Elton John interview on Late Night with Conan O'Brien: Thursday, 25 September 1997. (Thanks to the Nee-ha! Late Night fan newsletter for that date! http://www.angelfire.com/ny/lacob/conan.html) [Elton John did a song before this commercial break.] [Braces {} enclose unclear speech.] ---- [Return from commercial, audience is cheering.] CONAN All right, everybody, we're back! We're sitting here with Elton John! Life is good. [audience is still cheering] CONAN Ahhh, again, uh, thank you so much for ah, for coming back on the program. An' congratulations, your--your *thirtieth,* anniversary and uh-- ELTON With Bernie, yeah. CONAN With Bernie Taupin-- ELTON We been together for thirty years, yeah. Not bad, huh? CONAN Yeah, not bad at all. [audience cheering] CONAN Thirty years with, an'--an'--an' when you started out, someone told me you--you had *no* money when you started out, you had both failed in some kind of competition. Is that right, uhhhh, a song writing competition-- ELTON No. No. No, I, no, I'd, I'd answered an advertisement for Liberty Records in England an' I, I couldn't write s--lyrics, so um, I just said, "I need a lyric writer" and, he, the lyrics were on the desk an' someone said, "oh just take these an' come back when you've, written something," so, I did. And I didn't meet Bernie for a long time, an'--uh, you know, after I'd written the first few songs--anyway. An', you know, we still haven't collaborated on a song in the same room. I mean, we've just b--it's all been separate, you know? CONAN I, I thought, when you were first starting out, didn't you write--you-- you both lived at, uh--your mother's house. ELTON Yeah. We both, yeah, yeah. Yeah. CONAN An', an' you--you--you had to--you slept in bunk beds. ELTON Yes. Ha ha ha ha! [audience is laughing too] CONAN But no *songs* were written there. ELTON No. CONAN Good. ELTON Not in the bunk beds, anyway. CONAN Okay, yeah, yeah. I don't want--"Rocketman," written in a bunk bed. I don't wanna, think about it. ELTON No. CONAN And uh, you wrote--you wrote songs for uh, Engleburt, Humperdink-- ELTON Oh, in the early days, Bernie {and I had a} contract to write cheesy songs for Engleburt Humperdink. CONAN [laughs] The contract said-- ELTON We *did* write them, but--you know--they were so bad, that nobody ever recorded them--thank goodness. Yeah. CONAN Now, clearly, you'd--you'd come up with a good one, an' you'd just, "put that in the drawer, I'll save that for later." ELTON Yeah. Yeah, exactly. You're-- CONAN Give Engleburt the, the crap, basically. ELTON Yeah. Absolutely. [Conan and audience are laughing] Yeah. Exactly. You've got it right. ELTON Yeah. CONAN He's watching somewhere: very angry. ELTON Yeah. CONAN Ahhh, also, uh, I wanna talk about your--your fiftieth birthday party, because I've seen pictures of this thing. [audience chuckles in anticipation] And, it doesn't resemble a birthday party, that I've ever been to. [audience is cheering] Uh, uh: you--you went all out for this party. ELTON Uh, well you have to, don't you, really. I mean you're fifty an' uh-- CONAN [shrugs] --I-- ELTON I wen--I went so "all out" that I had to be taken in a furniture removal lorry to this place, yeah. CONAN I've heard--well, let's see this costume--this is what you *wore*, at your birthday party. [Close-up on a photo: ELTON standing, wearing an all white, Colonial era, feather bedecked, costume and big wig--so big it holds a glittering miniature *ship*. The audience reacts in glee, cheering!] CONAN An' you said you, you had to be transferred in a--in a--in a--in a *truck*. ELTON {Well, let's talk about--the *hair* was *three* foot tall for a *start*. And uh, I had-- CONAN *Mine* was the first year of this show, incidentally. Yeah. [audience laughs] ELTON Yeah. And uh, yes, we had to go in, in a big old truck. And, and it took forever to get there. It took us--an