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The holiday decorations are all down, the
malls have stopped playing Christmas music, and the tree has
been tossed into the garbage. It would appear that Christmas
is over. Over in every aspect but one-those holiday bills are
still coming in.
Holiday bills are a lot like hangovers. They
really hurt the next day, and we promise ourselves we'll never
do anything that foolish again. That promise lasts about as long
as a New Year's resolution. Of course, the kicker was that 14
carrot gold tennis bracelet you got your significant other only
to catch her under the mistletoe with someone else a week later.
If you're like me, you've just done some quick
math on your fingers and realized that with these bills you can't
afford textbooks and beer. For heaven's sake, how can we survive
without beer; it's the staple of any growing college student.
Lay your worries aside because here comes,
free of charge, The Wildman Financial College Survival Guide
to help you get the money you need to buy your beer.
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The first thing you need to do is buy
yourself some more time. Pay the MasterCard bill with the Discover
Card and the Discover Card with the MasterCard. This will give
you some time to come up with the money you need and preserve
what you have for Friday night.
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The next place where you can cut corners is with your laundry.
A load of laundry is 75 cents and to dry it can cost another
50 to 75 cents. That starts to add up real quick. You could just
give up doing your laundry but for some unexplained reason finding
a date becomes really difficult.
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Here is the next best thing. Since Bob Slabinski has yet to charge
for using the showers, simply take your laundry in the shower
with you. A whole load would take forever but if you do a little
each day it becomes manageable. Trust me it works.
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Another way to save on your laundry is to find a roommate that's
about your size and just wear his/her clothing. You could try
sneaking your dirty clothes in his laundry bag too. By doing
any one of these easy steps, you've saved yourself around $30
a semester.
That's enough to pay the interest on your
credit card or an evening out with your buds.
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Try skipping out on getting a meal plan. That alone will save
you anywhere from $1,010 to $750 a semester. I know what you're
saying, "Where am I going eat?" No problem.
Just take a look around, this campus is filled
with free food. There is a pond full of big fat fish just waiting
to be caught. Not to mention, fish are low in cholesterol.
Like red meat you say, again no problem. There
must be hundreds of squirrels hopping about. I doubt anyone will
miss a few. Feel like treating yourself, just get yourself juicy
duck.
I'm sure that after a while eating duck and
fish will become a little old. Try reading the posters on campus.
People here are always giving away free food.
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When it comes to dating merely find a woman who is very liberated,
and she'll pay for the date. Hey, it's the '90s.
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Save gas by walking. The traffic is so heavy here that you can
make better time by not driving.
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If walking isn't your thing, work those legs and thumb a ride.
People who hitchhike tend to make better time than people who
drive because people who pick up hitchhikers also tend to speed.
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Call home and ask for money. Have a vivid sad story with lots
of good reasons for needing the money and be sure to talk to
mom. Mom always understands. The gold tennis bracelet you have
to pay for is not a good reason to mention to mom.
By this point, you should be able to save
enough money to cover those bills. It's sure tough being a college
student and making ends meet. I can't wait to graduate and become
a teacher so I can rake in the big bucks and drive a BMW.
Wait, what's that you say, "Teachers
don't make a lot of money!" How come, aren't they teaching
the youth of America?
Looks like I should hang on to this survival
guide, I might just need it again after graduate.
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