Jason stared at Caroline. She sat on the bed crying. She was wearing
a long
blue silk button down shirt, it came to her thighs. For a minute she
didn't say
anything, and finnaly Jason let out a sigh and said as he began to
walk
toward her ''Stop wasting time Caroline. You had your chance, you blew
it''
He went to pick her up, but she pushed him away and cried out ''I don't
have
an eating disorder.'' Jason watched her as tears filled his eyes quietly
said
''Yes you do. Caroline, you need help.''
''You said I could explain.'' Caroline said quietly.
''I said you had two minutes.'' Jason explained. ''You cried for one
and lied in
the other.''
''I don't want to go to a hospital.'' Caroline whispered ''Please don't
make
me.''
''You're making yourself, Caroline.'' Jason said sorrowfully. ''O.k.,
you want
to explain?'' Caroline nodded so he continued ''Than explain.''
''When I left you.'' Caroline began ''I was so upset. I just didn't
understand. I
was so confused and I tried to think of what Robin had that I didn't.''
Caroline gave a sardonic laugh ''The list was long. Brains and her
body were
my top two things. I knew I couldn't be smart, but I could be skinny,
just like
her. I still hadn't lost all the fat from having Lilly and I figured
that was why
you went too her, You were disgusted by my body and wanted someone
sexy. So I started to diet. It wasn't hard. I wasn't very hungry or
anything. I
guess, well....I was really depressed.'' Caroline lifted her tear filled
eyes to
Jason and said ''You know that I don't eat when I'm depressed.''
She turned away and Jason grabbed a chair and sat in front of her as
she
continued
''I began to go to the gym. Isabella took me once and I was hooked.
She
said it was physical therapy, and you know what? In a way it was. I
released
all my anger out when I worked out. I took aerobic classes, ran on
the
tredmill, rode the bikes, did the stairmaster, but you know what my
favorite
was? The punchng bag. I'd look at it and see you, see Robin, you two
together and I'd swing at it, punch it, kick it. I beat it up for an
hour or two
and I'd always feel a little better. I went everyday while Michael
and Lilly
were at school, for 5 1/2 hours, and often late at night, after they
were
asleep. I guess I haven't slept in a while either''
She turned back and looked at him in the eyes. ''I don't know when I
began
to stop eating. I don't really, I don't know. I guess any pain I felt,
I blamed
on you and winded me back at the gym. I didn't even realize I was starving
myself untill you said something to me in the hospital.''
She layed down on the bed and curled into a ball. She began to rock
back
and forth as she held herself and said ''I didn't want to eat that
pizza, but not
because of the weight thing. See, after that night at the hospital,
when I was
at Bobbies, everyone was asleep. I hadn't slept in a month and I wasn't
about to begin then , and on top of everything I was feeling really
bad. My
head hurt, I was cold and hot and everything,So I thought maybe I'd
take a
jog. I thought it might make me feel better. As I was walking out the
door, I
began to feel really bad and I got dizzy so I sat down, right there
on the
floor. I glanced up and saw the kitchen. Our conversation replayed
in my
mind and I worked my way into the kitchen. I took out what resembled
Italian leftovers, heated it up and forced myself to eat it, just to
prove that I
could. You know? To show that I wasn't sick. But I didn't feel any
better,
and I could barely jog and as I was attempting to jog I got sick, I
was tired,
out of breath and had to stop and threw up. I threw up untill my stomache
was empty. I took some asprin and then headed to the hospital, and
you
know everything since than.''
She took a deep breath as her body began to tremble and said ''I didn't
want
to eat that pizza, because as bad as I felt, I knew I'd feel worse
after I ate it,
and I'd get sick. I'm not bulimic. I just don't feel good and I can't
keep food
down.''
Caroline began to sob, and Jason got out of his chair and slowly crawled
onto the bed and layed next to Caroline, putting his arms around her
and
holding her close as she tearfully ended. ''I was anorexic Jase, but
I tried to
stop. I swear Jase, I'm just not feeling good. Just give me some time
and I'll
be fine.''
