There was a time
When I was so broken hearted
Love wasn't much of a friend of mine
The tables have turned, yeah
'Cause me and those ways have parted
That kind of love was the killin' kind
All I want is someone I can't resist
I know all I need to know by the way
that I got kissed

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now i'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do-down on me

It was something out of a novel. There lay an upset woman, topless with a
gorgeous man hunching over her with his hands on her. In the doorway stood
her husband with two bodyguards behind him, forming a V shape. They
were soaking wet, and Jason huge, muscled form with two large men behind
him created a most intimidating image.

Carly flew upward, pulling her shirt around her and gasping Jason's name.
Ken sat up also, his arms still around Carly, eyeing Jason, only taking his
eyes off him only to glance at the drawer which held his gun. After a minute,
which felt like forever Jason walked into the room in several long, powerful
strides. He grabbed Ken by the collar and flung him against the wall.

He was blind to everything but his fury, and the man in front of him who was
looking at him with what seemed to be an almost amused expression. Jason
saw a hint of a smile on Ken's face, which only enraged him more. Off in the
distance, Jason could make out Carly screaming his name. She was crying,
he thought. Sobbing, her voice pleading. His grip tightened, his eyes blazing.
"That's my wife." He seethed.

"So she mentioned." Ken replied casually.

Suddenly Jason felt something on his arms. He turned his gaze from Ken to
Carly who was pulling on him, trying to get him to let go. She had buttoned
her shirt, and was hysterical, pulling on him, begging him. "Jason, please.
Please, it's my fault, it's my fault! Donretailated with a punch to the gut. They
were swinnging, then Jason charged at Ken t't hurt him, please."

It was like a trance. Her swollen, tear filled, desperate eyes. He was lost in
them, untill Ken spoke again. "It's OK, Caroline, don't worry your sweet
head."

That was it. Jason was only half aware of the fact that he had flung Carly off
of him into Johnny, who caught her and put a restraining arm around her,
when she tried to stop Jason. Jason had punched Ken in the jaw. Ken
hrowing them on the floor, tumbling, kicking, throwing blind hits. Johnny held
back Carly, who was hysterical, while Renaldo went to grab Ken.

He pulled a half-conscious bleeding Kenup, and held him in front of Jason.
Jason stood and slowly puled out his gun. He ignored Carly's pleas, which
had turned more frantic. He pointed the gu to Ken's head and said in a low,
dangeously calm voice. "If you ever lay a hand on my wife again, I'll kill you."
Carly breathed a sigh of relief as he slowly put the gun away. He looked Ken
straight in the eye and continued. "It's a promise."

Then it was over, as quickly as it begun. Renaldo shoved Ken to the floor
and Jason grabbed Carly's forearm, taking her from Johnny. He led her to
the limo and shoved her inside, following her, sitting opposite her silently.
With the bodyguards up front, and the tinted divider, dividing them, they
were alone.

Carly looked at him. He had taken the least of the beating, but the right side
of his face was already swelling and a deep cut at his mouth was bleeding
heavily. A still upset & crying Carly reached out to him. "Jason..."

He shoved her hand away, finally looking at her. "Don't touch me."

His tone was final, with no room for arguing. He returned his gaze to the
wall, above her head. Staring intently and quietly. Carly shrank back into the
seat, wishing she could disappear.

Now there's not even breathin' room
Between pleasure and pain
Yeah you cry when we're makin' love
Must be one and the same

It's down on me
Yeah I got to tell you one thing
It's been onmy mind
Girl I gotta say
We're partners in crime
You got that certain something
What you give to me
Takes my breath away
Now the word on the street
Is the devil's in your kiss
If our love goes up in flames
It's a fire I can't resist

Jason walked into the Penthouse, a sullen Carly following. She heard the
door shut and was shocked at the fear that shot through her veins. This was
Jason, her savior, she wasn't suppose to afaid of him, but she was, and that
just made her more afraid.

Jason had moved to the window, still dangerously silent. Carly hesiated
infrpnt of the door. She'd never seen him this mad, especially never this mad
at her. She thought about her options. She could leave the Penthouse.......but
the bodyguards would probably bring her back. She could go upstairs, she
could say something or she could wait. Jason made up her mind for her when
out of nowhere he spun on his heels, his eyes boring into hers and asked
dangerously calm. "How long? How long have you been sleeping with him?"

Carly's lip quivered as she whispered. "Never." Her voice grew louder and
steadier as she shook her head slowly and said. "Never Jason, I never slept
with him. This.... I was just upset. This is the first time I met with him, and we
didn't do anything."

