CHAPTER FORTY ONE-“Two In A Million”

 

The phone rang bright and early the next morning, something by now we were accustomed to.  But this morning neither Lina nor I could bother to pick it up.

 

“Isabelle, you get it.  It’s closer to you.”  Lina said without moving.

 

I just pulled the covers over myself,  “We both know it’s for you.”

 

“But I can’t get up.  I feel like I got run over by a freight train.”  She cried.

 

Neither one of us moved, so the phone stopped ringing…then started up again.

 

“Lina would you get it! You know it’s Yvonne calling to wake you.”

 

“UGH!  Thank God this is the last day.  I don’t think I can take much more of this.”  She said flinging the covers off herself and getting up.

 

“Well quit complaining, because according to you THIS is exactly what you want to do with the rest of your life.  Remember, it has its ups and downs.”

 

“I know, I know…” she mumbled picking up the phone.  “Hello…yes, yes I’m up. I’m hitting the shower right now then I’ll meet you downstairs.  What…you know that’s impossible.  You call him and wake him up, I’ll never manage to do it.  Yes…I know you’ll probably end up killing him, but I refuse to wake AJ up, then he’ll be grumpy and moody at me the entire day.  Ok then…bye.”  She put the phone back on the stand.  “Ugh, I’m so tired.”

 

“What time did you get in last night?”  I asked her, my head was still under the covers.

 

“You mean this morning.  I got in around four.”

 

I raised my head and glanced at the clock.  “It’s seven.  You must be dying.”

 

“Duh!”

 

“Well, I can see you didn’t drink last night.”

 

She smiled and sat on the corner of my bed.  “How can you tell?”  She asked.

 

“Well, I know you didn’t exceed on the alcohol.  You definitely wouldn’t be able to get up this morning.”

 

“I didn’t drink at all.”  She said proud of herself.  “AJ didn’t drink either.  Just because.”  She said happy with the thought that he willingly restrained himself for her.

 

“I’m happy you’re happy.”  I told her.

 

Her eyes beamed.  “I am.  I feel like I did a complete turn around.  Thanks.”

 

“Awwe.  You don’t have to thank me.”  I told her sitting up.  “You did it.”

 

“Thanks.”  She repeated earnestly, this time wrapping her arms around me.

 

I hugged her back.

 

“I’m gonna miss you.”

 

“I’m gonna miss you too.”  I said letting go of her and looking at her face.  “Oh my God, you’re already crying.”  I said laughing, but I could feel my eyes beginning to well up just by looking at her.

 

“You better write back!”  She ordered with a smile.

 

“What are you talking about, you don’t write to begin with.”  I told her with a small laugh.

 

She laughed too.  “Well, you better call me…a lot.”

 

“I will.  I’ll call constantly.”  I told her.

 

“Good…I will too.”

 

Even though she had to go get dressed so she could rehearse some more at the venue, she took it in stride.  She laid down on my bed and closed her eyes saying, “I just need a couple of more minutes and I’ll be set to go.”

 

I nodded and did the same.  “So…I’m guessing you had fun last night.”

 

“Yeah, we did.  Everyone was pissed at you though.”  She told me.

 

“You told them I had a headache.  Right?”

 

“Yeah, I lied for your ass.”

 

“I did have a headache!  I wasn’t feeling well at all last night after we came back from the mall.”

 

“Yeah, well, I know the real reason you didn’t want to go and you know what…he wasn’t there either.  He had a...ahem…headache as well.”

 

“Brian wasn’t there?”  I asked quickly.

 

“No, you could have gone.  It was rude of you, Isabelle.  Everyone was really looking forward to taking us both out.  Especially you since your leaving today.”

 

“I know.  Now I feel bad.  I just didn’t want to…you know bump into anyone.”

 

“Will you quit ignoring him!”  She burst.

 

“I am not ignoring him.”  I defended.  “I have no reason to ignore him.  I’m just avoiding any contact with him, that’s all.”

 

“How mature.”  She muttered.

 

“Whatever.  I don’t care, after tonight I can live, breath, and sleep something else.”

 

“Yeah, because the fact that you won’t be seeing him everyday will take him away.  You’re kidding yourself.  You know you care about him too much.”

