CHAPTER SEVENTEEN-“I Want It That Way…But”

 

“Why are you doing this to Leighanne?”

 

He looked straight at me as if he didn’t know whom I was talking about.  Then with a sigh, he lowered his head to his hands.

 

“I mean, Brian, when it comes down to it.  She’s the only reason we can’t be together.”

 

He lifted his head quickly, saying.  “Shouldn’t, Belle. Not can’t.”

 

“Brian, that doesn’t make sense.  She’s your fiancée, your future wife.  Don’t you want to be with her?  Don’t you love her?”

 

He hesitated for a moment, “What if I told you, I didn’t?”  He asked me.

 

I was about to laugh at the thought, but I didn’t.  He was serious.  “I wouldn’t believe you.”

 

“Right.  No one would.  You wanna know why?”  He asked rhetorically.

 

“Why.”  I answered, without thinking.

 

“Because.”  He sarcastically smiled while shaking his head.  “Brian Backstreet wouldn’t do that.  Right?”  He said, focusing on me.

 

I looked the other way.

 

“Brian Backstreet, is the honest one.  Brian Backstreet, doesn’t cheat, lie, or steal.  Brian Backstreet goes to church.  Brian Backstreet is a good boy who always listens to his mom.  Brian Backstreet.  I’m not…” He said pausing.  “I’m not always Brian Backstreet.”

 

I lowered my head.  I didn’t want him to see the well of tears forming in the corner of my eye.  Oh, why did I read all those stupid magazines?  Why did I create an image of someone, that wasn’t actually there?

 

He gently lifted my chin, so his gaze met mine.  “You heard?”  He said softly.  “I’m not always Brian Backstreet. I don’t always do what’s right.  I don’t always know what’s right.  I just do the best I can to live my life the best way that I can.  And, something right here.”  He said pointing to his head,  “Reminds me that this, what I want…what I need to have with you, can’t be right.  But something in here,” he said taking my hand and placing it over his heart,  “Tells me that it finally is right.  I hope,” he said putting his hand over my breast, touching my heart.  “You’re hearing it too.”

 

I nodded, as I looked into a deep pool of translucent blue that were his eyes.  I could feel his heart beating rapidly, just as mine was.

 

“Belle, I don’t know exactly how to explain to you the relationship I have with Leighanne.  I’m sure you’ve heard tons of things.”

 

“It’s ok.” I said in a low whisper.  “You don’t need to explain.  Not to me.  Not right now.”

 

He was pensive for a moment.  “Can I ask you to do me one huge favor, please.”  He said, holding his hand as if he were in prayer.

 

“Yeah, anything.”

 

“Could we keep this to ourselves.  For now at least, till I figure out how to, well do what I have to do.”

 

“Yes, of course.”  I told him.

 

“Thank you.”  He said. “For understanding.”

 

I smiled.

 

“Come on,” he said getting up and grabbing my hand.  “We better go to the 7/11 and come back quick before they start wondering where we went.”  He said with a wink.

 

When we got back, everyone was hanging around on our bus doing their own thing.  It seems, that the movie idea didn’t hold their attention much.

 

“What happened?”  Brian asked Howie, who was the closest to us as he was using the phone.

 

“Movie got dull.  I mean, how many times have we watched it already.”  He said, then turning to me.  “You don’t mind if I use your phone, it’s long distance?”

 

I smiled, as it was too late for that question since he was already using it. “No, go ahead, it’s ok.  Not like we pay for the charges.  Do we?”  I asked turning to Brian.

 

Brian laughed, “No you don’t.”

 

Howie went back to his phone conversation.  “Ok, so what did I say last, Claudia?”

 

Nick was the only one still in the back.  “Where did everyone go?”  Brian asked him.

 

Nick was playing video games.  He must have brought his own system over seeing as Lina and I did not have a Nintendo 64, a Playstation, and a Dreamcast in the back room.  “Well, Kevin and Kristin went for a walk.  Also known as going to make-out, and AJ took Lina back to our bus to the funky…” when he saw me come out from behind Brian and enter the room, his grin faded, and he said.  “To um, play monopoly.”