An almost amused expression crossed Jason's face, but Carly wasn't fooled.
That expression was fueled by rage. She watched in helpless awe as he
walked toward her and sardonically laughed. "Please Carly. Do you honestly
expect me to believe that it was the first time?" He stepped right in front of
her. "I'm not stupid Carly, and if you call being topless while another man
gropes you nothing, then you really are a slut."

Shock and hurt regerstered on her face, but it was dominated by
desperation. She grabbed on to his face as tears poured down her face.
"Jason, please. You've got to believe me. Me and Ken, we never slept
together. We never even met privatly before today. Now, today was a
mistake. A mistake I can explain, I thought you picked Robin. I was hurt,
and I thought Ken could take away the hurt..... It didn't mean anything" Her
voice trailed off as she realized how stupid everything she was saying
sounded.

Jason let out another angry laugh and pushed her hands away from his face.
"Take away the hurt? Well, that's my Carly, Miss. Sex can cure anything. Is
that it Carly? You were suffering from lack of pleasure because of our
sleeping arrrangements?" He steped closer and she stepped back, backing
herself against the wall. "You want sex? You don't need to turn to anyone,
I'm your husband."

With that his mouth came crashing down on hers. There was no gentlness,
just harshness. She tried to pull away but he wouldn't let her, his hands
grasped her face, pulling her closer. He suddenly pulled away, still holding
her face, and in a voice she didn't recognize said. "You want cheap
meaningless sex? You got it."

He fiercly pulled her to the floor, holding her down with his weight and began
ripping her shirt open. He was possesed. The image of Ken's hands on
Carly's naked flesh was racing through his head. He couldn't think straight,
he just wanted to hurt her like she hurt him, if that was possible.

Carly uselessly struggled beneath him. This couldn't happen. She'd never
forgive herself if she brought Jason to this. She had to stop him. She had to.
Jason would hate himself later on, and she would be the cause. She couldn't
live with that. Besides, this wasn't her Jason, this was someone else. "Jason,
please. Stop, don't do this." she pleaded against the force of his lips

The words penetrated through his rage and hit him like a cold splash of
water. He pulled away and looked at her. Her shirt was torn open, her hair a
tangled mess, she was trembling and tears were flowing down her face, but
the worse was that she looked scared.... no, terrified. "Get out."

"Jason?" He voice was timid and weak.

He swiftly jumped to his feet and walked back to the window presenting her
with his back. His voice was loud and emotionless. "I don't care where, just
get out. The sight of you makes me sick."

She stood shakily and pulled the pieces of her torn shirt together. She
thought about saying something, but decided against it. She silently left.

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do to me

'Cause what you got inside
Ain't where your love should stay
Yeah, our love, sweet love, ain't love
'Til you give your heart away

Bobbie Spencer was awoken from a deep sleep by the sound of a loud
banging. She haphazardly threw on her robe and stumbled to the window.
She looked out to see a limo, Jason's limo. Panic began to rise in Bobbie,
waking her up. She hurried down the stairs, to the door and threw it open.

Carly stood there, soaking wet. Her hair was a tangled mess and her shirt
was torn open. Bobbie's head began to fill with terrible thoughts. "Carly?"

"Momma." It was the last thing she said before collapsing into Bobbie's arms,
sobbing. Bobbie gently lead her into the house and sat on the couch. She
grabbed a small throw blanket on the couch and pulled it around Carly. She
smoothed Carly's hair and gently asked. "Carly? What's wrong? Did you
have a fight with Jason?"

Carly finally lifted her head and took a deep brreath, trying to compose
herself. "It was so awful momma. So awful, and it's all my fault. All my fault.
He's never going to forgive me. Oh god, all the things he said, all the things
he did." She looked Bobbie straight in the eye and whispered. "He hates me,
I know he does."

"Carly, I'm sure it's not that bad." Carly sadly shook her head, indicating that
it was that bad, causing Bobbie to sigh and continue. "Well, it's gonna be
worse if you catch phnemonia. Come on, you can change into some warm
clothes, I'll make you some hot chocolate and you can tell me all about it."

20 minutes later Carly sat curled up on the couch in some of Bobbie's
sweats, her hair was in a ponytail and she had a blanket wrapped around
her. Bobbie came into the living room and handed Carly a mug of Hot
Chocolate and sat next to her. Carly looked down on the cup and
mumbled."Thanks."

Bobbie let out a long sigh. "Carly, I'm sure it's not as bad as you're making it
seem. Married couples get into fights all the time, and......"

