Heartland Hills Memorial Gardens

Justin Lee Hermann's Guestbook
Page 2

December 20, 1998
Justin it has been so long since I've written you. I'm sorry, you know it's not because I have forgotten you. I love you too much to ever forget you. You know how I have been the past couple weeks, that's only because then I don't get as sad for you. It hurts so much when I can't cry though, it's so frustrating. I am only like this because then I am not afraid to die. I want to be with you but I'm afraid. And when I am like this, I'm not afraid to, I wait for it to happen, but it never does. It's almost Christmas, that's going to be really sad for you. I talk about you a lot with Jill, but you know that. You're always with us aren't you? I beleive that you are. I can feel the things that you do for us. And that guy on friday, you know how bad I felt for you Justin? You were all I could think of. I kept saying, this should be Justin with us and saying that to me. But you aren't and you never can be. That's really hard to think of Justin. I need to change what I am doing, but I'm afraid then that I will hurt so much for you. I'm stuck either way I do things. I really need your help, I am not sure what to do anymore. Justin I love you and I miss you. Please be with me.
Love,
Rhiannon

December 24, 1998
You have no idea how you are missed this Christmas Eve.....and all the Christmas' to come.... I know that you are sitting with Grandma watching us prepare for tonights festivities. I know you would be here if you could.... give Grandma a hug.... we will see you again someday......We light a candle for you both....
Cheryl (Justin's aunt)

December 25, 1998
Justin I am sorry that I haven't written you in a long time, you know why I haven't. I just wanted to tell you Merry Christmas and that I love you and miss you and am thinking about you. My grandma says she's sorry for blowing out your candle last night. I will write you again Justin when I have time. I'm thinking about you.
Love,
Rhiannon

December 25, 1998
May God be with you...
Erin Rouse

December 26, 1998
Thinking of you and your precious family at this most difficult time of year. Rest in peace, we will see you soon.
Janna Dougherty
Janna Banana's Home Page

December 26, 1998
DEAR JUSTIN,
IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 2 MONTHS. THE REALITY IS SETTING IN. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU ARE GONE. YOU WERE SO FULL OF LIFE AND FUN AND CUTE AND CHARMING AND MY JUSTIN. YOU WERE ALWAYS MY LITTLE TOW HEAD BOY. YOU ARE SO LUCKY TO HAVE SOMEONE LIKE RHIANNA WHO LOVES YOU SO MUCH. YOUR MOM AND AMBER ARE HANGING IN THERE. THIS PAIN IS NOT SOMETHING WE WHO LOVE YOU GET OVER. WE JUST LEARN TO LIVE WITH IT.
LOVE ALWAYS TO "MY" FAVORITE JUSTIN, TOO
AUNT JUDI

December 30, 1998
Justin it has been nearly 2 months since you have left all of us and everyday I am still hurting. I can't look at your picture without even a single tear falling from my eye. You were such a good cousin and I'm grateful that I was able to really get to know you even if it was only through letters. I don't know how I will ever get over this tragedy. Each day I try to think that you are in wonderful beautiful place with grandma and that you will never feel pain again. Please Hermann, take care and I'll write again soon. I love you and my heart aches to know that you are gone.
Your cousin,
Davina Woods

December 30,1998
Justin it is me again. I found this poem that I thought Rhiannon and your mom and Amber might find some peace in. I know I did, however, very little. Any which was it is a beautiful poem.

