CHAPTER NINETEEN-“And The Nightmares Continue”

 

Later on that same day, all of us including some of the dancers, Amy, Reggie, Teresa, and Nefertiti (Fatima’s sister) went out to Club 151.  Even the bodyguards, took off to chill and celebrate AJ’s birthday.  He would be turning twenty-two in a couple of hours.

 

This club scene was much more stylish than the first one we had gone to.  That one had been an underground dance club.  The owner of Club 151 was a close friend of the Backstreet Boys, and their previous management.  There were seven dance floors.  Two were Hip-Hop and two were Latin, then there was a Techno-Industrial, a Reggae, and an Electronica dance floor.

 

Before we even sang happy birthday to AJ at midnight, he and Lina were already smashed.  Nick and Kevin were also a bit tipsy, considering, that the drinks were compliments of James Morrison, the owner.  Even I was feeling a bit woozy.  Brian and Kristin were the only sober ones since she considered alcohol to be a detriment to your temple, the body.  And of course Brian had his reasons.  Nonetheless, we were all having a good time. 

 

We were all a little disappointed when the night had to be cut short since the club was only open till two in the morning.  James offered to let us stay after they shut down, but AJ decided that would be a waste.  The whole beat in the atmosphere would be lost once everyone was gone.

 

“Oh, AJ, maybe she should sleep in her own bed tonight.”  I said, sounding completely lame, but I had my reasons.  We were back in the hotel, and I was about to open the door to my room.  Kevin and Kristin had retired to their room, and Nick to his, though not alone.  He’d brought along with him the pretty red head he had met at the club.  Howie had not come back with us.  He and two of the other female dancers went out to eat somewhere near the club.  Lina was really out of it, she always over did it when it came to drinking.  It was her biggest blemish.  “I really don’t think she should…”

 

“Don’t worry about her so much, Isabelle.  Angelina’s a big girl.”  AJ said leading Lina to his room with a smirk.  “She’ll be fine.”  I stared as she looked as if she would pass out any minute, right there in his arms.  She had a smirk on her face too.

 

Brian came up behind me, putting his chin down on my right shoulder and wrapping his arms around me.  “He’s right.  She can take care of herself.”

 

I sighed, and then nodded, remembering her condition the second night of the tour.  I knew better.  I walked over to her.  AJ was struggling with the key to his room.  “Hey sweetie.”  I said trying to get her attention.  “Lina, hun, you wanna go back to our room?”

 

She shook her head.  Again, her eyes took a certain glow like that of a lost child.  “No, I wanna stay with AJ.”  She giggled immaturely.

 

“There ya go.”  AJ said with a soft laugh.  “She wants to stay with me.”

 

I ignored him.  “C’mon Lina,” I said forcibly taking her hand.  “You really should go back with me.”

 

AJ made that annoying sucking sound with his teeth.  “Isabelle, c’mon.  Chill, relax. She’ll be fine.”  He said gently taking her hand from mine.  “Trust me, she’ll be fine.”   

 

I just stood there, as he closed the door on me.

 

“C’mon,” Brian said taking me by the hand, and leading me back towards my room.  We went in, and closed the door.

 

I sat down at the edge of my bed, heaving a sigh as I laid back.

 

“Are you ok?”  Brian asked walking towards me.

 

“I’m fine, I guess.  I’m just getting a slight headache.”  I said brining my hands to my forehead.

 

Brian brought me a cup of water from the makeshift kitchen, and grabbed the bottle of pills that were on the dresser.  He sat down by me.  “Here,” he said edging me to sit up.  “Take this.”  He handed me the glass of water.

 

“I’m not taking those.”  I told him, when I realized he held the caffeine pills.  I took the bottle from his hand and laid it back down on the night table next to my bed.  “I hate those stupid things.  Lina takes it like if it were candy.”  I told him.

 

“They’re actually safe.”  He confirmed.  “Kevin takes then, and so does Nick and AJ.”

