, and Amy's going to come down and stay a little longer then we
thought. She'll be here till this weekend when Braiden comes down."
        "What about Matt?"
        "He's not coming, your father requested that I let him stay home, they're
uncovering some old ship wreck off the coast of Hawaii."
        "What's dad doing uncovering ship wrecks?"
        "He didn't tell you he got a new job?"  I shook my head and she sighed.
"That's just like him. Well, your father is now head of a marine division
in Hawaii. He does what you'll be learning about in the Scuba class for a
living now."
        "I never knew Dad liked the water..."
        Mom smiled, remembering. "Yes, he always loved the water...he got thrown
in the brig for thirty days because of it, too." I looked at her oddly, and
she shook her head, the memory vanishing. "Nothing, just got sidetracked
there for a moment. Well, we better get moving. Come on, Moira, Chakotay,
time to go!"


***


        The school was new, and modern. The halls were clean, the teachers looked
friendly. I got many glances as I walked down the hall towards me locker,
but not many were unfriendly. Curious, rather. 
        "Hey, Paris!" I turned at the sound of someone calling me. Vladmir was
coming towards me, his blond hair looking the same it did when I ran into
him a few days ago. He was followed by a group of guys. 
        "Hello, Vladmir." I said, trying to ignore the looks the other guys were
giving me.
        "All right, you made your point, Vlad, you old goof ball. Let's go now,"
said one of the boys beside him. Vladmir gave me a wink over his shoulder
and continued down the hall. I shrugged and turned back to my locker,
placing my thumb print on the small pad. It unlatched, and I opened my
locker, setting my bag down and unloading the different books. 
        "Well, if it isn't Miss PARIS!" I turned at the sound of another Russian
voice to see Anastasia and several other girls. I gave her a weak smile.
        "Hello, Anastasia."
        "Girls, this is Deirdre, Owen Paris's granddaughter. Must think you're
better then all of us, being the daughter of two of the most PRESTIGIOUS
officers in StarFleet. Oh, wait, only one now! I see your father got fired!"
        "And oh look! It's the Ferengi Superwoman!" Came a new voice. I turned to
see a tall girl with bright red hair. She had freckles and a stub nose.
"Now, I say you get your big ears and fat rear out of my sight before I
have to hurt you!"
        "Oh, if it isn't Shannon and Willabella! Such a cute name, Willa!"
        Shannon took a step closer, her jaw tightening and her face matching the
color her hair. "Call her that one more time and your gravestone will read
'Died because her face got pounded.'"
        Anastasia turned, tossed a lock of blond hair over her shoulder, and
marched off down the hall, her nose in the air. "Be careful, Pimp Face! If
you bend your nose over just a little more, you'll be doing a backbend to
Mars!" Shannon turned to me. "Sorry about them, I take it you've met her
before."
        "Just briefly. Thanks." I shut my locker.
        "Hey, don't mention it. It's my job to protect all of you little people."
She grinned and bumped into a kid. "Oops, sorry! Oh, this is Shadow," she
said, motioning to the girl next to her. "Shadow" had shoulder length black
hair and dark brown eyes. She was pale but she smiled shyly at me. 
        "Nice to meet you," I told them. Shannon grinned and leaned against the
locker next to mine. "I was saying to Shadow here right before Pimp Face
decided to show her true face that you looked pretty nice. So we're
adopting you." She grinned as if she had just won the lottery.
        "Adopting me?"
        "Sure! We do it all the time! New kids who seem level headed like us, we
adopt them. We're trying to get all the 'normal' people together, but in
this school, that's quite a task! So wadda say? Wanna hang out with us?"
        A girl who just went around the school finding new students who looked
normal? I nodded. "Yeah, sounds cool."
        "What's your schedule?" Shannon asked me, and took the top PADD off of my
stack. "Hmm...I got Math and Science with you, Shadow here has Shakespeare
with you, I can't take it anymore, they kicked me out after the third time.
Our friends Danielle and Margie are in Earth History, and we all have PE
together. But this...Scuba class...hmm...I'll have to think about that one.
Come on, let's walk Shadow to Home EC or whatever it's called. Then we'll
go to Science."
        We dropped Shadow off at Home EC and Shannon led me towards Science. We
were halfway there when we ran into Vladmir again. He was with the guys he
had greeted me with that morning and Shannon gave them high-five's. "Adopt
a new charge?" Vladmir asked, grinning over at me. Shannon shrugged.
        "Rescued her from the jaws of that cousin of yours. God, talk about an
attitude! How you actually LIVE with her must take courage! I couldn't
stand it!"
        "Shannon, you haven't been able to stand her since Kindergarten," Vladmir
reminded her. "Hey, Paris, what's happening?"
        "Nothing, just heading towards Science."
        "Hey, are you in our Science class? The daughter of B'Elanna Torres and
you're taking Engineering 101? You aren't dumb, are you?"
        Shannon shot him a glare and turned to me. "He can be okay at times, but
when he gets that cocky smile on his face, slap him. And no, she's not
dumb, Vlad, we're not all like you!"
        "I take...after my dad, actually. I like piloting."
        Vladmir perked up. "What kind of piloting? Like...underwater craft or
starships?"
        "I've never piloted any submarines, but I might have a chance now, my dad
just took a job with a company and he might let me."
        "You should have signed up for Scuba! That class is so cool!" Shannon
turned to me with a raised eyebrow. 
        "Actually, she did sign up for Scuba! Well, there we go. We got you
covered!"
        I managed to smile. Vladmir made me uneasy.


