As Logan walked away from the mansion in the general direction of New York City, he replayed the events of the past few hours in his mind. The routine that his life had consisted of for over ten years had been completely disrupted and if he thought back, it started when he had found a doe-eyed girl stowed away in his trailer. He wondered if he had made the right decision by leaving her at the mansion. The professor seemed genuine when he said she would be safe there and from the images he received, Logan knew she would be among other mutants so she wouldn't be an outcast. However, after now having a few minutes to sort through the multitude of images placed into his mind, he realized some other things as well. Many of those mutants would grow up to fight for the professor's dream. The telepath's dream of peaceful co-existence had been his pervading thought when he tried to explain the purpose of the school.
He knew it wasn't his choice to make, if Marie decided to fight for the professor it would be her decision but he hoped it wouldn't come to that. In any case, he felt she would have a better life at the school than the one she must have had as a runaway and if he took her away from there he really didn't have much to offer her. Logan stopped dead in his tracks as he realized where his thoughts had been dwelling.
'I just killed a woman, nearly got my face shot off by some guy with lasers coming out of his eyes and I'm worried if some girl I just met is going to be happy? What the hell is wrong with me?'
With that last thought, Logan concentrated on trying to get to New York. He was grateful that the white-haired woman had given him some boots and a sweatshirt, it would certainly make it easier to get a ride into the city. He figured the professor had asked her to and probably also told her not to say anything to him. Any conversation would probably have led to disastrous results.
After an hour of walking a car finally slowed down for him and he figured it wouldn't be long until he got to the city now. He hoped he could make some quick cash by cage fighting and then find his way back to Canada. He tried not to worry about the girl he was leaving behind but couldn't help it.
~~~~~~~~~
The doors to the elevator in the sub level of the mansion opened and the professor wheeled out followed closely by Storm. The professor took in all the damage around him and then began to move towards Scott's prone form near the end of the corridor. He stopped when he passed by the medlab and decided he should go in there before Storm.
"Ororo, can you bring Scott to the medlab by yourself? I need to make some preparations."
"Fine."
As she walked towards Scott, the professor went into the lab and was still unprepared for what he found despite having seen it before through Scott's eyes. The upper left part of her chest was completely covered in red and due to the large amount of blood a lot of it had spilled onto the floor. Far worse, however, were the open eyes that stared lifelessly at the ceiling overhead. He reached down to close those eyes but before he could he heard Storm entering the lab behind him. The professor quickly unfolded the sheet he had grabbed when he entered and covered Jean's body. That was the only real preparation he had had in mind.
Storm placed Cyclops onto one of the beds and then looked down to the sheet-covered form on the ground. Some redness had begun to seep into the clean white sheet as she moved towards the body. She stopped at the last minute and turned back to Cyclops.
"He appears unharmed, you should be able to rouse him with your telepathy."
The professor was surprised since he thought for sure that Storm was going to bend down and pull the sheet away.
"That was what I wanted to confirm. However, I will not awaken him yet. I first need to-"
Storm narrowed her eyes and said, "What could possibly be more important than Scott right now? You just do not want to face him."
The professor looked to Storm and said, "I will tell him everything that has happened but I know it will take a lot of time to deal with the consequences. I first need to speak to the other three with psi abilities and make sure they are all right."
Storm suddenly felt bad about her accusation and said, "Allan and his sister along with Janice you mean. Professor, you should have gone to them first, I could have handled this." Storm shuddered to think what could have happened to Allan and his twin sister Marin, they were only eight years old but had already manifested some psi abilities. Although Janice was twice their age she would also be greatly affected by Jean's passing.
"I have been in contact with them since I was able to use my telepathy again. I don't think they saw what happened since Jean only projected to Scott and I but they are very confused and don't understand why they are scared. I want to talk to them in person and then I will rouse Scott." The professor knew that due to Logan's proximity he also would have felt Jean's death and a part of the professor was glad that Logan would always carry with him what his actions had cost this day.
Storm just nodded and once again looked to the white sheet that now had a sizable amount of blood soaked into it.
"I know you need to see her but please wait until I return."
"No. I want to do this by myself. Please attend to the children."
The professor knew he wouldn't be able to convince her to wait so he left the medlab without another word.
~~~~~~~~~~~
When the professor returned to the lab, Storm was nowhere to seen but his telepathy told him she was nearby. He noticed the sheet over Jean's body had been moved and not completely replaced but instead of moving towards his fallen student he wheeled towards Storm. She was crouched into the furthest possible corner from Jean with her eyes tightly shut.
