Originally published February 8, 2001
by Adam Zurn

Is romance dead? I struggle to remember the last time I saw any on campus. I've watch as we've replaced bouquets of flowers with six packs of beer, evenings at the theater with rented videos, and walks in the moonlight with short trots to the bedroom. We go to parties with the express purpose of "hooking-up," not to meet someone of substance. Instead of mental intimacy, we seek quick physical gratification.

Is romance that terrible? It's not a vocation for the masses. It's the type of lifestyle where a powerful desire exists to be with a special someone. An endeavor that succeeds in getting in the way of life's serious activities. What a wonderful price to pay.

Several factors have helped to bring on the downfall of romance. Hollywood is one. You can't always win the girl's heart by sheer willpower alone. If she feels nothing, often that's all there is to it.

The Hollywood love story lie: Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Girl has no interest in boy. Boy wins girl over with irresistible charm and humor. In real life: Boy meets girl. Boy falls for girl. Girl has no interest in boy. Boy attempts to win girl over with irresistible charm and humor. Girl files restraining order.

Moreover, as a gender, men aren't dating geniuses, myself included on that long list. At the risk of appearing chauvinistic, women's lib may have helped end romance§. What used to be understood as males modes of romance (i.e., courtship rituals) are now seen as modes of male intimidation playing on the weakness and anxieties of women. Nothing could be further from the truth.

Hallmarks of being a gentleman and showing a woman that you like her-opening doors, paying bills, and walking her home-are fast fading. What is a man to do? He can't exactly go up to a woman and simply say, "I like girls, a lot!" Does political correctness and romance have room for one another in the new millennium?

Seinfield says that a date is like a job interview that lasts all night long. However, instead of concluding with a handshake, it sometimes finishes with the two of you together in bed. I disagree with this. Dating and romance isn't about impressing the other person with the car you drive, your long list of recommendation letters from past lovers, or even your anticipated five-year compensation package.

It's about honesty, personal feelings, and that electric spark that shoots up from the base of your spine to the back of your head the moment your hands brush one another.

A wise man, someone who dates more than I, pointed out that the type of person you really want to date is one you can take to the park instead of the movies. If the two of you can sit there for two hours getting to know each other, you'll find the entertainment was better, and you've met someone of substance.

This same wise man also maintains that this same person of "substance" will not become physically intimate with you that first night either. Besides, what's the hurry? Do we have to know we are sexually compatible so soon? Romance should not be similar to test driving a car. Aren't the best things in life worth the wait?

Valentine's Day is next week. Why not bring a little romance back into this politically correct world? If you don't have anyone in your life right now, all the better reason to try it on someone you would like to be.

§ As a disclaimer, I want to point out that the rights of women are just as important as men's, that the removal of glass ceilings and "good old boy" clubs is an overdue and important part of equality in our society.