 

“Do you take them?”

 

“No.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“Never needed them.”  He said pointedly.

 

“Well, I don’t want to take them either.”  I said, taking a drink from the glass.  “I’ll feel fine.  I just need to close my eyes.  It feels like I haven’t slept for weeks.”

 

He laughed.  “That feeling is a bit too familiar, and I’m sorry to say, it only gets worse.  C’mon.” he said, getting up and pulling me by the hand.

 

“What? Where are we going?”

 

“Nowhere.  Just come here.”  He said pulling me to a standing position.  Then he twirled me under his arm and we began to slow dance.

 

I laughed, feeling a bit silly from the lack of music.

 

“I just didn’t get to dance not one ballad with you.”  He whispered.

 

“Well,” I whispered back with a smile.  “Maybe that’s because they didn’t play any ballads.”

 

“True, but they’re playing one now.”  He said pretending to hear music.

 

“Really?”  I said faking astonishment.

 

 “Yes, really.  You gotta listen hard though.”  He continued to whisper.  “Close your eyes.”  He said when I looked doubtful  “Now, rest your head down on my shoulder.”  I did as he said, inhaling his mesmerizing scent.  “Do you hear it now?”

 

“I think so…”

 

“Shhh, just listen.”  He quieted me; then he sang.  “It’s undeniable, that we should be together.  It’s unbelievable, how I use to say that I’ll fall never.  The basis is need to know, if you don’t know just how I feel.  Then let me show you now that I’m for real.”  I lifted my head from his shoulders, and looked into his smiling blue eyes.  “If all things in time, time will reveal. Yeayeah.  One, you’re like a dream come true.  Two, just want to be with you.  Three, girl it’s plain to see,” he smiled as he crooned.  “That you’re the only one for me. And four repeats steps one thru three.  Five make you fall in love with me.”  His facial expressions growing with innocence as he sang.  “If ever I believe my work is done, then I’ll start back at one.”

 

I bit down on my lower lip, trying to hold back the immense smile that wanted to escape.  “You’re voice is amazing, Brian.” I said.

 

He nodded, then took my hand, and sat down on the bed, pulling me unto his lap.  He brought his lips to mine.  As the intensity of the kiss grew, he moaned and placed his hands on my shoulders, parting away from the kiss.

 

“What’s wrong?”  He asked.

 

“Nothing.  Why?”  I said, wondering why’d he stopped.

 

“You seem so tense.”

 

“I do?”

 

“Yeah, you do.   Are you still worried about Angelina?”  He asked, with uneasiness.

 

“Yeah, maybe, I guess.”

 

“You know you can trust AJ.  Right?”

 

“Oh no, it’s not him.  Not at all”

 

“Then what is it?”

 

I sighed.  “I don’t know.”

 

He looked at me with uncertainty.  “How can you be worried, if you don’t…”

 

“Do you remember how Lina looked, that night you helped me bring her into the hotel room, back in Washington.”

 

“Yeah, she had passed out.”

 

“Yeah, but it’s more than that with her.”

 

“What do you mean?’

 

“In all honesty, I don’t know how to explain it.  It’s so complicated.  Or maybe it isn’t.  I just don’t really know what the hell it is.”

 

“Start at the beginning.”  He persisted.

 

“I…I don’t even know where that would be.  I don’t know if it began with the nightmares, or the drinking.  If the nightmares led to the drinking, or the drinking led to the nightmares.”

 

“She has nightmares?”

 

“Yes.  All the time, well not anymore, kinda.”

 

“Maybe she should see a specialist.”  He suggested.

 

“She is.” I informed him.

 

“Your father.”

 

“Right.  But, they’re coming back.  She was fine.  She was doing so well for so long, but know all of a sudden, they are coming back.  And they seem to become more intense every time.”  I told him.  “She had one, just last night.”

 

“Does she tell you about them?”

