Which sexual position produces the ugliest children?   Ask your mom.

How do you know when you're REALLY ugly? Dogs hump your leg with their eyes closed.

What is the quickest way to clear out a men's restroom? Say, "Nice dick."

How do you know you're leading a sad life? When a nymphomaniac tells you, "Let's just be friends."

Why don't bunnies make noise when they make love? Because they have cotton balls.

Mom's have Mother's Day, Father's have Father's Day. What do single guys have? Palm Sunday

Why is being in the military like a blow job? The closer you get to discharge, the better you feel.

What do you call a ninety year old man who can still masturbate? Miracle Whip.

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts? Her navel.

What has a whole bunch of little balls and screws old ladies?  A bingo machine.

What three two-letter words denote "small"? "Is it in?"

Why does Mike Tyson cry during sex?  Mace will do that to you. 

If you are having sex with two women and one more woman walks in, what do you have? Divorce proceedings, most likely.