***


        Three and a half weeks later was my fifteenth birthday. It fell on a
Monday, so I had my party the weekend before. It was just a small get
together. Shannon, Shadow, Danielle, and Margie all came over. The twins
were at Dad's this weekend and Mom was working most of the weekend. But she
treated me by letting us go to Tahiti for the day on Saturday, and she
would come later that day to check us into a hotel for the night. 
        The morning dawned rainy and cold in San Francisco, but I didn't care
about the weather here. Everyone was coming over till ten, and I had woken
up at seven. Mom was already gone, leaving me a note that said to call Dad.
I was supposed to go to Montana this weekend, but had called Dad to tell
him I couldn't make it. He hadn't been exactly happy with me. I hadn't been
able to get to Montana at all since the separation.
        I ate breakfast and then sat down at the computer station in the living
room. Elf came downstairs to keep me company as I keyed in Dad's number. A
second later, a woman's face appeared on the screen. For an instant I
thought that I had gotten the wrong number, but she grinned widely. "Deirdre!"
        "Uh...is this the Paris residence?" Elf licked my hand. The woman nodded.
        "Yes, yes it is. I'm...Larissa, a friend of your father's. Would you like
to talk to him?"
        "Uhm...yeah, if he's home."
        "I'll go get him—Ack! Hold on a minute. Matthew, Carly! Stop bouncing on
the couch!"
        "Sorry, Mom!" I heard Matthew call. I froze. Mom? Did Matthew just call
this woman Mom!?
        "Okay, I'll go get him. Carly, Matt! Stop!"
        "Who's on the phone?" I heard Matt ask.
        "Your sister," Larissa told him. "Where's your father?"
        "I don't know, sorry, Mom!" I heard Larissa laugh and there was silence
for awhile. I craned my head to see any action. I boosted the background
volume, one of the perks of having such a modern apartment, and listened
for any conversation.
        "Honey?" There was a moan and I heard Larissa laugh. "Tom, get up,
Deirdre's on the line."
        "She can wait, can't she?" I heard him ask, and Larissa laughed. There
was
sound of movement, and I reached out and hit the disconnect key. Friend?
Yeah, I'd like to see that.
        'You knew this would happen,' a voice told me. And I did. Dad
seemed...happy. But we hadn't even been gone four weeks! I shook my head
and stood up, pulling on my coat and clipping Elf's leash to her collar. I
still had an hour before everyone go there, Elf needed her walk.
        There was fresh puddles down our block and I skipped over them while Elf
padded right through them. The court date was next week. And it seemed final.
        The last few weeks have been...helpful, it seems. I thought after I got
settled in, Mom would return to her old work habits, and old bad moods. It
hasn't happened. She seems at peace, but I know she misses Dad. I hear her
crying sometimes late at night when I'm still up doing homework. But I
guess that's one pain we'll have to bear with. I feel as if there is an
empty space inside me, but when I think of the last few weeks, I get this
aura of calm. 
        I'm almost positive that when Mom and Dad go back to court that Amy will
ask the judge to live with Mom, her entire life at home or not. She's
always been Mom's girl, and always will be. She cleared out the room next
to Mom's last time she was down.
        School's okay. Shannon and Shadow are becoming my best friends, which is
weird considering how we met. Danielle and Margie hang out with us and
Margie's really nice. I'm closest to Shadow though, she has some major
problems going on at home right now, and she's not taking it too well.
Except for the homework and the teasing from Vladmir, I like being back in
school. 
        "Yo, Paris!" I looked around for the person calling my name. I already
knew who it was, but I didn't know where he was. "Up here!" I looked up
towards a white house I was passing. Elf stopped and sat down, looking up
at me with a doggy smile.
        Vladmir was half-leaning out the window of the house. Even from here, I
could see that stupid grin of his and I considered continuing to walk and
not notice him. But before I could react, Vladmir had disappeared and was
waltzing out the front door. 
        "Whacha up too?" He greeted me as I began to walk again. Elf growled at
him and Vladmir backed up. "Nice doggy." Elf bared her teeth and I pulled
back on her leash.
        "I'm walking Elf."
        "So, is it true what I heard from Danielle? That it's your birthday?"
        "Not till Monday, actually, but I'm having my party today." 
        "So, how old are you turning? Three?" There it went again. Vladmir would
pretend to be nice and I'd give him the benefit of the doubt, and then he
would shoot some teasing my way again. I never will understand this guy.
        "No, I'm sorry, dear, but I think you got my birthday confused with your
own." I began to walk faster, back towards my building. He matched pace.
"What are you doing?" I demanded a few blocks further.
        "Walking you back to your building, I don't want you to get lost again."
He grinned. "So got a partner yet for that Hawaii dive we're taking in a
few weeks?"
        "No, not yet." I said, ignoring his small laugh.
        "Well, good luck, Gretel."
        "What's that supposed to mean?" I stopped and glowered up at him. I hate
being so short...or maybe I just hate him for being so tall.
        Vladmir grinned. "You know how everyone feels about you. They don't like
you, you make them feel uneasy."
        "Oh, gee, thanks for the update," I glared at him. "It's not my fault
that
school of yours is so stereotypical and can't get over who your parents
are." I walked away from him.
        "Guess it doesn't help much that your parents are getting a divorce,
doesn't it? The great love story is shattered! I can see the headlines
now!" I whirled on him, and Elf growled.
        "What did you just say?" I walked back to him, glaring up at him and I
seemed to grow taller as I came nearer. Vladmir continued on with that look
of his.
        "Guess it doesn't help that your parents are getting divorced, that's
all," he leaned back against a tree. "Must be tough," he quipped.
"You have no damn idea," I spat at him, whirled, and took off at a fast
walk back towards my building. He must have stood there for a few moments,
stunned at my reaction. He must have seen it as harmless teasing, so like him.


