It must have been cold there in my shadow
to never have sunlight on your face.
You've always been content to let me shine.
You've always walked one step behind.

Carly stared out onto the deep dark blue waters. She loved how the full
moon's light seemed to reflect of it. It was intoxicating. Leaving her
breathless.

Her thoughts drifted to the days events. She had awoken in Jason's arm. He
had been cradling her, watching her under a vigil eye. Her face was tender,
yet it wasn't as bad as she had expected. She suspected this was due to
Jason, who she was pretty sure, had held the cold compress on her face
throughout the night. Her arm was sore, but some aspirin had helped ease
the pain, as well as the pain from her back.

Carly had to admit she was shocked that her back wasn't as bad as she had
expected. The medicine really helped prevent infection and the thick
bandages really protected the scratches from further pain.

She was surprised at how good Jason was at bandaging. She had noticed
that earlier in the afternoon. Jason had, despite her protests, cleaned the
scrapes again, and reapplied the medicine and re-bandage them. She had
laid on her stomach while he took care of her. His touch was gentle, and it
made the stinging, from the water hitting the wounds, less painful.

Carly's attention was drawn to the waves. She studied how they would begin
high, than go lower and lower, until they were just some fizz around her
ankles. She had never really noticed. They just kept doing the same thing
over and over again.

Carly couldn't help but think that they were just like her. She would lie,
cheat, steal, and do a billion other bad things, and when she was found?
She'd do it all again. Just like with Michael. She lied about his paternity. She
made up some stupid scam to solve everything, and when she was figured
out? She lied more, and came up with a bigger scam.

Carly didn't know where all these thoughts were coming from. She just knew
her head was beginning to ache from them. Well, she also had her lack of
eating for the day to thank for her headache.

Still embarrassed by the previous nights events, Carly had chosen not to
leave her room all day. She hadn't even dressed, she just stayed in her robe.
She hadn't really done much.

Jason had spent some time with her, but he had realized that she wanted to
be alone. When he was there she kept the TV on, so they wouldn't have to
talk. Because, as Carly had thought, she didn't want to talk about the attack,
yet she was sure it was the only thing on their minds. Knowing that Jason
only talked about what was on his mind, Carly thought it was best to try and
distract the attention from her. The TV sounded perfect. Of course all the
channels were in Spanish. Carly knew Jason didn't speak Spanish, but she
just prayed that she never told him she didn't.

When she was alone, Carly opted for the radio. She wanted to be alone, but
the silence offered too many unwanted memories. Based on the previous
night's incident, and the night at Jake's, Carly concluded that after attacks, or
life altering experiences, people became very nostalgic. Something she
despised being.

Jason had brought her food a few times, but she just played with it. Even
though she wasn't scared anymore, and she tried not to blame herself,
realizing all it would do was make her sick, Carly's stomach was still in
knots.

She couldn't explain why. She just felt very on guard, and her stomach felt as
though it was twisted. Just the thought of eating made her nauseous. She
tried to move the food around so it looked like she had eaten it, but she
knew it was no use. Jason watched her carefully. She could tell, just by his
sighs and looks, that he wasn't pleased, but he hadn't argued. A fact that
Carly was grateful for. She'd eat tomorrow, she promised herself.

After it had gotten dark out, Carly had decided to go for a walk on her
sanctuary. The beach. She had slipped into some jeans, and a loose long
sleeve T-shirt. She had left the house unnoticed. She would have been
scared anywhere else, being alone and everything. But not on the beach. The
beach was like the safest place in the world to her. Yet, the little common
sense she had and the left over jumpiness and fear from her attack, caused
her to stay directly in front of the house, sitting on the edge of the patio.

I was the one with all the glory,
while you were the one with all the strength,
only a face without a name,
and I never once heard you complain.

Jason continued to watch her from the screen. He suspected that she thought
she was alone, but he had been watching her the whole time. All day he had
been watching her, listening to her. He felt really bad, especially after her
admital that she was ashamed and thought something was wrong with her.

