CHAPTER FORTY TWO-“Before We Say Goodbye”

 

“Enjoy your flight.” The attendant greeted as I handed her my ticket.

 

“Thanks.”  I said and then went inside to find my seat.  I made my way down first class. This would probably be the last time I get a privilege like this.  “Don’t say that, Isabelle.  You’ll become a wealthy writer someday and have plenty of money to splurge on things like first class.”  I said to myself.  Then added unenthusiastically.  “I can’t wait.”

 

I had a window seat, which I hated.  I wasn’t to thrill about planes, and window seats made me nervous.  I sat back and closed my eyes.  I let that long awaited sigh escape my lips; it was followed by a yawn.  I was tired and it was getting harder to keep my eyes open.  I looked down at my bag, the one that held Brian’s box.  I had to admit, I was afraid to open it.  What could it possibly hold that I didn’t already know?  What more did he have to say?  Really, at the moment I didn’t want to think about it.  I felt drenched and it was adding to my fatigue.  I had a long flight ahead of me, not to mention another flight directly after this one.  I had plenty of time to read the letter before I got to New York.

 

“Excuse me Miss, but is your seat belt fastened?”  A shapely, red headed, stewardess asked.  “The plane is about to take off and everyone must be fastened in.”

 

“Oh, I’m sorry.”  I said looking for the two straps that glided together.  I put them around my waist.

 

She gave me a courteous smile, then asked.  “Would you like anything to drink?” 

 

“Uh, no thanks.  I’m fine.”

 

“You sure?  You seem a little bit shaky?”

 

“I do?”  I asked, quickly alert with what I was doing.

 

“Well you’re clutching your backpack firmly.  I can put it in the overhead compartment for you if you’d like.  I promise, nothing will happen to it.”

 

“Oh,” I said slowly letting go of it.  “No, I’m not worried of anything happening to it.  I guess I could be a little jumpy cuz of the flight.  But really, I’m fine.”  I smiled.  “At least in a sense I am.”

 

She smiled back.  “Would you like something for that?  I could even get you something warm to drink.  It will relax you.”

 

“No really, I’m fine.  But thank you, I appreciate you asking.”

 

“Alright.  But anytime throughout the flight if I can help you, just let me know.”

 

“Thank you.”  I told her as she left.

 

“Ugh.”  I was holding on to the backpack too tightly.  I crashed it down on the empty seat next to me.  “Let’s think of something else…”

 

“S’cuse me, ma’am, but I think your bag is on my seat.”

 

“Oh I’m sorry,” I said picking it up and putting it on the floor near my feet.  I smiled at the little boy who sat down next to me.  He pulled his own backpack up to his lap. It was navy blue, and it was practically bigger than him. 

 

“Wow, that’s a lot of stuff you got in there.  Want me to put it in the overhead for you?”

 

“No thanks.”  He said.

 

I subtly laughed at how grown up he was trying to be. 

 

“Are you traveling by yourself?” 

 

“No, my mom is back there with my little sister.”

 

“Oh I see.”  I peeked my head back and I saw a lady coming down the isle. 

 

“Is my son bothering you?”  She asked.

 

“No, not at all.”  I told her with a smile.

 

She turned to her son.  “Now you behave and don’t give the young lady any trouble.”  She said fastening his seatbelt. 

 

“I won’t, mom.”

 

“Would you like to switch seats with me so you can sit next to him.  I don’t mind at all.”

 

“No, it’s ok.  I have my daughter back there.  Can I just ask you to keep an eye on him?  He’s really well behaved I just don’t want him to feel alone.”

 

 “Sure, I’ll be happy to keep him company.”  How funny is this, we all knew I was the one who was feeling alone.  He’d be keeping me company.

 

“Thank you.”  She said then left.

 

“So…are you on vacation to Canada?”  I asked trying to start a conversation with the little boy.

 

“No, I live there.  I was on vacation in O’lando.”

 

“Did you go to Disney?”

 

“Yes, twice.”

 

“That fun, huh?”

 

“Yup.”

 

“Did you go anywhere else?”  I asked, still trying to keep his interest.

 

“Yes, my aunt took me to a Backstreet Boys concert.”

 

I smiled, there was no forgetting it.  “Did you enjoy the concert?”

 

“It was ok.”

 

“Just ok?  Didn’t you have fun?”