 

“I never said I didn’t.  I just…I just don’t want to talk about this ok.  I already told you and Kristin.  I know why I did what I did.  I know it’s the best thing for me.”

 

“Fine.”  She said getting up from the bed quickly and grabbing a towel.  “You’re wrong, and you know you’re wrong.  And what’s more, you’re denying it.”

 

“Wow, you should become a psychiatrist.”  I sarcastically said.

 

“I’ll think about it if this singing thing doesn’t work out.” She continued walking into the bathroom and closing the door behind her.

 

Later that day after rehearsals, Lina and I were in the elevator heading for the hotel dinning room.  Management had set up before the concert a sort of late lunch, early dinner thing.  I’m sure there was some fancy name for it but I had no idea what it was. 

 

Everyone was gathered there, including all five Backstreet Boys, the band and dancers, the management team as well as some representatives from Jive and Sony.  The same short, bald man that had been at the welcoming dinner back in December when this all first started was here as well.  It looked as thou he would be giving another speech. 

 

Lina and I followed Yvonne to our table and sat down.  The man began.  “Well, was there any skepticism?”  He began.  “That this tour would be another success for our Boys.” 

 

Everyone applauded and cheered.

 

“Wait…” he said letting everyone know they should be quiet again.  “Let’s not forget the success of Columbia’s new recording artist.  On behalf of Tommy Mottola, welcome.”  He said looking at Lina.

 

“Oh my God!”  Lina shirked covering her mouth with her hands.  “I’ve been signed?”  She asked turning to Yvonne.

 

“Ugh!”  Yvonne sighed.  “I wanted to be the one to tell you.  Yes, you’re official now.  When we get upstairs, you can sign the three year contract with Sony/Columbia.”

 

Lina’s blissfulness radiated through her face.  “I can’t believe it.”  She cried.

 

“Oh please.  Like there was any doubt.”  AJ said confidently leaning over and giving her a kiss on the lips.  The rest of the boys and Kristin were seated across from us at the table.

 

“Thank you.”  Was all Lina mustered as everyone congratulated her.

 

“Well, let’s all wish tonight’s performers the best of luck and hope everything turns out for the best.  With that said, enjoy your meal.”

 

Again everyone applauded and cheered.

 

Lina’s face was still flustered.  The news had overwhelmed her, even though it really had been more than expected by all of us.  The response Lina was getting from the public was amazing.  BSB fans had either loved her or hated her.  But the talent was there.  And you couldn’t deny that.  By the middle of the tour audiences were singing along with her.  And her songs still hadn’t been recorded.

 

Waiters and waitresses began serving the tables.  Lina and I looked at each other with puzzlement when a plate stacked with pancakes and toast was placed in front of us.

 

“Ok, does anyone else find it unusual that they’re serving breakfast now?”  Lina asked.

 

Yvonne rolled her eyes as she sighed.  “Why don’t you ask them what this lunacy is all about.”  She said pointing to the Backstreet Boys.

 

Lina and I looked at them for an answer. 

 

“It was my idea.”  Nick said with a smug smile.

 

“What are you talking about?”  AJ cut him off.  “You didn’t come up with it, Howie did.  He’s the one that suggested that we have a late breakfast today.”

 

“Well that was the obvious thing to do, after I said today was the girls last day in Orlando.”  Nick pointed out.

 

“What?  Man you’re crazy.  Go back to singing your Nstync, ok.”  AJ shot at him.

 

“Since when does Nick listen to Nsync?”  Yvonne asked curiously.

 

We all laughed.

 

Nicks mouth dropped.  “Shhh…I thought we agreed we wouldn’t mention that in public.”  Then turning to Yvonne, “I don’t.  C’mon, you know that.”

 

“Whatever.”  AJ left it at that and turned back to us.  “Howie thought it would be nice since we wouldn’t see you tomorrow Isabelle, that we’d have our last breakfast here as a group.”

 

“Thanks Howie.”  I smiled at him.

 

He smiled back and said, “It’s just to say we loved having you come along on this tour, and we’re going to miss you.”

 

“Awwe, that’s really sweet.  I’ll miss you guys too.  I had a wonderful time.”  I said.  And that was the truth.  I did have a great time on this tour.  That didn’t mean I couldn’t wait to leave it all behind.

 

“When’s your flight?”  Howie asked.

