CHAPTER THIRTY FIVE-“Heart To Heart”

 

I heard a phone ring, and I opened my eyes.  I had to wipe the drowsiness away, and then my eyes focused on AJ, as he picked up his cell phone.

 

“Yeah…we’re still here in the waiting room…No, the second floor.  Ok, see you in a few minutes.”  Then he closed it.  His face was washed with worry, and he kept fidgeting with the cuffs of his shirt. 

 

I felt Kristin’s fingers run through my hair, as I sat with my head on her lap.  Kevin was on the other side of me, and he had an ice pack in his hand.  I slowly brought my hand to the bump on my forehead.  It had stopped bleeding, but it still hurt.

 

“Here, put this on it, it will stop it from swelling.”  Kevin said placing the ice pack on my forehead.

 

I wanted to talk, but when I went to say something my voice was gone.

 

“Shhh, don’t speak.”  Kevin said applying more pressure to my forehead.

 

“Where’s Lina?”  I asked my voice incredibly soft.  “Is she ok?”  I said lifting my head from Kristin’s lap.  But she pulled me back down.

 

“She’s fine, sweetheart, but keep your head down, and try not to talk.  You’ve been through a lot.”

 

Again, I refused to listen.  “Where is she?  Can I see her?”

 

“She’s fine.”  AJ said telling me what I wanted to hear.  He knew, if anyone, just how worried I was.  “She’s in one of the rooms.  We can’t see her yet, but as soon as she wakes up the doctors might let one of us in.”

 

“But she’s fine.  Right?”  I asked for reassurance.

 

AJ nodded. “Yeah.”

 

I felt some relief in knowing that, but I wouldn’t be completely satisfied till I saw her for myself.  I closed my eyes for a second, because I jolted back up when I heard someone call my name.

 

“Isabelle!”

 

“Brian?”  I said I thought I was dreaming. He was coming towards me.  Yvonne was right behind him.

 

“Are you alright?”  He asked kneeling down in front of me.  “What happened?”

 

I oddly stared at him, then sat up in the seat. Kevin took away the pack from my head.

 

“Oh shit!”  Brian said, one of the few times I had ever heard him swear.  “Isabelle, what happened to your head?” I flinched as he brought his hands to my head.  He threw his arms around me,  “I don’t know what I would do if you would have been seriously hurt.”

 

“Get off me!”  I yelled, but it came out as a whisper.  “Don’t touch me!”

 

“Isabelle?”  Brian questioned looking in my eyes. 

 

“Brian, don’t pretend to care.  I don’t even know why you bothered to come down here.”  Through the corner of my eye, I saw Kevin look away.

 

“Isabelle, I do…”

 

“Brian, stop.”  Kristin said, as she put an arm around me.  “She shouldn’t be talking and right now isn’t a good time for this.”

 

“I’m sorry.”  Brian apologized to Kristin.  Then he took a seat in between Kevin and I.

 

I got up, and walked across the room to where AJ and Yvonne were sitting.  I know, it was childish but I didn’t care.

 

AJ smiled and put his arm around me.  “You ok?”

 

I just nodded.

 

“Hi, anyone here related to Angelina Mayfield?”  A young man in a white jacket asked. 

 

“Right there.”  Kevin said pointing my way.  “That’s her cousin.”

 

“Are you the only family member here?”  The doctor asked thinking I was too young. 

 

I looked at Yvonne for reassurance.  “I’m her guardian.”  She told him getting up from her seat.

 

“Ok then, she just woke up a few minutes ago.” He informed us.

 

AJ shot from his chair.  “Can we see her?”

 

“Not all at once.  But maybe in a while, one or two of you can.”

 

AJ sat back down, disappointed.  “Doctor, what happened to her?  Why did she have a seizure?”

 

“It seems she had some sort of strange reaction to a vitality substance?”  The doctor said.

 

“What’s that?”  Yvonne asked.  The rest of use weren’t sure of it either.

