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You can always tell a real Wildman , they
don't believe in the status quo or fall victim to doing something
just because everyone else does it. In fact, they usually have
a unique way of doing things. Take for example how a Wildman
handles the following situations:
The Wildman on Shaving
A typical Gillette razor just doesn't
cut it for a Wildman. They need something with a little more
bang behind it. This is how a Wildman shaves: they lather their
face, set the wood jointer to 1/64 of an inch, and gently slide
their face over the whirring blades-against the grain for an
extra smooth shave. Not only will this remove those pesky whiskers
for the smoothest of shaves but also any unwanted zits or moles
you might have.
The Wildman on First-Aid
Have a deep cut that won't stop bleeding
or tired of that Band-Aid always falling off then try a little
cement dust. Cement dust isn't just for building anymore, its
moisture sucking power will stop any bleeding, almost instantly.
Of course, now that you have the bleeding
stopped you need to do something about that cut. Since real Wildman
don't sew, merely pinch the wound together and add some crazy-glue.
Your friends might call you crazy but by the time the glue wears
off the wound should be healed. The best part of super glue is
that it's waterproof unlike those girlie stitches you get at
the hospital.
The Wildman on Trash
Unlike many people on campus, a real
Wildman doesn't drop his trash wherever he wants while walking
across campus. It goes in a waste can.
This is probably why so many people love the
sight of newly fallen snow. That white clean blanket of snow
gives the impression of what the world must have been like when
it was young-new, clean, and alive with possibilities.
Too bad winter is over. Many people on this
campus are terribly guilty of this littering sin. Dining hall
take-out containers, Turkey Hill bottles, beer cars, and anything
else someone was too lazy to carry to a trash can cover the campus.
I understand how people are forced to drop
their trash wherever they want. It isn't like there is a trashcan
on every single corner of the campus. Not to mention, those Turkey
Hill bottles can be so very heavy when they're empty. It's amazing
anyone can muscle them out of the Cove when they're filled.
It's tough to know how to behave when the
rest of the country isn't setting much of an example. We live
in a country that has a merely seven percent of the world's population
yet it still manages to produce 25 percent of the planet's waste.
Basically, it boils down to short-term thinking and pure laziness.
Both of which are fast becoming an American tradition-Home of
the brave! Land of the spoiled?
It's hard to think long-term when you're just
trying to get through a rough day but next time you have an empty
ice-tea bottle or food wrapper see if you hold on to for an extra
two minutes and drop it off in a trash can.
You might not feel any better for doing it
but your children will thank you as will the duck with the six-pack
ribbon wrapped around his head.
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