"Ororo, are you alright?" It wasn't a particularly intelligent question since it was obvious she wasn't alright but he really didn't know what else to say.
She kept her eyes shut and just shook her head. The professor decided to give her some time alone and moved towards Jean. Her face was uncovered and the professor noticed her eyes were now closed. It was obvious who had done it and the professor covered her face before turning to Scott.
Bringing Scott to consciousness wasn't particularly difficult for the telepath since it was likely that he would have come to on his own in the next half an hour anyway.
Scott bolted upright and the first thing he saw was the professor's face. Realizing where he was he looked around until he saw the white sheet with a large bloodstain. It all came back to him in a rush. It wasn't a nightmare. Jean was dead. He leapt off the bed and knelt down beside Jean's covered form.
The professor made no attempt to stop Scott as he slowly removed the sheet and then gathered Jean's body to his chest. Scott was absolutely still as he held her and although the professor couldn't see his face he knew tears were slipping out from underneath his visor.
After nearly five minutes of absolute silence, Scott was the first to speak.
"Did you catch him?"
Cyclops was looking directly at him now even as he held Jean and although Xavier couldn't see his eyes he could imagine how much hope they held.
"Scott…I didn't…you have to understand-"
"Oh God, he used me as a hostage didn't he?" It was a logical assumption, since how else would he have been able to escape the most powerful telepath on the planet?
Although the professor tried to shield himself from Scott's thoughts he wasn't able to keep out the guilt the younger man felt. Guilt for not being able to protect Jean. Guilt for not being able to avenge her. Guilt for being responsible for her killer's escape.
"Scott, you don't understand, I chose to let him go. He didn't mean to kill Jean, it was unintentional on his part and he-"
"You chose to let him go?!" Scott had stopped listening after he had heard that.
"Yes, I knew that he-"
"You let him go? What the hell is wrong with you?!"
The professor saw Scott gently release Jean and lay her back on the floor. He stood up and as he advanced on the professor his visor glowed erratically.
"Explain fast old man. Why did you let him go?" His voice was quiet but menacing.
"Her death was an accident, he didn't-"
"How could it have been an accident? How do you accidentally stab someone in the chest? He must have-"
The professor raised a hand in a motion to stop him and then said, "Scott, you saw as well as I did what happened. He wasn't even fully conscious when he…stabbed her."
"You're right, I did see what happened, Jean showed me everything. He stabbed her right in the heart, that was no accident, he meant to kill her and you fucking just let him walk out of here after he did it."
It was the first time the professor had heard Scott use profanity of that nature.
"He didn't mean to kill Jean and I sensed how much he regretted his actions, he thought that he had been captured by-"
"I don't give a damn if he was sorry and I don't care what he thought. He killed Jean and you just let him go. Why?"
The professor was almost exasperated when he replied. "What should I have done, Scott? Kept him here until you woke up and tried to kill him again? Even after you tried the first time he chose to spare you. Believe me, he did not intend to kill Jean."
"I don't care if it really was an accident, he can't just walk away as if nothing happened."
Repeating his question the professor said, "What should I have done, Scott?"
Cyclops knew what the professor would say about killing him. What did that leave though? Imprisonment? They could hardly take him to the police and not expect them to investigate the crime scene and expose all the secrets at Xavier's School for Gifted Children.
Not having an answer, Cyclops knelt down beside Jean's body once again and effectively dismissed the professor.
The professor hoped Scott understood why he had done what he did and decided not to say anything. He had all but forgotten about Storm when she made her presence known by placing a hand on Scott's shoulder.
"I am so sorry, Scott." It was the first time she had spoken since she closed Jean's eyes.
Cyclops just nodded and continued to look into Jean's face. She looked so peaceful that he could almost believe she was just sleeping but he knew she would never wake up.
Walking towards the professor, Storm asked, "Have you told the others yet?"
Xavier shook his head no and Storm then inquired, "Not even the three you went to calm down?"
"I managed to take away their fear and asked them to rest. I will tell everyone together unless Scott…" he trailed off and waited for Scott's response.
"You can tell them."
As the professor moved towards the exit he could see Storm was torn between helping him with his grim task and staying with Cyclops.
"Stay here, I will handle this."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Finding a fight bar wasn't a problem for Logan since all major cities had them, you just had to know where to look. It didn't have a cage like he was used to but the ring would serve just as well. He could bust some heads, make some cash, and then go back to Canada. The only problem was he wasn't so sure that was the best thing to do anymore. The thought of Marie having to fight other mutants someday kept nagging at him.
