Lisa Pinkerman's Guestbook

          January 15, 1999
          I know your life on earth was troubled
          but only you could know the pain.
          You weren't afraid to face the devil.
          You were no stranger to the rain.
          So go rest high on that mountain.
          Cause you work on earth is done.
          Go to Heaven ashoutin'
          Love for the Father and the Son.
          Oh how we cried the day you left us.
          Gathered 'round your grave to grieve
          Wish I could see the angels' faces.
          When they hear your sweet voice sing.
          So go rest high on that mountain.
          Cause your work on earth is done.
          Go to heaven ashoutin'
          Love for the Father and the Son
          I love you, Lisa.
          Mary Ellen Smith

          January 16, 1999
          Lisa-
          The memory I'll always keep of you is how, as children, we played together and took turns. When you lived on Aaron's Creek we took turns jumping off the big log into the creek. We double-dared each other to walk across the swinging bridge that spanned the swollen creek during family Thanksgiving get-togethers. We took turns riding bikes out Gina Lake Road and back (or rode double). We learned how drive in the Volkswagon Bug we took turns driving. At the Waterloo farm we worked in tobacco--sometimes you cut while I spudded, then we switched when one of us got tired or bored. We are the same age, but you left this world before I did. Your turn came too soon. So when each member of our large family takes their turn joining you, I know you'll be as gracious and compassionate and funny as always, and as glad and relieved to see us again as we will be to see you.
          Dave

          January 17, 1999
          When I think of Lisa, instantly I think of two things: her contagious giggling and standing beside her and feeling 7ft tall towering over her. I hope I could have half the strength she displayed if ever I am faced with the challenges she had. Lisa, everyone misses you.
          Sheila Barnett

          January 25, 1999
          We a silent vigil keep and weep. We love you Lisa.
          Dad and Mom

          January 28, 1999
          The fairest things have fleetest end.
          Their scent survives their close.
          But the rose's scent is bitterness
          To him who loves the rose.
          (Francis Thompson)
          Lisa - now I truly know the meaning of the word "heartache".
          Sherri Kelley

          February 1, 1999
          I really don't think we fully understand death until it comes to one we love. Each and every day that passes, I am more and more amazed at your courage, strength and great love for those around you. I lay down at night and I think of swimming in the creek, playing ball, riding bicycles, and talking about anything. I think of how you always thought of everyone else before yourself. Lisa, I hurt everyday wishing I would have hugged you more and told you how much I love you...more. I miss you and love you so much.
          Becky


          March 4, 1999
          Lisa, there's not a minute of the day goes by that we don't think of you. We miss you so much. We love you dearly.
          Dad and Mom

          March 24, 1999
          I had my first birthday without you, and it was not anything approaching the same. I seem to miss you more and more each day...I think because the enormity of the consequences of your death are unfolding one by one. The sharp pain of our loss at the time of your death is nothing to this dull ache as we go from day to day to day. These milestones that we continue to pass are ones we should have shared with you. I am going to start working the Oncology unit, Lisa. I promise to treat them all the way I always wanted them to treat you. Of course you know Nathan did so well at the state tournaments. At least I hope with all of my heart that you do. I keep hoping to see a vision of you or hear your voice...that's crazy, I know, but I keep listening and watching just the same. I just wanted to tell you how much I missed you.
          Love you, Sister.
          Mary Ellen Smith


          April 7, 1999
          Mom,
          I miss you sooooo much, you just don't know!! I can't wait to see you again! I love you with all of my heart!! Just help me get through this cause I am having a really hard time and don't know what to do!! I love you mom!!
          Love,
          Your Daughter
          Sarah Danielle Pinkerman

          May 12, 1999
          Dear Lisa, Mothers Day and Dad's birthday have come and gone. The first without you. We missed you so much. Will the heartache ever go away? We love you dearly. Just waiting for the day til we'll see you again.
          Dad and Mom