***


        Shadow and Shannon were waiting for me when I got back. Shannon was
leaning against my door, and Shadow was sitting across from her. They were
playing some game with a piece of rope.
        "What are you guys doing?" I asked, a small smile on my face as I came up
the stairs. They looked up.
        "Cat's Cradle, wanna try?" I shook my head and unlocked the apartment.
"Nah, it's okay. I want to kill Vladmir, is what I'd like to do!" Shannon
and Shadow gathered their things together and came in after me. Shannon
dropped her things at the door, shrugged off her shoes, and collapsed onto
the couch, as if she had come home from a long day.
        "He teasing you again?" I let Elf off her leash and watched her run into
the kitchen for water. I gave Shannon a look.
        "Unmercifully. He will not give up." I went into the kitchen myself to
get
some Kool Aid and to hang up the leash. I came back out and Shadow hurried
to get glasses.
        "Maybe he likes you," Shadow suggested in that quiet way of hers. She
gave
me a soft smile. "You have to admit he's pretty cute."
        "Who's pretty cute?" A voice came from the doorway. We turned to see
Margie, followed closely on her heels by Danielle. "We're here! Now who's
cute?" They came in and made themselves at home as well.
        That's what I love about these guys, they don't act like guests, they act
like...sisters.
        "Vladmir, he was teasing our Deirdre again." Shannon said, sitting up and
taking the pitcher of Kool Aid from me. She poured everyone a glass and
stood up. "Come on, let's get changed into our swimsuits, I wanna go to
Tahiti, this rain is getting to me."
        "Me, too," Danielle agreed, following me as I led the way upstairs to my
room.  I set the Kool Aid down on my bed and rummaged through my dresser
for the swimsuit I got when I was on Risa. 
        Shadow was already wearing hers, and perched herself on the bed as each
of
us took turns going into my bathroom to change and model our swimsuits.
Shannon, being the tomboy she is, had a red, one piece bathing suit. It
didn't go down very far in the back, and didn't reveal anything. Just
like...Shannon.
        Shadow's was also a one piece, but that was just because her parents
didn't allow her to wear a two-piece. It was solid blue, and even had a
skirt! Danielle and Margie pulled me aside before I went into change.
"Wadda say we replicate Shadow a new bathing suit?"
        "Sure, go ahead, there's a replicator in the next room." Danielle gave me
a wink.
        "Have I mentioned that I love this apartment?" I grinned.
        "Several times." I changed into my own bathing suit, a tankini. It had
bikini bottoms but a tight tank top for a top. It had purple, light green,
dark blue, and white stripes. I tied a white wrap-around around my waist
and rummaged through a cupboard for beach towels. When I came back out,
Shadow made a mad dash for the bathroom and came back out a few minutes
later, wearing a black bikini and a dazzling smile. "I love you, guys!" She
crowed, coming out of the shell I had always seen her in during school. I
looked at her in shock and Shannon came up to me, leaning an elbow on my
shoulder.
        "Yes, she gets very outgoing on weekends," she told me. "Now, come on!
Let's hit the beach!"
        I can't say we got normal looks as we paraded down the streets towards
the
hangar bay that my shuttle was kept in. It had been too long since I had
used it, and it would start to rust if I didn't take it out soon. And
everyone was up for a shuttle ride.
        We were soon in the air, the music blasting, and I was flying faster and
more dangerously then I normally did. But normally, I didn't have four
teenage girls in the shuttle with me.
        We made it safely to Tahiti, and landed just a few blocks from the beach.
I charged the cost of parking onto my Express Card and Shannon led the way
towards the beach. For the next three hours, we did nothing but lounge
around and work on our tans, swim in the ocean, and sleep.  I probably
would have slept all day if not for my stomach growling and Shannon, who
had started to bury my entire legs in sand. She used water from the ocean
to wet the sand and it dried fast in the hot sun, making it harder for me
to stand up. Danielle and Shadow both had to pull me up.
        "Who's hungry?" Margie asked us as we cruised the boardwalk that was
along
the beach.
        "Me!" Shadow exclaimed. "Hot-dogs, anyone?" We found a small cafe near
the
beach and sat down. Shadow was satisfied with her hot-dogs, and Shannon got
a hamburger. Danielle and Margie decided to split a large steak, and I
finally decided on a chicken salad. Our lunch disappeared in a matter of
minutes, and I was preparing to ask everyone what they wanted for desert
when I heard singing. I looked up to see three hunky waiters coming towards
our table, carrying a large birthday cake with fifteen candles on it. They
were singing as they came towards us. "Happy Birthday to you..." The leader
set the cake down in front of me and Shadow snapped her camera. She
grinned. "I told them it was your birthday on the way in."
        "Yummy! Free desert!" Shannon took the plates from one of the waiters and
set them down in front of me, handing me a knife to cut the cake with. I
cut the pieces sparingly, not really caring of the calorie intake. I had a
healthy lunch at least. 


