March 17, 1999
Justin~
Hey honey, it's been a long time again since I have written you. I was busy, but you know that. I'll let everyone know on here that was worried, that I'm doing fine. I went to treatment, while I was there, my baby sister died. She was only three months old. That was really hard Justin. I mean, everything kept getting worse and worse, and then I went to get help and make things better, and that happened. I was really mad at Hollywood actually, he was the one who told me to get treatment, and then I was there for two weeks and Hannah died, and everyone else got to hold her one last time, but not me, cuz I was stuck at treatment. And if Hollywood wouldn't have talked me into it and scared me, I would have been there to see her. But it's not his fault. It's funny, I never expected her, I knew when I saw my grandma there that someone had died. When you did, I had a gut feeling it was you, right away I knew, but her, so many people went through my head, but not baby Hannah, what the hell did she ever do to deserve to die? I was in shock, then the first thing I thought of was, you. I thought how Dinah was pregnant with her and I told you, it was the Wednesday before the accident, me and you were sitting in my car at 29 waiting for Jeff Laffin, you said that was cool and you wanted to see her when she was born. And I was so excited, this was the first of my sisters that I was really excited to see. And then you died, and she was born 10 days later, and I went to see her and I thought, Justin should be here with me seeing her for the first time, but you died, you missed her. Then when she died, my first thought was now you get to see her. I saw in my head, you wearing your blue shirt in the picture your mom has, and you were holding Hannah and smiling at her and she was wearing her pink sweater and white pants. Then that night I had the dream of you two, you were both wearing the same things and I saw you so clear, and Hannah was laying in her crib but it was in all these clouds, and you walked over and I was like watching you and you bent over her and said, So your Rhiannon's little sister huh? And she smiled at you and you picked her up and were rocking her and feeding her. You know she was so young, and I didn't know her very well, but I love her so much and it still hurts so much. I couldn't deal with this, I couldn't cry anymore, I was so worn out. Then her funeral, I lost it, I saw her and it wasn't her, it didn't even look like her, and now that's all I can picture, not her alive hardly ever. So I am so thankful for your mom having a closed casket, it's just not the same seeing you guys like that. I want to ask a big favor Justin. I'm sorta stuck here now and I need you to watch over me. I love you and I trust you. I mean if I'm gonna get in a accident or die somehow, it's my time, nothing will change that, it's meant to be, and besides, if it happens, then I get you back! But I got really sad, Mel told me that my dad said to my grandma that he's scared he's gonna end up burying another one, because of all the stuff I'm doing. They don't know where I am, I'm on my own now except you, that's why I need you to be with me, okay? Let them know that I'm alright and doing okay, and if for some reason something happens to me, let them know that it is okay, its the way its supposed to be. In other words, just be yourself baby. The caring and warm and loving person you are. Sometimes I think that wow, it's almost been 5 months now, almost half a YEAR! Then it's like you're on a trip and it's been a long time, so you should be coming back soon, I wish you would. I know though that you are still with me and soon we will be together in person. I'm gonna let you go Justin, you keep taking care of Hannah for me okay, give her a kiss and let her know how beautiful she is, make her feel special, like you made every person you met feel. I love you so much My Favorite Justin!