Christmas in Heaven
I see the countless chrismas trees, around the world below,
with tiny lights, like heaven's stars, reflecting on the snow.
The sight is so spectacular, please wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus this year.
I hear the many Christmas songs, that people hold so dear,
but the sounds of music can't compare with the Chrismas choir up here.
For I have no words to tell you, the joy their voices bring,
for it is beyond description to hear an angel sing.
I know how much you miss me, I see the pain inside your heart,
but I am not so far away, we are really not apart.
So be happy for me, dear ones, you know I hold you dear,
and be glad I'm spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I send you each a special gift, from my heavenly home above.
I send you each a memory of my undying love.
For after all,"Love" is the gift, more precious than pure gold,
it was always more important in the stories Jesus told.
So please love and help each other, as my father said to do,
for I cannot count the blessings or the love he has for you.
So have a Merry Christmas, and wipe away that tear,
for I am spending Christmas with Jesus Christ this year.
I can't tell you of the splendor, or the peace, here in this place,
Can you imagine Christmas with our savior face to face?
I'll ask him to lift your spirit, as I tell him of your love,
so then pray one for another as you lift your eyes above.
Please let your hearts be joyful, and let your spirits sing,
for I'm spending Christmas in heaven, and I'm walking with the King!!
-Terri Kernicki-

I hope that someone can find peace in this poem, Hermann.I love and certainly miss you with all my heart.
Love,
Davina Woods

January 14, 1999
Didn't really know you. But knew what you were about. Just wanted you to know I won't forget.
Aaron Dalbeck

January 27, 1999
Dear Justin,
My son Jason Gardner died with you in the same auto accident. I am thankful that you took the responsibility to drive these boys to their destination. I want you to know that I am in no way blaming you for this. I never got a chance to meet you, however, I did meet your mother and girlfriend. From reading Rhiannon's letters to you I feel I've gotten to know you somewhat. You sound like you had a heart of gold just like Jason. I know that you boys are together in Heaven and we will see you again for eternity. I pray for your family and all the others daily for comfort and peace. This is always a hard thing, loosing a loved one but God can and will give us what we need until we meet again. Give Jason a hug from me and his brother and tell him we love him and miss him.
Thank You,
Jenelle (Jason Gardner's mom)

January 28, 1999
Justin, it's been awhile huh? Too long. I have wanted to write you but don't have anyway to do it. The past couple days have been especially hard for me, but you know that. Sometimes I just sit and think, that you deserve to be here and not me. I am messing up my whole life and I know that but I keep doing more and more things to bring myself down. I'm stuck right now and have no clue how to get myself back on track. I have court Friday, and I don't even really care. I don't care if I win this anymore. I want to get jail time, then I don't have to worry about where I'm going to live for awhile. That's pretty sad huh? I didn't think it would be this hard to write all this stuff, I talk to you about it everyday, but seeing it in words only makes it seem worse. I try to feel the same, and I feel bad that I am moving on. I still think of you everyday, but not quite the same. I have changed so much since you left me, and not good either. I thought I was doing so good, I was gonna make something of myself, be somebody and prove everyone wrong, for you, but I can't do that. You told me before it was going to get worse before it got better, and then you died and I thought that was the worst that could ever happen, but I keep bringing myself down, and making things even worse. I wouldn't want you to see me this way, I am ashamed of who I am right now. That't why I haven't called your mom in awhile. I can't say everything here and you know that, but you know what I am doing, and you know that I didn't used to ever be this bad before. It just seems nothing matters anymore. No matter what you do in life, you're gonna lose. No matter how many good things, your still not gonna make it thru, everyone is going to die. Sometimes it seems there is no point in trying, I don't really understand why people bother, just when everything goes good, something like what happened to you, is gonna happen to them. At first when I met Rodney I thought you were mad at me for that, you didn't want me to get involved with him, maybe I should have listened to myself for once, but it's too late now. I told myself I was not going to care, because of the life he lives, he could be gone so easily too, just like you. I don't want to care and love someone again, they're just gonna die, and I don't want to hurt again like I did for you. But being with him, I can't help but get attached a little, and I thought that's all it was. But when he told me he was leaving today, just for a few days, I got really sad and lonely. And I thought of you. I have that feeling, the same one I had the day you died. And I'm really scared Justin, I can't lose someone again. I can't take that right now. I don't feel the same thing for him that I did for you, not even close, I never will, even if I wanted to, he wouldn't let me. But I do still care, how can I not with the things between us that has happened? You know sometimes, when I'm with him, I imagine that it is you and I think I would love to trade him for you still anyday. That is really mean because he has done nothing but help when no one else was. And me and him have done things together that I never got a chance to do with you, and I'd still give him up in a second for you. Even knowing that me and you might not have made it. I really wanted us to and I honestly belive we could have. I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I am so sorry for everything I have done and am doing. If I sit back and think, I don't like what I am doing either, I just block it out and try to make the best of things. Justin, this is long enough, you got my point and I have to get going. I still am thinking about you. I love you and I wish on my star for you everynight still.
Love,
Rhiannon