***


        I didn't want to get up on Monday to go to school. We had spent the night
in Tahiti on Saturday, and hadn't gotten home till almost eleven last
night. Not to mention all my weekend homework. I had Mom convinced that I
could stay home, but at the last minute remembered I had a test in Scuba,
and had to go. She gave me a piteous look on the way out the door.
        Danielle was waiting for me at the entrance to the school and greeted me
with a birthday hug. Everyone had decided to wait till Monday on my actual
birthday to give me my presents, even though I told them I didn't want
gifts, I thought the whole gift giving at birthdays was a little weird. But
one thing I learned quickly with hanging out with Shannon: It was futile to
argue.
        Danielle handed me a bag she had been carrying as we proceeded down the
hall. "I noticed the other day how much you love flying, so I got you this.
Hope ya like it," she grinned at me as I pulled out an old pilot hat, with
the words "United Airlines" printed on the front. "I saw it this morning on
the way to school, and I had to get it."
        "It's great, Danielle!" I put the hat on and pretended to speak into a
microphone. "Ladies and gentlemen, we will soon be landing in Tahiti. Thank
you for flying United Airlines, and we hope to see you again soon."
Danielle cracked up.
        "Find your new career?" A voice said from behind me. I turned around to
see Anastasia. She sneered at me. "How quaint," she said, and continued on
down the hall. Danielle glared after her.
        "Her and her darn cousin get more stuck-up more each day."
        "Hey, I heard that!" Vladmir's voice came from behind us. "Hey, cool
hat!"
He took the hat off my head, read the insignia on the front, and put it on.
"Could I borrow it next week when we take out the submarine?"
        "We?" I asked, looking up at him and trying to reach for my hat. He
grabbed my wrist, his face crinkling with laughter at my attempts to get my
hat back.
        "Yes, we. We're partners, aren't we?" He winked, gave me a million-dollar
smile, and flicked the hat off his head, and it landed back on mine. "See
ya in class, Paris."
        "Woah! Oh migod! What was wrong with that?" Margie came running up to us.
"Vladmir was actually nice to you! Hey, groovy hat! Here!" She handed me a
square wrapped package. I opened it.
        "Music of Tahiti." I flipped the CD over. "Songs from the island with a
tropical beat. Awesome! Thanks, Marge!" I read over the songs on the back.
"They're old tunes played by tropical instruments! That's so cool!"
        "What's so cool?" Shannon asked as she came up to us. She handed me a
thick book. "Happy Birthday!"
        I looked down at it. "The Secret of Roan Inish."
        "It's such a good book!" Shannon gushed. "I normally hate to read, but
this is a book of an old movie, and it's Irish, and I know you're Irish
like me, so I also got you...this!" She pulled a tee shirt out of her bag
that had a huge clover on it, and the words, "Kiss me – I'm Irish!" I
quickly put the tee shirt over my other shirt and tucked the book under my
arm. "Thanks, Shannon! Hey, where's Shadow?"
        "I'm right here," came the soft voice, making us all turn. Shadow stood
there, dark glasses over her eyes.
        "Hey, Shadow, why the glasses?" Shannon asked, going over to her. Her
bright smile dwindled quickly. "No! Not again!"
        "It's nothing, Shannon," Shadow said quickly, taking a step back as
Shannon tried to take off the glasses. She winced noticeably and tried not
to show how bad she was limping.
        "Oh migod, what happened do you?" Margie asked.
        "It's nothing!" Shadow insisted but stopped as Shannon put a soft hand on
her shoulder. Slowly, Shannon removed Shadow's sunglasses, revealing a dark
black and blue bruise. It spanned both her eyes, and Shadow's long hair
covered the rest of it. 
        "Come on, let's go," Shannon said, turning towards the entrance to the
school. The rest of us followed.
        "Go, go where?" Shadow asked, stopping. "No! It's nothing, you guys, I
don't need to talk to anybody!"
        "Shadow, this can't keep happening—"
        "Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a minute!" Danielle got all of our