 

“I’m taking the red eye to Canada.  I leaves around 11 tonight.”

 

“You mean you’re not staying for the concert?”  AJ asked.

 

“No,” I shook my head.  “I have to leave before then.”

 

“That really sucks.”  Nick added taking a bite of his toast.

 

“Yeah, I’m sorry.  I would have loved to have been at the last show.”  I told them.

 

“Don’t be sorry.”  AJ said to me. “You’re not the one who booked the flight.”  He said staring at Yvonne.

 

“AJ, don’t start with me.”  She said.

 

I laughed.  And she turned to me.  “Isabelle, if you want you can go to the concert and I’ll have the cab pick you up there.  Of course you won’t be able to catch the entire thing, but you can see most of it.”

 

“Um, I have to pack still.”  I said as an excuse.  But I saw everyone’s eyes on me and I didn’t want them to think I didn’t appreciate what they’d done for me.  “But if I get it all done in time, I’ll let you know, so you’ll know where to send the cab.”

 

She smiled, “Alright.”  And then said to Lina,  “You should go get ready after this.  I think they want you there half an hour before the concert begins so they can run some test on your mic.” 

 

“Again?”  Lina whined. 

 

“Yes again.  So eat quickly.”

 

When the breakfast/lunch/dinner was over, Kristin and I followed Lina back to our room.  She was going to shower before getting ready tonight.  When we got to our door, we saw Howie and Brian were coming in the opposite direction.

 

“Isabelle, can I talk to you for a second?”

 

“Ah, not right now, Brian.  I really need to pack.”  I lied.  Kristin and Lina gave me an odd look before going in.

 

“It won’t take more than a sec.”  He restated. 

 

“Alright, what is it?” 

 

“Come to the concert tonight.”  He said.

 

“Brian, I don’t know.  I don’t want to…”

 

“Please, just say you’ll be there.  Just so I can say goodbye before you go.”

 

“You can do that later on when all the guys come over and do that.  I really have to finish packing and get all my…”

 

“Just be there.  Please Isabelle, please.”  He begged.

 

Before I opened my mouth to decline once again, he added.

 

“Just say you’ll think about it, at least.  Don’t answer me right now ok, just think about it.”

 

I nodded and went in.

 

“You know,” Lina began after I had closed the door behind me,  “You’ve turned into such a liar.  You know it won’t take you that long to pack.”

 

“You were eavesdropping!”  I cried.

 

“Duh, and stop acting like you’re surprised; you’ve eavesdropped on me all the time.”

 

“Have not!”

 

“Liar.”

 

“Fine whatever.”  I finished.

 

“Yeah, whatever.    She fired back.

 

Kristin looked up from my airline ticket she was checking out.

 

“Whatever.”  Lina continued.  “That’s been your response to everything lately.  Can you at least come up with something new!”  She said bluntly.

 

Kristin looked from her to me.

 

“What is your problem?”  I asked taken a back with her sudden change in attitude. 

 

“The way you’ve been acting lately.  It’s so not you, and it doesn’t flatter you’re personality either.”

 

“What’s that suppose to mean?”  I asked.

 

“Ok you two need to time out.”  Kristin said standing up.  “Stop arguing.  You know you aren’t actually mad with each other.”

 

Lina looked at Kristin and said.  “Fine,” then turning to me, she said in a more relaxed tone.  “Just try to be a little nicer to him.  I mean, I feel bad for him, I feel bad for the both of you.”

 

“I have to back her up on this one Isabelle.  It won’t kill you to just go to the concert, that’s all he’s asking.”

 

“I said I would think about it.  And I will.”

 

“Will you really?”  Lina asked questioning.  “Or will you pretend to think about it, and not show up.”

 

I looked over at my nearly filled suitcase on my bed.  In reality all it needed was to be closed and it was ready to go.  I plopped myself down next to it.  “It’s not that simple, for me.”  I told them.  “It still hurts you know.”

 

“We know sweetheart.”  Kristin said putting one arm around me.  “But he’s willing to give it another try.  And you can’t tell me you no longer want to be with him, because then it wouldn’t hurt so much.”

 

“Kristin, the Brian that I love, is gone, and that’s what hurts.  My Brian would have never said any of those things he said back in that room.  I use to stay up at night crying because I wanted nothing more than to be with him, now I cry because I can have him, but he’s just not the same.”