 

“A vitality could be anything from soda pop, to coffee.  Basically anything that contains caffeine, except in Angelina’s case she had a strong amount of it, which makes us wonder if she was on any medication.”

 

“Oh fuck!”  AJ sighed, covering his eyes with his hands.  “She was taking these caffeine pills.”

 

“Who gave them to her?”  Yvonne immediately asked.

 

“I did.”  AJ said guiltily.

 

Yvonne’s face grew with disappointment.

 

“I thought they were safe.”  AJ said.  “I’ve taken them a couple of times myself.”

 

“So have I.”  Kevin said.

 

“They are safe.”  The doctor told us.  “Except when they are abused.”

 

“I’m so sorry, Isabelle.”  AJ said turning to me.  “I should have known better.”  He told me.

 

“You couldn’t possibly have known, AJ.”  I consoled him.  “You thought they were all right.  I mean, you got them over the counter.”

 

“So how did you know the pills would hurt her?”  He asked.

 

“I didn’t.”  I said.  “But I know Lina, she was taking them like candy.”  I sadly told him.  “Don’t blame yourself, ok?”

 

He nodded, but I could tell he still felt guilt.

 

“How are you feeling?”  The doctor asked turning his attention to me.

 

“Better, I guess.”  I told him.

 

He nodded, then kneeled down in front of me.  “Tell me, does this hurt?” he said as he applied pressure to my stomach. 

 

I nodded.  “No.”

 

“How about this?”  He said moving his hands a little higher.

 

I nodded again.  

 

“And this?”

 

“Oww!”  I shouted taking a quick breath.  Everyone in the room became alarmed.

 

The doctor took out a stethoscope and blew hot air on it, then he put it under my shirt.  It was still cold.  He smiled and stood up.  “You’ll be fine, Isabelle.  The pain to your rib cage came from the pull of the seatbelt.  It should be gone in a few days.  How’s that bump on your head?”

 

Out of habit, I went to touch it, but AJ stopped me. “It hurts when I touch it.”  I said.

 

“Then don’t touch it.” AJ said sarcastically. 

 

  I smiled, so did the doctor.  “That should heal up in a few days too.”

 

“Doctor.”  A petite girl in a nurse’s uniform said, coming up to where we were.  “The patient in room 302 is requesting you.”

 

He turned to Yvonne, “You can go up to the registration desk if you like, and begin to fill out some paper work.  I’ll be back in a minute to see if you can go in to see Angelina. If you’ll excuse me.”  He said, then left to attend to his patient. 

 

Everyone was quiet.  I felt Brian’s cold stare on me.  I just sat back in the chair, closed my eyes, and ignored him.  A few minutes later, like the doctor had promised he came back.

 

“Alright, besides Mrs. Holden, who else will be seeing Angelina?”  He asked.

 

“I want to go.”  I said.

 

“So do I.”  AJ replied.

 

“Only one of you can go, she should really be resting, she shouldn’t even be getting visitors, so we are limiting the number of people who can go in.”

 

“Oh please, can’t we both go?”  I begged hoping he would reconsider.

 

“No I’m sorry, but those are hospital policy.  Only one of you can go in.”

 

“Couldn’t we just shorten the time we spend with her…” I began.

 

“Isabelle, it’s ok. You go ahead.”  AJ said.

 

I really wanted to see her, but I asked AJ,  “Are you sure?”

 

He nodded. “Tell her I said hello…and that I love her.”

 

A shadow fell over me and immediately I felt guilty for not being able to help the slight speck of jealousy.  In reality I couldn’t have been happier for them.

 

I nodded.  “I’ll tell her.”  I assured him.

 

“Tell her we can’t wait for her to get better.”  Kristin called out.

 

I got up and followed the doctor. 

 

“Excuse me, sir.”  I said, not sure of his name.

 

“Dr. Parker.”  He informed me, with a smile.

 

“Dr. Parker, when do you think Angelina can be discharged?”