attention and we turned to her. Danielle glared at Shannon. "This has been
happening? And you didn't tell us about it?!"
        "I promised I wouldn't," Shannon looked down at her feet, and for the
first time since I've met her, she looked ashamed. And scared.
        "I'm fine, you guys, really." Shadow said, trying to break free of our
circle. Suddenly, she seemed to waver, and then, as if we were all in slow
motion, and could do nothing to prevent it, she collapsed. 



***


        Several hours later, we were still waiting to see her. She had a broken
ankle, a mild concussion, and several scarred ribs, and a few new broken
ones. Her left thumb was broken, and the doctor reported he had found even
more bruises over her body.
        I had been waiting in the waiting room of StarFleet Medical most of the
day. I had left briefly with Danielle to get something to eat, and to
contact Mom, but we couldn't get Shannon to leave. She was pale and
shaking, and had to be holding onto one of us at all times. 
        We had left school the moment after Shadow had collapsed and I didn't go
back that day. Mom finally came to get me and take me home at nine. She
looked worried and held onto my hand as we walked home. She had contacted
Dad when she found out to keep the twins an extra few days, and he seemed
fine with it. I still hadn't gotten a chance to talk to Mom about Larissa.
        We let ourselves into our apartment to find the lights on and tea on the
stove. Mom acted confused and suggested I go up to my room and get ready
for bed. Grudgingly, I obeyed, dragging myself upstairs to find Jeshua
sitting on my couch in the living room. At first I rubbed my eyes to see if
I was dreaming. Then I blinked several times. Then I must have fainted,
because the next thing I remember is waking up the next morning, in bed,
with Jeshua asleep on the floor beside me. 
        "Good morning, sleeping beauty," he said, without opening his eyes. I
looked at him, cocking my head, pinching myself to see that this wasn't a
dream. "No, I'm actually here, it's no dream."
        But then the memories from last night came flooding back to me, and I was
out of bed, running towards my console as fast as my still sleep deprived
legs could carry me. I contacted Margie and Danielle, knowing that Shannon
would still be at the hospital. 
        Margie greeted me with a bright smile, Danielle greeted me with a killer
glare as to why I woke her up. None of them knew anything, their parents
had come to collect them before Mom had gotten there. Dejectedly, I sat
back and glowered at the view screen.
        "Your mom checked with the hospital earlier today, she's going to be
fine.
And StarFleet has arrested her older brother and father, they're holding
her uncle for questioning, and her mom has been taken to the hospital as
well. It appears she was in worst state then Shadow."
        "Worst!?" I sat back, dismayed. I could feel tears spring to my eyes, but
I wiped at them furiously. I was too proud to cry, I had always been too
proud to cry in front of anyone. I regained my composure quickly, after
several years of practice, it doesn't take that long anymore. I looked up
at Jeshua, who was standing uneasily in the doorway between the main room
and my bedroom. "What are you doing here, anyway?"
        "I came for a visit, I told you I would." He said, hauling a chair over
and sitting down next to me. "You don't really think I'd just never come
back, did you?"
        "From the way you sounded when I last talked to you, it certainly did." I
said, bitterly. Jeshua was silent for a moment and I leaned my forehead
against my hands. "I'm sorry," I said quietly, my voice no louder than a
whisper, "It just...hurts that you're not staying."
        "Deirdre, what counts is that I'm here now, okay? And whether you want to
admit it, you need someone."
        The tears sprung to my eyes one more time and I tried to fight them, in
vain. Slowly, they started to fall and Jeshua wrapped his arms around me,
giving me a huge hug. It wasn't anything more than a brotherly hug, and for
that, I was thankful.
        I don't know how long I cried, I don't know how hard I cried, I just
cried. 


