CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT-“A Turn For The Better…Or Worse”

 

I heard John honk the horn as the tour bus pulled into the Mercer Arena parking lot, in Seattle, Washington.  I was in my bunk, and it was around six thirty in the morning.  I’d been awake for a while now, about an hour ago I awoke to Lina’s whimpering.  For one reason or another I didn’t wake her from her nightmare.  I don’t know, maybe I was just getting as use to them as she’d become, or maybe I was hoping for her to spill through her sub consciousness something that would at least give us direction, to what her dreams were about.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to be picked up from her mumbling.  All I noticed is that she always ended up crying.

 

  Kristin had picked up another book, this time on dreams and how to analyze them.  In my opinion, the book couldn’t possibly be very accurate, since it was written and illustrated, by an astrologist.  Now don’t get me wrong, I’m sure there is some credit to be given to someone who can predict the future through the course of the stars, but I’ve never been much of a believer in that.  To me astronomy is more imagination than precision.  I still found it hard to keep a straight face when Kristin would offer to read my cards.  I didn’t want a bunch of faces on plastic telling me what to do and which way my life was headed. 

 

I heard the front door of the tour bus slam shut.  John must’ve left to get something to eat.  I heard my own stomach rumble, as the thought of food entered my mind.  I quietly got up and out off my bunk trying not to wake the others.  I sneaked into the kitchen, and put water to boil.  Strange I though to myself, as I put the pot down on the Mr. Coffee. As of late I’ve become a heavy coffee drinker.  Before we started the tour, I could barely stand to drink it.  But those early wakeup calls, demanded it.  Besides, it wasn’t that bad.  I decided since I was already up, I would make us all breakfast.

 

“Wow!  Something smells good out there!”

 

I smiled as I heard Lina’s voice call out from the other room.  I set the small dinette table and waited for Lina and Kristin to come out.  As they did, a look of astonishment swept over their faces. 

 

“Oh wow…Isabelle…um, how many people are you planning to feed?”  Lina asked as she stood over the table staring at the assortment I had made. 

 

“Are they guys coming over?”  Kristin asked.

 

“Nope.  Just us.”  I told them.

 

“I can’t eat all that!”  Lina exclaimed taking a piece of toasted bread, and bringing it to her mouth.  “You made both waffles AND pancakes!”

 

I shrugged, looking down at the abundance of food on the table…ok; maybe I did go a bit over board with breakfast.  I sighed, sitting down on the counter.

 

“Ok, I knew it.”  Lina said taking a step towards me.  “Out with it Isa, what’s wrong?” 

 

“Why do you think anything’s wrong?”  I said, another sigh escaping my lips.

 

“Well, I think I know you pretty well to know that when you’re upset, you do one of two things.  One, write…and two, go to the extreme.  And THIS.”  She said gesturing with her hand over at the table,  “Is the extreme.”

 

“Ok, so maybe there is something wrong but to tell you the truth, I don’t know what it is.”  They both looked at me with confusion in their faces.

 

“Ugh, I don’t know.  I just feel like something’s not right, or like the worst is to be expected.”

 

“Are you getting your period?”  Lina asked

 

“Huh?”  What does that have to do with anything? And no.  I had it almost a week ago now. 

 

“I dunno.  I always feel depressed when it’s coming.”  Lina explained.

 

“I don’t know maybe it’s just a mood I’m in.”

 

“Is it Kevin?”  Kristin asked unknowingly hitting the nail on the head.

 

“What about Kevin?”  Lina asked.

 

“No.  It’s not that.  Well…” I said thinking it over.  It could be Kevin.

 

“Isabelle,” Kristin said leaning on the counter next to me.  “He’ll come around.  He’s not one to show his emotions easily.  He just wants what’s best for his cousin, and not to mention the group.”