 

“Yes, but all the girls wouldn’t stop screaming and I couldn’t hear the music.”

 

“Oh, well that can ruin a concert for you.  But overall it was a good show?”

 

“Yup, my favorite part is when Howie does his rap.”

 

I laughed recalling the moment.  That was one of my favorite parts too.  “Do you have a favorite, is Howie your favorite?”

 

“No, I like Brian, cuz he has my name and he sings the best.”

 

Again I smiled, the irony was killing me.  “Wanna know a little secret?”  I whispered to him.  He nodded, giving me his full attention.  “I like him the best, too.  And his name is really cool.”

 

The boy laughed and I laughed with him.

 

“So how old are you, Brian?”

 

“Six.”  He said raising all five fingers in one of his tiny hands and one finger from the other.  My birthday’s in August.  My mom is throwing me a big birthday party with a Pokemon cake.  You wanna come?”  He asked getting himself excited.

 

“I’d love to come.” I playfully told him.

 

He smiled.  “What’s your name?”

 

“Isabelle.”

 

“That’s a pretty name.”

 

“Why thank you Brian.”

 

I smiled as he took something out of his backpack.  He began showing me some of his Pokemon cards and some comic books.  Besides the fluky beginning, he was doing a good job of keeping my mind off certain things.  That is, till he fell asleep on my lap.

 

If we had had a little boy, would we have named him Brian?  I asked myself.  Brian Jr.…  Jr?…I’ve always thought that sounded so dorky.  I’ve always liked the name…Why do I keep doing this to myself?  Brian and I aren’t having kids…we can’t even have a relationship.  I looked down at my own backpack by my feet.  Every time I did I got tense.  I kept postponing Brian’s letter.  I was afraid of what he had to say, or at least how it would make me feel.

 

I opened the shade and found it to be raining.  There were tiny droplets of water on the glass.  I ran a hand through Brian’s black hair.  This is so depressing I thought, as I laid my head back on the seat and closed my eyes.

 

When I awoke I felt someone tugging on my sleeve. 

 

“I really need to go to the bathroom, Isabelle.”

 

“Oh ok, Brian.  Want me to go with you?”  I asked drowsily, still not up from my nap.

 

“No, I can do it myself.  But I want you to take off the seat belt, please.”

 

I did so, and little Brian jumped off the seat and ran to the bathroom. 

 

When he came back I asked if he wanted me to buckle the belt back on.  He said no, and went right for my lap where he slept throughout the duration of the flight.  I couldn’t go back to sleep.  I looked at my watch.  It was nearly three in the morning.  I wonder what everyone back in Orlando was doing. Lina was probably sleeping. I though about that for a moment.  What was I saying?  They were all out celebrating the success of the tour.  Especially with AJ and Lina, everything was a chance to party.  They were alike in so many ways it was scary.  But I was happy they’d found each other.  No one completes Lina more than he does.  I had a feeling they were gonna last.

 

AJ appeared at the right moment.  I could’ve never gotten through to her if he hadn’t been there for her, or had not wanted to be there for her.  It made me feel so much better knowing he was with her. 

 

“Attention passengers aboard flight 167.  This is your co-pilot speaking, in a few minutes we will be arriving at Ontario International Airport.  Please fasten your seatbelts as we prepare to land.”

 

I gently nudged Brian up.  “Hey buddy, we’re here.”  I said as he wearily wiped his eyes with the cuff of his sleeve.  He looked out the window as the plane descended.  It was still raining.

 

I helped Brian’s mom get him and his sister off the plane.  They were both still dazed from sleeping through the flight. 

 

“Thank you, Isabelle.  I really appreciated your help.  It would have made my life impossible having to watch over these two during that long flight.”

 

“Don’t worry about it Brian’s a great kid.”  Then kneeling down and turning to him I said.  “It was nice meeting you, Brian.”

 

“It was nice meeting you too.”  He whispered. 

 

I stood up and smiled, waving as they walked away.  It was now time to find my dad.  I looked at my watch.  I only had fifteen minutes till my plane took off again.  I quickly made my way to the next flight.  It was with a different airline so I had to go across to the other side of the airport.

 

I spotted my dad sitting in the waiting area reading a newspaper.  He waved as he saw me coming.

 

“Isabelle…” I heard a soft-spoken voice call from behind. 