"He doesn't love me, Bobbie." Carly said interrupting Bobbie loudly. She
finally looked up and continued more quietly. "He never did."

"Carly," Bobbie said softly. "I'm sure that's not true."

"Yeah, yeah it is." Carly looked away for a moment before turning back to
Bobbie. "I've been lying to you, to everybody. Now, what I'm about to tell
you could cost me Michael, but I gotta tell you because I'm so sick of lying
and pretending everything is great, because everything isn't great. So,
promise me you won't tell anyone what I'm going to tell you."

Bobbie looked into her daughters eyes and reluctuntly sighed. "Ok, Carly.
My lips are sealed. Now spill."

Carly took one deep breath and then started. "It all began when I was in
Ferncliff. See, I had a lot of time to think. I mean really think, not impulse
think and act, but think things through. Look at my life from every angle, and
I decided it wasn't good. Things had to change, you know? So, I made some
decisions. I loved Jason, that wasn't a lie, but it was killing me. Loving
someone who doesn't love you is the hardest thing in the world. So I made
up my mind. I couldn't stop loving Jason, but I could stop obsessing over him
and accept the fact that we'd never be together. It was hard, but I did it. Me
and Jason were no longer an option."

"But, you two were engaged....." Bobbie said confused.

"I know, I know." carly sad tiredly. "One day Jason just pops in and tells me
Robin told Aj the truth.... about being Michaels father?" Carly waited for
Bobbie to nod and then continued. "He told me the chance of losing Michael
was high, unless we did something...... get married." Carly let out a slight
laugh as she remembered the day. "God momma, you should've seen the
look on Jason's face. He was shocked that I was thrilled with the idea, but I
mean, how could I have been? Six months in intensive therapy and I
FINNALY come to the realization that me and Jason were just a fantasy,
not real, and I accepted that and then I'm told I had to pretend to be married
to him, HAPPILY married to him." Tears began to pour down her face. "Do
you know what it was like? Having him kiss me, and hold me and say sweet
things to me. I constantly had to remind myself that it wasn't real. That he
didn't mean it."

"Oh Carly." Bobbie sighed sympathetically, reaching for her daughters hand,
but Carly just continued.

"Momma, in Puerto Rico, I was attacked and......."

"You were what?" Bobbie yelled in surprised

"I'm fine, momma, I'm fine." Carly said quickly. " I'm fine because Jason
saved me, he took care of me. He was so sweet and gentle. I told him stuff,
stuff that I'm so ashamed of, stuff that even disgusts me! And you know
what? He didn't care. I just... As time went by I found myself falling more
and more in love with him, isn't that sick? Ugh... then it just got worse."

"It's OK, Carly. You can tell me." Bobbie said soothingly.

Carly nodded and continued. "Michael was with AJ, for the first time ever.
We got into a big fight and he said somethings that really hurt, so I went to
Jakes and got drunk. Typical, huh?" Carly said with a pitiful laugh as Bobbie
shook her head, dissapointed. "Then Jason came, and he had been drinking."
At this Bobbie raised an eyebrow and Carly nodded. "I know, pretty wierd
huh? I gave this really embaressing, pathetic speech , and, well, to make a
long story short, we had sex."

"You what?" Bobbie asked surprised.

"Yeah, but, the thing was that it was nothing to him, you know? Yet, to me, it
was everything, so we just kinda chalked it down to being a mistake, but it
hurt so much. So we kinda put a wall between us. Then there was Ken."

"Ken?"

"Yeah, gorgeous, smart, I met him in school, and he liked me. I mean, me.
Not my son and not what I could do in the sac. I haven't ever really had that,
you know? I mean, he was coming on really strong, saying all the right
stuff......."

"Carly, no, tell me you didn't." Bobbie said rubbing her temples.

"No, I didn't, well, what happened was he came to Kellys today. He made
me an offer, to make me happy. I said no..... but he gave me his hotel
number." Carly looked pleading into Bobbie's eyes and grasped both her
hands. "Momma, I swear, I had no intention of going, I was tempted, but I
would never go, I loved Michael too much, and to be honest, I couldn't leave
Jason." Carly dropped her head as she began to cry, and let go of Bobbie's
hands. "But when I got home, Robin was there. Yes, Robin Scorpio." Carly
added at Bobbie's shocked look. "We got into a fight, a bad one. Then
Jason came home, and he...." Her voice broke as she turned away and
began to tremble.

"He what Carly? What did he do?" Bobbie asked gently.