 

“Isa, you were in love with him.”  Lina began.  “And it’s obvious he was in love with you.  So he made a mistake, you did too.  You both were deceived into losing trust in each other; after everything you went through to try to get him back, you’re going to give up?”

 

“What am I suppose to do?”

 

“Give your heart another chance.  If you’re so afraid to lose him, give him everything you have.”

 

“I already did that Lina.  I gave him everything I had.  Everything.”  I said referring to something I never thought I’d be giving up till I married.  “Guys, I loved him, I loved him completely and eternally. What if I do lose him again, what more can I give him, I don’t think it’s impossible to love him more than I already do”

 

“If you keep thinking that way, of course you’re going to lose him.”  Lina said to me.

 

“Well what if…what if he does leave, then what?”

 

“Then.”  She said carelessly, “You’ve lost him.”

 

“And then what do I have left?”  I cried.  “I can’t go through all that shit again.  It was horrible.”

 

Lina looked over from me to Kristin, and said.  “I don’t know, then.”

 

That was Kristin’s cue to take over.  No matter how much Lina and I said we knew, Kristin knew twice as much. “Then, you’ll have your memories, and you won’t ever find yourself wondering what could have been, if you’d giving, not him, but yourself a second chance.”

 

I thought about what she was trying to tell me. “I know you two are just trying to help, but your advice doesn’t seem to take away the pain.”

 

“I’m sorry to be the one to break it to you hun, but sometimes that just comes with being in love.”

 

How sad I thought that if Kristin was speaking the truth, this wouldn’t be the first or the last time I would ever feel pain because of love.

 

An hour before show time, the fourth floor of the hotel room was in complete chaos.  There were people running around everywhere trying to get everything ready before they headed out to the venue.

 

I watched as Lina’s make-up artist did some last touches on her face in the hotel room.  “Come in.”  Lina cried when there was a knock on the door.

 

“Hey girls.”  AJ cried as he they all came in.  “We’re just getting ready to head out to the venue.  You ready for tonight?”  He asked turning to Lina.

 

She got up from the make-up chair and put one arm around his waist.  “Ready as I’ll ever be, I guess.  I’m so nervous.  It feels like this is the first time I’m doing this.”

 

“Whoa!”  AJ said pretending to push her away.

 

She laughed.  “Don’t worry, I’m not going to let it all out.  I’m not feeling that bad.  But this is live, baby.  You know how many people will be watching tonight?  Yvonne said millions!  Do you know how many people that is?”  she rhetorically asked.

 

“Uh, a lot?”  Nick said with a laugh.

 

“You know I’ve never found you funny, Nick.”  Lina told him.

 

“Quit lying to yourself.”  He replied.  “You know you love me.”

 

“Yeah keep telling yourself that.”  She said back.

 

“Ok, children.  We have a show to do.”  Howie said breaking them up.

 

AJ laughed.  “Sorry babe if we don’t share the same nervousness as you, but this is nothing new to us.  Trust me,” he said kissing the top of her head.  “You’re a natural.  You’ll get use to it.”

 

“So you’re not nervous at all?”  Lina asked him.

 

“Nope.”

 

“Yeah right, bullshit!”  She told him.

 

He just laughed.

 

“So Isabelle,” Howie said turning to me.  “What’s the verdict?”

 

“Oh, I’m not sure.  I don’t think so.  I’m going to be cutting it close if I do go to the concert.  It’s better if I stay here.”

 

The room was filled with a whole bunch of “Awwe c’mon.”  but Kevin immediately took control. “Guys, if she can’t.  She can’t.”  He said looking directly at me.  Though he was taking my side, his glare was questioning.

 

“I’m sorry guys.”

 

“It’s ok babe.  We had a blast hanging out with you.”  Nick said coming over and giving me a hug.

 

“I had fun too.”  I said hugging him back.

 

“Good luck at school.” 

 

“Thanks Nick.”

 

“Yeah Isabelle, like I said before.  It was wonderful having you on the tour.”

 

I wrapped my arms around Howie, giving him a kiss on the cheek.  “You guys were really great with me. Thanks Howie.”

 

He nodded and smiled as he gave me another kiss on my cheek.