 

“Brian?”  I said surprised.  I looked around for his mom but she wasn’t near by.  “Hey sweetie.  What happened?  Where’s your mother?”

 

He stuck out his hand to reveal a small piece of paper.  “I forgot to give you my telephone number.  You know, in case you want to go to my birthday party.”

 

“Oh…ok, Brian.”  I said taking the small piece of notebook paper from him.  “But really, you should hurry back to your mom before she starts to worry about…”

 

“There you are!”  We heard her cry from behind.  “How many times have I told you never to run off like that?”

 

“I'm sorry, Isabelle.  He ran off before I could stop him.”

 

“It’s ok.  Brian was just giving me his phone number so I could call him in case I was going to his birthday party.”

 

Again Brian nodded. 

 

“Oh.”  The mother said surprised that he had given a stranger his number.  But I reassured her.

 

“Yes, he gave me all five digits.” I said with a smile.

 

“Oh, ok.  I think someone might have a tiny crush on you.”  She said with a small laugh as she patted her son’s head. 

 

Brian just smiled.

 

“All passenger’s on the 237 to New York please check in.  The gates are now open.”

 

“That’s my flight.  I have to go.  But it was a pleasure meeting you, Brian.  And I’ll see what I can do about your birthday, but I can’t promise you anything since New York is just so far away from Canada.”  I told him with a smile.  I took out a pen and wrote down my number.

 

“Here you go.”  I said handing it to his mother.  If you wouldn’t mind he could call me for his birthday.  I’d love to wish him a happy birthday.”  I said then looked down at Brian, “Even if it is over the phone.”

 

“That’s really sweet of you.  Thanks.  Have a good flight.”

 

I smiled.  “Bye.”

 

“Hey sweetheart.”  My father said greeting me.  “Let’s board the plane.”

 

Again we sat in first class.  Something I really didn’t want to get accustomed to.

 

When we got settled in and the flight had taken off, my dad asked me.  “Who was that back there?”

 

“Just a little kid I met on my previous flight.”

 

He looked down at the piece of notebook paper I held tightly in my hand.

 

I smiled.  “He gave me his number.”

 

“Um, wasn’t he a bit young for you.”

 

“Funny…he wanted to invite me to his birthday party.” I said handing the paper to him.

 

“Brian?  What a coincidence.”  He said looking at the scribbled name on the paper.

 

I nodded.

 

“You only have five numbers here.”  He looked at me questioningly. 

 

“He was six years old, dad…”

 

“So how do you feel?”

 

I sighed, knowing he was referring to what I had just left behind. “…. I dunno.” 

 

“Did you guys say goodbye?”

 

“Yeah, we did.  He dedicated a song to me at the concert too.”

 

“I know, I was watching.  Beautiful song, don’t you think?” he said hinting at it.

 

“Yeah.  It was.”  And I just left it at that.  He knew if I wanted to peruse this topic, I’d be more open about it.  Brian was the last thing I wanted on my mind.  But the harder I tried to forget, the more things reminded me of him. 

 

Like that man that was sitting across from me on the other side of the plane, the first thing he did when he sat down was play with the tray trap.  Brian had a habit of doing that.  It gave him something to do while he tried to get his mind off the flight.  Then there was the lady in front of me who had asked the flight attendant for a cup of warm honey and lemon tea.  I would usually find him drinking some right before they went on stage.  It soothed his throat and softened his voice.  And then the little boy from the prior flight, “Ugh!”  Everything reminded me of him, I thought as I closed my eyes so I couldn’t focus on anything else that might make me think of Brian.  How was I suppose to get him outta my head, that’s when I realized I wasn’t.  Not ‘till I knew what Brian had to say…maybe it was time to read hi letter.

 

I unzipped my backpack and took out the small box Brian had given me.  Now that I took a closer look at it, I realized it was an attractive, black box, lined with a silver lining around the rim of the top.  He must have put a lot of thought into this.  The letter was on top of it kept there only by a thin, piece of string.  I unwrapped it out of the envelope and I could feel my heart begin to pound a few seconds faster as I read…

 

Dear Isabelle-

 

Beautiful and bittersweet is what we had…and if I had to do all over again I would have done things so differently...

 

I tried, God knows I tried to get to you, but I realize now, that was impossible… I screwed up.  And that is why I don’t want to upset you anymore with my sour excuses about lies, Leighanne, and anything else that changed the course of our path.  All I want is one last chance for you to hear me out.  And I figure the only way I’ll get that is by writing you this letter.  That way you don’t have to look at me and be reminded of the pain I caused you.