In all honesty he felt guilty for the whole thing. He had seen how
uncomfortable she was with being alone, yet he still had left her. And why
hadn't he left a guard with her? She was his wife now, and that surely made
her more of a target. He should have thought of this, and insisted that a guard
stay with her, even in the casino.

But he couldn't play 'What If.' It had happened. It was done with. Luckily he
had arrived in time, and the damage was minor compared to what the jerk
who had hurt her intended to do.

He had to say the her embarrassment, and refusing to leave her room, was
something he expected. And her quietness did not come as too much of a
shock. He had watched, with half amusement, half concern as she pretended
to watch, and understand the Spanish shows.

Jason knew that she wanted to be alone, and he tried to grant her that favor,
but he had wanted to be with her a little. Just to check on her, and assure her
that he was still there.

The thing that worried Jason the most, was her nonexistent appetite. She had
gained back some weight, since her stay at Ferncliff, but nowhere near what
he had hoped for, and now, not wanting to eat, sincerely worried him. He
had seen her play with the food. Looking uncomfortable and nervous around
it. He would have argued with her, but he realized, that maybe all she needed
was time. Tomorrow if she didn't eat, he'd press the issue.

He decided that he had left her alone for long enough. He was happy that
she was dressed and out, and he really wanted to be with her. They didn't
really need to talk. He just wanted to be close to her so he could tell if she
was all right. Or at least let her know that he was there for her, if she needed
him. He slowly approached her.

Did you ever no that you're my hero
and everything that I'd like to be.
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the Wind beneath my Wings.

As he closed in behind her, she felt a presence. She quickly turned her head,
and their eyes met. It was a moment of soul searching. Carly looking for
judgment, Jason looking for a sign of what she was thinking or feeling. Finally
Carly offered a tiny smile. She turned her head back to the water and Jason
took the smile as an invitation, so he sat next to her.

"How do you feel?

"Please don't worry about me, Jason." She took a deep breath and
continued. "I'm fine, really I am."

There was a moment of silence until Carly whispered. "I am sorry that I
made you lie. About Michael and the whole marriage thing"

Jason was surprised at her words, but once they had sunken through his
mind, he let out a slow, tired sigh as he softly responded. "It's not your fault
Carly. And no one makes me do anything."

"Yeah, well I'm still sorry." She replied.

"Why?" Jason asked "I though you'd be happy that I could lie, now I can
keep up with your schemes." He said with a slight laugh.

"No." she said seriously. "I always liked that you were honest. I admired you
for it. I don't know. It was just a quality about you that.....it made me think
that all the men should be like you." She glanced at him and with tears in her
eyes said. "Every woman in the world show know a Jason. Even if you lie,
you're still the best. I'm just afraid that I'm rubbing off on you."

"Nah." Jason said lightly and than turned serious. "And even if you did,
would that be so bad?"

"Yes." Carly replied seriously causing them to both laugh.

While she was still laughing, Jason turned to her. "I like you when you're
smiling." He took her hand in his and finished off. "You're going to be fine
Carly, just fine."

She looked off to the water. "Maybe." She squeezed his hand and added.
"With you, I might just be OK."

You might have thought it went unnoticed
but I've got it all here in my heart.
I want you to know I know the truth
That I would be nothing without you.

Did you ever know that you're my hero
and everything that I'd like to be.
I can fly higher than an eagle,
'cause you are the Wind beneath my Wings.

* Bette Midler

Till Death Do Us Part - Chapter 15: Tearin' Up My Heart

It's tearin' up my heart when I'm with you
But when we are apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you
Baby I don't understand
Just why we can't be lovers
Things are gettin' out of hand
Tryin' too much but baby we can't win

Carly clung to Jason's arm like a scared, lost child. It was their last day in
Puerto Rico, and Jason had finally convinced Carly to leave the safety of the
mansion. For the past week Carly had refused to leave the grounds.

