Top 10 Ways The Bible Would Be Different If Jesus Were A Monkey
10. Whenever Jesus gets a deep thought, he scratches himself
9. Forget sleeping in a manger as a baby, Jesus slept in a cage
8. Anyone else wondering where that bolt of lightning is yet?
7. Disciples kept thinking Jesus constantly talked in tongues
6. Satan tempted Jesus with the largest banana in recorded history
5. Well the 4 Gospels would have read something like this: Jesus replied,"arh arh arh". But why? asked John, "arh arh arh",said Jesus
4. Well because monkeys dont live long, towards the end Jesus was wearing what is to believed to be an early form of Depends
3. Instead of walking on water, Jesus swung on trees he planted himself.
2. Instead of washing the disciples feet, he licks them clean
1. Well he had one thing in common with Adam and Eve before they ate from the tree......
Top 10 Rejected Christian Book Titles
10. What's So Amazing About Sin
9. DTR for Dummies
8. 5 Steps To Stalling Church Growth
7. How to Top Jesus and Fast for 41 days
6. God, Schmod, I Want My Monkey Man
5. The Greatest False Prophets Of All Time
4. The Holy Bible, APV (Austin Powers Version)
3. He Chose The Mormons
2. Auto-Biography of God's Other Son, by Lenny Christ
1. Stop Talking To Me!!!! By God (Oh, no is that a bolt of lightning coming down from the sky, ah, it burns!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
Top 10 Away Messages That You'll Never See
10.My cat is involved in a mafia war
9.I'm not here because I'm at an Expos game
8.Out watching the new Screech Powers/Austin Powers movie
7.My toupee is stuck on the flagpole, brb
6.I flushed myself down the toilet, it might be awhile.....
5.Busy whipping donuts at old people, leave a message
4.I'm being attacked by my own clone, please call 911!
3.Will you come over and check to see if this looks infected to you?
2.Im in one of my caves waiting for the bombs to stop, leave a message
1.Will you date me?........Come On!?!, I'll Be Your Friend!?!
More Away Messages That You'll Never See
20.Busy creating the world's first "emuman"(Half-Man/Half-Emu)
19.Brb, In the middle of a prison riot....
18.Is this a boil or a wart?
17.Out at the Vanilla Ice/MC Hammer Comeback Tour......
16.Buying Some Richard Simmons Everyday Wear from K-Mart
15.Trying to learn something new by watching Celebrity Jeopardy
14.Midget Bowling, Gotta Love It!! Leave a message
13.Found a pulse on Al Gore, be right back
12.I am the automated away message guy, and you owe me five bucks!!
11.Don't create emumen because they like to chase you around all day! leave a message
Top 10 Thoughts of The Automated Away Message Guy
10.At least I'm not the "Error Loading Content" guy
9.Please don't yell at me, I have feelings too, its not my fault they're not here
8.I would like to announce my upcoming marriage to the chick that plays Amidala
7.Is it really necessary to use me when you're gone for a month?
6.Does this away message screen make me look fat?
5.If AOL ever goes bankrupt, I am in deep trouble....
4.One day I'll be more popular then that punk answering machine guy
3.I know more about their schedule then their stalker does
2.I'm tired of people checking me out, I'm not a piece of meat
1.Auto Response From Auto Response Guy: I'm out beating up the guy who came up with the default away message of "I am away from my computer"
Or for more look at my buddy profile.