February 1, 1999
Justin~
I just read some of the letters on here. I saw the one from Jason's mom and started crying. Right now I feel that I don't have the right to be thought of with you, and even to write you. I don't even know what to say to you. Every single day it gets worse, and not just missing you, I mean everything. I try, I really do, but I guess it's not gonna change. I really don't have anyone anymore. I haven't talked to Hollywood in three days, I have no idea what is going on with all that. Remember, how when I first met him, I thought you were trying to warn me that I would get hurt or something wouldn't go right, because your picture in my car would never face me? It is awfully coincidental that every time I do something wrong or something, it never faces me, that's how I know you are mad or don't like what I am doing. But I convinced myself that you would like it because you were friends. Well I should have listened to you, I think you were right. Everything was so different though, I thought in a way it would make me closer to you. But none of them ever talk about you unless I bring it up. I sometimes wonder if they even care anymore. I mean it has only been three months yesterday. That's not long at all, it seems like it's been years, but it's only been a little while. Some of us will have 70-80 more years, and they quit after not even 3 months? I know they don't forget. That is impossible, it was too big of a thing to ever forget. But they don't seem the same as me. I have no idea what I am trying to say here Justin, it's been that way lately. I guess that I am sorry if you are mad at what I do or did or what I am going to do. I try to do the best I can, which isn't very good lately. You know everyone believes in different things, like is there God and Heaven. I really hope there is and I hope it is as great as people say. But people think of Heaven different. I mean look what Hollywood says about it. Then look at what other people say. I really better quit, before this looks really stupid. If any of Justin's family reads this, could you please have Lori call me if she wants. I really liked talking to her, and I feel bad that I haven't in so long, I'm just really having a lot of problems lately and I guess I'm scared to call. I'm gonna go Justin, hopefully I can write you again in a couple days. Take care of yourself alright? And everyone else who's with you. God knows I depended on you, maybe know they can. See you soon,
Love,
Rhiannon

February 3, 1999
Justin~
I'm not really sure why I am writing today, nothing much new has happened. I guess just to let you know that I'm thinking about you. I made you some cards on the computer today, I'll get them to you someday. As soon as the snow goes away (hopefully soon- this has been the longest winter I remember) I am going to find your grave. I wish I would have earlier, but I guess I wasn't ready. It's hard to see your name be associated with being dead. I remember the papers right after the accident. I went there right away, to Kali's gas station and Pam helped me. I must have looked crazy to the people who didn't know me. Then I went to Wausau for some reason, and I bought the paper with your guys' obituaries in it. I knew it was in there and I was afraid to look. I drove to Taco John's and sat in the parking lot there for so long. Then I finally read the bottom where it says what's in there and I saw your name and lost it again (like I often did and still do) and it took me even longer to open it and see yours there. To know that you got your ten seconds of fame by dying. It still doesn't seem fair at all. But like everyone says, there is nothing I, or anyone else can do to change what happened. You might as well try to accept the fact that you are gone, and deal with it the best we know how. It's a lot easier for people to say that when someone they loved wasn't killed. I am settling down a bit now. I'm trying to even quit smoking cigs, I got back quite a bit at least. I got a lot of stuff on my mind now, you know that, but I am so impatient to get everything straightened out. Especially the "big" thing. You know what I'm talking about. I guess that would be so great in so many ways. I really want that, but is it ready for me? Hopefully soon I will find out. I would love that more then anything, I hate to say it, but I would love it more than I loved you, but in a much different way, so I guess you just might be equal after all. You know what the problem is though, I try to convince myself it would all turn out for the better, but what if what happened to you in life, eventually happened with this if it were true? I couldn't live through that. And I have done to many things that could maybe not make it all good if it were true, and I couldn't live with myself knowing I did that and could have prevented it. All your friends that I didn't know before and know now, I have realized you were not very much like them at all. I mean look at Rodney. You would never ever do that to me, or anyone. And he, from what people say to me, doesn't even realize or care what he is doing. You know what kind of person I am, I can't be just what he is. I get to involved and attached. I guess that's where people who let their emotions show get screwed over huh? I found out Jill has your bracelet and thinks it's just so funny that she won't give it to me. I honestly do not see one thing in her that you liked. Maybe you never really got to know the real her, but I don't see how that is possible with knowing her for so long. I really don't understand what you see in people like that. I guess you had the ability to see at least one good thing in every person (although I don't know what you found in her). Anyways, let's not talk about her, I'll go on forever. I wanna check something out on here, so I'm gonna get going. I'll probably talk to you again in a few days. Nobody really knows, except a few people, that it is a special sort of inside thing when I call you this, but, I still love you and miss you, "My Favorite Justin"
Love Always,
Rhiannon