After that night with Jason she had felt better, and the next day she was
dressed and downstairs for breakfast. She had felt a little nervous about
being around Sonny, but Sonny knew exactly how to act. Normal. He was
his normal pleasant self. He didn't ask questions, or mention that night at all.

That's how it was for the week and half. Her attack wasn't brought up. The
only time the light bruise on her face, or the wounds on her back were
mentioned, was when Jason had to re-clean and bandage them.

Jason. He had been a saint. He was very gentle with her, and didn't push her
to talk about it or go and do things. After a day or two, Carly had gone back
out onto the beach. She built sand castles with Jason and sometimes Sonny.
She took walks, and even played some Frisbee and volleyball, but she
couldn't go in the water, because the salt water would irritate her back.

But leaving the grounds was out of the question. She felt so safe and secure
there. There was the big beautiful mansion and the private beach. She knew
their were guards all over and Carly never felt safer. It was her private
heaven.

The first few nights weren't great. Carly had trouble sleeping. Jason usually
sat in the chair next to the bed. He would hold her hand and talk to her until
she fell asleep. But lately she had been OK.

Jason had suggested that they spend their last night there out on the town.
Carly had quickly rejected the idea, but Jason finally convinced her. She was
wearing an ankle length peach skirt with flowers and a peach top with
strappy white sandals. Her hair was down and cover the top of her back, so
the bandages were concealed. Her face was a lot better and with the help of
make-up, the bruise was completely unnoticeable, and her arm was basically
all better.

Now she walked down the beautiful streets of Puerto Rico clinging to Jason
with Sonny on the other side of her and two big bodyguards closely behind
them. The sun was just beginning to set, and Carly had to admit, it was
beautiful. They turned a corner and entered a street that was lit up by
lanterns and little lights in the trees. There was loud Spanish music playing
and people were dancing and there were tables scattered all over. "Wow."
Carly said in awe.

Jason smiled down at her and asked "Hungry?"

"We're gonna eat here?" Carly asked surprised.

"Yeah, if you want to."

"I'd love to, but it looks crowded." Carly replied.

"Don't worry." Sonny said with a smile, "I know the owner."

"Oh!" Carly said in full understanding

Before she knew it they were being led to a table. All the nervousness Carly
had felt before quickly left and was replaced by excitement and awe. While
they walked toward their table, which was off to the side for privacy, but
gave them a clear view of the entire place, Carly looked around taking
everything in. She didn't even realize that she had let go of Jason.

They reached the table and Jason held a chair out for Carly. Once she was
seated, Jason sat next to her with Sonny on the other side of the table. The
waiter set their menus on the table and after a short nod of recognition
toward Sonny he left.

Carly kept looking around and finally gushed "This place looks great."

Sonny and Jason smiled and Jason said. "Are you happy that you decided to
come?"

"Yeah." Carly said with a smile

Jason handed her a menu with a smile. "Thanks." She said.

They were all looking at their menus when Carly said. "Um....this is all in
Spanish."

Sonny and Jason laughed and Jason finally said. "I thought you understood
Spanish, don't you watch Spanish TV?"

Carly's face grew red as she realized that she was caught. "Well, you can
understand a lot from people's expressions!" she said in a bad defense and
when Sonny and Jason's laughs grew louder she turned toward Jason and
defensively asked. "How can you understand the menu?"

"Last time I was here with Sonny, I learned Spanish names for food."

"OK, fine Senor, but what am I supposed to do?" Carly asked.

"Here, I'll tell you what everything is."

After going over the menu with her, Carly glanced back down at it. "Salad?"
she asked Jason.

Jason looked at her and let out a sigh. She hadn't gained any weight since
they arrived in Puerto Rico. She hadn't really lost any either, thankfully. He
was surprised at how much her appetite had changed. She ate such small
portions plus she was so active, Jason suspected that it was due to her
closed surroundings at Ferncliff. Now that there was so much freedom she
was really into enjoying it. But still, Jason wanted her to gain at least 15
pounds. Just to be healthy. "How about something more Spanish, Carly?"
Jason said trying to make her pick a more fattening and filling dish.