 

You’re like a sacred plea that came into my life when I most needed you.  We became one and it seemed it would last forever… I know you’ll always be a part of me and I like to think ill be a part of you as well.  I fell for you long before you even knew me on the very first day we met.  Once I saw your soft heavenly eyes gaze into me I surrendered to that feeling.  I saw you and no one else.

 

It’s so hard to face reality, to open up my eyes and not have you.  I’ll miss holding you and feeling your gentle skin pressed up against mine. I’ll miss running my fingers through your silken soft hair.  I’ll miss pressing my lips to yours and feeling how much you wanted me through just one kiss, but what I’ll miss the most is the way you’re eyes brightened when you saw me.  It showed me exactly just how much you loved me.  You were all I ever looked for in love and now you’re gone.

 

If there is one thing I want you to keep from this, it’s that please don’t ever believe I took advantage of you.  You gave me your body and soul and it’s the greatest offering anyone’s ever given me.  I’ll never feel that way with anyone again, I know that’s the truth.

 

I don’t want to believe you only truly love once in your lifetime because then I know for a fact I have nothing to look forward in my future.  I can’t believe I will ever feel this way towards anyone else…I never want to.  You were my one and only.

 

I know our love is through but I have to tell you my greatest fear is that I will reminisce of you for as long as I live.  That is why I am leaving it up to you.  You asked me…begged me to think about what I wanted, what I truly wanted, and I want you to see that my mind is made up…on you.  It’s you that I want…that I’ve always wanted…and that I always will want.  That’s why now it’s your turn to decide.  I want you to do the same thing you asked of me.  I want you to think…think about what it is that you truly want.  I want you to be sure that our love won’t go down in vain because of things that were out of both our control. 

 

Please…don’t deny me again…Belle, I love you.

-Brian

 

I folded the letter back the way he had, not making any added creases.  Then I ran the cuff of my sweater over my cheeks and wiped away my tears.  As I tried to put the letter back in the envelope I realized there was something else in there.  A small piece of paper.  With his number…his cell number…and the words, ‘call me’.  

 

I moved my hand over the small box then slowly opened it.  I felt as my breath caught in my throat.  I couldn’t believe it, but there in the box where the promise rings I had lost.  I took it into my hand and put it on my finger.  How had he found them?

 

“Sweetheart,” my father said sitting up in his seat.  “Are you alright, you look pale.”

 

“I'm fine…no,…I'm not, I need to make a call.” I said quickly reaching for my cell phone.  I dialed the number but the other end wasn’t ringing.  I tried it again but the same thing happened.  “Great, something’s wrong with my phone.  Dad, can I borrow yours?”  I asked but I was already reaching for it. 

 

“Who are you calling?”  He asked.

 

“Brian.”  I told him.

 

“I thought you only had five digits?”

 

I smiled.  “No, Brian…dad.  My Brian.”  I dialed the number on his phone.  It didn’t work either.  “Ugh!  Why won’t this stupid thing dial?”

 

“Can’t you wait till we land?”  He looked at his watch.  “We should be there soon.”

 

“No, I can’t.”  But I was going to have to.  Brian’s phone must be either off or under a bridge, because there was no frequency in either direction.

 

I was the first one out of my seat and heading for the door as soon as the plane touched base.

 

“Isabelle, relax.”  My father said as I tried both phones again.  “Nothing!  What’s going on with these phones?”

 

A well-dressed man in a business suit must have heard me, because he replied, “It’s the receptions given off by the monitors that bring in the planes.  I'm trying to make a call as well.  I need to let my wife know I'm here.  I know she said she’d wait for me at the airport.”

 

I conscientiously smiled, but I couldn’t help but not care that he couldn’t get through to his wife.  I needed to get through to Brian!

 

“Maybe you should try a pay phone.”  My dad suggested to him.

 

“Good idea dad!”  I said but that guy beat me to the nearest one.

 

“Isabelle, you’re insane.  Come on, maybe they have one by luggage claim.”

 

I nodded and followed my dad down the corridor.  I couldn’t believe how quickly my emotions had changed from when I got on the plane to now.  I wanted him back, I wanted to be with him again.  I knew we could work things out.

