CHAPTER THIRTY THREE-“Happy Birthday Lina”

 

I don’t think I’ve ever felt so betrayed in my life, not only by Brian, who swore he’d be with me but by Lina too.  She’s supposed to be my best friend.  She’s supposed to be there for me.  

 

I’d stopped crying by now, but I felt horrible.  There was this huge weight over my heart almost like there’s a parked car over it.  I know, it’s a weird divergence, but it’s almost as if I can’t breathe.  My chest hurts when I try.  And worst off I can’t even try to reminisce about Brian, or what went on this afternoon, because immediately the tears would burn beneath my eyelids.  I still haven’t accepted, or rather taken in what happened.  How could Brian be so…so…I don’t know what, but I just couldn’t imagine him being anything but the person I fell so much in love with.  I love him so much and just thinking about it all made it a bitter pill to swallow.

 

Then there was Lina.  What on earth was wrong with her?  It’s like she is purposely trying to destroy her life.  Millions of girls would die to just live one day in her life, and she is throwing it all away.  Her addiction to narcotics was getting worse.   And there was nothing I could do for her anymore.  I don’t think I can.  I decided that I would call my father as soon as we got back and have a little talk with him.  I made up my mind, I thought as I closed my journal.  I was going to leave the tour early.

 

Though it was a warm day in LA, there was a cool breeze passing through.  From the walk, my hair had fallen down my back.  I’d walk about a mile or so, and as I sat there literally sitting over the edge of the old ravine I realized how quiet it could be.  I wasn’t sure how long I’d been here, except that it must have been pretty long because any moment now the sun looked as if it was going to set.  It must be an incredible view, and I wanted to sit here long enough to see it.  It was something I would have loved to share with Brian.  Again, the tears started falling down.

 

I heard the motor of a car coming towards me and I saw a blue, Lexus park itself by me.  It was one of the cars the boy’s had rented while they stayed here in LA.  AJ had a Camaro, Nick a Durango, and Brian had the Lexus.  But Brian didn’t step out of that car, instead Nick, Howie and Kristin came out.

 

“Don’t do it, Isabelle!”  Nick called out as he came running towards me.  “Don’t jump!”

 

“I’m not jumping you idiot!”  I yelled back with a laugh. 

 

“I knew that.”  He said coming up behind me with a smile.  “But I made you smile didn’t I.” 

 

He had, and I appreciated it so much.  But right now I just really wanted to be alone.  Still, I said.  “Thanks Nick.”

 

“Don’t worry about it.”  He said and he took a seat next to me. 

 

“How you feeling, sweetheart?”  Kristin asked also taking a seat with us.  “Oh wow!”  She exclaimed.  “This view is amazing.”

 

“I know.”  Nick added, “Could you imagine roping down that.” 

 

“I think it’s too steep to do that, Nick.”  Kristin told him.

 

“Yeah, I think you’re right.” 

 

I realized what they were doing, but my mind was only on one thing.  My problems. 

 

“Why you standing all the way over there, Howie?”  Nick asked as we all turned around to see Howie a safe distance away from the cliff.

 

“No reason.”  He played it off, but Nick laughed. 

 

“Howie has a thing about heights.”  Nick said. 

 

Sadly, that reminded me of the time we got on a plane and Brian touched the wing.  He was afraid of heights too.  “I’m sorry.”  I said when the tears once again began coming down.  It’s just that everything reminds me of him.  I tried to control myself but it was almost impossible.

 

“Isabelle,” Nick consoled.  “He’s not worth it.”

 

But immediately everyone knew that that was the wrong thing to say, because my response was.  “Yes he is Nick.  And you know it.”

 

Nick nodded, and looked away.  There was really nothing anyone could say that could make me feel better about Brian.  But Nick still tried.

 

“I’m still sorry, for him.  I can’t imagine why he would ever hurt you like that.  I’m just sorry.  I’m sure he didn’t mean to make you feel like…”

 

I cried even harder when I realized what Nick was about to say before he caught himself.  “The other woman.  That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it.”  I told him.