 

“Babe,” AJ cried as he wrapped his arms around me, his hug more intense than Nick’s and Howie’s.  “It’s been real, sweetheart.”

 

“Thanks AJ, for everything.  You’ve been amazing for us, the both of us.  Thank you.”

 

“Doll, it was more than a pleasure having you come along with us.  Thank you to you too.  Don’t worry about her.  I’ll never let her out of my sight.”   

 

I hugged him tighter resting my head on his shoulder.  I knew I didn’t even have to mention it, he would take good care of Lina for me.

 

Kevin’s goodbye was shorter than the others, there was still an uncomfortable barrier between us. I knew he didn’t feel the same way about me as before, but still it was weird.  He gave me a small kiss on the cheek and a quick hug, then said. “It really was a pleasure having you here with us.”  Then he handed me a piece of paper with his home and cell phone number.  “Keep in touch.  You hear.”

 

I smile and nodded at him. 

 

Finally I turned and looked at Brian.  He was standing near the dresser with his hands folded across his chest.  He uncrossed them and walked up to where I was.

 

“Guys, maybe we should leave them alone.”  Kevin suggested.

 

“No it’s ok Kev.”  Brian quickly told them.  “I’m just going to say goodbye.”  I looked at the intensity in Brian’s eyes.  For some reason it made my pulse quicken.  “Like the rest of the guys said, it was wonderful having you with us.  And I wish things could have gone differently, but everything happens for a reason.  And if I could go back and make your stay with us more pleasant, I would.  We’re going to miss you.”

 

With that he cautiously wrapped his arms around me and gave me a subtle squeeze.  But I held him back, and then whispered,  “I’ll miss you too.”

 

“Ok, guys ready for a kick ass show!  Let’s go!”  AJ said as they all hyped themselves up and walked out of the room.

 

“I really wish you would come tonight.”  Brian said before he got ready to follow the rest out the door.

 

“You know I…” I began to lie.

 

“It’s ok,” He said grabbing hold of my hand.  “I understand if you don’t want to.  But I just want you to know I really want you there.”

 

I nodded though I couldn’t bring myself to look him in the eyes. 

 

He slowly let go of my hand.  “Well, I guess goodbye then.”

 

“Goodbye, Brian.”  I said back as he walked out and closed the door.

 

I heaved a sigh, and solemnly walked back to my bed where my suitcase laid.  I still had to pack some of my stuff that was mixed in with Lina’s.  As I shuffled through the clothes dividing them in two piles, Lina’s and mine, I brushed up besides something that was neither of ours.  I held up the nightshirt I had borrowed from Brian one night.  New Years Day to be exact.  Thought nothing had happened, it had been the first time we’d slept together.  I brought it up to my face.  It had lost his scent but I didn’t need it to recall it.  That along with everything else Brian had meant to me would be locked up in a fraction of my heart.  Maybe I shouldn’t take the nightshirt with me, I thought to myself.  I mean, why would I.  But the truth was that’s exactly what ended up happening.  I packed it into my suitcase and zippered it up.

 

I looked at my watch and then picked up my suitcase and carried it to the living room.  I sat down at the couch, and turned on the TV; the concert would be starting soon.  The commentator introduced Lina and her performance went on without flaw.  She looked great and more importantly she performed great.  The crowd loved her and I knew most people watching did too.  Like I’ve always said, love her or hate her, you can’t deny she’s got talent.  Tonight she made everyone on her team proud.

 

The phone rang.  I could only imagine it would be Yvonne calling to let me know what time to expect my cab. 

 

“Hello?”

 

“How was I?”  Lina asked.

 

“Eh, ok I guess.”  I teased her.

 

“Just ok?”

 

“Yeah, like you need me to stroke your ego.  You mean the 15000 screaming fans at the stadium didn’t do it for you?”

 

“It’ll never mean as much to me as what you think.”

 

“Amazing.”  I told her.

 

“Thanks.  So when do you leave?”  she asked.

 

“Soon I guess.”

 

“Hello?”  Someone else’s voice sounded from the phone.

 

“Hello?”  I asked a bit confused.

 

“It’s me, Kristin. I can’t believe you’d actually leave without saying goodbye to me.”

 

I gasped.  Shit, she was right. She hadn’t been here before.  “Where were you before, when everyone else was here saying bye.”