 

I nodded, completely understanding what Kristin was trying to tell me.  But the fact that Kevin seemed to be giving me the cold shoulder was really making me feel bad. After they had found out about Brian and I back in Minnesota, Kevin has been keeping his distance from me, and he wasn’t trying to hide it.  Brian had said the same thing, he’ll come around sooner or later, but I just didn’t like the feeling it was giving me.  Like I had disrupted something very important. It’s not like I planned for things to turn out the way they had, and I know it meant just as much to Brian, having his own cousin accept “us”.

 

“I guess.” I said not concealing the glum tone in my voice. 

 

“Trust me,” Lina said sitting down at the table and serving herself a plate of eggs and toast.  “Once he sees how much Brian really cares about you, and vice versa, he’ll now that you guys aren’t just…fooling around.”

 

“I hope so…” I told them.

 

About half an hour later, Kristin and I were cleaning house in the tour bus, as Lina and the guys were doing their usual early venue rehearsal.  

 

“Oh would you look who’s coming to help.”  Kristin said as she looked out of the tour bus window, and saw Kevin approaching the bus.  “Hey sweetheart.”  She said giving him a quick kiss as he came in.

 

“Hi,” he said kissing her back and wrapping his arms around her.  “Hi, Isabelle.”  He said nodding his head towards me.  “Can I…can we talk in private.”  He said looking from me to Kristin, who had a bewildered look on her face, and then back to me. 

 

I wiped my wet hands on the old blue jeans I was wearing.  I had on an old Mana t-shirt, Kristin had lent me, tied up over my naval, and a navy blue hanky wrapped over my hair.  “Sure.” I said, putting the mop down, and leaning it over the counter.  “We can go back there.” I said inclining towards the lounge.  He nodded, and I turned and lead the way to the back of the tour bus. 

 

Millions of thoughts ran through my head as the three second walk to the lounge felt like a lifetime.  I took a seat in the back as he closed the door.  As he walked over to where I was sitting I realized just how tall Kevin really was.  I looked up at him, his face was stern and his eyes were determined.  I felt like a little girl about to be reprimanded by her father.  He took a seat, and I sat up, just so he wouldn’t look so immense next to me.

 

He looked unswervingly into my eyes, and if he could detect the fact that he was intimidating me, he didn’t react to it.  Instead he said.  “Now, I know that…you’ve noticed that the last couple of days I’ve been…well kinda keeping my distance from you and…I feel that…” I never noticed how thick his southern drawl was, or how slowly he spoke, but it was all making me anxious for him to end.  “You are probably taking this personally…but in reality, I’m just trying to keep my distance from this whole…situation, you understand.”  He sighed, brushing his left brow with his thumb.  A little habit I noticed he had. 

 

I nodded at what he was trying to tell me.  But I wish he would quickly get to his point, because I was becoming more and more curious about what he was trying to tell me.

 

“I’m sure Brian told you that sometime when we get to LA…they will be setting up a press show just so Brian can clear some things up.  Now, usually for things like this we…. well, our publicist, I think you met him while we were in New York, Patrick Owen,”

 

I shook my head no.  Letting him know I had no idea who that was.

 

 “Well, anyways, he will be coming down in like…” he brought his arm up, and rolled back the sleeve of his blue, round collar sweater revealing a gold, Rolex, chained watch.  “Well, actually in a couple of hours he should be here.”  He said reading it.

 

“Kevin,” I said not knowing if I was interrupting him or not.  “I guess I understand if you feel, well I don’t know weird about what’s going on between Brian and I, but…what does the press conference, and that Owen guy coming down have to do with me?”

 

“Well, that’s what I was getting to,” he said.

 

“Sorry.” I said for interrupting him.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  But when he comes down here we will be having a big…almost like a staff meeting.”

 

I nodded again…still confused.

 

“He’s going to go over certain things with us.  You know things that Brian should say and ways for him to just drop the whole engagement issue without making it obvious, that we want it dropped.  Also ways for him to act, we are playing it off as a rumor.”  He told me.  I could tell he was really aggravated with the whole issue.  If it weren’t for me things would be going much simpler.  I tried so hard not to take it personally, but it was almost impossible.