***


        Jeshua didn't stay as long as he thought he would, he went back to the
"Artemis" two days later, and I returned to school to a mountain of
homework and dizzying questions as to where Danielle, Margie, Shadow,
Shannon, and I had been. I didn't answer many of them, it wasn't my place.
Shadow was in care of StarFleet Medical, and Shannon was there almost
everyday.
        The final court date was just next week, and I was going up to Montana
this weekend. I didn't want to go, I'd rather stay home and be with
Danielle and Margie, but Dad would have a fit if I didn't come. Amy was
coming down instead, to stay the weekend with Mom.
        The next week would be busy. I would be spending the night in Hawaii on
Monday night with my Scuba class, and we'd be learning more about the
submarines on both days. I wouldn't be at school on Wednesday, it was the
final divorce hearing, and on Thursday, Mom and I were leaving to go to
Luna for a few days to get away from everything. The trip had been planned
for months, and Mom saw no reason to change it. And on Saturday, I was
going over to Danielle's. 
        I sighed and zipped up my bag, throwing in The Secret Of Roan Inish  just
before I closed it. I hadn't had a chance to read it yet, with everything
going on, and since there was probably nothing else to do back in Montana,
I could at least read it.
        "Deirdre! Amy and your father are here!" 
        "I'll be down in a minute!" I called back, clipping the leash to Elf's
collar, and running down the stairs. Amy threw herself at me, grabbing my
legs in an ecstatic hug. "Hi, Amy!"
        She looked up at me with a wide grin. B'Elanna smiled. Tom looked a
little
uneasy. "Uhm...I don't mean to rush, but I've got everybody waiting in the
car, so we kinda need to hurry."
        "Oh, of course," Mom said, giving me a quick kiss on the forehead. I gave
her a tight hug. 
        "Take care of yourself," I whispered and Mom squeezed me tighter. I drew
back and heard a squall from the twin's room. "Aren't we bringing them?" I
asked Dad. He shook his head, sending a glare at Mom.
        "No, we're not. Let's go. Bye Amy! Daddy loves you. Good...day,
B'Elanna."
Mom gave me a smile and shut the door. Elf sniffed at Dad's shoe.
        "We're bringing her?" Dad asked, a little miffed. I looked up at him.
        "I take Elf everywhere," I told him, "She made a home of the apartment a
few days after we moved here. Oh, and I called the other day and some chick
named Larissa answered and..."
        Dad stopped. "Deirdre, there's something I need to tell you. Larissa
isn't
just...a friend."
        "Well, go figure," I said, glaring up at him. "I got that impression when
I heard you not want to come talk to me."
        "You...you heard that?"
        "And I also heard Matthew call Larissa Mom. Why the hell is my little
brother calling a complete stranger Mom!? His mother is right up there in
that apartment!"
        "Deirdre, calm down, calm down. Okay? Larissa is an old friend, we went
to
school together, and we work together. Please be courteous this weekend,
she has two of her own kids. There names are Carly, who's Matt's age, and
Brian, who is near Braiden's age."
        "You didn't answer my question," I told him. "Why is Matthew calling her
Mom? I want an answer, or I'm not going this weekend."
        I realize I was being a brat, and probably sounded like a stuck-up snob,
but at the moment, I didn't care.
        Dad turned to me and looked down at Elf. She looked back up at him. "I
don't know, Deirdre, you'll find Matt has changed in the last few weeks.
I've tried to make him not call her that, but he won't. It's as if...it's
as if your mother weren't alive anymore. Come on, let's go." He put an arm
around me and guided me down to the hovercar. Braiden was sitting in the
back with another little boy with red, fluffy hair and green eyes. Matthew
was playing Thumb Wars with a girl that had black hair and dimples. Braiden
threw himself at me, much like Amy had and hung on for dear life. His
little body was shaking and I held him for a long time. Matthew didn't
glance up at me, but his companion did. She even got out of the hovercar
and curtsied.
        "Hello, I'm Carly." She gave me a smile and extended her hand. "It is a
pleasure to meet you, Braiden and Tom talk about you all the time."
        I took her hand and paused, not sure of what to say. "It's nice to meet
you, Carly."
        Carly had bent down and was petting Elf's head. She looked up at me. "You
have such a sweet dog!"
        "Carly, don't get to attached, okay?" A woman came around from the other
side of the car. Tom grinned brightly at her and her face lit up when she
saw him. But she didn't go towards him, she came towards me, taking a deep
breath. She extended a hand.
        "Hello, I'm Larissa, we spoke on the phone." I shook her hand, firmly.
        "I'm Deirdre," I said, studying her. She looked a lot like Carly, except
her eyes were blue instead of brown.
        "Well, gang, let's go!" Tom clapped his hands and opened the passenger
door. Braiden and Carly loaded back in, I let Elf ride in the back with
Braiden as I slid into next to Carly. 
        "Hey, Matt," I said. Matt looked up.
        "Oh, hi," he said, not seeming very happy to see me. He went back to his
hand-held Nintendo. I shrugged and looked out the window, I wasn't going to
worry about it.
        "Where are we going?" I asked after a few minutes of silence, I looked
out
the window. We were speeding over the horizon, past traffic, towards an
unknown destination.
        "Woodby Island," Dad answered me. "Larissa has a small cottage up there."
        "Oh...I thought we were going to be back in Montana," I said, quietly.
Larissa exchanged a look with Dad.
        "Well, I guess maybe we could just go back..."
        "No, we'll go to the island. If you wanted to be at home, Deirdre, you
could have come last weekend."
        "It was my party last weekend! I'm sorry that I can't be at your beck and
call every weekend, but I have a  life too!" I sat up, glaring out the
window, now.
        Braiden climbed over the seat and into my lap, starting to clap my hands
together. I hugged my little brother close and there wasn't any more said
the rest of the time.