 

“No.” I said, my aggravation growing.  “She won’t even acknowledge them.”

 

“Maybe she drinks to forget.”

 

“I don’t know why she drinks the way she does.  I just wish she’d stop.  And now, she like keeps taking those caffeine pills.”

 

“Their completely safe.”  He assured me.

 

“I know.  Everyone keeps saying that, and fine they’re safe.   I just don’t think she needs them.  Brian, you don’t know how many pills Lina use to take when she was under medication.”  I informed him.  “She hated it so much.  I just don’t understand why she would continue doing this to herself.  Why would she want to go backwards?  I just don’t get it.”

 

“Belle, sweetheart,” Brian said soothingly to calm me some.  “Of course she possibly couldn’t want to go back. Maybe she just can’t help it.  Maybe, she doesn’t know how to help it.  But you wanna know something?  She’s really lucky to have you, here, on tour with her.”  He paused, and then continued.  “You wanna know something else?”  He asked, placing his hand on my knee, sending a tingle up to my thigh.  “I’m really lucky to have you here too.”

 

I smiled pressing my lips to his.  We parted for a second, and then he kissed me again, harder this time.  Brian moaned, as he pulled me down on the bed with him.  The hand that had been on my knee traveled to my thigh, my waist, and then my chest, his fingers going around my breast.  When I didn’t withdraw, his hand moved towards the buttons on my shirt, I knew he had undone them when I felt his fingers against my skin.  I felt a touch of excitement rush through me, as he moved them slightly over my breast, then in and under my bra.  I lifted my upper torso, allowing him to remove my shirt.  His lips found mine again, but quickly moved down, down towards my neck and then he lowered his head, so his lips touched my breast.  I moaned and closed my eyes, arching my head back, feeling heat come to my face and breast, as he began to explore with the tip of his tongue.

 

He brought his lips back to mine, allowing me to run my hand over his shirt.  I felt him grow hard against my leg, as I slowly began to undo the buttons to his shirt.

 

I thought I had imagined it, but I was wrong.  “Brian,” I whispered running my hand through his soft auburn hair.

 

“Belle.”  He moaned back.

 

“No, Brian stop.”  I told him brining my hands to his chest, and gently pushing him away.

 

“Huh?  What?”

 

“Shhh, listen. Someone’s at the door.”  I said.

 

Through the gentle glow of the lamp on my nightstand, I saw his face grow with disappointment, as we both heard a second knock on the door.

 

“You’d better go answer it.”  He said, reaching above me to grab my shirt.

 

I put it back on, and walked over to the door.  I couldn’t imagine who it could be at this hour of the night.

 

“AJ?”  I said when I saw him standing there.  His eyes were red, either from his drunkenness, or the lack of sleep.  He was in his boxers, and they were pulled up the wrong way.  I didn’t open the door all the way, so as he wouldn’t discover Brian.

 

 “It’s Angelina.”  He said somberly.  “She’s in there crying, and she won’t stop.  I’ve tried everything calm her down.”

 

I rushed past him and went into his bedroom.  Lina was on her side; she had the comforter pulled up to her shoulders, covering her bare body.  She had been crying, and now she was sobbing.

 

“C’mon.”  I said, helping her up to her feet.  I had to wrap the comforter around her.  I led her back to our room.

 

“Isabelle, what’s wrong?  Was it me?”  AJ asked, his eyes full of concern as he looked at Lina

 

“No, AJ.  It has nothing to do with you.”  I assured him.  “She just gets like this sometimes.”

 

“Is she alright?”

 

“She’s fine.”  I told him.  Though of course I was lying.

 

“Are you sure?  Why is she crying?”

 

“I really don’t know, AJ.”  I said entering our room.  “You can ask her tomorrow.  Ok?”  I said, closing the door on him before he could answer.

 

Brian was still in the room when Lina and I got back.  After he, once again helped me tuck her in, he said.  “She’ll be fine.”