 

“Right.”  I said, sitting down.  Brian sat down next to me putting the beer case down on the table. 

 

“No for real,” he continued.  “That’s what they’re doing.”

 

“Nick I think she’s old enough to know about sex.”  Brian said.

 

“Yeah, we’re practically the same age.”  I told him.  “And it’s not like I haven’t heard the word before.”  I added sarcastically.

 

“We are not the same age.”  Nick said.  “How old are you?”

 

“Eighteen.”

 

“For real?  You look crazy young.”  He said actually turning away from his game to look at me.  “I though you were sixteen or something.  Anyways, I’ll be twenty in exactly twenty five days.”  He said, doing the cabbage patch, awkwardly.  “Then only one more year till I can go to clubs and drink.”  He grinned mischievously, while grabbing one of the bottles from the beer case.  “Hehe…legally.”

 

When Kristin and Kevin came back, Brian, Nick and I were playing video games.

 

“Hey, Isabelle.”  Kristin called from the doorway.  “Can I talk to you for a sec?”

 

“Yeah, sure.” I said getting up practically dropping the controller on the floor.

 

“HEY!”  Nick yelled, cradling it.  “Watch the system!”

 

“Oh, sorry.”  I said walking out.

 

She was sitting at the kitchen table.  I sat across from her.

 

“”What’s up?”

 

“I just need a really, really huge favor from you, and Angelina, but I can’t find her anywhere.”

 

“Oh, she’s…somewhere else.”  I told her.

 

“Well, I was wondering, if you guys would mind letting me stay here on your bus, for the rest of the tour?  It’s just that, that other bus gets so crowded and I really…”

 

“Yeah, don’t worry about it.  We don’t mind.  And there is like a ton of room here.”

 

“That’s great.”  She said,   “I’ll go get my things.”  She added getting up.

 

“Ok…. no wait,” I told her with a smile.  “Get them later.”

 

When Nick and Brian finally got tired of playing video games, they decided to go back to their bus.  Kristin went with them to collect her stuff.

 

“Aren’t you going to take your precious system with you?”  I asked Nick when he was leaving his Nintendo 64, Dreamcast, and Playstation behind.

 

“Naw.  I’ll get them tomorrow.  I’m too tired.”  He said yawning.  “Goodnight, Isabelle.”  Then when he noticed Howie.  “Yo Howie.  You still on the phone, tell Claudia you have to go.”

 

“Claud, I’ll call you right back, from our bus.  Ok?…Alright, love you too babe.”   He hung up the receiver.  “Goodnight, Isabelle.”  He said getting off the bus behind Nick.

 

Brian lagged around long enough so he could say goodnight to me privately.   He placed his hands on my waist and pulled me in engagingly.  It reminded me of the time not so long ago when he had done this before in the tour bus kitchen.  Except this time, our lips met.  His kisses were always full of passion, creating desire. 

 

“Goodnight, Brian.”

 

“Nite Belle.”  He said walking away leaving me behind, yearning. 

 

The following two days went by as usual.  Lina would get up go to rehearsal, and do her thing.

 

On our last day in Michigan, I had my first fan encounter.  And it was a weird one.  It happened right after the boys performed.  I was completely enthralled with their performance of ‘Back To Your Heart.”  I loved the way Kevin rose from below on a white grand piano.  The floor lights would be out, and in complete darkness with one spotlight in the middle on Kevin, he would begin to play the tune.

 

When AJ began, “It’s not that I can’t live without you.  It’s just that I don’t even want to try.”  A spotlight would come over him.  Likewise as each of the boys began to sing their part a spotlight would come over them, presenting them to the crowd.  All the guys would be spread around the eight-sided stage.  Usually Howie would be standing right in front of us.

 

I was standing around backstage at the Palace Of Auburn Hills, the venue, where Lina and the guys had just performed.  I was waiting for them to go and change, when two girls from behind a set of barricades motioned for me to come to them.

 

“Hi,” One of them said.  She had a grin from ear to ear and was holding out a pen and a Millennium CD cover.  “Do you know the Backstreet Boys?”  She asked.

 

“Duh,” the other one interrupted her.  “Look at her VIP pass.”  Obviously she knows them.  Right?”