***


        The next morning, I contacted Mom to see how things were going. I got the
voice mail, saying that they had gone shopping. I left a message, a
carefully worded message, and disconnected.
        "If you want to go back, just say so," a voice said from behind me, I
turned around to see Dad standing in the doorway.
        "Why would I go home? This is your weekend with me. At least, I thought
it
was going to be."
        "Deirdre, we need to talk about some things, come on, let's go for a
walk." I stood up, called for Elf, and we left.
        Larissa's cottage was right on the beach and we strolled down the beach.
I
soon let Elf off her leash and she ran ahead. "What happened, DD?" Dad
asked quietly when we were a good distance away from the cottage.
        "Dad...the divorce isn't even final...what is it with Larissa?"
        Dad sighed and looked over at me. "She doesn't make me as lonely anymore.
She empties that hole that I feel."
        "Mom could, you know," I said quietly. Dad shook his head.
        "No...Deirdre, she can't. I know...I know you think maybe we could work
things out, but me and B'Elanna talked a lot last weekend. And yes, you're
probably right, we could possibly make it work, but..."
        "But you don't want to!" I stopped and whirled on him. "You're breaking
our family apart, don't you see!? It could work! We could be a family
again! No wonder Mom left that night! You were the one ripping our family
apart, not her!" My words stung Dad through the heart. He turned away from me.
        "Deirdre, please...don't say that."
        "Why not? Because it's the truth? And you're afraid to accept the truth!?
How long were you seeing Larissa?"
        "I wasn't seeing Larissa, Deirdre," he turned around. "I know you
probably
don't believe me, but I'm telling you now that we cannot salvage the pieces
to the family we both knew."
        "Why are you doing this, Dad, truthfully?" I pressed, as he turned around
to face the ocean once more. "Why are you the one pushing for the divorce?
Don't you love her anymore?"
        He cracked then. "OF COURSE I LOVE HER!" I stepped back, slightly
stunned.
Dad turned around. "I love her so much sometimes it hurts! But just because
you love someone doesn't mean that you are intended to be together!
Deirdre, I've learned that lesson, she has learned that lesson."
        "Then get past the damn lesson and stop breaking my family apart! God,
dammit, Dad look around you! Matthew is calling a complete stranger Mom,
Braiden is running between both of his parents, unsure of which to choose;
Amy is loving you, but she's unable to stay away from Mom; and the twins
are too young to understand!"
        "What about you?" He asked suddenly. I looked up at him.
        "I don't know anymore," I said simply, called to Elf, and began walking
away. Dad had things to think about, my presence would only hurt it more.
Silently, I prayed to any God that was up there, to make him find the right
choice.
        Braiden, Matthew, Brian, and Carly were sitting on the porch when I came
back. Braiden lifted up his arms to be picked up but I just ruffled his
hair. "Sorry, bro, I need to call Mom."
        "Mommy! I wanna talk to Mommy!"
        Larissa greeted me as I entered the kitchen. "Good morning, Deirdre!
Braiden, you hungry?"
        "No! I wanna talk to Mommy!" Larissa smiled in understanding. "She called
earlier, said her and Amy had gone out to breakfast, but she's home now."
        "Thanks," I told her and sat down at the console. Mom answered on the
third ring. "Mom, I'm coming home," I told her after she said hello. Mom's
face turned dark.
        "What happened?"
        "It's too hard to explain, but I'll be home by dark. I'm just going to
rent a hovercar or something."
        Mom sighed, and I could see she was disappointed that it didn't work out.