 

“I’m so sorry, Isabelle.  Please don’t cry.”  Nick pressed on.  I could tell he felt just awful about the whole situation.

 

Howie put his arm around me.  “It’s ok, Isabelle.  Shhh.”  He said as he cradled me in his arms.

 

No one said anything as we watched the sun go down over the ravine.  It was absolutely beautiful.  The sky turned the most lavishly color of lavender I’d ever seen with golden streaks running across it.  And when the sun did set it almost looked a fiery red.

 

When we got back to the hotel, I went straight to my suite.  I don’t know why but for some reason I expected Brian to be there.  The room would be dim, lit only by the light of a candle, Brian McKnight would be playing in the background, and he would come out holding a large bouquet of white roses.  White signalizing that he was sorry for what had happened, and roses saying that he still loved me.  But when I turned the knob, there was no candlelight.  There was no soft music playing in the background.  No flowers, but even worse, no Brian. 

 

I walked into the bedroom and when I saw my bed, I immediately wanted to lie on it and drift off to sleep.  But I felt dirty from sitting on the dirt road over the ravine.  I needed a bath but I would have to settle for a hot shower.    I began undressing, unbuttoning my shirt. I stepped in, and opened the hot water.  I didn’t realize it at first, but the hot water was too hot, and it was beginning to scald my flesh.  I endured the heat sensing I needed it to cleanse me and wash away from my memory all that had happened today.  I felt an added weight around my neck and my hand slowly crawled up to my neck, where the two promise rings laid.  I took a look at myself in the foggy mirror, and I couldn’t believe how pathetic I looked.  What happened to me?  I unclipped the chain and held it tight in my hand.  What had once held the promise of romantic ecstasy and wonder had now turned dirty and corrupt.  A lump fell over my throat, making it difficult to swallow, and I pressed my eyes closed firmly.  Slowly tears began flowing from my face mixing in with the flowing water, as I recalled the night I’d giving Brian his ring.

 

Finally, exhausted from my own effort to feel sorry for myself, I stepped out of the shower and dried myself.  I still held the chain with the rings tightly in my hand.  I returned to the bedroom and feeling more tired than I could remember, lay down.  I couldn’t cry anymore.  I closed my eyes and fell asleep, awakening when I heard a gentle rapping at my door.

 

He’s come back, I though, my heart racing again.  But it soon calmed when I heard Kristin whisper from the other side.  “Isabelle?” 

 

“You can come in, it’s open, Kristin.” 

 

“Hi.”  She said peeking her head in.  “How are you feeling?”

 

I really didn’t know how I was feeling.  My head still hurt from the crying.  My eyes were red and swollen too.  And my heart felt broken. I shrugged.  “I don’t know, Kristin.  I feel…different, I guess.  I kinda have a really bad headache.”

 

She nodded.  “That’s probably from all the crying you did. You’ll feel better, soon.”  She said optimistically.  “Here, I brought you this.”

 

“What is it?” I said sitting up on the bed and taking the warm cup from her.

 

“It’s a special type of tea.  It’s good for your aura.  Trust me, it will brighten up your day.”

 

I opened the lid, and a strong herbal stench came pouring out, making me gag.  “Eww, gross get that away.”  I said pushing it away from me.  “I can’t take that, Kristin.  It smells horrible.”

 

“Pinch your nose tight and drink it.  Trust me it has no taste but you’ll feel better.  And you need to so you’ll be up for tonight.” 

 

I took the cup from her and pinched my nose and took a sip.  She was right, it had no taste but it still looked gross.  “What’s tonight?”

 

“Angelina’s label party.  Remember?  Sony’s throwing her a party for her birthday.”

 

“Oh my God!”  I exclaimed putting the cup down on the night table.  “I completely forgot.  Today’s her birthday!”

 

“Right, and tonight’s the party.  So you need to get better quick.  Now drink the tea.”

 

“I don’t know Kristin.  I really don’t feel like going.  I don’t think I should.”  I told her.