''Shh.'' Jason said silencing her as he rocked her and held her. He
brought his
hand to her head to push some hair out of her face, but stopped as
his hand
brushed against her sweaty forehead. His face regerstered shock and
fear as
he put his hand on her forehead and said ''Caroline, you're burning
up. Hold,
on I'm going to go get a thermometer.'' He ran into the bathroom, and
returned to see her sleeping on the bed. He walked over and sat next
to her.
He gently shook her and she moaned as her eyes slightly fluttered open.
''Jase, I don't know what happened. I'm suddenly so tired. I'm just
going to
sleep.''
''No, Caroline.'' He said shaking her to keep her awake ''I need to
take your
tempeture.'' He got the thermometer in her mouth and she closed her
eyes
again. As he continued to rub her sweaty forehead. Finnaly he said
''O.k.
Caroline open up.'' She opened her mouth and he pulled out the
thermometer, it read 103 degrees F. ''Caroline?'' Jason said trying
to stay
calm ''You've got a pretty high fever. I'm going to take you to the
hospital.''
''Jase, nooo.'' Caroline moaned weakly. ''Please anything but the hospital.''
He looked at her and thought for a moment before finnaly asking ''What
hurts. Tell me what's bothering you.''
''My head hurts, I feel dizzy, my stomache is churning, I feel nauesous,
abd
my head is hot, but my body is cold.'' She said tiredly
''And you've felt this way since last night?'' She nodded and said ''Caroline
you were running around that hot hospital, soaking wet, freezing, for
hours
You must have caught the flu.''
''UGH.'' Caroline moaned as she rolled onto her side
''Alright Caroline.'' Jason said after some more thought ''You don't
want to
go to the hospital, right?''
''Anything but the hospial!'' Caroline begged
''O.K., alright.'' Jason said as he stood up. ''Michael's doing real
good. I'll
call Jax and Brenda in the morning. The kids can stay with them for
a while, I
don't want them catching the flu too. And, I guess I'm your designated
doctor, huh?''
''Thanks Jase.'' Caroline moaned ''But, I'm still mad at you, and don't
forget
it.'' she added without any conviction
Jason gave an unbelieveing smile and said ''I won't, I promise.''
Slowly he leaned down and scooped her into his arms, and stood. She
was
extremly light and Jason had no trouble pulling the blankets on the
bed down
as he still held Caroline. He layed her down and pulled the covers
up to her
chest. She was asleep even before her head hit the pillow.
Jason walked into the bathroom and found a washcloth and ran it under
cold
water, he squeezed the excess water out, and folded it twice so it
wasn't too
big, He returned to the bedroom and sat next to Caroline on the bed.
He
wiped her face with the cool material, before finnaly applying it to
her
forehead. He took his thumbs and lightly ran them over her closed eye
lids.
Finnaly he stood up, and walked to the other side of the bed. He layed
on
top of the covers, next to Caroline . he turned so he was on his side
facing
her and draped an protective arm over her. It was like this that he
kept his
protective vigil over her.
Ever After - Chapter 12
Caroline felt the warm sun beating down on her. Her head was pounding
and
she felt like her body was rebeling aganst her. She let out a slight
moan, and
slighty rolled over. She allowed her eyes to slighty flutter open.
She saw she
had three blankets on her, and a cold wash cloth was on her head.Her
eyes
briefly caught attention on the clock. It read 10:00. Caroline briefly
remembered last night and wondered how she had wound up at Jasons
mercy. "Not this time." she thought. "I'm really going to lay into
him, for
everything he's done. I won't listen to him, talk to him or do what
he says!
I'm going to be strong." She went to sit up, as if to prove her thoughts,
but
wound up lying back down and moaning "Oh....god.........."
"No, not God. Jason" Jason said with a smirk in the doorway as he held
a
tray and began to walk towards the bed. "But don't worry. Me and God?
We're often mistaken." He concluded as he put the tray on the night
table.
"Go away....Jase.....go." Caroline mumbled as strongly as she could
Jaso looked down at her and scrunched his face worridly. She looked
so
tiny, especially under those three big blankets. Her face was so pale
and
sweaty. "Maybe I should take you to the hospital."