"Is your father there?"
        "No, he's on the beach. Mom, please just let me come home." Slowly, Mom
nodded.
        I was packing my things when Carly came into the room we were supposed to
be sharing this weekend. She pulled her knees up to her chest as she sat
down on my bed. "You don't like us, do you?" She asked quietly. I glanced
over at her.
        "It has nothing to do with you, Carly, really, it doesn't. I just need to
get home."
        "Why?"
        "Because I have a friend in the hospital, and to be honest, I really
don't
think it would be best for me to say."
        "Matt wants you to stay," Carly said softly. 
        "Well, he doesn't show it by the way he acts." I told her.
        "He's just scared...he told me that. And he also told me that he doesn't
hate you."
        "Well, if you talk to him again soon, tell him I love him, too." Carly
nodded.
        "Will you be coming back soon?" She asked hopefully and I had to smile.
She was a pretty cute kid.
        "I'm not sure, I'll try though, okay?"
        "Okay!" That seemed to satisfy her curiosity and she ran to get Elf's
leash for me. Carly walked with me into town, and smiled up at me as we
parted at the corner.   "I hope you come back, Deirdre," she said. "You'd be
a nice older sister."
        I managed to smile and nod. "Thanks, Carly, I'll see you later."


***


        I found the rental hovercar dealership without any trouble and rented one
I could afford. I had brought my Express Card with me, which I silently was
thankful for. It began to rain as I got farther and farther towards San
Francisco, and I spent the time thinking.
        Had I been right to leave? Did Dad truly still love Mom? Yes, he did. I
could see the look on his face whenever I mentioned her, and how soft his
eyes got when he said he loved her. But he was also falling for Larissa,
and the question was how much longer he would love Mom.
        I guess he would always love Mom, but maybe not be in love with her. I
tried to imagine what my life would be in another year, in five years.
Larissa was truly in love with my father, that much was obvious. And maybe
they wouldn't be as lonely if they were with each other, but what about Mom?
        I hear her cry almost every night and she's trying as hard as she can.
Having Amy down the last few weekends have helped, Mom's calmer when Amy's
around. 
        I wish Braiden would come stay with us but I know Dad wouldn't  allow
that
or Matthew would convince him otherwise. I sighed and changed lanes.
        Maybe this whole thing was for the best. Maybe that's how someone wanted
it. I've never been religious, but for all I know, there is a God and he
says, "You'll all be happier if you aren't a family." Two families, I
couldn't get used to that.
        My thoughts drifted from my family, to Shadow and Shannon, to Margie and
Danielle. Even Vladmir, even though I have no idea how he got into my
thoughts. All he did was tease me.
        Life had been more fun and so much more simpler since we moved since San
Francisco. Slowly, inside, I can feel myself changing, and it scares me.
But my gut tells me change can be good, and that this change is good. Aunt
Kathryn told me once to always trust my gut, so I guess I will.
        I dropped the hovercar off at the dealership, and caught a trolley up
town. It dropped me off about a kilometer from my apartment, and I shivered
in the cold evening air.
        As I walked home, I continued to think. Shakespeare once said, "To be or
not to be...that is the question." And that quote sort of fits my life. To
be a family, or not to be. But it's not my question to answer. It's my
parents, and my family will be different if it happens either way.
        It began to sprinkle gently, and as I looked up at the sky, twilight
fell...