          May 23, 1999
          Our first May 23rd without you Lisa. If you were still here, me, you, Becky & Mary Ellen would have all gone to a nice restaurant & tortured the waiter. You would have ordered a salad with thousand island dressing. We would have all eaten till we felt sick, then given you a funny card & a nice gift, and headed home till the next time. It's best that none of us knew that your 38th birthday would be your last. The cancer Relay for Life walk was a success for us. I'll admit I was a little mad to see 70 & 80 yr. old people walking in the Survivor's Lap when you were granted barely half that many years. I hope they all realize how lucky they were to see their kids grow up, graduate, marry & have families. There really doesn't seem to be much rhyme or reason to it all, but I'm starting to see the whole picture a little clearer now. Good things have already happened since you left us. The words "I Love You" have been spoken more in our family in the past 5 months, than they had in the last 40 yrs. all put together. But while we all expect to continue to make good things happen in your memory, none of it is worth you being gone. However, because you are gone, I think we're all dedicated to making something positive happen as often as we can. We've already resolved to work harder for next year's cancer walk, because even tho it's too late for you, I'm happy to be able to help raise research money so that somewhere down the road perhaps fewer & fewer sisters, daughters, wives & mothers will be stolen away before their time. There are days when I almost have to slap myself to realize you're gone. I still think of "me, Lisa, Becky" as almost one word. I have to get used to saying "me, Becky, Mary Ellen." I still have your e-mail on my computer that you wrote in November when you realized things were really getting serious. I go back to it often to read the line you wrote that says "I'm at peace with it, and if it's my time to go, I'm ready." And you'd be proud of Andy & the kids. We're all pulling together with them, just like we promised you. And me & Lynzi talk about you every day. Even when she's 30 yrs. old, I won't let her forget how special the bond was between you & her. I swear I get signs & little messages from you once in a while. Please keep 'em coming. Everywhere I go, I carry you in my heart. The words "I miss you" seem so inadequate. There are days when it seems my heart is aching so hard for you that I can't believe other people can't actually see it aching! Even tho we had years to prepare for this thing, it's still a strange shock somehow every time I relive your last 24 hrs. I try to imagine your spirit hovering over all of us those last few seconds & you smiling sweetly down on us as you view your worn-out body one last time and then go gently towards that peaceful & loving light. We miss you even more than we thought we would. We love you even more than we thought we did. And we're still struggling on a daily basis to come to terms with it all, but we are trying. We're reflecting on things & feelings that have been pushed painfully out in the open. And as for me, I'll admit I'm floundering a bit right now. I hope that since God was the One that made me, He understands why I'm a pitiful little confused specimen of a human being right now. I never stopped believing in Him for one minute, but my human nature can't help but ask "why?" over and over again. If you have anything at all to do with watching over us, please keep it up. I'm still learning from your brave example & I'm still amazed by your grace & your strength. Love/lipprints......
          Your big sis....
          Sherri Ruth


          May 23, 1999
          Today..May 23rd.1999...you would have been 39 years old...on December 29th.1998..God took you home to be with him..I'm happy for you..because you suffer no more...but..we miss you so much.. sarah and nathan are doing so good..we are all very proud of them...and you would be too..Andy is doing a wonderful job...... we shall endure....until we see you again....
          We love you dearly....
          Dad and Mom

          May 23, 1999
          "Happy birthday to you,
          Happy birthday to you,
          Happy birthday dear Lisa,
          Happy birthday to you...................."
          You would always joke around that you and I were twins for only 2 months every year. I wish we could have been twins until we were 88 instead of just 38. Oh how I miss you so very much. You would be so proud of Sarah and Nathan. They're doing O.K. Nathan got 2 wonderful awards at school this week for outstanding citizenship, leadership and academics. You would have been so proud. They're singing together at church. I hope you're listening in on them. . They sound so good together. Mom planted a yellow rose bush on your grave for your birthday . It looks good there. I wish I could tell you how much you have taught me. You continue to amaze me each and every day. I hope you know that we're loving Sarah and Nathan a whole lot but I know it could never be as much as you. You were the best Mom I knew. You done such a great job. They are such nice kids. You would be so proud. I am so thankful to call you sister. I love you and miss you.
          Becky

          June 2, 1999
          Lisa, Well, I sure do wish you were here to remind me of everyone's birthday! I keep forgetting them...and you were always sure to call and say 'Mary Ellen, do you remember it's so and so's birthday tomorrow?' I realize now just how well you took care of everyone and listened to everyone...none of us knew that the others always came to you with their problems too until we were talking about having no one to go to now. We miss you, Sister. You left a bigger hole than your poor body ever could have filled alone...it is your wonderful giving, caring spirit that's leaving this mammoth empty space. We love you Lis. And miss you.
          Mary Ellen

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