 

“Nonsense.  She’s your best friend, Isabelle.  You have to be there.”

 

And of course she was right so I downed the absolutely disgusting herbal drink Kristin had invented.  Even though Kristin did say it would make me feel better I didn’t feel any difference.  But it did make my headache go away.

 

I spent the rest of the day locked in my room, till it was time to get dressed for the party.  I must really be out of it to be able to forget all about tonight, I thought to myself as I pulled out the outfit I was going to wear.  I really didn’t want to go.

 

I took a look at myself in the mirror.  I looked awful.  I mean the dress looked amazing, I just wasn’t feeling it.  The dress was a lacey, stretch, Poplin halter dress in a rose color.  Brian had helped me pick it out.  He liked it so much because he thought it was a sexy yet classy way to show off some skin.  It had strap buttons behind the neck and the back is slightly scooped down reveling my back.  I walked over to the bed where I had spent most of the day, and I picked up my chain.  I couldn’t decide whether to wear it or not.  Finally I decided not to, and I dropped it on the night table.

 

When I got to the place the lights were down, the music was up and there were people all over the place.  The party was being held in a club a couple of minutes away from the hotel.  It all looked really nice.  There were purple and silver balloons on the ceiling, which read, Happy Birthday Angelina.

 

“Isabelle!”  I heard someone call me from behind.  “You came.”

 

“Hi Howie,” I said as he approached me.

 

“Hi.  I didn’t think you were gonna come.  But I’m glad you did.”

 

I shyly smiled. 

 

“Oh let me introduce you.”  He said, as he pointed to some people who were with him.  “This is Samantha, my date for tonight.  You might have met her before.  She’s one of our roadies.” 

 

“Hi.”  I said to her.  She was rather pretty and I especially liked her red, Cameo dress.  It went really well with her auburn curls, which fell all about her face. 

 

“Nice to meet you.”  She said.

 

“Yeah, and this is her brother.  Paul.”

 

“Hi, Paul.” I said as he took my hand and shook it.

 

“ISA!”  I heard Lina’s voice call.  She was standing near a grand table, which held some stylish party hats, which no one was really using, some silly party favors, but most extravagantly, a gigantic strawberry short cake that also read Happy Birthday Angelina.

 

Lina looked beautiful.  She was in a navy blue, strapless sheath created especially for her by her now good friend Donna Karen.  It hugged at her hip and bust, showing off her hourglass figure. But everyone’s favorite part was the sexy 9-inch long rear slit.

 

She threw her arms around me.  “I’m so glad you’re finally here!”  She shouted over the loud music.  She had a drink in one hand, and the other one was linked around AJ’s.  He had a beer in his hand. 

 

“Happy Birthday!”  I yelled at the top of my lungs.

 

“Thanks!  Did you see the cake?  Have you ever seen anything that big?”  Then she quickly changed the subject.  “I talked to your dad this morning.  Him and my family called to wish me a happy birthday.  I tried transferring him to your room, but you were still sleeping I guess.” 

 

I frowned at the thought of missing a call from my dad. She noticed this.

 

“Don’t worry, he said he’d call you soon.”

 

Good I thought.  Then I’d have a chance to tell him about coming home earlier.  “Are you having fun?”

 

Her smile brightened, letting me know she was.  “Come look at what The Firm gave me.”  She took me by the arm, and led me to a side table where there were tons of presents laying there just for Lina.  She took out a gold in plated box and opened it up.

 

“Oh Lord!” I said with a gasp as I stared at the bracelet.  She took it out of the box and handed it to me.

 

“Isn’t it beautiful?”  She asked, knowing full well what my answer would be.

 

“It’s eighteen karat gold, and the diamonds are set in platinum.”  AJ told us.  “It’s valued at like seven thousand four hundred.

 

“Whoa!”  I said gently placing it back in the box.  “Wow Lina, didn’t they give you a bracelet like this a couple of months ago for Christmas or something?”  I asked amazed by her gift.