"No." Caroline responded as strongly as she could and forced heself
to sit
up. "You listen to me Jason Morgan, I am no longer your wife, and you
have
no right telling me what to do, or making choices for me. Do I make
myself
perfect clear?"
She put all the energy she had into that short monologue and once it
was
over she collapsed back onto the bed.
"Yeah, I understand." He replied sadly as he sat on the edge of the
bed. He
piced up the compress off the bed and dipped it in a bowl of cold water
that
he had brought in on the tray with food. He drained the excess water
and
began wiping her sweaty face with it. Caroline went to fight him off,
but it felt
so good when the cold material touched her face that she just shut
her eyes
and moaned with plasure.
Jason smiled down at her, happy that he had been able to comfort her
a little.
He ran the material over her forehead, down her cheek as he reached
her
lips. He ran the soft material over her lips slowly. Watching how little
drops
of water formed on her pink pouty lips. Finnaly he took the cloth and
placed
it her on her forehead. He reached back on the tray and got the little
cup of
water and the two asprin. "Here take this."
Carolines eyes fluttered open and she squinted as she saw the asprin.
She
struggled to sit up and Jason reached behind her and helped her and
held her
in his arms as he rearranged the pillows, so they were higher up. He
lowed
her back down, and now she was closer to a sitting position. He handed
her
the pills and than the water. As she swallowed the pills Jason said
"Last night
I had Johnny run to the hospital and get some books." Jason stated,
as he
took the cup from her and set it on the table. "That and all the stuff
I read for
Michael and Lilly, when they got sick and everything, has given me
a pretty
good idea on how to take care of you." He said as his and Carolines
eyes
locked.
"Jase, " She began slowly as tears filled her eyes "I don't want you to think, "
She was cut off as Jason brought his hands to her mouth and said tearfully
"I
know that you don't forgive me. That's not what this is about. It's
about the
fact that the woman I love is sick. So I'm going to help her get better.
And
although, I don't like it, I know that's where it ends."
Caroline nodded and leaned her head back onto the headboard and shut
her
eyes.
Jason cleared his throat and said "You need to eat."
She opened her eyes and said "Jase, no.....I don't want to get sick again."
"Baby, you need to eat." Jason said quietly pushing some wet hair out
of her
face "It's soup. The book said you need to eat plain foods. It gave
a list.
Soup is one of the best things. It shouldn't make you too sick, and
sweetie
don't forget, you haven't eaten in a month."
Tears sprang to her eyes as she though about how sick she had gotten
and
she slowly nodded.
Jason wiped away a tear with his thumb and quietly whispered "I'll help, ok?"
She nodded again so Jason reached over and picked up the tray with the
bowl of soup on it. He put it down next to her and picked up the spoon.
He
dipped it into the warm liquid and slowly brought it to her mouth.
She parted
her lips slowly and allowed the spoon in.
Jason pulled it out and he went to dip the spoon in the warm liquid
again and
as the spoon went into her mouth he took the wash cloth of of Carolines
head and re-dipped it into the cool water. As he pulled the spoon out
of her
mouth again he ran the cloth over her face.
She fought back tears at his gentle touch, and when he went to insert
the
spoon again Caroline looked down and very quietly asked "Why?"
Jason stared at her before he put the spoon down ad looked down also.
Jason and Carolines heads were touching as they both looked down. Jason
reached for one of the hands that Caroline was fidgiting with and held
it in his
"I've been asking myself that question since the limo ride over to
Bobbies,
hell, I'll be honest, I was thinking it while I was with Robin. She
was just
there, and deep down inside it felt nice to get some attention from
someone
else. You know? No, you can't know, because I don't. Caroline I can't
answer Why, but I can tell you that I regret it with all my heart and
soul."
He took his hands away from hers and cupped her face in them. "And I
can
tell you that I love you . I am in love with you. And I want and need
you so
much. It hurts."
Caroline stared at him and finnaly pulled away "I wish I could say that
, that
changed things and made it all better. But it doesn't."