 

“I don’t know.  But you can’t leave without saying goodbye to me.  I’ll never speak to you again!”

 

I laughed.

 

“So hurry up and get down here.  We’ll wait for you backstage.”  She told me.

 

“What?!  You’re kidding right.  You’re not gonna make me go down there.”

 

“C’mon.  After all we shared you’re just gonna leave and not say anything.  How rude is that Isabelle.”

 

“Ooh, you guys think you’re smart.”  I shook my head realizing just how slick my friends could be.  “You guys planned this didn’t ya.  I should just leave without saying goodbye.  It would serve you two right.”

 

“You would never!”  Lina cried taking the phone away from Kristin.

 

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.”  I said with a sigh.

 

“So I guess see you in a few?”  she asked.

 

“Yes, I’ll meet ya backstage.  You guys are simply evil.”

 

“Yeah, complain later.  Get here quick, ok.  See you soon.”

 

“Bye.”

 

“I can’t believe I’m going to the concert.”  I said to myself, as I grabbed my suitcase, turned off all the lights in the hotel room, and closed the door behind me.

 

Both Lina and Kristin had ridiculously silly grins on their faces when I got there. 

 

“You aren’t mad are ya?”  Kristin quickly asked.

 

“Ugh, of course not.”  I truthfully told them.

 

“Good, so c’mon now you have time to watch the concert here.”

 

“No guys, I really don’t want to.  I know you guys think this is for the best but I just want to leave it all behind me when I go.”

 

“Isabelle, relax.”  Lina said grabbing my hand.  Kristin took hold of the other.  “You have time before your flight, since you’re here, you might as well stay and enjoy the concert.”

 

I looked at her.  She knew I didn’t want to stay.  And she knew why.  But they were both dragging me, and I was tired of resisting.

 

We took seats near Yvonne.  She was off to the side near the sound guy.  There was also a small screen by her where she could see how the concert was being televised.  She smiled when she saw me. 

 

“I’m glad you decided to come.”  She said.

 

“Like I had a choice.”  I retorted back but she didn’t hear me.  So I just smiled back.  I sat down with the female version of Frick and Frack on either side of me.

 

“Just sit, enjoy.”  Lina said.

 

I rolled my eyes at her then turned to Yvonne.  “How long do I have?”

 

“About half an hour.”  She told me. 

 

I nodded.  “I left my suitcase in the back.”

 

She nodded.  “Not a problem.”

 

“See.”  Lina and Kristin said simultaneously.   “Not a problem.” 

 

They looked at each other.  “She’ll thank us later on.”  Kristin said to Lina.

 

“I know she will.”

 

Again I rolled my eyes at them.  But they just continued to smile impishly.

 

This show was pretty much the same as the past zillion ones I’d been to, except for the added people, lights, and TV equipment.  They ran into a technical problem in the beginning of the next number.  The piano had gotten stuck and it wasn’t coming down.  Luckily, Mindi, the only girl in the Backstreet band, improvised and played a quick saxophone version of As Long As You Love Me while they tried to fix the problem.  It didn’t take them long to do so, and no one out in TV Land noticed the flaw.  Kevin did his little thing on the piano, and soon the boys finished with Back To Your Heart.

 

I looked at my watch.  I had only a couple of minutes before my cab arrived.

 

“Ok guys, I think I should go.  If I stay for the next number I’ll be cutting it close.”

 

“NO!”  They both shouted loudly.

 

“Um…I came, I enjoyed, now I need to go before I miss my flight.  Walk me backstage so I can say bye to the both of you.”

 

“Just stay for this number.  You can’t leave yet.”

 

“Why not?”  I asked Kristin.

 

“Look.”  She said pointing up to the stage.

 

I watched as the guys came forward and stools were brought out for them to sit on near the piano.

 

“What’s going on?”  I asked not recalling this part of the concert.

 

No one answered me back, instead we heard Howie’s voice as he spoke out to the crowd.

 

“How you doing out there tonight, Orlando.”  He cried.

 

That of course was followed by hordes of screams.   The guys loved it.  They each took a seat on a stool, and Kevin played a key on the piano to quiet the crowd down. 

 

“We have a special treat for you guys tonight.”  Kevin began.  “Because tonight you guys here and everyone out there watching will be the first to hear a brand new song no one’s heard before.”

