If we had a girlfriend, we would eat out in fancy restaurants. We would even be treated to our girlfriend’s home cooking.

If you are in the Zero Club, you live for fast food. Personally, I believe that KFC is the king of takeaways. Many a time have my eyes lit up when I see that wonderful Colonel Sanders sign if I am feeling hungry and walking down the street in a town I have never been to before.

Obviously, some outlets are better than others. Detailed below are my own reviews and ratings of some of the many KFC outlets I have visited in London, England and beyond:

Amsterdam – standard sit-down KFC fare that ticks all the right boxes. However, Dutch zinger burgers have too much tomato in them and are not as hot as their UK cousins, which is a slight shame. Rating 8/10.

Barnet – turn up after 9PM and you will be lucky to find one piece of chicken (let alone a fillet burger and 3 hot wings) even though they do not close for at least another two hours. Lamentable. Rating 1/10.

Croydon – pleasant sit-down environment with excellent views of Croydon tramlink. Rating 9/10.

Enfield – this take-away only franchise has an excellent choice of food even at 12:30 AM on weekend nights. Rating 9/10.

King’s Cross – this KFC doubles up as a shoebox, and a small one at that. At busy times, the proximity to the people either side in the queue is rather unnerving, especially after nightfall when some of the clientele can be rather shady to say the least. Rating 4/10.

Leicester Square – an excellent final port of call after a West End night out, this delightful place is open until at least 4 AM and is the setting of the Zero Club Lifetime Chairman’s KFC consumption record (£13.50 in 1999). Those were the days! Rating 9/10.

Tower Hill – full of tourists at lunchtime but unlike Leicester Square the service is incredibly slow. The KFC is part of a shopping arcade near the Tower of London and can get very chilly and draughty in the winter, but also very hot in the summer. Unlike other KFC outlets, has a licence to sell bottled beer although it may have since been revoked. Rating 3/10.

Victoria Station – shares a communal area with about 5 other outlets, so seating space is always at a premium. It may be the case that you have no other choice but to share a table with a beautiful secretary that is eating her healthy option salad from one of the other outlets. The closest any Zero Club member will get to a dinner date. Rating 7/10.

And, in loving memory…

Strand – it was a sad day when this wonderful establishment closed its doors circa 1999. So many memories, the KFC was located down the stairs and oozed class. Rating 10/10.

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