 

When we got there my dad went to where the conveyer belts were rotating luggage around, and I ran to the nearest pay phone.

 

Again I dialed the number it rang three times before he answered… “Hello?”

 

“Brian!”

 

“Isabelle, where are you?”

 

“We just landed in New York, I'm still at the airport.  Brian, I…”

 

“You called…”

 

“Yeah, I did.”

 

“Does that mean, you thought about it?”

 

“I didn’t have to Brian, I knew all along.  I was just…I dunno, afraid…”

 

“Afraid of what?”  He asked.

 

“I…I guess, of losing you again.”

 

The line went silent for a second, then he said.  “Do you remember that song, I sang to you the night you gave me my promise ring and so much more?  The one I played on my guitar for you?”

 

“Yes, I do.”

 

He began to say something or sing but the conversation was overcome by static.

 

“Brian, I'm sorry but I can’t hear you.”

 

“What was that, Isabelle?  I can’t hear you.  My phone’s breaking up.”

 

“Brian?”

 

“Sorry, I'm going to have to call you back…”

 

“Brian…no Brian, wait!”  The line went dead.

 

“What’s going on?” My dad said coming up to me.

 

“He hung up…I think…something about a bad connection.”

 

“Try your phone again.”

 

“No, he said he would call me…”

 

“Well ok, sweetheart.  Help me with the suitcases then.”  He said as I finally noticed he was struggling to carry three of our luggage. 

 

“Oh here, let me take one.”

 

“No, I got these.  Why don’t you go back and wait for your small one.  It’s the only one that’s missing.”

 

I walked back to the conveyer belt feeling strange or maybe it was more of a bewildered feeling.  Either way, again things felt as if they were happening without my control.  It was making it hard for me to focus.  All I could concentrate was on getting my suitcase so that we could get out of here and Brian could call me.  That was, till I heard someone humming a familiar tune.  It was faint but I could hear it, and I knew I had heard it before.  I saw my gray suitcase as it made its way slowly down the conveyor belt.  I extended my arm to reach for it, when a pair of hands out of nowhere, grabbed it.

 

“Hey!” I yelled to the stranger taking my luggage.  But he was no stranger, he was the one humming.  My cell phone dropped from my hand as I brought them up to my mouth to stop a cry from escaping.  He stood there, wearing dark blue jeans, a light leather jacket, and a blue, baseball cap with a giant K in the front.   He had a cell phone in his hand.

 

He smiled as he let go of the suitcase and took me by the hand and softly spoke.  “Don’t ever doubt, your trust in me.  I’ll give you my heart, so honestly.  Deep in my soul…Baby, you’ll find the truth.  I’ll never change…Girl, I promise you.  I’ll hold you…love you…I’ll never let your love go.  For always…I’ll stay…Just look in my eyes, and you’ll know.  Remember when I sang that to you, back on the night we gave ourselves to one another?  I meant every word I said that night to you, Isabelle.  I meant everything I said and did.”

 

I threw my arms quickly around him.  “Promise me, you’ll never stop singing to me.”

 

“I won’t.”  He softly whispered into my ear as he held me close.

 

But I loosened quickly from his embrace…“How…” was the only word that escaped my lips.

 

“I took the first flight I could find from Orlando straight to New York.”  He explained.

 

I shook my head in disbelief.  “But why?”

 

He laughed.  “What do you mean why?  Because of you.”

 

“How’d you know I would call?”

 

He stepped in closer, then said, “I didn’t.”  I saw his eyes gloss over and it was like a lump in his throat when he said the following words.  “I just prayed you would.”

 

The mere fact that he was here overwhelmed me and I couldn’t hold back my own tears anymore.  “I thought…I mean…aren’t you going with Nick and the rest of them to the Florida Keys for two weeks.”  I asked as I tried to calm myself down. 

 

He smiled.  “Belle, c’mon.  You know where I’d rather be.”  He said coming closer.

 

I nodded, and then looked up at him.  “I want you here too.”

 

He exhaled as he embedded his head on my neck, and hugged me close.

 

“I love you, Brian.”

 

With that he hugged me in tighter.  “I thought I’d never hear you say those words again.”  He cried.  Then he brought his lips to mine making my heart liquefy as I had longed so much to feel this way again.  As it goes, our story turned out to be more than just a temporary moment of bliss.

 

The End

 

 

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