| I hate weekends... |
|
| Currently Feeling: A bit worried A bit upset A bit...happyish? Definately Loved A bit lost A bit unsure A bit...somethin... A bit sleepy A bit lonely... |
| Wow...its amazing how easily your life can change...how quickly...and it can be somethin small or big that changes it...but it still seems weird all the same...I wish that we all knew the choices of what our actions'd be. That way we'd know what or what not to do. Itd be a hell of a lot easier...know what I mean? |
 |
| I have made a vow...Im gonna write on this every chance I get...hopefully I can write on it at least once a day...yay me? I dunno...Maybe it'll help me with my issues...not sayin that this'll get read...but maybe itll help me in general..if you do happen to read this, you're more than welcome to leave comments on my page/guestbook. |
|
|
   |
| October 26, 2006 (afternoon) Wow...school really sucks...my grades. are like...worse than usual...I have like a 100, 95, 95, 95, 94, 92, 91, 87...and Im supposed to be a straight A student...grrr on the Arkansas State Grading System (ASGS). Lets see...I dont have school again until Monday...stupid teacher workshops. Good news though. I get to see Jacob (my boyfriend for all of you that dont know) on Saturday. yay! Theres this annual Halloween thing goin on and we're goin. Yay us! lol God...Im so bored right now... Really I am...Oh! Law and Order's on. Imma go watch that. It's CI right now, but SVU's next. Yay again! lol |
 |
 |
 |
| I just thought that I'd add a few of my pix to make this page more zoeish...lol |
| What Im Thinking Right Now |
 |
| October 27, 2006 (12ish) Well...this sucks...a lot. My mom's in the hospital...again. My gramma was in there a few days ago (she was in there for almost 2 weeks) and my mom was up there for a bit durin that time...now shes there again...So not cool. I really think that I have pissed a gypsy off and its taking its revenge on me and my family now joke. Now, unless I can convince my aunt or my grampa to take me tomorrow, I cant see Jacob at the Spooktactular. *cries again* I really hate this...I mean...why me? Seriously I mean..what have I done wrong now? Eh? Oh and my great gramma's about to die...yeah...We pissed of a gypsy of somethin...My aunt just came and told me that they said she dont have long left to live...I cant do this...really I cant. Have you ever heard the chorus for "Razorblade" by Blue October? If you havent...thats what keeps going through my head...and I dont want it too...its...just too much... I'd show a smile Current state : But Im too weak Crying Id share with you Needing a hug Could I only speak Needing Jacob... Just how much this Hurts me |
 |
| October 28, 2006 (about 4 in the after noon) Omg...my great gramma just died...I still cant believe it. I mean I knew it was gonna happen..but...I just didnt let it sink in I guess...Im still crying and I cant quit. Its sad really...today was going just so well, Moms out of the hospital and I was gonna get to go see Jacob tonight. But now...I just have no idea...Imma go...I need to do somethin |
| October 30, 2006 (840 pm ish) Well...today was okay I guess. I mean...it could of been better, but Im dealin. My great grammas funeral is tomorrow at 2. I cant go...its just...Im not a funeral person...I dont know why...nor am I a hospital person but anyway...Im kinda sad still. I got a lot on my mind and I guess thats okay. I mean...who doesnt anymore...Right? I dunno... I got to see Jacob Saturday. yay! That really helped me out...you have no idea. If it wasnt for him...I honestly dont know what I'd do. Im so lost without him...He wasnt at school today. But thats okay I understand. And so its nbd. As for my mental/physical state...Im dealing....and he's helping...I just wish there was some way for me to show him that I really appreicate all he's done for me. I cant seem to come up with the right way to express it... Only 3 years, 10 months, 1 day and like...3 hours till me and him can get married (1413 days). I cant wait. Im content to marry him now. Really I am. Just...Im only 14 and the stupid laws in Arkansas say you got to be 18. Or you can be 16 if you got parental consent. But thats still not cool. My grandparents'd never go for that. But we'll figure it out. As I've told him, Im his as long as he wants me. Heh...I still got the chorus to Better Than Me by Hinder stuck in me head. And as much as I hate to say it...Razorblade is still in me head a bit...I dont mean for it to be (and Jacob if youre reading this, Im sorry)(IHonest) Ugg....Im bored...I think Ill go read some more...Im reading a book called Monster right now. Its by Walter Dean Myers and its about this boy that gets involved in a murder charge and while hes in jail, hes making all the court appearances into a screenplay in a journal that they give him. Its actually kinda cool. I gotta finish it so I can read the new Among the Hidden book though...lol...Ive been waitin for it forever...Well...Imma go...wml...TSF But I remembered What it feels like beside you I really miss your hair in my face And the way your innocence tastes And I think you should know You deserve much better than me ---Better Than Me/Hinder |