I miss you and I'll be with you,
Love always,
Rhiannon
 | March 21, 1999
Hey Justin~
How are you sweetie? I know you're doing good. I gotta tell you about my dream, it was so happy and sad at the same time. Me and Trish were driving around and I was back at the group home, everyone was there, but Dane was there too, and I was teaching him what you had to do so they won't yell at you. We were doing the dishes, and Rita and all them got back from a trip, and called us into this room, and Sara came up to me and she was like, I saw Hollywood and he said something to me you might want to hear. And she's like, Hollywood said he would rather bleed to death than see me hurt again. And I started crying cuz in my dream it was so sweet. So I met up with Hollywood and he asked me to marry him! So I left Dane and me and him were gonna get married. The coolest thing was Mel was my maid of honor and then it was time for the best man and me and Hollywood walked down the aisle together holding your picture. And he was telling everyone that you were his best man. Then I woke up. You know what Justin? Today is so springy that we might go on a picnic today. I hope so. You know what else? Dane that I was telling you about, it is so cool, cuz he is like cool with you and he asks about you and stuff. Not like Alex who was rude and everything. The first night I met him you know what he told me? Well you do know cuz you know everything that I do, but I'll tell you anyways. He was asking about you or something and he was like, My heart goes out to you, that had to be hard. Even with Hannah he is too. Well Justin, I think I'm gonna let you go for now, I'm hungry and I gotta see about getting our picnic together. I love you honey and I'll be with you soon,
Love always,
Your Favorite Rhiannon |
 |
March 23, 1999
-Rhiannon-
This is me, Kali. I guess I'm writing because I (along with everyone else), am worried sick about you. I'm assuming for some reason you can't tell me where you are, but I at least want to know how you're doing, if you need anything, and if there's anything I can do to help you. I'm scared to death that something is going to happen and that you're going to end up hurt...or worse...and I'm not going to know about it. I really wish you would at least call me so I can know for sure that you're alright. I don't have to work any nights at work this week so I'll be home every night. Would you please call so I know you're alright? And if you feel you can't do that, write to me...or something!! Everyone keeps asking ME if I know where you are!!! I guess I just kind of took it for granted that you confided in me more than anyone else in the family, or at least I thought you did. I really want to help you if I can. Please let me know. And please be safe in whatever you're doing...alright?
I miss you and I love you,
Kali |
 |
March 23, 1999
Justin~ Well, I just had myself a good cry. I have a web page for my baby sister, Hannah. It was really sad, cuz I guess it hit me just then, like full force. For anyone who is reading this, if you would like, you could sign my sisters guestbook too, her name is Hannah Krahn. I don't have much to say tonight, I just feel like finishing up on here and having a big cry. So I will let you go babe, I love you too with all my heart, and I will see you soon I hope,
Love always and forever,
Rhiannon |
 | |  | March 28, 1999
Dear Justin~
I read Kali's letter on here a couple days ago and I honestly don't remember the last time I felt so bad. But I cannot change anything now, and I cannot do things differently now. Justin there has been so much on my mind lately and I don't know how much longer I can take this all. I know that you are with me, or things would be a lot worse than they are now. For some reason you are still with me and still watching out for me and I thank you for that. I will write you again soon, I love you and I miss you so much,
Love always,
Rhiannon |
April 2, 1999
--Rhiannon Nicole--
Justin is your Guardian Angel -- He is our only connection with you -- and, like you have said -- He knows that! He also knows, (and,I know that you do not think so) But, you are loved and cared about by so many people. He understands unconditional love -- And, that is what I, your grandmother, has in her heart for you. Your Dad, Your Mom, and Your four little sisters - love you, kiddo! Just to explain "unconditional" -- of course, we don't like the choices you have been making - and, we don't always like you because of that, but, Honey - WE LOVE YOU!!!!!! And, that is why we need to have you back -- we can all help you get through these negative "things" hovering over you -- and like your lawyer told me to tell you -- You are young -- and your life is not going to be ruined -- he is there to help you and he said, "I'm good at that!" He also said, sure, you are going to have some lumps and bumps to get through - but, you are not alone - he is there for you and SO ARE WE! Now, grandma has been honest with you about feelings and everything else written here. You said in one of your entries, that you think Dad is wishing it had been you instead of Precious Little Hannah -- There is no REAL parent on God's earth that would wish that for any reason -- Honey, your dad is hurting right now -- and to have this fear that you are going to hurt yourself or be hurt in any way is pretty tough - Then, he loses two!! Just think about that - can you put yourself in his place, just for a moment -- Your are so important to so many people and just as precious as any other -- Just keep letting us know that you are OK -- would you consider giving me your E-mail address if you can? I have so many things I want to let you know about and to send you - You won't see this until after Easter - but, because you won't be here - I can tell you that you were missed, greatly. You don't have to fear coming back - you also have a very good friend that tells me to have you call her or let her know you are OK - and that is Melanie - she doesn't care about the legal stuff -- she cares about YOU! And is very concerned. That is all, my Dear Rhiannon - Just believe me when I say, there is nothing that we (all of us together) family -- can't handle and work out.
"Unconditional" LOVE,
Grandma K.