"He picked her......again!" Carly burst out. "So, I got mad and ran out. I was
so upset I didn't see the limo following me. I went to Ken's momma!" Carly
cried out. "I don't know why. I just did, and Ken started kissing me, and I
tried to stop, but before I knew it I was topless on the bed with his hands on
me." Carly looked down ashamed.

"CARLY!" Bobbie cried out in clear dissapointment.

"Then Jason came in and saw." Carly added quietly.

"Oh god." Bobbie whispered quietly, shutting her eyes.

"They fought, Jason pulled a gun on him, threatened him, we left, we didn't
talk, we went to the Penthouse." Her voice was drained of emotion as she
quietly continued. "He asked me how long, I told him the truth, he didn't
believe me. He called me a....." Her voice cracked and she took a deep
breath to steady herself as she continued. " A slut. Then he.... Oh god. He
was so angry, and he said if I wanted cheap meaningless sex he'd give it to
me, then he was kissing me. He was so rough and cold, and we were on the
floor and he was ripping at my shirt........."

"No, Carly. Tell me he didn't." Bobbie begged.

"No," Carly said shaking her head, her eyes downcast. "He stopped aruptly
and told me to leave because the sight of me made him sick." Carly looked
up into Bobbie's eyes as rivers of tears made their way down her face. "I'm
sorry, I just didn't know where to go..."

"Oh, Carly." Bobbie said as she pulled Carly's head into her lap and began
to smooth her hair. "You've gotten yourself into one hell of a mess."

They were silent for a moment as Carly cried untill finally she whispered.
"Momma, there's more. I'm late."

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' just to get you
Now I'm dyin' just to let you
Do what you do what you do down to me,
baby, baby, baby

I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet misery
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm dyin' 'cause I let you
Do what you do down to, down to,
down to, down to
I was cryin' when I met you
Now I'm tryin' to forget you
Your love is sweet
I was cryin' when I met you

* "'Cryin" by Aerosmith

'Till Death Do We Part. Chapter 23: Without You

No I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows
No I can't forget tomorrow
When I think of all my sorrow
When I had you there
But then I let you go
And now it's only fail
That I should let you know
What you should know
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't live anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

Bobbie paced the small hallway in front of the bathroom. Carly was taking
forever, but that was Carly. Bobbie stopped in front of the window and
looked out. The sun was rising, but she had given up sleep when after several
hours of crying, Carly had demanded that they go to a 24 hour drug store
and buy a home pregnancy test right then and there.

Now Carly was in the bathroom, as she had been for the past half hour, with
the test. This was a big mess. Bobbie couldn't believe that Jason had done
those things to Carly. She had no problem believing Carly had cheated on
Jason, that was typical, but Jason was never violent towards women. It just
went to show how screwed up everything was. Finally Carly emerged from
the bathroom, her eyes red and swollen, and when she spoke her voice was
hoarse. "It's gonna take 3 minutes."

Bobbie slightly nodded and followed Carly to the kitchen table and sat in the
chair opposite of her. They were silent for a few minutes before Carly said.
"I wonder what it would be like. If Jason loved me and I was pregnant with
his child." She quickly shook her head and took a deep breath. "But, I can't
think of that stuff. I can't." She was quietly thoughtful for a moment before
adding. "I'm going to see him. Right after I get the results. Pregnant or not,
I'm going to see him."

Bobbie reached across the table and gently grasped Carly's hand. "Honey, I
don't know how good of an idea that is. After last night, maybe you should
keep your distance..."

Carly quickly shook her head and pulled her hand away. "No, momma. I
have to go now. Jason..... he'd never hurt me. Last night, he was just angry,
and even then he couldn't. I screwed up, it was my fault, and now I've got to
fix it. If not for me and Jason, then for Michael, and possibly........." her voice
trailed off as she looked towards the bathroom.

Bobbie hesitated before saying. "Carly, I really hate to ask this, but this child
is Jason's, right? I mean, there are no other possibilities?"

"No." Carly said strongly before lowering her voice. "Sorry, I guess I
deserved that. No momma Jason was the first since AJ. The first and only."
She let out an ironic laugh. "God, if that ever got out I'd be kicked out of the
slut club quicker than you could say "Screw up." She paused again before
adding. "Not that anyone would believe me."

She caught Bobbie's eye, and they held each others gaze. Each knowing that
what Carly had said was true, and was only going to get worse. Finally the
sound of a buzzing from the bathroom, signaling the results were in. Carly
took a deep breath and stood, shakily walking to the bathroom.