She sighed and looked back at the menu. "I give up. You order for me Jase,
It's impossible to order without looking at the menu."

Sonny cleared his throat and suggested. "How about paella? They make it
really good here."

"Paella? I love paella." Carly cried. "It was my favorite back home."

"You ate paella at home?" Sonny asked

"Yeah, Florida does have a large Spanish population you know." Carly said.
"I didn't live in a Spanish neighborhood or anything. But if I took two buses I
ended up downtown. It was an awesome Spanish neighborhood. People
called it bad, but it wasn't really. I knew lots of people. And there was this
place, they made the best paella, plus they had great dancing. I use to cut
school and go down there. My motto was, there's nothing that the beach,
dancing or paella couldn't cure!"

Sonny and Jason laughed and Jason finally said. "OK, so after all this time in
a Spanish neighborhood, you don't speak a word of Spanish."

"I speak Spanish."

"Fine say something Spanish." Jason said with a teasing smile.

Carly turned bright red as she said. "I can't, all I know are curses."

This caused the whole table to laugh. When the laughter finally died down,
Jason asked curiously. "You cut school a lot?"

"Yeah. I was bad. I use to sneak out of the house late at night too. Nearly
gave Virginia a heart attack." Carly's carefree smile disappeared as she
looked away realizing, she did give Virginia a heart attack.

Jason noticed and realized what she was thinking. He cleared his throat and
with a large smile he said. "OK, paella it is."

Carly smiled back at him and looked around as Sonny ordered three paellas
and some wine. As he ordered Carly surveyed the surroundings. When a
new song came on. It was a fast beat, hot Latin song.

"OH!" Carly exclaimed. "I love this song. They use to play it at the club I
went to."

Jason smiled and watched her watch people dance. "You want to dance?"

Carly looked at him surprised. "You can dance? To this? Jase, this is Latin
music."

Jason gave her a small a smile and arched an eyebrow. "Yes, Carly, I know
how to dance to Latin music. Now the question is do you WANT to dance
to Latin music?" He stood and offered his hand

"This, I've got to see." Carly said as she took his hand and followed him to
the dance floor, with Sonny laughing at them from the table.

When they reached a small clearing they looked at each other. Jason was
almost smirking at Carly's surprised expression. He wound his hand around
her waist, careful to avoid the scratches. She put her arm hesitantly around
his back, and when he went to pick up her other hand she said in a half
serious, half teasing manner "I don't know Jase, I was a really good dancer
at my old club, I wonder if you're gonna be able to keep up."

"Don't worry about me." He quickly pulled her close and said. "The person
who taught me, told me the key to Latin dancing, was the two bodies need
to be close."

Carly looked shocked at first and than laughed. "I'm guessing your instructor
was female."

Jason just winked in response and began dancing. He surprised Carly with
how good he was. Their bodies were molded together and Jason did a ton
of moves that Carly hadn't done in years.

That's how they spent the rest of the night. Dancing, laughing and having a
great time.

If you want me girl let me know
I am down on my knees
I can't take it anymore

Baby don't misunderstand
What I'm tryin' to tell ya
In the corner of my mind
Baby it feels like we're running out of time

Carly and Jason entered her bedroom laughing. "You amaze me Jase." Carly
said, referring to his expert Latin dancing.

"Thank You." Jason said with a small bow. He straightened up and in a more
serious manner said "Listen, I'll go into my room and you take a shower and
I'll rebandage you, OK?"

Carly let out a frustrated sigh and said "Jase, please. It's been nearly a week.
I'm fine."

Jason gave her a warning glare and said. "Carly, I'll never understand why
you insist on having this same conversation everytime I need to rebandage
you, but fine, here we go. No, Carly. You're not fine. Your back is much
better, but it's still pretty bad. The scrapes were deep Carly, and they're still
partially open, you need the ant-infection medicine and they need to be
cleaned and bandaged" He let out a tired sigh and asked. "There, are you
happy now?"

"Talk about hostility." Carly said under her breath and than raised her voice.
"Yeah, give me 15 minutes.