Pat Krahn (Grandmother to Rhiannon)
|
April 14, 1999
LORI, AMBER, RIANNON,
GOD KNOWS THERE WILL BE SORROW
SO HE GIVES US TEARS TO CRY,
HE KNOWS THERE WILL BE TRIALS
WHEN HIS CHILDREN ASK HIM"WHY"
BUT HE'S OUR HEAVENLY FATHER,
AND HE'LL TAKE US BY THE HAND,
TO LEAD US THROUGH THE SORROWS
THAT WE CAN NOT UNDERSTAND.
GOD HAS ALL THE TIME WE NEED,
HE FEELS THE PAIN WE FEEL,
AND HE, ABOVE ALL OTHERS,
KNOWS A HEART TAKES TIME TO HEAL.
LOVE,
AUNT JUDI |
April 16, 1999
Hi Justin! It's kinda hard to type here, I just got my nails done. So forgive me if this doesn't look good. I have been alot better lately. I admit I did have some pretty bad things happen lately, but you were there to help me. Sometimes I hate it here so much, I just wanna leave and turn myself in. Then something happens, and I end up forgetting about it until the next thing happens. Maybe you are trying to tell me not to go. You don't want me to go to jail, do you? You know how much of your short life was ruined by fricken jail, and you don't want me to lose mine, huh? I know eventually I will get caught, but til then I'm gonna be out and about doing my thing. I never planned to dip from this all, but it is so fun here, there is so much more to do and see. Do you know what was so sweet Justin? Me and Dane and the two people I live with went to Minnehaha Falls (that was a long drive, but it was worth it) and everything was so nice out and I was looking for a pretty rock to keep in my tin, and Dane found one for me. I also found a seashell and a egg rock, and they are in my memory tin that Mel gave me. Mel I am sorry I haven't called or nothing. You were the BEST friend I could ever have had. We been through so much with me, I wish you could be here with me. I miss you all so much. I want to go back to visit Jared and Larry, but it's pretty risky. I wish I could get the rest of my stuff, but I know you all would turn me in. I wanna see Britt and Kayla and Chloe too so much. I always talk about you guys. I love you all so much. I went to see Kathy the other day for a while, but you guys, you can't convince me to go back, I'm doin what I want now, I never got to before, maybe if I had the chance to do things growing up (hint hint), I wouldn't make such dumb decisions. Anyways, I better go Justin (hit the rock again- for those who know what I mean) I'll write you soon. Love you so much baby. Always on my mind and in my heart. Someone should let Lori know I say hi and I'll write soon.
Love you,
Rhiannon
| April 28, 1999
Justin~
What's up baby? I'm goin home tomorrow. Hopefully tomorrow evening. I should go in the morning or afternoon, but I wanna say goodbye to Dane and everybody else before I leave and Dane doesn't get off work til six. This week did not go as planned at all. Oh Justin- you would have loved to do what I did tonight. I went to a Marilyn Manson concert and was right by him, standing by the side of the stage, he was like sometimes only a foot or two away from me. And we had backstage passes for the after party, but I didn't get to meet him. My friend Stephanie did though. Her dad drives the like buses for bands and stuff. They are takin Manson on his tour. And Jesse from MTV was there too, and we're all gonna be on MTV. It was so fun. I thought of you. I was watching the lights at the beggining, we were in the mosh pit, and I was just concentrating on this cross and all the lights and just listening to the music part and I had like a flashback. It was neat though, cuz it made it so much funner. It wasn't a bad one like when I was in treatment. Anyway, I was standing right there and all of a sudden I was like oh, Justin would kill to be here. The rest of the night I got more into it, to dedicate my fun to you baby. I'm all up and hyped and this letter is going to be so long. And now I am even more. I figure I might as well have as much fun my last night as I can, and oh, I am hun. I am in a way, really scared to go back. I know I will be in jail, I just don't know how long, and that's what scares me. It will be such a relief in a way to get this all over with. I wanna get everything over with, save some loot up and dip back here. There are so many more oppurtunities here. Jobs, college's, things to do, people, and the partying is so much better here then Wausau. Anywhere in Wisconsin. It makes me think, the people in Wausau and everywhere who act like they know all to know and that they have had so much happen in there life, it's nuthin compard's to here. Everything is so much different, and I love it. Oh, I just remembered, I want to call your mom when I get back, or from here to let her know I'm coming, cuz it's spring now and I can go visit your grave finally. Justin, that is going to be so hard. On top of that, I am gonna have so much stress from everything coming down, I hope I can take it. I should, I have taken so much that I never knew I could take. But I'm gonna go now Justin, I have no idea how much or what I have written, I'm sure I will regret it when I go back in a few days and read it. But anyways sweetie, I love you so still. You are always on my mind and in my heart. I love you until forever,