 

“Now, I think it would be a good idea if…” he continued.  “Since he doesn’t know about you and Brian… and I don’t think we should start announcing it yet, that maybe you two, while he is here should keep your distance from each other.”

 

I was taken aback.  I knew he could tell I was surprised by his request because he then added. 

 

“It would only be for a day or so, maybe even a couple of hours depending on how long he is staying.  And I am sure he won’t be staying long.”

 

It’s not that I couldn’t do what he was asking of me or that I thought he was being unreasonable, because I do understand that the boys have an image to uphold, but I thought Brian and I were through hiding our relationship.

 

“Ok.” I said after awhile. I mean, what else was I to do.  “Did Brian send you to tell me this?”  I asked for some reason feeling suspicious.

 

“No, Isabelle, this is just something that…it’s probably very difficult for you to understand.  But once you’re in this business as long as we have, you learn to deal with it.  There are a million or so rumors about us running around.  I mean I think I’ve been engaged twice already to some Swedish model according to the tabloids, and well some rumors you ignore, but others you need to deal with because they can grow into something very negative, that in the long run can hurt your career.”

 

“Ok.” I said again, this time with even less emotion than before.  To be honest I didn’t appreciate the tone he was taking with me.  He was very easy to be put off by a man of his stature, but it sounded to me like he was treating me like a child, when once he himself had said I was extremely mature for my age.  “I’ll stay away from Brian,” I told him.  “Till that, Patrick Owen guy leaves.”  I stressed.

 

“Ok, good.” He said getting up and walking towards the door.  “I’m glad you understand.” 

 

I felt like shouting ‘of course I understand, I’m not a child!’ but I didn’t.  Instead I kept it in and I felt my face growing hot. 

 

“You know,” he said. “I really admire you Isabelle.  You are a lot smarter than the girls we usually meet.    I’m sure you can see how…any one of us could fall for a pretty face.”

 

“Exactly what do you mean by that?”  I asked sensing that there was a double meaning.

 

“I’m just saying.  Brian goes into any situation thinking with his heart, instead of his head.  He is very quick…to believe he is in love.”

 

I watched as Kevin walked out of the room, leaving me there to think over his last statement.  Was Kevin saying that because he was still not accepting the fact of Brian and I?  Or was there some truth in what I took to be…a warning.

 

Early the next morning we were all in a meeting with Patrick Owen, who had only arrived on a plane about twenty minutes ago since his flight had been delayed yesterday.  He was a short, stocky man with dull brown hair, and thin framed glasses.  He was wearing a stripped Polo shirt, and jeans. He would talk with his hands and he had this annoyingly low voice that sounded as if he was hissing while he said his S’s. He reminded me of this Italian business partner my dad had when I was younger.  Anytime he would come over; I would lock myself in my room.  I don’t remember now why I disliked him so much.  He just seemed like he couldn’t be trusted.

 

“You guys really know how to get the press in a frenzy.”  Patrick said as he paced around the room.  “Whether it’s with breaking records or controversial speculations, they are always hounding you guys.  That’s why I keep reminding ya to be careful when you’re out there, you know…make my job a little easier.  There are only so many times we can cover your asses!”  Then he focused our attention and said looking directly at Brian.  “Now tell me again, Littrell, why it is you want to deny anything?”

 

“Don’t worry about that, I just want it to flow as a rumor, and then just die out.”  Brian said looking up at him from the couch he was sitting in. 

 

We were all gathered in Randy’s room.  All five Backstreet Boys, Lina, Kristin and I, the Bsb Band, Tony Medina, the head of security on the tour, and their managers, Yvonne and Randy. 