hour and a quarter to go-- CONAN An' then they lowered you in a hydraulic-- ELTON Yeah. By which time, my head was goin' "aaaaaa!" Like--uh--that Marge Simpson, the hair was going "aaaaa.. aaaa... aaa.." [audience laughs at his pantomime of a groaning tilt] CONAN Yeah. Familiar with that show, yeah. Ah. [audience laughs] You ah, you ah--ya--'cause when *I* go, when I go to the Gap, an' I buy a shirt, if it needs dry cleaning, if it says "dry clean only," I do not buy it. All right? You're wearing, things that say--you know--"hydraulic lift only." ELTON Yes. [audience laughing] CONAN You know, that seems like it's a whole other level of difficulty. [audience cheers] You ah, ah-- ELTON Skinflint, you are, huh? CONAN [laughing] Yeah, oh--what are you *talking* about? I could hook you up with some great clothes. ELTON Really. CONAN [about his jacket] J.C. Penny. Yeah. ELTON --Really-- {The Gap} [chuckling] CONAN [chuckling] Um, ah. Yeah. Please. Don't mock my clothing. It's too easy. Ah.. Ah, your documentary. This is fascinating, ah, it's--it's ah, called, "Tantrums and Tiaras." ELTON Yes. CONAN And, you, were not afraid, I guess just to be yourself. ELTON No. CONAN Completely uh, com--com--you know, just--just completely "warts an' all," for the camera. ELTON --Yeah. CONAN And it's quite fascinating because there's a clip here, of you, where you're a *tad* upset. And. And *I* would have cut this out. If there was to take uh, you know, footage like--I've suppressed footage like this of *me*. But uh, but you're willing to let people see it. ELTON Yes, of course. CONAN [laughs and audience cheers] {Let's have a--have a, I'm gonna--hold-- let's--let's} roll this clip, ahhh. I guess this is, I--I think you have to do a video and you're not quite happy about doing a--a video. ELTON Uh videos are the kind of--I don't like them very much, so--and I get very nervous about them an' then, well, you'll see from this clip. CONAN Let's take a look. [Video: ELTON is waiting impatiently having an outburst while standing around with two other guys in a "green" room. He's wearing a sort of fur coat.] ELTON Listen, I get up about *seven* o'clock in the morning to *get* here, an' I'm ::bleep::ing {only person to} ::bleep::! {The clothes on the clock!} What the ::bleep:: is going on?! BOTH MEN [quiet] {Well none of us--and that's--absolutely inexcusable. It's *really* inexcusable. There's no reason-- No reason to do. Yeah. Give them one chance to. Yeah} ELTON I couldn't give a ::bleep::. I make music. I don't ::bleep::in' make films. I *hate* ::bleep::in' videos. They're ::bleep::ing loathsome. And I tell you this: I am *not* doin' this video. [leaving with bag] MAN {Well, the car will be back} in five minutes, {he's only gone for the car.} ELTON [absently comes back in] It's not gonna be *back* in five f::bleep::in' minutes! He's going right back in the center of Manhattan! [Return to Conan, audience cheering, Elton laughs at Conan's comments.] CONAN Now. Now I'm just afraid you're gonna blow up at me at any second. I {really want} to see *that* Elton mad. Just for a minute. ANDY It--It is better too, if you're gonna have a, a scene like that, to have it in a leopard print. [everyone's laughing] ELTON Yes. I look like--I look like a Slightly Larger and Less Coifed Jackie Collins. [audience cheers] CONAN But it works. ELTON It works. Well, the whole, the whole point of doing the, the documentary is 'cause you watch them an'--ahhh documentaries--an' they're so reverential, "Oh, he was so lovely an' I loved him an' he was always there for me an'"--you know. {We can't help}--we're Monsters, you know? [Conan and audience laughter] ELTON Oh it's--and uh, I just thought it was about time someone was a bit honest instead of, you know, just, glossing everything over. CONAN Right. And what's it like--when--when--the people in that *room,* uh, because you're Elton *John* an' you're--you're--you're an icon to these people and uh--well they also work for you, ah-- [audience laughs] -- what's it *like* when--uh--is there anyone who stands *up* to you, an' says-- ELTON Oh, yeah. I mean, but those two were buckling down pretty hard, "Oh you gotta do--oh, I agree with you," But I say, " Well, I *hate* videos"--"Oh, I agree! I agree!" Oh! [Everyone is laughing] [imitating] "We hate them, too!" "But this one's costing three hundred thousand dollars an'--*PLEASE* *STAY!