April 27, 1999
Sick. That's how to describe me right now. Oh, that and nocturnal. It happens when you can't sleep at night, then can't get up in the morning because your head is pounding so hard it feels like someone has a jackhammer digging into my forehead. It is not a comfortable experience, believe me. So I've missed three days of school, will miss at least half a day tomorrow with a doctor's appointment, and have missed a day and part of another at work. This is not good.
Then again, it is allergy season for me. Add that onto the sinus problem I've been having as well as a little stress, and that equation equals a tough time. That's exactly what I've had too. Spring is already bad enough for me. So much going against me and now this shit comes up. Someone must be standing over me with a cloak, just waiting for things to improve so that the cloak can be thrown over me. Did I mention that I've been frequently overheating? Even now I'm beginning to get warm. This is not normal. It's 40° outside and it feels like 100°. That's not right.
So I get to go and give my doctor a visit tomorrow morning at 10:45am. I said I've missed some time at work because of this. I was forced to call off Monday night, the first time for me this year, and tonight I was allowed to go home early. That was a first for me since I started working at my job. I had never left work early until now. I'm scheduled to work tomorrow and I should be able to go a full shift since I'll probably be out of the doctor's office by 11:30am, which will give me a ton of time to rest and get ready.
Crystal showed again why she's such a good friend. She stopped in to ask for a day off and before leaving she said hi to me. She didn't stop there though. I walked down towards her and we began to talk. She pretty much hinted that she was upset that I hadn't called off work today either and that I should've stayed home and rested another night. I felt like I was being disciplined, but that was okay. Crystal was just looking out for me and showing that she cared about me as a friend. There's one other person who shows me that kind of care, Jennifer, who in herself had been having a little bit of a tough time, though nothing too serious, I hope.
Sometimes I think Crystal cares too much, but that's just me talking. Anyway, I'm hoping that I don't get any needles stuck in me at the doctor's tomorrow. It's been a while. God knows what the doc might come up with.
My dad screwed up again, and as usual he's denying all allegations against him. This time it appears that while he was visiting last weekend (god knows why he was allowed in), he took the liberty to go through my mom's stuff looking for a particular piece of mail, a letter from the court of clerks involving a bunch of junk that I never really took the time to look over. Sounds reasonable except that the letter wasn't addressed to him. It was addressed to my mom which basically means my dad just committed a federal offense. You can't just go and take someone else's mail because you feel it concerns you. It's illegal, but that never stopped him before.
The thing that was really silly about it was that my sister watched him go through my mom's stuff. She was right there watching him the whole time. My mom asked Teresa if she had indeed seen him going through her stuff while talking to him on the phone. Teresa said yes, my dad still denied it. It just never got through his head that he had been caught red-handed, that his actions had been witnessed. Never. To him, this was just another contrived plot by my mom.
He then went one step further. He accused Teresa of lying about it all to protect my mom. Hmm. I could not believe my ears when he said that (I was right next to my mom while she talked to him on the phone). He then continued on saying that we really didn't mean what we said, that we were just following mom's instructions in some way. She then told him that we didn't want him there. He said he wanted to hear it from us personally. Guess what I said next? "I don't want you here dad." And he wonders why I won't talk to him on the phone.
It still never got through to him either. This is just another in an ongoing chain of events where he does something stupid, denies it, gets into hot water with us, then tries to warm us back to him. It isn't happening this time. I gave him one more chance when I shouldn't have. I should've said that the last time was it, that I wasn't going to talk to him again unless he mailed something to me. When the phone rings and it's him, I will not answer the phone. My mom knows this as do both my sisters. I want nothing to do with him anymore. If I see him at a family gathering, I will not go further than a hello.
He is not warming up to me again. Money won't do it. You can't buy people's love back. It's just not going to work that way this time. He's tried it before too. If we have money shortages, we're just going to have to fight through it ourselves. My mom's made it clear that unless she gets that mail back, she's going to contact her attorney and take legal action. I'm willing to take that step next. He's done too much harm for me to think that there's something worth saving.
He's blown more chances than anyone should ever get. He gets no more from me. Phone rang tonigh and I just let it ring. Samething yesterday too. Not this time, not this time.
As you might gather, it's been a pretty shitty week aside from Sunday when I had a very good chat with Jennifer and today when I talked with Crystal briefly. I'm sick, my dad's been stupid again. It's going to be a tough go the rest of the week barring some major miracle. I'll make it okay, I just have to get there first.
I'd write more, but I feel pretty bad again. What can you do though, I'm sick. I think I'm going to go and have my stomach pumped now.
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