 

“But weren’t we intending on letting the news about the engagement out soon?”  Patrick asked, obviously curious to why the sudden change in plans.  But he didn’t let Brian answer.  “Well fine.”  He said, then reaching for some magazines on the table, he said.  “These I picked up at the airport in New York, on my way over here.” He lifted up the tabloids.  One had a picture of the Boys at the Grammy’s, with the headline reading,  ‘They May Not Have Picked Up A Grammy, But They Have Other Reasons To Celebrate’. He passed it over to Brian so he could look at it, and once he was done he passed it on to Kevin who didn’t bother to look at it he just passed it over to Randy.

 

The other one he held up was from the National Enquirer.  They didn’t have front page on this one, but it was at the centerfold.  And this one was a little more direct.  ‘B-Boy Brian B-Rok Littrell In Plans To Wed This Coming Year’. The last one was a news article from the NY Post entitled, ‘Wedding Bells Ring As Heartthrob Backstreet Boy Breaks His Fans Heart.’  He passed those on to Brian as well.

 

Maybe it was because I wasn’t use to any of this, but I was so astonished by how quickly it had spread.  I mean, not even in high school did rumors spread like a wild fire, and this was from city to city in the United States.  How did everyone find out and so quickly? 

 

“Now, we down in New York have no idea how news about your engagement leaked out.”  Patrick continued as if reading my mind.  “But if it’s to deny it that you want, that’s what we’ll do. Both your record and management companies have been informed to deny all speculations of ANY Backstreet Boy getting married.”

 

“When’s the conference?”  Kevin asked.

 

“We still haven’t finished making the arrangement.  It should happen shortly after you arrive in LA” Patrick said to Kevin, and then to the rest of them.  “Remember the point of this conference is to move away from the engagement topic.  Make it look as if it’s nothing of interest to any of you and you’re brushing it off as just another rumor.”

 

They all nodded.  Patrick continued to talk for like about another forty-five minutes, and then we were free to leave. 

 

I followed as Brian led me into his room and closed the door behind us.  I sat down on his bed and he sat down next to me then laid his head on my lap.  He closed his eyes and didn’t say anything for a while.  I ran my fingers through his hair.  It was lightly wet at the ends.  “Babe, you ok?” I asked.

 

 “Yeah.”  He said, no real emotion in his voice.  Then, “Ugh!” he sighed, digging his hands into his jean pocket, and revealing a small piece of paper.  “What time is it?”  He asked.

 

“Quarter to eight.”  I told him glancing over at the clock by the bed.

 

“I have to go back to the venue and rehearse in a few.  Yesterday during the concert, my mic lost it’s frequency, and it made me sound mono tone.”

 

“I didn’t notice.”  I said.

 

“Yeah cuz they shut it off right away and I had to use the headset one.”

 

“Oh, right” I said recalling when during I’ll Never Break Your Heart Brian was the only one not using a hand mic.  “Yeah, I did notice that. During I’ll Never Break Your Heart right?”

 

“Yeah.”  He said sitting up and showing me the piece of paper. It contained seven digits.

 

“Who’s number is that?” I asked.

 

“It’s the number to the hotel Leighanne is staying at in LA.  You know she’s coming down tomorrow?”

 

I nodded.  I knew she was coming down, but I didn’t know it was tomorrow.

 

“Yeah, well I have to call her up and find out what time her flight arrives.  I have to go rent a car, and pick her up myself, cuz since tomorrows our day off, we didn’t schedule for a driver.”

 

“Ok.”

 

He sighed and reached over for the phone, dialing the number.

 

“Leighanne Wallace please…I’m not sure what room she’s staying at.”  He was silent for a moment, then he said.  “Ok thank you.  I’ll try again in a little while.”

 

I looked at him with curiosity.

 

“She must still be asleep.  There was no answer.”

 

We both looked up as someone knocked on the door.  “It’s not locked.”  Brian yelled, and Nick came in.

 

“Yo…” he said, and then seeing me a catty smile spread a cross his face.  “Sorry…was I um…interrupting anything important?” 

 

“What is it man?”  Brian said, a smile crossing his face for the first time today.