| November 8th, 2006 (about 615ish pm) Yeah I know...I havent been here in a while. Sorry. Ive just been a bit distracted. Life and all. Its a busy subject when you stop to think about it. Ive got good news I guess. Last year I entered this poetry thing at school and me and my friend Brianna were put into the book. I got it today. The other dude (Jeremy) isnt in it. yay lol. Ehh...*saddish sigh* Me and Bri were fightin again...kinda...its a complicated girl thing...and I regret it...I did from the beginning...for the most part anyway...the first day or two...not so much. Things are better now though. Yayness in a friggin BOX/BIX!!! (Jacob if youre readiing this, notice I typed BIX just for you :P) Im back to writing again...its not really stories anymore but more songs and poems now. Yay...I think...Oh yay, my songs on! (Far Away by Nickelback) Well...hmm...what else...oh...yeah...*sighs* This is an open question to anyone who may be reading this btw. Have you ever just quit doing somethin or hanging out with someone just to stop the rumors cause even though you knew that they werent true, they still upset you that people'd think it? Yeah...sucks huh? I mean...*sighs* I got a friend...or had a friend...Michael...hes also my ex...and we're friends now. We ride the same bus, and our assigned seats are across from each other. Jacob rides the same bus (yayness in a box) and after he got off, me and Woodard (Im referring to Michael btw) used to sit together. He wanted to listen to my music or talk and since the bus is/was (whatever verb tense goes there) so loud he'd get in the same seat as me and we'd listen to it...nbd right? Well as my friends know, I cant NOT sit in a bus seat right...lol, its something Ive never been able to do...I gotta lean on somethin besides the back of the seat...lol. So I was sittin sideways with my legs on him like I had them on the seat before he got in the seat...(Jacob... dont know if you know/knew that or not...but now you do...) and a bunch of the people that ride the same bus were sayin shit like me and him were doin stuff and that I was cheatin on Jacob which Id NEVER do. And I told Jacob what the rumors were...and he got upset that Id been sittin with Woodard...so...I dont wanna cause future prolems...(we had an argument/fight that night over it) so Im just not gonna sit with him anymore, try not to cause anymore prolems...but unfortunately for me...he sat with me today after Jacob got off...he had been sittin in the floor...and when Kelsey got off and out of his seat...or at least out of his seat, he got out of mine..sorry Jacob...Imma go...laterz, TSF |
 |
| Gerard. YAY! |
 |
 |
| November 11, 2006 (447 pm) I really hate weekends. I hate school breaks. I hate Stephenie. I hate a lot right now. IIm hated right now...it all sucks. Jacob doesnt hate me right now...nor do I hate him. So I guess thats a plus side to it. Okay...yeah that's definately a plus side to it. Hmm...Im so damn bored right now, its passed the funny point. |
| November 17, 2006 (455pm) I think my family hates me. I mean...if they dont hate me, then I think its a very strong dislike...example...my birthday...they kinda just barely gave the slightest hint that it was that day...I hardly got anything...my sisters birthday (today) *sound of discust* She got what she wanted...mp3 player ( they told me that if any of us girls wanted one, that we had to buy our own...so I did..) just...I mean its not really the material things...its just....on days like this...it just...shows that they like her more...and me hardly any at all...All they use me for is to show off cause of my grades...poetry...if its school related (cept sports...damn I hate sports..cept dodgeball...its cool...) thats what they use me for...bragging rights...Its just...saddening... Jacob's gone...to his uncles...not gone as in the actual sense of gone (i.e. dying)(noooo....thats not what I meant). He just went to his uncle's house till tomorrow...still sadful though...*frowns* I mean...I understand that he has family that he wants to spend time with...and Im okay with that...I understand that some people ARE actually close to their family...whether it be just a person or two, or the whole family...and even though Im not...Im glad he is. He said...scratch that...he promised me that he'd call me tonight...so...I still get to talk to him...dont know for how long though... God...it's been a while since Ive just been able to write/type/rant/say what I feel..I just...I think that I AM too...like...closed up into my own shell...I dont like discussin what I feel...I do with Jacob some....just...not as much as I write/draw my feelings out...(and no...I cant draw) He tells me that I can talk to him about anything...I just...I dont want to upset/hurt/aggervate/anger/bother him with my issues...for some reason every time that I say anything...its always the wrong thing that Im thinkin and I happen to mention it at the wrong time...and he gets all upsettish...*frowns a bit at the thought* Hmm....I think Imma redownload my music thingy...I want some new songs...*sighs* There's so much more that I want to say but...I just prefer not to say it. Imma be back laters and type more...maybe...(laters as in a day or so prolly...not real sure) Laters peoples...*sighs and walks away* |
| December 26, 2006 like....520pm ish Well....I know its been a long time since Ive been on here and I apologize. I couldnt get on with my other computer because its faggy. Mom brought hers over so I can get on it though. Yay? lol Ive been okay I guess...Christmas break sucks....Ive got to see Jacob though...Mom took me up to his house like....the 23rd....^_^ I had a good time and I think he did too =P School starts the 2nd, yay! I miss annoyin peoples - bad thing is though...Sammy's gonna be gone =( Thats not cool....Ive known Sam since kindergarden...=\ Oh well...her choice to go back to Thayer I guess. I mean...I cant really blame her...Mammoth is full of weirdos - And Im not sayin that Im not one of them, just that its full of them and yeah...Part of em are some of my friends so =P I win. lol I just wish that she'd give Mammoth more of a chance....but whatever works I guess....Well...I just dont know what to say lol...and yes I know...thats rare for me. Well...since I dont know what to say, I guess Imma go...wml....I LOVE YOU JACOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ~~~91210~~ P.S. I had fun last night Jacob - we need to do that again =P |