Bobbie waited several minutes before following. She walked in to see Carly
sitting on the floor staring at the little stick in her hand. She lifted her tear
streaked face and in as strong of a voice as possible said. "Well, at least this
time I know who the daddy is."

Well I can't forget this evening
Or your face as you were leaving
But I guess that's just the way
The story goes
You always smile but in your eyes
Your sorrow shows
Yes it shows

Jason stared out the large windows at the bright Sun which was just
appearing over the horizon. He barley saw it. All night long the same images
kept running through his head. First he'd see Carly and Ken on the bed, then
Carly tugging on his arm trying to pull him off of Ken, then he was on her,
ripping at her clothing, her voice echoing in his head. "Jason, please. Stop,
don't do this."

He quickly shook his head and rubbed his eyes. He had to stop. He had to
do something, but what he didn't know. He spent the whole night giving out
blame. First it was Robin's for telling AJ, then it was AJ's for being at Jake's
that night instead of him, then it was Ken's for obvious reasons, then it was
Carly's, for going to Ken, but he could no longer deny that it was also his
fault. His fault for not being honest with Carly about his feelings, for letting
her run out of the Penthouse, for embarrassing her in front of Robin, and for
afterwards. He had the right to be abut what he did was disgusting, he'd
almost raped her. rape.

He wasn't a rapist. A rapist was a pervert with a ski mask in the park. Not
him, but last night he'd almost done it. To his wife, to Carly. If it was anyone
else who'd done that to her, he would've killed him by now. His anger was
no excuse. Her betrayal was no excuse. There was no excuse.

His thoughts were interrupted by a knocking on the door. He turned as the
door slowly opened and Carly timidly stuck her head through the door and
peered around until she came into contact with Jason. She took a deep
breath and squared her shoulders. "Hi, Can I come in?"

"Yeah," Jason replied quickly. "Yeah, um, Of course."

Carly nodded and walked in slowly shutting the door behind her, but she
didn't move. There was a tense silence as neither knew the appropriate thing
to say. Finally Carly timidly whispered. "Jason? I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."

Jason quickly shook his head and took a tentative step towards her. He
wanted to tell her that it wasn't her fault, that he understood. He wanted to
explain all the thoughts and feelings he had before she came home, but now
standing in the same room with her, only one image played in his mind, her
laying topless on Ken's bed, and he felt only one emotion, anger. When he
finally spoke his voice was cold and distant, his eyes as cold as ice. "If
anyone else had seen you, we could've lost Michael." He looked away "That
can't ever happen again."

Carly shook her head and bit her lower lip. "Never, ever again. I would
never do anything to lose......" She hesitated before saying. "Michael."

Jason nodded his head and still not looking at her said. "However, I might
have overreacted yesterday. I had no right to do that, so I'm sorry. I won't
touch you anymore, unless absolutely necessary."

Carly bit down harder on her lip to stop it from trembling. She felt her eyes
fill with tears, but she blinked them back. She nodded her head slowly,
taking deep breaths to calm herself.

Jason continued. "Also, I'm having some business issues so a guard will have
to be with you at all times. At work, and...." The muscle in his jaw twitched
as he continued. "In your classes. It's not safe for you to be alone."

She didn't doubt that there were issues with the organization, but she was
positive that there was more behind his sudden demand of her not being
alone anymore, especially in the classroom. He never was good at lying.
When she finally spoke her voice was low and shaky. "OK, That's fine, but I
don't think I'll be going to class anymore. It's a little too serious for me." She
lied, she had loved her classes, but she knew Ken would be there, even if
only to see her, and she didn't want to see him anymore.

"Whatever you want." His voice was void of any emotion and then he turned
to her and said. "Right now, I think it's best for everyone if we spend as little
amount of time together as possible."

Carly felt as if he had just slapped her. She watched numbly as he went to
the closet and retrieved his jacket. She moved further into the room. As he
headed for the door she summoned all her courage and called out. "Jason? I
need to tell you something"

He turned to her, his eyes staring at hers. She swallowed nervously as her
hand involuntarily flew to her stomach. She had planned on telling him about
the baby, but she couldn't. Not like this. Not in such anger. "I just wanted to
say......" She took a deep breath as his eyes watched her expectantly. "I'm
sorry, about Ken and everything."

Jason nodded his head, almost disappointed. "I know." He said quietly and
then he was gone. Leaving Carly alone in the Penthouse, tears streaming
down her face.

I can't live
If living is without you
I can't live
I can't give anymore
I can't live
If living is without you
I can't give
I can't give anymore

* "Without You" by Mariah Carey

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