 

“Naw, Patrick wants to talk to you in private.  Um…I think he saw the Minnesota paper.”

 

“Fuck!”  Brian cursed under his breath.  I think that was the first time ever I had heard him swear.  And I knew why too. Patrick probably wanted to ask him about the mysterious hand in the picture.  He got up and walked up to Nick handing him the piece of paper with Leighanne’s number. “Here man, do me a favor and call her up and ask her what time her flight gets in.”

 

Nick sucked his teeth in disapproval, but took the paper anyways and walked into the room, as Brian walked out.

 

“I always gotta do this, ugh!  And she’s always so nasty with me.”  Nick said sitting down on the bed, and reaching for the phone.

 

“Awwe.” I jokingly sighed sympathizing with him.

 

“Leighanne Wallace.”  Nick said to the receptionist on the other end.

 

Again, there came a knock on the door.

 

“Enter!”  Nick yelled  “Oh hey chick.”  Nick said as Lina came in.

 

“I knew I’d find you in here.” She said looking at me.

 

“What’s up?”  I asked.

 

“Ugh!”  Gee I thought to myself as she sighed. No one’s in a cheery mood today.  “AJ and the rest of them just discovered the Playboy Channel in Seattle.   They are over in his room gripping it up.” She said with a chauvinistic laugh.

 

“No shit!”  Nick said slamming the phone down.  “AJ got Playboy.  See ya later.”  He said practically running outta the room.

 

“Nick, what about Leighanne?”  I asked as he handed me the piece of paper.  “Try her again in a few minutes.  She wasn’t answering.”

 

“Nick no!” I said as he slammed the door.  “Ugh! Come back.”

 

“What about Leighanne?”  Lina asked sitting next to me.

 

“Nothing.  Just that Brian asked Nick to call her up and find something out and now he bailed!” 

 

“What is it ya wanna find out?”  She asked.

 

 “She’s coming back tomorrow.” I informed her.  “Brian needs to know what time her flights coming in so he can go pick her up.”

 

“Oh, ok.”  She said then thinking it over.  “Wait, she’s coming here?  Why?”

 

I shrugged. 

 

“I know she doesn’t know about you and Brian, right?”

 

“No.”

 

“Does she know about the engagement news leaking out?”

 

“Probably, I mean by now who doesn’t?”

 

“That’s true.”  Lina agreed.  “So…call her.”

 

I rolled my eyes. 

 

“Pick up the phone, ask her whatever, and just do it.”

 

“Wanna do it?” I asked her hoping she’d say yes.

 

“Grow a spine, would you!” she said picking up the phone and thrusting it to me.  “What’s the worst she can do…say hello?”  She said sarcastically.

 

I unwillingly dialed the number to the Los Angeles hotel, and asked for Leighanne.  It rang twice before someone answered.

 

“Hello.” Came a profound voice from the other end, the voice of a man just waking up.

 

“Hello?” I said.  “Oh, I’m sorry.  I was looking for Leighanne Wallace.  I must’ve been transferred wrong.”

 

“No, you have the right number.  Hold on.”  He said.  Then away from the phone, but loud enough for me to hear…  “Leighanne.  Hun, wake up.  There’s someone on the line for you…. Leighanne.”

 

“Huh?”  I heard her faintly say.  “Ken!  How many times do I need to tell you not to answer my phone!”

 

“Calm down, Leigh.  It’s just a girl.  Your dry clean is probably ready.  She probably wants to know what time to bring it over.”

 

“Just give me the phone, Ken.  Hello?”  Leighanne said, directly into the phone.  “Hello?!?”  She said again when I didn’t answer. 

 

It didn’t take me long to put two and two together. 

 

“Hello!”  Leighanne said for the third time.  Still, I didn’t answer.  Click.  I heard as the other line went dead.

 

“What happened?”  Lina asked as I put down the phone. 

 

I stared at her wide-eyed as I cupped my hands to my mouth, but all I could say was, “Oh…my…God!”

 

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