The main feature of the Club is the failure with women of our members. Here are some members reports of such incidents.

Failure with women is not limited to the UK. Two members of the Board recently returned from a trip to Turkey and have contributed this report...

Pulling failure in Bodrum, Turkey 2006

This is a pulling failure incident which occurred on the Bodrum Catamaran Boat Disco in Turkey, September 2006.

Bobcat BJ and an Affiliated Member of the Zero Club Talking Friend purchased two tickets to board the Bodrum Catamaran Disco Boat which is a special disco that sails out from the Turkish port in Bodrum at 1am, and sails back at 5am. We were assured by the ticket agent that the boat would be very popular, so figured that the probability of encountering lots of loose women was reasonable enough for us to partake in such a worthy investment.

As it was without any doubt in our minds that anywhere where there is a disco and lots of girls, the music would be dance related, so we got ourselves into a positive mood first by heading to Kule, a rock bar in central Bodrum. Oddly Kule actually does attract some fine specimens of the female form, so we placed ourselves suitably in the vicinity between two sets of two girls which were most probably Russians judging by their extreme beauty. Naturally despite being in a very central prominant position, not one of these four ladies even noticied we were there or even glanced in our direction. We may well have been completely invisible for all it mattered. The music and beer however was excellent.

Next we headed to another smaller rock bar just around the corner which had screened rock videos the last time we were there a few days earlier. Lots of pretty women present, but again not a single one looked in our direction. The music and beer however was excellent.

Then at around 12.30am it was time to board the boat....

Fast forward.... we are now sailing out to sea sitting at a stylish table made from a wooden boat....

Whilst machine-produced music blasted in the background we started off with a beer sitting between two very aesthetically pleasing female specimens. The one next to me however was with her boyfriend and the one next to Talking Friend appeared to be freely available but we eventually found out that she was sitting with her Mum and Dad. Anyway, luck seemed to be coming our way when I glanced over to notice a fine brunette that seemed to be looking over in our direction. I decided then that this was good enough to focus on her in order to choose a suitable point at which to make my move.

We decided however to make an exploration around this stylish floating vessel, and eventually ended up on the dance floor, then guess who should be dancing just next to us - yes miss pretty thang was right there, fate was clearly pulling all the right strings! Then suddenly the clearing in the sky clouded over again as some guy turned up out of nowhere and stole her away. We moved around the dance floor a bit more, and got ignored several times by different groups of sexy women that didn't even know we were there, until we found ourselves suddenly dancing next to... yup miss pretty thang was back again, and so was her man-interest and this time he made the plunge and started kissing her, right in front of us, talk about rubbing it in! And on top of that he appeared to be a member of the crew staff. Double b*stard!

But then something strange happened, he suddenly run off! The pretty brunette was just left standing there and she was putting her arm up and touching her lips all the time. This guy must be a really crap kisser or something. I decided now was the time to seize the moment... and shuffled over to her with an opening line about what a bad kisser that guy must be, in the hope that she would want to see if I could offer to do better. She sort of stood there at first and then carried on doing the thing with her arm up to her lips and then after a short while she just ran off like most women do. Suffice to say the music was crap but the beer was excellent.

BJ Bobcat

Switzerland

Talking Friend went by himself on a 5 day trip to Switzerland in search of scenery, trains and the off chance that i might talk to a girl.

It all started well with a flight which was on time and after getting lost only twice found my hostel which seamed to be very quiet near the centre of Basel. I then took time to explore the city by myself which was very pleasant and had a nice river and some cool buildings. It was a steaming hot day which meant that then lucky f---ers with girlfriends were near the rivers and the parks all over each other rubbing it in that i was alone. The nearest i got to a girl on day 1 was when i asked for a chicken sandwich with some honey mustard. The fat ugly girl serving me told me that everyone had asked for honey mustard that day and that's about as good as the conversation got.

That evening i went back to the hostel in hope of some atmosphere and to my dismay found that they put me in with some illegal immigrants from India. After eating BY MYSELF i than wanderered about town again looking at all the romantic couples looking into each other eyes in Restaurants.

When i got back to the hostel i went straight to sleep as there was nothing else to do and was rudely awoken by some horrible smoke smell at 6am and it was the Indians smoking some sweet smelling stuff and it nearly choked them and me so i got up and left the room and left the Hostel.