*" [audience enthusiastically cheers] CONAN Oh, the uh. Uh, I didn't get to ask you this--uh--last time, 'cause I'm intrigued by your middle name, which you *gave* yourself. ELTON Yes indeed. [people are laughing] CONAN Uh, it-it-- ELTON It was a toss up between Gladys an' this one, yeah. CONAN Well, you chose Hercules. ELTON Yeah. CONAN An'--an' you gave yourself the name Hercules an' I'm wondering what in-- what inspired that name. ELTON Well basically--no one really *uses* their middle name, do they? I mean.. CONAN No. ELTON Not really. I mean-- CONAN I don't use mine an'--an'-- ELTON What's yours? CONAN Uh my name--my real--my real middle name is Christopher. ELTON Well, yeah. You'd be C.C. O'Brien. CONAN Exactly. ELTON Ha ha ha! CONAN Yeah, right. ELTON Sounds like a soul star. [fey announcer voice] "Now with his latest single: *C.C. O'Brien*!" [audience laughs and cheers] CONAN I like it! ANDY Actually. Actually, uh, my full name is Paul Andrew. An' I go by my middle name, so-- CONAN *What?* ELTON Ahhh. ANDY I--I'm "the exception that proves the rule." ELTON Yeah. {Right.} ANDY I think. ELTON Well, I just thought that, you know there are bet--my origin--my original, name was Reginald Kenneth Dwight which, you know, they're--all three of them--are completely a no-no for me. [ANDY and audience laughs] CONAN Three bad names. ELTON Three bad names, ahh. I couldn't change the surname. Um. Well I could, well I did. But I mean-- CONAN I was gonna say--yeah. Ha ha! ELTON Well Dwight in America is a christian name, right, so--but I didn't want that either so I thought, no, Hercules is--anyway. There used to be this program in England called "Steptoe an' Son," an' the horse used to be called Hercules, so, what the hell. CONAN See.. You named yourself after a television horse. ELTON Exactly, because-- [audience is laughing] You know, I was thinking, "Am I hung like one," an' I thought, "Yes!" [audience claps and cheers long as Conan very blankly stares at camera] ELTON --Thank you!-- CONAN Wellll, "I can relate," ah--ha! Now. ELTON --Yes, you can relate, yes.-- CONAN We'll ah. We're gonna class the show up, I--I swear we will-- ELTON --Yes-- CONAN --at one point. Ah, the uh, your touring scchedule, now, I was looking at your touring schedule, an' you--you know--you usually play, these ah, these big shows. Now you're doing something radically different. You're gonna go an' visit, small towns an' play the small towns that you've never been in before. ELTON Yeah, like Fargo. Well--I--I've never played Fargo. CONAN You're gonna go to Fargo? ELTON Yeah. Oh *yah.* Oh *yah.* CONAN [laughs and audience laughs] Yah? ELTON Oh yah! CONAN Oh yah! ELTON We might have dinner in Brainard, actually. That'll be good. CONAN [everyone's still laughing] Oo, really? ELTON Uh, an' then we're gonna go to Moline. CONAN --Uh-huh-- ELTON Yeah. CONAN Are you doing this just to--I mean--what--what inspired this, why did you say, "I've *got* to go to Fargo." ELTON Well, *next* year I'm goin' on the road with Billy Joel, again. An', we're gonna go around the world-- [audience cheers] --and, I figured that we've played enough big places on the last tour and it'd be nice to go an' play places that we haven't played for a long time, like Memphis and {Nash}ville. [to a couple audience cheers] Yeah. [people laugh] And um, and