Before he could think about that anymore his turn to fight was called up. He was glad no one had asked to see the money he had bet on his first fight and knew it wouldn't be a problem after he won the first round. He tried his best not to finish his opponent too fast and even allowed him to get some hits in. If he beat him too fast or too brutally then it was unlikely anyone would face him afterwards.
Logan was able to keep up the pretense of a fair fight until about the third round. After that his body moved on autopilot while his thoughts were far removed from the opponents he faced. Ironically, when his mind wasn't on the fight at all, his opponents didn't last longer that a minute.
Ever since Logan had left the mansion he had been wondering what he should do about Marie or if he should do anything at all. He had stopped trying to analyze why he cared and just accepted it. He felt the best way to rid himself of this unusual feeling of worry was to somehow contact her and make sure she was happy where she was and knew what she was getting into by staying at Xavier's. He was thinking of going back to the mansion despite Xavier's wish for him to never return. Logan knew he could get by any security system they had and then track Marie by scent. He could go in later that night when most of the occupants would be asleep since that would probably be the best way to find her when she didn't have many people around her. One problem with his plan was whether or not he could get by the telepath that had let him go in the first place. He wondered if his presence could be detected if Xavier was asleep. The other problem, which was much greater than the first, was what he would say to Marie when he found her. If she didn't like the idea of having to fight other mutants for the sake of a nearly impossible dream what was he supposed to say then?
'Hey, kid, wanna ditch this mansion and come with me so we can drift from town to town in the great white north and you can watch me beat the hell outta people in cage fights?'
Somehow he didn't think she'd go for it. Of course, the thought of her actually wanting to go with him was a pretty scary prospect. He wondered if he was willing to change his way of life if she did decide to go with him. He knew he had told himself to stop trying to figure out why he wanted to look out for her but he was appalled by the thoughts currently running through his head and decided not to think about it anymore.
'I need to get a grip here. Just relax and figure it out in the morning. No point in barging in there tonight when I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do if she wants to go with me. She'll be there tomorrow, I'll decide something by then.'
Constantly worrying and wondering about Marie had left him frustrated but that was a feeling he was used to. After years of searching for his past and having found nothing, he had found ways to cope with frustration. On really bad days when cage fighting wasn't enough he had always been able forget his problems for a few hours in the arms of a nameless woman.
As Logan looked around the poorly lit fight bar he found the bottled blonde that had been undressing him with her eyes ever since he came here and knew it wouldn't take much for her to accommodate him. After seven undefeated fights it was pretty obvious nobody was going to face him and he had to find a motel anyway. Looking back to the woman he made a decision.
Logan walked up to the man in charge of the fights and collected his winnings. He asked about a place to stay that charged by the hour since it was already three am and he didn't plan on staying long.
~~~~~~~~~~~~
Rogue lay awake in the bed she had on the second floor and thought about everything that had happened earlier in the day. When she arrived at the school everyone had been pretty nice despite her mutation. They kept a noticeable distance but were still friendly. That all changed after the professor had gathered everybody in the cafeteria and told them what happened to Jean.
Everyone knew that Rogue had come to the mansion with Logan and although nobody said anything outright, the accusation could clearly be read in their eyes. She had thought of running away again and was still considering it even after the white-haired woman had talked to her. Storm had done her best to reassure her by saying no one blamed her and the obvious awkwardness would pass in time. Rogue knew it wasn't her fault but wondered if she could have done something to prevent what had happened. She began thinking of Logan and realized she couldn't blame him for her current situation. It was an accident and he had been forced to leave the school. She worried about him since he had probably left with nothing more than the clothes on his back. Even though she knew he could take care of himself she hoped he was alright and wondered what he was doing right now. On the main floor of the mansion Storm was surprised to hear someone knocking on the front door since it was nearly four am. She had been unable to sleep and had been pacing the hallways. She warily opened the door and was surprised to see an obvious mutant who resembled Senator Kelly standing there.
~~~~~~~~~
Two and a half hours later and many miles away from the mansion, Logan woke up alone in the seedy motel he had gone to after the fights. He had decided to forego his usual post fight activities since he felt there was just something fundamentally wrong about trying to forget his Marie problems with another woman. Logan knew he wasn't going to be able to sleep for more than two or three hours after everything that had happened and had decided not to waste his money on keeping a room for the entire day when three hours was enough. Even on a relatively good day he could never get more than five hours of sleep but his healing factor had always compensated for his insomnia. After showering, Logan put on the sweatshirt he hadn't worn since he removed it for the fights. Luckily the bloodstains on his black pants were hardly visible but he had to wonder if all of it was from the fights he had been in last night.