 

I wasn’t sure if he was asking me, or telling me, so I just nodded.  I sat on my bed, and closed my eyes.  Brian came over, and kissed the top of my head, while breathing in the smell of my hair.   He took me by the arm, pulled me up, enough to remove the bedspread.  I climbed into bed, and he pulled the bedspread over me.  Then he kneeled by my bed.

 

“Goodnight, Belle.”  He whispered, giving me another kiss on my forehead. 

 

“Thank you.”  I said.  “Goodnight.”

 

I closed my eyes and I heard him leave the room.  No, Brian…I thought.  I’m the lucky one to have you.

 

 

The sun was shining in through the window, warming my face as I awoke.  I shielded my eyes, as I saw Lina pull back the curtains letting the brightness in.

 

“Good morning sunshine.”  She said in a singsong voice.

 

“Feeling better?”  I asked, as she opened the full glass window that lead to the small balcony. 

 

“Yeah.”  She said back, extremely cheerfully.  I wondered what time she must have gotten up, because she was already dressed.

 

“Let’s go shopping.”  She said, out of the blue.  “Just us two.”  She said coming back in from the balcony, with a smile.

 

“Ok.”  I said.

 

“Here, I’ll order us room service while you go get ready.” She walked over to the phone, and started dialing.

 

I speculated what brought on this surge of vigor, considering what had happened the previous night.  But I wasn’t going to question it.

 

I walked into the shower, and turned the knobs.  As I was washing my hair, I thought about Brian.  I recalled the way he had touched me.  The sensation he had sent through my body.  I was so grateful he’d been there last night.  And I wondered, how much further we would have gone if AJ hadn’t interrupted us.  I also wondered about AJ.  How he was doing.  He seemed to be pretty shaken by the way Lina had acted last night.  And I didn’t blame him.  Sooner or later Lina was going to have to explain to him, what it was that happened to her when she relapsed.  But she was doing better this morning, unlike most mornings after a night like last night. 

 

When I stepped out of the bathroom, I realized that Lina’s all of a sudden rush of exuberance, was not brought one naturally.  She was by the nightstand, struggling with the bottle of caffeine pills.  “Lina, you really need to stop taking those things.”

 

“God, Isabelle,” she said still struggling with the cap.  “Let it go already.  The pills are harmless.  They’re just an energy boost, for those slow days we so often have…Dammit, this shit won’t open.”

 

“Did you already take them today?”  I asked her. 

 

“Yeah, and I think I closed it off too tight.”  She said, confirming my suspicion.

 

“Here, give ‘em to me.” I said.

 

She handed them to me, believing I was going to try to open them for her.  Instead, I walked over to the balcony, and with the free hand that wasn’t holding my towel in place, I flung the bottle out, over the edge.

 

“What the fuck you did that for?”  She asked, her eyes shocked.  “What’s wrong with you!”  She yelled walking over to the balcony and looking over.

 

“Nothing, I just don’t think you should be taking them anymore.”

 

“That has to be one of the stupidest things you’ve done, Isabelle.”

 

“Oh, and would you like me to list all of yours since we got on that plane from Canada.”  I yelled back.

 

“Yeah, why don’t you.  You know that’s what you’ve been dying to do.  You swear you’re little miss perfect.”

 

“Oh shut the fuck up, Lina!”  I yelled at her.  “You very well know, my life is far from that.”

 

“Not compared to mine, it isn’t.”  She said, her voice grim, as she calmed down.  “You can’t even begin to imagine the shit I’ve been through, Isa.”

 

“Then why don’t you tell me about it?  Maybe, maybe I could help.”  I declare to her as earnestly as I possibly could.  

 

She thought about that for a moment, then she walked over to the door, and before closing it as she left, she said.  “It would be like trying to save someone who’s already drowned.” Her voice was full of melancholy.  “Just not possible.” 

 

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