So much love for you,
Rhiannon |
May 10, 1999
My most favorite Justin~
God how I wish this wouldn't have happened. Mel told me today that Val told her that a few days before the accident you wrote me a letter. I am going over to your apartment after this and seeing if Melissa has it still. I guess you said how much fun that party was going to be and that you really liked me. Val told Mel that you talked about me all the time and that you did really like me. God Justin, that breaks my heart in two. I wish so much that you would have given me that letter, it would have changed everything you know. You know I would go back and change everything if I could, and I wish so that I could. If I had only known, everything would have been so different. I would have taken you anywhere, done anything for you, you had to have known that. I pray to God that you knew how much I really loved you and how I wanted to be with you. Learning of that letter, brings back all the guilt I feel that I have been struggling with for
over six months. Your mom said the other day, Justin you've been
gone long enough, it's time to come home. I wish you could Justin. I wish so many things. I wish that party never happened, I wish I would have taken you there if it was to happen, I wish you would have made it there and would have had fun, like you were always so determined to do, I wish I would have told you how I felt, I wish you would have told me how YOU felt. I wish none of this would have happened. If only one of us would have said to the other how we felt about each other, it would have changed the whole thing. I think we were both scared the other didn't feel the same way. It turns out, after it's too late, that we did feel the same way. I remember how we were together, I think about it everyday. I compare every person and every relationship to you, and so far no one and nothing compares to how you made me feel. True, we had our fights, but we always made it through. We never
were given a chance to see what we could really be together.
Finally, when it was all good, you left me forever. I wish there was some way to change everything. Sometimes I miss you so much,
just out of no where, it hurts so bad, and I have to fight as hard as I can, to hold back the tears. Like right now. There has not been a single day that has gone by when I have not thought about you and how much I love you. I often wonder where we would be right now if that night would have never happened. My dad said the other day, that he is not sad that my little sister died, he's sad because he misses her and wants to see her and he can never do that again. That is so true Justin, with both of you. You both were loved so much, you both were beautiful, fun, loving and caring people, and you both were taken far far too soon from me. You are the one who is happy and finally free of all the bad things, and here we are, missing you so much. I wish I could
see you one last time, just to tell you all in person, what I tell you on here all the time. If it were only in a dream, to see you and be with you again, that is all I want. It is so hard to imagine living many more years and never being able to see you or hear you or touch you again. All I have is pictures and
memories, and I haven't enough of them to get me through my life. I know that you know everything I do and say and feel, at least I hope you do. But I just want a chance, I just want one thing, and it is impossible to have and that is you. You will always be with me, that I know, and I will always love you, but it seems so unfair for me and for your mom and everyone else. I am still waiting Justin, for you to come to me like I've asked since that awful night. I will wait until it is my turn, for you to come to me. To tell me what you need, for me to be able to tell you what I need, and for you to help me to decide what
to do. You are always on my mind and in my heart, I LOVE YOU Justin, please take the time from your happiness up there in Heaven to realize and know that that is the one last thing that I have in this life. Please in some way, some how, let me know that you know. I will write to you again soon, Take care of yourself, and me if you have time,
Love always,
Rhiannon
Hannah Mae Krahn
| June 13, 1999
Hey Justin, what's up? Just wanted to say hey. Cuz I'm on here and I just wanted to say that. So you know what I'm doing now so you know why I'm doing what I'm doing. So anyways, I'm gonna go and Melanie says Hi, so I'll say goodbye now, oh and you are really cute and I love you still and I will see you in a little while, like in a couple years, okay? Kay, anyways, I love you my favorite Justin, love you until forever
Love,
Rhiannon |
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