As Logan walked the busy early morning streets of New York he knew he had to make some decisions today regarding Marie. The main problem was whether or not she would end up fighting as one of Xavier's X-Men. Logan could tell the professor wasn't the type of man to force her into fighting for him but he also realized that due to her particular mutation fighting was a definite possibility. Marie had mentioned that when people touched her skin they got hurt. It was pretty obvious she would never really have a normal life and probably end up staying at the mansion indefinitely. If that happened, Logan thought that eventually she would feel obligated to join the team. The key word was eventually. If he left her there he was sure she'd be safe for at least a year since Xavier didn't strike him as a man who sent people into battle unprepared and training her would take some time.
Logan thought that realization would give him some piece of mind but it really didn't. He continued to walk for hours thinking of what he should do. When he finally figured out what was really bothering him he was shocked. Although he was concerned about her personal safety what really bugged him was that he might never see her again. Even if he knew for a fact that Marie would never be exposed to the dangers involved in defending the world against hostile mutants he still didn't want to leave her at the school. He wanted to take her with him. Perhaps it was selfish but there it was, that was really the heart of the problem. Maybe he could have convinced himself he wanted to take her with him just to assure her safety but he knew he wanted her nearby. Logan decided to go back to the mansion and talk to her to see what she thought. He wasn't sure what kind of a relationship he wanted but knew he wanted her in his life. A girl he had known no longer than half an hour and he knew he wanted her in his life. Needless to say the confusion he felt was enormous. Why this girl? Why now?
Before Logan could come up with some answers to those questions he caught a familiar scent. He thought for sure it was just his imagination but after taking a deep breath through his nose the scent was unmistakable. Marie.
Logan followed the scent easily enough and it led him to a train station. After a few minutes of searching he saw her board a train and quickly moved to follow her. He got aboard just as she was sitting down.
"Marie."
Rogue was shocked to see Logan standing next to her and she stammered as she spoke.
"L-Logan?"
"Yeah, darlin', it's me," he said as he sat beside her.
"What are ya doin' heah?" Marie asked with a thicker than usual accent.
"I was gonna ask you the same thing, kid."
"Ah…they…the professor didn't want meh at the school anymore."
Logan's claws almost came out as he spoke, "That bastard! He told me you'd be safe at his school. I'll fuckin' kill him! I can't believe he just kicked you out." He was incredibly angry for having been played by the professor. Logan was normally a good judge of character and the professor seemed genuine but all he really knew about Xavier was through their telepathic conversation and he supposed the professor could have played with his head. It still didn't make sense though, why did Xavier insist on having Marie stay and then kick her out later?
"What'd he say to you?"
"He said Ah was upsetting the others. He gave me some money and said Ah should leave."
Rogue remembered running on the lawn away from the school after the professor had found her outside and told her to leave. His words were all the more hurtful because she had decided not to run away. That morning Kitty had apologized for her distant behavior and told her everything would get better in time. Rogue had actually believed her and decided to try to make the best out of her situation. However, after the professor kicked her out she knew she would be alone again just like she had been when she was on the road for all those months. She had not cried once during that time but now the tears slowly trickled down her cheeks. They weren't really unhappy tears since Logan was with her and even though he hadn't said much she somehow knew that everything would be alright now. The tears were more of a long overdue emotional release.
Logan wanted to ask what she meant by "upsetting the others" but he had a pretty good idea of what had happened. He was going to apologize to her when he noticed the first teardrop slip past her eyelashes. He pulled her into a sideways hug and she lowered her head onto his chest so she didn't accidentally touch his face with her bare skin.
"Don't cry, darlin'. I shouldn't have left you there. I made a mistake and I'm sorry."
"It's alright, Ah'm just glad ya found meh," she whispered.
Her words filled him with a tenderness he didn't think he was capable of and he just held her tighter.
"You don't have to worry about anything anymore. I'll take care of you."
Rogue tilted her head back so she could look into his eyes.
"Ya promise?"
"Yeah, I promise."
Since he didn't have any gloves, Logan used her scarf to wipe the tears from her eyes and then gently pulled her head back onto his chest. She snuggled into him and felt safe for the first time she could remember since leaving Meridian.
Logan had once asked himself if he was willing to change his way of life for Marie. He now knew the answer to that question.
~~~~~~~~~~