 

Again, more screams.  

 

Kevin smiled and continued.  “But you guys have to do me a favor.  At the end of the song let us know how much you like or dislike the song, and if you guys think it should be included in the next album due out in a year.”

 

Another mess of high-pitched screams followed that.

 

“Good.”  Brian began, taking over.  “Now this new song, Kevin literally wrote a couple of days ago.”

 

The crowd acknowledged that with clapper and cheer.

 

“Yeah!  Give it up for Kev.”  AJ cried, as the rest of the guys goofed off pretending to bow down to Kevin.

 

The crowd got louder.

 

“So we still haven’t mastered it completely,” Brian continued.  “But we’ll give it our best shot.  Ok?”

 

The crowd showed their enthusiasm and the boys looked at each other with approval. 

 

“Shhh…” Brian shushed with a smile, and the crowd obeyed.  “Now on a personal note, this song holds a lot of meaning to me.”  His voice lost the cheerful tone to it and now sounded more affecting.  “In the last couple of months I’ve done some things that, well, I’m not very proud of.  And I’ve hurt someone that…even though they might not believe this, I care very deeply about.”

 

“Awwe!”  Came from the majority of the girls in the stadium as Kevin begin the intro on the piano.

 

The crowd remained silent, surprised by Brian’s declaration.  I saw his face scan over to where we were sitting; I knew he couldn’t see me because of the spotlight that was being beamed over him. 

 

“Is he talking about Leighanne?” I heard a girl whisper to someone behind me.

 

Stunned, I looked over at Kristin and Lina. 

 

“What’s he doing?”  I asked nervously.  Everything seemed to be moving so fast.

 

They both gave me a wary smile, while Angelina said.  “Just hear him out, babe.”

 

I crossly looked back at her.  “Lina, this isn’t fair.  You guys tricked me!”

 

“We couldn’t think of any other way.  You weren’t giving him a chance.”

 

I looked back out at Brian.  I was unsure of what to do.  I just didn’t know.  Did I want to get up and walk out or did I want to stay.

 

Brian made that decision for me as he said.  “There’s someone very special here tonight, and I just want to let her know…I’m sorry and that I truly do love her.”

 

I was glued to the chair, with his words he held me back. My eyes followed Brian’s every move as he walked back to the piano and took a seat.  I felt my stomach go tense and I could swear my heart had stopped beating.  I couldn’t understand why I felt so nervous, that is till I saw Brian bring the microphone to his lips.  His hands were shaking so fast that he could barely hold on to the mic.  I was afraid he would drop it.  He had a leg propped up on one of the stems that held the stool together.  That too was shaking hard.

 

He closed his eyes and softly, almost as if it were a lullaby and he was afraid of disrupting the audience, he began to sing. 

 

“Even the lover, makes a mistake sometimes.  Like any other fall out and lose his mind…”

 

He slowly opened his eyes and scanned for me down below.  He knew exactly where I was seated, but the glare from the light prevented him from seeing me.  I on the other hand could see him perfectly and even though he might not have known it, we were looking directly at each other.  I could see the desire in his eyes as he continued to sing, to me.

 

“…And I’m sorry, for the things I did.  For your teardrops over words I said.  Can you forgive me and open your heart once again…Oohh yeah.”

 

“Its true, I mean it.”  The rest of the guys joined him in softly singing.  “From the bottom of my heart. Yeah it’s true.  Without you I would fall apart.”

 

I listened carefully.  This wasn’t fair.  I was almost out of here.  All I needed was to get on that plane and forget about the last couple of months.  I had it all worked out.  I would focus solely on my studies.  For sure any thought I had left of him would diminish soon enough.  I didn’t need this right now.  Did he really think he could win me over with a song?  How many times before had he not sang to me.  Didn’t he know…I am afraid to open my heart.  I knew…deep down I wanted to, I wanted him to win me over.  I wanted to feel how I had that night when we’d made love.  I wanted that feeling of security back, I wanted to feel his lips on mine once again, but I’m afraid. 

 

“Whatever happened, I know that I was wrong.  Oh yes.  Can you believe me; maybe your faith is gone.”  AJ sang, then Brian took over again.