 

“Well it depends on how quickly she can recover.  Her vital signs are good for now, and if they continue that way she can go home by late afternoon.”

 

He showed me to Lina’s door, then excused himself, telling me to make it brief.  She was resting on the bed with her head facing the window.  It was dark out still, thought it should be getting lighter any moment. I softly knocked on the door letting her know I was there.

 

 She saw me come in then turned her head back to the window.  I grabbed one of the chairs near the door, and pulled it next to her bed.  She had been changed to one of those hospital gowns, and there was an IV needle injected in her left arm.  Her face looked dreary, and her eyes looked sad, and it wasn’t because of the dark circles that rested under them.

 

“Hi.”  I softly whispered.

 

She continued to face the window.  I looked out the window too, but I couldn’t see what she was seeing.  For a while neither of us said anything, then she spoke.  “Hi.”

 

“Hi.”  I said again.  “How are you feeling?”  I asked though I could figure what her response would be.

 

“Tired I guess.  But other than that, I feel fine.”

 

“Do you want me to go?  I can come back later on, after you’ve rested.”

 

“No, don’t go.  I’m not going to be getting much rest here.  I hate hospitals.”

 

“Me too.  But Lina if you don’t get better then they’ll extend your stay.”

 

“Don’t worry, I feel fine.  I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”

 

I sighed, knowing there was no point in arguing with her.

 

Again, she grew quite and stared out the window.  She had a dreamy look in her eyes, but this time it looked clearer, and not as dismal as the other times she had wandered off into her own mind.

 

“Isa, have you ever had a dream where all you wanted was for your life to be, was perfect?”  She said turning to me.

 

I nodded, letting her know I could relate. 

 

“A dream, where you really don’t care about riches, or popularity, or even beauty.  All you really want is to be happy.”

 

“I dream about that all the time.”  I told her.  “Even when I’m not asleep.”

 

“So do I.” 

 

“But Lina, you can be.  You have so much.  Look at who you are.  You’re Angelina Mayfield.  Who knows how far you can go.”

 

She shook her head.  “That’s just it, Isa.  I always thought that this, becoming a celebrity was what would truly make me happy.  That it would become my escape from the rest of the world.  And it’s not, it hasn’t made me happy, and I don’t think it can.  At least not as happy as I want to be.”

 

“Lina, what’s wrong.  What’s on your mind?”  I asked wanting to know what she was trying to tell me.

 

“I guess, now I realize that no matter how hard I try, I’ll never be that happy.”

 

“But Lina…” I began before she cut me off.

 

“Do you want to know what I promised myself when I found out that I was getting a chance of a lifetime, that I would be signed to a record company, doing an actual tour?”

 

I shook my head.

 

“I promised that I would stop drinking.  I swore that I would never touch alcohol again.”  She heaved a sigh.  “And we all know how well that turned out.  By the second day of the tour I was piss drunk, and now, now I just totally screwed up.  I blew it.”

 

“Lina, you didn’t screw up.  I did, I’m sorry.  I guess I never should have tried to force it out of you.  All this is my fault.”

 

“No, Isa.  It’s mine.  I should have faced those fears a long time ago.  Instead, I put myself, my family, and my best friend, through it.  Not only that, I started poisoning myself with those pills.  I’m sorry I didn’t listen to you.  We wouldn’t be here if I had.”

 

I took her hand that lay lifeless by her side.  “It’s ok Lina; I just want you to get better.  And AJ feels just horrible about the pills.  He thinks it’s his fault.”

 

“Poor AJ.”  She said almost to herself.  “I never meant to put him through this too.”

 

“Lina he loves you.  He’d do anything for you.  He really would.”  I told her.

 

“I’m really lucky to have you two.”

 

I smiled.

 

“Isa?”  She said before I got up to leave.  “I’m glad that you know.  I don’t feel so alone.”