Let it go
If you want me girl let me know
I am down on my knees
I can't take it anymore
Tearin' up my heart my soul
We're apart I feel it too
And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you

20 minutes later Carly sat on the window sill and stared out at the stars. She
was in her robe and was using a towel to dry her hair. She didn't know why
she always put up a fight with Jason when it came to her bandages.

Yeah, the medicine stung a little, but it was no big deal. In fact, she usually
felt better afterwards. Maybe, she reasoned, she felt that the scrapes were
reminders of the attack, something she was still slightly ashamed of. Plus, she
didn't like to appear helpless.

She heard a soft knock on her door and without turning her head said
"Come in Jase."

He entered with all the usual medicine junk. Carly let out a breath and
walked over to the bed. She kneeled on it and slowly laid down on her
stomach, once she was there, she shrugged her arms out of the robe. Jason
sat next to her and pulled the robe down to her waist, revealing her back. It
was becoming a routine with them.

As he peeled off the bandages he inspected the wounds. They were doing
pretty good. Jason suspected that in a few days scabs would begin and in
another week or so, she'd be basically all better.

As he began to clean them, he felt Carly slightly flinch. The water still
bothered her. He fought the rage that built up inside of him everytime he saw
the wounds. He saw the image of the guy touching and nuzzling Carly. He
remembered how her back first looked. He couldn't help thinking of the
horrible limo ride and the scared little girl he had to tell that there was nothing
wrong with and hold.

He was brought away from those horrible images by Carly's voice. "How did
you learn to Latin dance?"

Jason slightly smiled as the memory came back to him. "Last time I was here.
Sonny took me out to that restaurant we went to tonight. Me some other
guys and this lady who was like his maid or something. Maria. She was
kinda flirting with me. She asked me to dance and I said I didn't know how.
She laughed and pulled me onto the dance floor and showed me." He slightly
shrugged "It wasn't hard at all. She said I was a natural!"

Carly laughed at this and said. "I can imagine!"

As Jason begin to apply the medicine, a thought occurred to him. "Who did
you dance with?"

Carly was surprised by the question, but as memories came back to her, she
smiled. "Ricardo. He was a god" She reminisced. "He was the boy from the
wrong side of the tracks if I ever saw one. Tall dark, handsome, oh and what
a body! He was part of a gang. I was totally in love with him. In my eyes he
hung the sun and the moon. We use to hang out at the club. We did some
really hot dancing. He was a god." She let out a short laugh "He didn't think
as much of me though. He was my first you know. I was young, and kinda
innocent. I wasn't use to the clubs, and gangs and bad neighborhoods. Carly
took me once and that's when I met him. I really thought me and him were
forever. You know, that's the only reason I slept with him. At that point, I
only wanted to sleep with one person my whole life, my husband. But he
promised that as soon as we had enough money and I was of age he'd marry
me. So, I thought it was OK. But one day I caught him in bed with someone
else."

Jason stopped applying the medicine and gave her a sad look. "How old
were you?"

"13. He was 28." She looked thoughtful and continued. "February 17. I
remember it well. It was 1:42 PM." She let out a sardonic laugh. "Oh God, I
actually remember the time! I was supposed to be in school. I know the time
because we were in the car, I always imagined it in a nice hotel room,
overlooking the ocean in Hawaii with candles and flowers on my
honeymoon. But no, it was in a stolen red convertible. Not even the back
seat. Right there in the front. I just remember looking at the clock and
thinking 'I'm always going to remember this.'"

"You were just a kid Carly. He was a man. He took advantage of you."
Jason said gently

Carly blinked back tears and slightly shrugged her shoulders. "I guess. But
than he told all his friends and I kinda became the gang's girl, you know?
After what he told them, they expected it. I didn't know how to say no. Me
and Carly always hung at the club. That's were everyone knew where to find
us. We got a rep., well Carly already had one, but I earned mine." She let
out a sardonic laugh. "In one month I went from Miss. I want to wait until I'm
married to Miss. I did everyone in the neighborhood twice."