 

She nodded her face lit up in excitement.  “I don’t remember who gave me what. I’ve gotten so much stuff!”  She said.  “Oh, I’ll be right back.”  She said, when she noticed Yvonne from across the room was signaling for her to go over there.

 

I looked around the room, and realized there were a lot of people here.  I spotted Kristin sitting with some dancers at one of the tables.  “Hi.” 

 

“Hi, sweetie.  How are you feeling?”  She asked.

 

“I really don’t feel like talking about it tonight, Kristin.”  I told her.

 

“That’s ok, but I was referring to your headache.”

 

“Oh, well it’s gone for now.  But I have a feeling it will be back.”

 

“You need to stop thinking so negatively.”  She said getting up from the seat.  “I’ll talk to you guys later.”  She said to the dancers that sat with her, and then she led me to the table where she and Kevin were probably sitting.  “Here, I saved you a seat.” 

 

Even though Kevin was not here right now, I felt uncomfortable being around him.  I shook my head; “No I think I’ll just walk around for a few.  Say hi to some people.”

 

“If you are worried about running into Kevin don’t.  He isn’t here yet.”

 

“Why not?”  I asked curiously taking a seat next to her.

 

“He wasn’t feeling too good this morning either.”  She said.  “But unlike you, he didn’t want to take my tea so now he’s stuck at the hotel with a horrible cold.  It’s the change in the temperature, you know from cold to hot.  It always gets to him.”

 

“So he will be coming later on?”  I asked.

 

“He said if he felt better he’d come, but I doubt it.  I’m going to get a drink from the bar, do you want anything?”  She said as she got up from the seat.

 

“Um, sure just get me a coke.”  But I quickly changed my mind.  “Actually get me an Amaretto Sour.” 

 

“Are you sure?”  She asked.

 

“Yeah.”

 

  She walked away to get the drinks. 

 

“Hi, do you want to dance?”

 

“Um, I’m really not in the mood for it right now.  I’m sorry…Paul, right?”  I said looking at the guy Howie had just introduced me to.

 

“Yeah.  Well, you just look so lonely sitting by yourself over here in that pretty dress.”

 

I smiled.  “Thank you.”

 

“Well, the offer still stands if you are interested.”  He said.

 

As if in sequence, as he walked away Brian came into the room.  My heart instantly dropped. He was coming this way.

 

“Belle!  Can I talk to you for a second.”  He said when he saw me.  But he was quickly taken aback.  “Wow, you look amazing.  Is that the dress we got at…” 

 

“Brian what do you want?”  I said rather harshly.

 

“I just need to talk to you, Belle.”

 

“Don’t you think it’s a bit late for that?”  I asked.  Does it really matter what you have to say to me anymore.  And quit calling me Belle!”  I screamed out of tactic.  What I thought was once a name of endearment seemed tasteless and crude now.

 

“Huh?  I just want to explain…” He continued.

 

“Brian, I don’t think that will do any good, now.  Besides, I don’t want to talk about anything right now.  Not with you, Not here.”

 

“But I need to ask you about your decision...”

 

“My decision!”  I cried cutting him off.  “I believe it was your decision.  And besides, just because I’m allowed to talk to you now, doesn’t mean that I want to.”  I told him as Leighanne stepped in through the door.  “There’s your other half now.  I think she’s looking for you.”  And I walked away.  I don’t know why I did it; maybe it was because I knew he was watching, or because I didn’t have anywhere else to go.  But I walked up to Paul, and took him up on his offer.

 

 When the dance was over he walked me back to my table.  Brian was gone.  “Thanks for dancing with me, but I think I’ll sit down for the rest of the night.”  I told him, expecting him to walk away, and find some other girl to dance with.

 

“It was my pleasure.”  He said, taking a seat next to me. 

 

I quickly scanned the room and found Brian who was with Leighanne, of course.  They were talking to Lina.  He handed her a box, I assume her present, then he kissed her cheek and then he and Leighanne walked away.  Right out the door.  They’d left.

 

“Why do you look so sad?”