places we've *never* played, you know, because, you know, "let's go there." CONAN Why not. ELTON Why not. CONAN No reason not to do it. Uh, I *did* want to mention, um, that the--the uh Elton John AIDS Foundation--this is amazing. Uh, you have raised, is it thirteen, million dollars? So far? ELTON Yeah, so far. Yeah. CONAN Thirteen million dollars: that's an incredible-- [audience cheers] CONAN And I think a greater achievement is uh, is you've got your face on a credit card. ELTON Yeah. [audience laughs] [close-up on VISA] CONAN Which is like, that is--now let me understand how this works: there's a VISA card with your face on it. So anything I buy this with, the bills go to you, is that how this works? [audience laughs loud] ELTON Yes. So don't be afraid to splash out on a new suit. [everyone laughs] CONAN Ahh, ahh. [kisses card and puts it in jacket's inner pocket] ELTON It'll be, it'll be, uh {Zenia} an' Armani, now, an' J.C. Penny--forget it. CONAN Ha ha! I don't, I--it just wouldn't *work* on me. You know-- ELTON It would! An Armani suit? Would look very good. Yeah. CONAN Really? Would I look good in an Armani suit? ELTON Yeah. CONAN [quiet, acting resentful] Well, this show's never--pays for an Armani suit for me. ELTON No? [audience laughs] CONAN [calling over] Jeff? Can I get an Armani suit? [silence, scattered laughs in audience, then sudden laughter] CONAN Oh, *now* it's "yes." Yeah. ELTON {It's} "Hmm-hmm." Ha ha! CONAN You put a camera on him an' it's "yes." Ha ha ha! Yeah, right. No, *Opie* in an Armani suit. Um. [audience laughs] Quickly, before we go, ah, someone told me an'--I just--I love these kind of things. But you are, you have a house where you're a neighbor to the Queen, right? You're neighbors with the Queen. ELTON [snorts] Yeah. CONAN In Windsor. ELTON Be careful here, right? Yes. CONAN --Yes, I'll be very care-- [audience laughs] CONAN I think my--I think my little slip-ups are *far* more more interesting. ELTON {You're right.} CONAN And uh, you also have a house which--in--in a way--is *more* impressive to me, uh where--where you're neighbors with Joan Collins. Is that right? ELTON No. It's not Joan Collins, it's Tina Turner, actually. CONAN Oh, Tina *Turner?* ELTON Yeah. CONAN Oh, I heard it was Joan Collins. CONAN Yeah--well that was the British press, you know, never believe anything about them. "He lives next door to Joan Collins." I know, I actually live very near to Tina Turner, in France, yeah. CONAN An' ya--can ya see-- ELTON It's a bit more exciting, don't you think? [audience is cheering] CONAN Ha ha ha! *I* don't know. [audience cheers louder] I'd like to see--I'd like to see-- ELTON Either one, {I can} go over an' borrow a wig. [everyone laughs long] CONAN Oh! Man, uh, you're also uh, before we go, oh, we can't top that. I've gotta add-- [audience cheers] You're gonna be a Road Comic. Ha ha! Within six months. Making your way around, ah. I have to mention the uh, "The Big Picture," which is the new CD, right here, is out. And, the Broadway musical, "The Lion King," opens, November 13th, [E: "--thirteenth, yeah--"] and that's at Disney's New Amsterdam Theater, right here in New York City, and there are new songs that you've written. ELTON There are three new songs, and the staging and the direction by Julia Tamor is something else, so--I mean--I think it's gonna be brilliant. So. CONAN And, you're going to come back a little later in the show-- [E: "I am."] --you're gonna join us and you're going to ssing, uh-- ELTON I'm just off to buy you a new suit, I'll be back. [audience is cheering] CONAN Ha ha! Okay! An' you're gonna be singing a little later on. ELTON {Yes. That's right.} CONAN Uh, Elton John, we--we can't thank you enough. A real pleasure as always. Elton John, everybody. [audience intensifies cheering] ---- [time: 12:14 minutes] Transcript by Suzanne Morine