 

“You’re not.  You never were.”  I told her.  “Don’t worry Lina, one day you’ll wake up, and realize that you are truly happy.  Just as happy as you dreamed you could be.  I just know you will.”

 

Her eyes grew watery.  “Thanks for being my friend, Isa.  I really don’t deserve you.”

 

“Lina don’t say that.”

 

“No Isa, it’s true.  You try so hard to be here for me, and the one time you need me, where am I?  I should have been there for you.”

 

“So I guess you know then, huh?” 

 

“AJ told me right before we headed for the Sony party.  I’m so sorry Isabelle, I really am.”

 

I sighed.  “So am I.  I just wish I hadn’t…”

 

“You hadn’t fallen in love with him.”  Lina finished off.

 

“I guess what hurts the most, is that I trusted him.  But I guess it wasn’t meant to be.  He’s not the one.”

 

She nodded.  “You’ll find him.”

 

I half-smiled.  I knew she was right.  But at that moment, there wasn’t anybody in the world I wanted more, than Brian.

 

“Well, I guess I better go so Yvonne can come in.  She wants to talk to you too.”

 

“Oh great, now I’m in for it.” she said with a subtle laugh.

 

I laughed too, but it was a nervous laugh.  “I’ll come back with whomever picks you up.  Hopefully it’ll be soon.”

 

“Bye Isa.”  She said as I got to the door.

 

“Lina?”  This time I called back from the door.

 

“Yeah?”

 

“When we were in the car, you seemed determined to drive it off the ravine.  What made you stop?”

 

“For years I’ve tried to hurt myself… permanently, just take the easy way out.  And that’s what I was looking for tonight, the easy way out.”  She looked down for a moment, then back at me with tears in her eyes, and said.  “And even though I’ve put you through so much, there’s no way I would have taken you with me.  Once again, you saved me and I love you for it.”

 

“I love you too, Lina.  Get better ok.”  I said, and walked out.

 

For the first time it hit me that neither of us could be here right now.  That thought alone put a cold chill in my bones.  I passed Yvonne as I left the room, and she was walking towards it.

 

“How is she?”  She asked me.

 

“She’s fine, she just seems a little tired.” 

 

“I just got off the phone with her father.  I had to convince him not to hop on a plane till after I at least I found out if she would be in the hospital for long.”

 

“She won’t.”  I quickly told her.  “The doctor said so himself.  She just needs to rest.”

 

I repeated what I had just told Yvonne to everyone out in the waiting room.  When Yvonne came back out she said the doctor would call before they would release Lina.  We all headed back to the hotel.  To my surprise, there were a couple of reporters waiting for us outside the hospital, and some at the front of the hotel.  Yvonne came up with the lie, that Lina had fell ill from fatigue.  They bought it, though some couldn’t understand why’d they’d heard rumors of a car accident.

 

Once I got back to my room, I couldn’t sleep.  I didn’t feel sleepy at all.  My body felt numb, and though I hadn’t really slept peacefully, since even before the conference, I didn’t go to bed. Instead, I went and showered.  I would pack some of my stuff afterwards.  If Lina was released, we would be leaving LA tomorrow morning. 

 

But instead, when I got out of the shower and dressed, I decided to do something better.  I still hadn’t given Lina her birthday present, and even though the poem I had started to write for her almost six months ago was nearly completely.  I started over.

 

I was getting a lot of it done, since most of it was recently inspired.  But the knock on the door interrupted me.  I went to answer it.

 

“Hi.”  He said as I opened the door. 

 

“Hi,” I said back, surprised to see him. 

 

He was standing there in black jeans, and a white tee shirt.  “I thought maybe I could take you to breakfast.  Maybe we could talk.  I really want a chance to at least make you smile.”

 

I did smile. I was kinda hungry and planning to order room service.  This was better than eating alone.   “That’s really sweet of you Paul.  Alright, I’ll let you take me to breakfast.”  I said and then grabbed the keys to the room and walked out with him. 

 

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