 

“Huh?”  I said.

 

Paul repeated his question.  “Why the glum face.  You have really beautiful eyes you know.  They look a lot brighter when you smile.” 

 

“Thank you.” I said out of courtesy.  “I just don’t feel like a party right now.”

 

“Boyfriend trouble?”  He asked.  Rather forward, I thought.

 

“I guess you can say that.  But I really don’t want to get into it right now.”

 

“I’m a really good listener.”

 

“Thanks.”  I said.  “But I really don’t want to even be here.”

 

“We can go back to my hotel room if you like.  Talk there.”

 

Was he crazy!  There was no way I was going back to his room.  “No thanks.” I told him. 

 

“Alright, but like before, the offer still stands.”  Then he walked away.

 

By the time they’d sang happy birthday to Lina, I’d had my third alcoholic beverage.  I still wasn’t anywhere near woozy, but I was beginning to feel a buzz.  Lina on the other hand, well she was being herself.  She was definitely drinking excessively, and I was just grateful to AJ who decided to keep his drinking to a minimum so he could watch over her.  She was drunk.  Most of the executives had already gone for the night. So it didn’t matter who saw her.  Half the people who were left here were pretty out of it themselves.

 

“Don’t worry, Isabelle.  I’ll make sure she gets back ok.”  Kristin said before I left.

 

“Thanks Kristin.”

 

Kristin had done as she’d promised, but Lina still wasn’t ok.  At around two thirty or three in the morning I heard someone knocking on my door.

 

“I’m coming!”  I called out when the knocking got louder.  “AJ, what’s wrong?”  I asked when I saw him standing there with Lina in his arms.

 

“Nothing, well out of the ordinary that is.  She’s just crying again.  I don’t think she should stay with me tonight.” He said.

 

I understood why, I recalled the last time something like this had happened.

 

“Come in.”  I said moving aside.  “Put her in the bedroom.”  He did as I said, but when he went to lay Lina down, she began to cry even harder.

 

“Lina, honey.  What’s wrong?  Why are you crying?”

 

“I don’t want to go to sleep, Isa.”  She said in between sobs.  “I don’t want to close my eyes.”

 

I could see AJ’s eyes become watery.  “Why don’t you Lina?  What happens when you close your eyes?”  I asked.

 

“He comes back.  It all comes back.  Please don’t make me go to sleep.  Please.”

 

“I won’t.”  I told her.  Then I whispered to AJ.  “Hold her.  And don’t let her fall asleep.  I’ll be right back.”

 

“Sure, but where are you going?”  He asked curiously.

 

“Don’t worry about it.  Just don’t let her fall asleep.”

 

When I came back into the room with Kristin, Lina was still in AJ’s arms.  He was holding her head close to his chest and he was rocking her back and forth.  Her eyes were wide-awake, but she didn’t seem to be with us at all.

 

“Angelina,” Kristin began as she knelt down in front of her.  “I want you to look at my finger.  Just look at it sweetie, and nothing else.”

 

Lina did as Kristin told her.  She looked directly at Kristin’s forefinger, and nothing else.  Then Kristin brought in her finger closer to Lina as she kept staring.  Slowly till she reached the center of Lina’s forehead, once she did that, Lina’s eyes went shut.

 

“What are you guys doing?”  AJ asked, his voice full of concern.

 

“Shhh.  Don’t disturb her.”  I told him.

 

“Ok Angelina, can you hear me?”  Kristin asked and Lina nodded meaning yes.  “Good.  I want you to relax honey.  Take deep breaths.”  Again, Lina followed Kristin’s directions.  “Now, I want you to count down with me ok?” 

 

Lina nodded her head up and down.

 

“!0…” Kristin began.

 

“9…8…7…6…” they counted off together.  “5…4…3…2…1…” 

 

“Ok good.  Now, do you feel relaxed?”  Kristin asked her.

 

Lina nodded.

 

“Are you ready to tell us your story?”  Kristin asked.

 

Again, Lina nodded.

 

 

chapters