Jason nodded and said "I know." He turned away and walked into the
bathroom. Caroline heared the water begin to run and Jason called out
"The
book said it was important to take cool baths." He came out and got
out a
stero and said "I'll hook up a stero in there. I know you like to listen
to music
while you take bathes." He went back into the bathroom. Caroline just
sat
there. She suddenly felt even more ill than before. She leaned down
and
rolled over. She stuffed her head into the pillows. Refusing to let
herself cry.
She had already shown too much emotion too him. She just had to be
strong.
Music began to flow from the bathroom. Jewels song "Near You Always"
was playing.
"How appropiate." Caroline thought as the music began.
Please don't say I Love you
Those Words touch me much too deeply
And they make my core tremble
Don't think you realize the power you have over me
(Jason came in and saw her turned into her pillow. Slowly he walked
over to
her and leaned down. He scooped her into his arms and picked her up
and
carried her into the bathroom)
And please don't come so close
It just makes me want to make you near me always
Please don't kiss me so sweet
It makes me crave a thousand kisses to follow
(Jason carefully set her down, so her back was leaning against him.
He put
one arm around her waist, holding her against him, while the other
undid the
buttons to the silk top. When he undid the last button the shirt hung
open on
her. Slowly she leaned back into his broad chest.)
And please don't touch me like that
Makes every other embrace see plae and shallow
Please don't look at me like that
It just makes me want to make you near me always
(Jason slightly pushed her foward and made her steady herself as he
put both
hands on her shoulders. He slipped his hands under the soft material.
The
feeling of his hands on her skin caused her to tremble. His hands slowly
pushed the material back. Inching his hands, guiding the soft material
down
her shoulders and down her amrs as it fell to the floor. He allowed
his hands
to wonder to her hips, where her let his hands rub up and down her
sides.
He wrapped his hands around her waist and pulled her close)
Please don't send me flowers
They only whisper the sweet things you'd say
Don't try to understand me
Your hands already know too much anyway.
It just makes me want to make you near me always
(Jason pulled her tiny body up into his arms and carried her to the
tub and
gently slid her in. Caroline gasped as the cool water touched her body.
She
instantly knew that Jason had put her favorite oils in the water, and
lots of
him. She looked up into his eyes)
And when you look in my eyes
Please know my heart is in your hands
It's nothing that I understand, but when in your arms
You have complete powe over me
(He knelt by the tub, and sowly put his hand in the water. He felt the
oils on
his hand and he reached out and touched her abdomen under the water.
He
alllowed his hand to slowly travel up her oily body. Up her stomache,
between her breasts and to her neck, where his hand broke out of the
water.
Slowly he soothed the oily water onto her neck with his hands. He dipped
his pointer fingers tip into the water, and brought it up to her mouth.
He
gently traced her lips with his oily finger.)
So be gentle if you please, 'cause
Your hands are in my hair, but my heart is in your teeth
And It makes me want to make you near me always
(Caroline let her head drop back and moaned as tears began to drop from
her eyes. Jason loved how her lips parted when she moaned. He went
to
kiss her, but she turned her head and their cheeks touched. They both
moved their heads so their cheeks rubbed against each other. Jasons
hand
wondered back under the water and he found Carolines hand. They put
their
hands palm to palm and it was like this that their hands emerged from
the
water. They raised their hands and in air, linked them. Jason pulled
his head
away and stood and began to walk to the door. Still holding Carolines
hand.
Finnaly thy let go. Caroline left her hand outstrecthed and as Jason
reached
the door, he brought his wet hand to his mouth and kissed it before
exiting
the room and shutting the door.)
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
I want to be near you always
( Jason shut the door and leaned his back against it. Slowly he slumpped
to
the floor and broght his knees up. He lowered his head and quietly
cried into
his arms. Caroline slowly brought her still outstreched arm to her
face and
began to sob. Loud, gasping sobs. Untill they subsided into body shaking,
silent sobs. Slowly she lowered her head under the cool water. A few
seconds later she surfaced, leaned over the edge of the tub and continued
to
sob.)