On my 2nd day i went to Interlaken which was the main part of my trip and the hostel i was going to had a reputation of being a party place so i had some expectations. The journey was very pleasant so were the trains and this would make any zero club member very exicited. I arrived in Interlaken to a very beautiful town, very green with a mountain backdrop and found the hostel.

This hostel was mainly full of Americans with some Aussies as well and it wouldnt be until later that i would find out if this place was good. First it was time to look around town and to also go up this steep train which would take me up to the top of the local mountain and the views was fantastic. After a testing hike i then went back to the hostel to check into my room hoping for a mixed dorm as this would be the closest i would come to a women in a long time and also because it might lead to meeting up with them later.

Good news i found that there were in fact 3 women in my dorm Bad news all had there fuck--g boyfriends also in the same dorm

In this hostel there was a bar in a club like room downstairs and there was a happy hour at 9 so decided to see if i could strike up a conversation with anyone, the place was full of pretty americans and also some aussies who all KNEW each other and there was a lack of single travellers. As there was no one to hang round with from my dorm i knew i would be in trouble. The bar was playing the worst machine produced music you could imagine and after getting my 2 beers for 1 deal,stood by myself at the bar watching everyone alse having fun.i was like the invisable man as no women even noticed i was there. There was 1 other guy(early 30,s) that also looked alone watching all the beautiful young loud American girls socialising(should have told him about the website). After 1 more beer gave up and went to bed, couldnt get to sleep as all i could hear outside was everyone else having fun.The music, girls and atmosphere was shit but the beer was good.

The next day was the highlight as i went on the mountain train to the top of Europe(Jungfrau) which was 3500 metres tall and the highest point you can go to in Europe.

You have to change 3 times before getting to the top and Switzerland is like a Zero club(geaks) wet dream with all the cogwheels, small trains and cable cars. It is also the hiking capital of the world with so many trails. After a quick stop at beautiful Wengen went up to the top of Jungfrau, the final 16km is a tunnel which took 16 years!!! to build. Once on top the views were breathtaking and with the sunny day and good visability made it even more special. At the top there is this big rock and within this is a Train station, 2 resturants, ice caves, galleries and many look out points and walking trails outside in the snow. the trip may have cost£75 but you got more out of this then a shitty night in the west end listening to dance music and getting ignored by women.

Talking of getting ignored, the 2nd and last night in the hostel was a mirror image of the first, the couple in my dorm was replaced by another couple and 2 lads who i hardly spoke to, the music was the same, the lonely guy was there again by himself and there were even more lads there that night. To get talking to a girl would be the equivelent of speking to a stranger at a night club(not my strong point) In all the so called socialable hotels in the world i have been to in the last 15 years i have never had so much trouble communcating like in this hostel.

The next day i was off to my final hostel in Lucern and after a bonus scenic train ride looking at some fantastic scenery i sat in frount of an old english couple and they said to each other as we arrived at some beautiful lakeside station(not quite Couldston South) . I was again hoping for a mixed dorm and my hopes was raised when i saw what looked like female tolietries in my dorm, after looking round this beautiful but small city, i came back to the hostel in hope to find 2 Korean guys in my dorm and they were joined by a quiet Aussie lad. As we say that was that but its never over to the fat lady sings(fat lady in my dreams!!!). That evening the common room turned into a library with everyone reading or in the Koreans case cooking.I had 1 beer and was in bed by 11PM.

The final day the weather was crap but that didnt stop me taking a steamboat ride over the lake followed by the steepest cog wheel train in the world 45% gradient to the top of mount Pilatus. At the top you could not see anything as the cloud were too low but i still went on a hike to the very top and was joined by 2 birds!!!!!!(no feathered kind) and a deer who kept staring at me(the best reaction of the whole trip)

After getting a cable car down to the bottom, went back to my hostel to find that the korean guys were replaced by other guys and i actually went to town with some Kiwi guy but as he had no money never even went to a bar. After eating alone and then going to the Library(common room) went to bed at 10.30PM. My condoms had a well earned rest again and its only 3 years till they expire.

The next day it was back to jolly old England, the only train delay the whole trip came at Harlow Town on the way back where the train was late due to a power failure(welcome home)

In summing up the country was fantastic, the beer was fantastic, the scenery was breataking, the trains,cable cars, cog wheel trains were the best in the world and yes you gussed it the women were shit.

Until my next adventures

Taking friend

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