 

I smiled. And they shrieked.

 

“Ok, can you please do us a favor?  Please, we would do anything for an autograph from the guys.  Please.”

 

“I don’t know if I can.” I told them.

 

“Please.”  They begged.

 

“Well, just wait here till they come out. Ok?  I’ll see what I can do.”

 

They shirked again.  “THANK YOU!!!  Oh my god what if I get to meet AJ, one of them said.

 

“And Brian.”

 

I laughed.  Two more girls came to join them, and they asked if they could stay as well.  I told them it was ok.

 

“So, how come you get to go backstage?”  They asked.

 

“I’m Lina’s cousin.”

 

“Who’s?”

 

“Angelina Mayfield.”

 

“Oh cool.  I like her.”

 

“I love that song.  Cool so you’re her cousin.  Some people say I look like her.”  A short, pretty, blonde girl told me.  “Are you on tour with her?”

 

I nodded as I looked back to see if there were any signs of the boys.

 

“I don’t like her.”  One continued.  “She reminds me of that other girl, Jessica Simpson.  And I don’t like her either.”

 

“I bet before the tour is over she’ll be doing one of the boys.”  They said amongst themselves.

 

“She better stay away from my Nick!”  The tall, blonde one said.  She was tall, but looked younger than the other girls.

 

“And Brian!”  Another one cried.

 

“Hey girl! Angelina’s cousin!”  They called as I had moved away.

 

“Is your cousin going out with any of the Backstreet Boys?”  They asked.

 

“No.”  I straight face lied.  “She actually has a boyfriend back home in Canada.”

 

“Oh ok.”  They said, seeming pleased with that answer, but they were full of questions.  “Are you?”  One of them asked.

 

“Nope.”   I told them.

 

They kept chattering and giggling while I kept watch for the guys.

 

“What’s your name?”

 

“Isabelle.”

 

“Do you know who the guys are going out with?”  They asked.

 

“Not really, I don’t…”

 

“I heard that Nick was going out with a girl named Mandy.”  The one with long brown hair said.

 

“No that’s so old.  They broke up a long time ago.”  The other one said.  “He’s going out with that other girl from that girl group.”

 

“What girl from a girl group?”  The tall one asked.

 

“You know that girl group, they had that one song.  I don’t know, I forgot how it went.”

 

“What girl?!?!?”  The tall Nick lover asked anxiously.

 

“Ugh, you know.  Dammit what was her name?”

 

“Angie!”  One reminded her.

 

“Yeah, from Fetish.”

 

“Oh. Her.  No they broke up a long time ago.”  The Nick lover added.  “That story got old fast.”

 

“Oh look.”  I said interrupting them, as I saw Nick and Howie come out.  “Let me go get them.”

 

“Oh my god. It’s Nick!”

 

“Shhh…you’ll scare them away.”

 

I returned with the two boys who had agreed to meet the girls.

 

“Ok, so whom should I make this out to?”  Nick said with a smile taking the CD cover from one of the girls.”

 

“Kris!”  The tall Nick lover girl said.  “Oh my god, Nick I love you.  I love you so much.  I listen to your CD every night before I go to sleep.”

 

“Yeah, I do too.”  The long brown hair girl said.

 

“And who are you?”  Howie asked signing her an autograph.

 

“Trin!”  She said.  “And that’s Leigh and Mel.”

 

“We love you guys so much.  You guys are the best.”  The one that had been introduced as Leigh said.

 

“Yes, you guys are so good.  I loved the concert.”  Mel said.  Then she screamed.  “OH MY GOD!!! IT’S AJ!  AJ I LOVE YOU!  I LOVE YOU BABY!”

 

Nick, Howie and I laughed, as AJ came over.

 

“AJ you are so hot!”  Mel continued.

 

“Why, thank you.”  AJ said giving her a hug, which seemed to overwhelm the poor girl.

 

Eventually the rest of the guys came out and signed personal autographs for the girls, and took pictures with them.  They also got an autograph from Angelina.  They were practically in tears as the bodyguards came by and said it was time for the boys to leave.  We where headed once again on an over night ride, this time to Chicago.

 

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