February 4, 1999
I miss you so much, precious boy.
R. Austin

February 8, 1999
I'm Justin's sister. I've been reading all the letters people wrote, it was nice. I haven't heard from Rhiannon lately, so if you read this or Rhiannon reads this tell her to call me. Ever since I read this and Rhiannon wrote she has to got to court, I went nuts. I also have many problems that has to do with Rhiannon that I hate. I have to be good now. I've came clean on a lot of things but, I'm tring harder to stop every thing I'm doing. Ever since my brother died I haven't been "Miss. Little miss nice girl." It's realy hard tring to break all the old habits. It's hard talking to people who don't know me and I tell them some things I've done: they judge me without even knowing why I do the things I do. If my Aunts reads this give me a call and we'll talk. I miss my family right now, Justin the most. The hardest thing about him dying is that right after he died I was going to talk to him and get to know him better. I feel so bad that I'm doing all this stuff and he would kill me now if he was still alive. Thanks once again.
Amber Rihm

February 9, 1999
Rhiannon, I've read some of the entries and am saddened by your loss. I have also lost loved ones in the past, and it is not easy. It is OK to grieve, but you also must understand the healing process. My suggestion to you would be to get some serious counseling. You sound extremely confused and depressed. It seems as though you are looking for Justin's approval in all of your actions and your behavior. I pray you will find God - He is your answer to finding peace in your heart once again.
David Uzio

February 10, 1999
Hello Rhiannon. I read the entries you wrote. You seem like your going down hill :( 3 days ago was the day that my friend has been dead 2 months... I sat in my house all day depressed and just blaming myself. When people you love die, its like you are dying...like every piece of you. And I don't even know everything you're going through because my friend was a good friend but you lost your <3 and I feel so bad for you. My advice for you is to go to his grave, pray for him lots and talk to him as much as you need to... Maybe you should go to counseling. If you EVER need someone to talk to, I am here. I know that we don't know each other in real life or anything, but if you are having problems and need help fixing them, I can help. Justin I didn't know you, but you seemed like a really nice good. Rest In Peace and say hi to my friend Lorraine for me! Bye.
~Melissa~
Remembering Lorraine~*

February 14, 1999
Hermann,
It has been 3 and a half months. Still I miss you! But you know that don't you? Your death has made such an impact on my life and all those who love you! I will try to help Amber as much as I can. She really needs someone to talk to. I saw your mom yesterday. She really looks good. She is so proud of the man you became. Keep smiling down on all of us. Give Grandma a big hug and kiss. Tell her that I love her!!!! I love you, Hermann!!!!!!
Davina Woods

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