By this time Jason had finished and Carly shrugged back into her robe and
sat up. She tried to laugh and turned to Jason. '"So, have I disgusted you
yet?" she tried to smile, but the attempt was pathetic. And Jason could see
the tears welling up in her eyes.

"No." he stated sympathetically. "You were young Carly. It wasn't your
fault."

She let out a short laugh. "How come in your mind, nothing is my fault? In
most other peoples minds, everything is my fault."

"You just are impressionable Carly. That's all."

A shrug was his only reply. Finally Carly looked up and smiled brightly. "You
really were good on the dance floor! God, you keep surprising me! A
doctor, a Latin dancer, a therapist! What next? A marine biologist?"

Jason slightly laughed and said. "You give me too much credit."

"No." Carly said slowly as she made her way to the window. She looked out
and said. "No, that's not it. Everyone else gives you not enough credit.
You're really special Jase. You're kind, smart......you're just the most perfect
thing I ever met."

Jason smiled and walked up behind her. "You're not too bad yourself
Senorita!"

Carly turned to him with a smile and laughed as she said in a pretend mad
face. "Hey, that's Senora to you, Mister!"

Jason laughed and picked up her hands. He went to give each one a kiss and
said. "My deepest, most sincere apologies Senora." She tilted her head back
and laughed and Jason continued in a more serious voice. "Listen, it's late
and we have an early flight. Why don't you go to bed?"

Carly's eyes and mouth opened wide as she looked surprised and then let
out a laugh and stepped closer to him. "My, my my. If I didn't know any
better, I'd think that you couldn't wait to get me into the sac."

It was Jason's turn to looked surprised as a deep laugh began to erupt from
his throat. "Oh, I'll get you into the sac!" Jason said as he chased her around
the room. When he finally cornered her in front of the bed Jason reached out
and began tickling her. She tried to pull away and as a result fell back onto
the bed.

But Jason wouldn't give up. He kneeled onto the edge of the bed, on top of
Carly. He was relentless at tickling her sides, despite her fighting back.
Finally Jason stopped. He was leaning on his arms, which were on either side
of Carly. He was taking deep, shallow breaths.

Carly's laughter bubbled to the surface of the room as she tried to catch her
breath. Her hair was a mess, tangled all over her face. She reached her hand
up to brush the hair away.

Slowly her laughter died down. Their eyes were locked in an intense, desire
filled gaze. They each felt each others deep, hot breath on one another.
Slowly, as though a magnetic force was pulling him, Jason lowered his face
toward Carly's. Their lips slowly touched, and Jason was surprised to feel
her lips slightly trembling.

Despite that, he pressed his lips harder against hers. Their mouths crashing
against each other. Their lips slowly parting as their tongues began to
re-explore on another's mouth.

After a few minutes, reality sunk in and they slowly pulled apart. Their breath
was ragged as they kept their eyes locked on each other. Suddenly Carly put
her hands on Jason's chest and pushed him off her. She jumped off the bed
and walked to the window. Jason watched her with concern "Carly......"

"Listen Jason." Carly said cutting him off and not bothering to look at him. "I
think I'm OK. I mean, you don't need to stay with me tonight. I'm sure I'll be
fine."

Jason was worried that he pushed her, or that he had hurt her in some way.
He also was confused about the kiss. He knew that their marriage was in
name only, but he had wanted to kiss her. So he did. But now he was just
confused, and he knew that Carly must've been even more bewildered.

He wanted to say something, to make it all better. To take away that uneasy,
scary, confused feeling that was filling the room. But Jason knew that there
was no phrase to say, and that right now, Carly needed to be alone. He
slightly nodded, even though she couldn't see him and said. "Alright. Good
night, Carly."

He walked toward the door and gently shut it behind him. Once she heared
the click of the door closing, Carly turned her tear streaked face toward the
door.

And no matter what I do I feel the pain
With or without you

*'N Sync
Tearin' Up My Heart

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