 

“But I love you, and I always will.  So I wonder, if you want me still.  Can you forgive me, and open your heart once again. Ooh yeah. ”

 

“Its true,”

 

“Yes it’s true.”  AJ echoed as he got up from his stool and went closer to the crowd.  The rest of the guys did the same.

 

They re-sang the chorus to the beautiful song.  The crowd was so silent, that the boys echo could be heard in the dome shaped venue.  Usually that wasn’t a good thing, but no one in the audience wanted to interrupt the guys so they continued with their stillness. I would say everyone was as mesmerized as me, but I wasn’t paying attention to anything but Brian up on that stage. 

 

I continued to watch as Brian walked across the stage…away from me, and sang into the camera.  Lina and Kristin quickly motioned for me to look at the screen near Yvonne.

 

These were the exact same words Brian had spoken to me the other night. But this time it wasn’t the words he was saying that I was listening to, but the music that was coming from his heart.  It was in his eyes.  His lips were moving, and the words he said were moving, but it was the look in his eyes that touched me.  I could see the throbbing pain he was feeling, the emptiness and the longing, the lonesomeness and the fear.  He too was scared, and that’s why he was shaking up on that stage.  How he managed to keep his voice steady was beyond me, because only I could tell he was falling apart on the inside.  And I knew exactly how that felt.  He was yearning for me, like I had for him.

 

“Sing it for her Rok!”  I heard AJ cry as all the other members took a step back in the shadow and let Brian do his thing. They were zooming in on Brian as he prepared to sing the bridge.

 

“I’d do anything to make it up to you…so please understand.”

 

I heard his sweet, sincere voice reach out to me.  I traced a finger down the side of Brian’s face on the screen.  Then, I gently pretended to wipe the tear that streamed down his cheek.  I was so caught up with him, that I didn’t realize the ones that ran down mine till the saline taste hit my lips. “I love you.”  I mouthed to him as he continued to sing.  “But it just can’t be.”  I could hide my feelings from everyone around me, but as hard as I tried I couldn’t fool myself.

 

“And open your heart once again…” 

 

“It’s true!”  All the guys sang in unison while Nick held the note.  The silence that had been withheld was broken, and the girls went wild.  Inside I felt I was ready to explode.  The simplest song was bringing me to my knees as I went back and slowly sat down in my seat for fear that I would fall.

 

“I can’t believe how much I need him.”  I whispered to myself as I looked back up to the stage…  Their voices became meshed with the girls in the crowd.  Some of the astute ones quickly picked up the chorus and sang along with the guys.  The others screamed and shrieked as loudly as they could.  It didn’t matter; their voices were one in the same.  At least to me they were.  My mind was somewhere else. 

 

The girls continued to cry as the song came to an end.  It was unanimous, not a person in the stadium was left sitting.  They jumped and screamed showing their praise for the new song. The guys up on stage held a solid smirk across their faces as they took simple bows.  They all did except for one, Brian.  I saw him look in our direction, but he wasn’t staring exactly at me.  As soon as they finished receiving their admiration for a song well done, I saw them quickly jump off the stage and head under to change.  Brian was the first to go.

 

“Isabelle!”  Lina quickly cried.  “He’s going to meet you in the back.”  I saw Lina and Kristin give each other a calculating look when they saw that I had been crying.

 

I nodded, not exactly knowing how everyone had an indication of what was going on except for me.  I could see they’d had this all planned out very well.

 

“Isabelle, you have no time.  You’re cab should be outside waiting for you by now.  You’re flight leaves in less than thirty minutes.” Yvonne pointed out.

 

I looked back at her as I walked away as quickly as I could towards the rear of the venue. 

 

“Isabelle,” She cried out as she followed behind.  “Don’t you dare miss you’re flight!”

 

“I won’t!”  I shouted back to her, now walking at a quicker pace.  Soon I found that I was running towards the exit.  When I got there, I saw my suitcase where I had left it.  Yvonne, Lina and Kristin were directly behind me. 

 

“Carl!”  Yvonne rapidly called one of the roadies over.  “Take Isabelle’s bag out back to the car that’s waiting.”

 

Carl, a scrawny, blonde headed kid who looked younger then he actually was, did as she’d said.

 

“Where is he?”  I asked turning to Kristin.

 

She shook her head, unsure of the answer.

 

Yvonne looked at her watch.  “Isabelle, you can’t wait any longer. You’ll miss your flight.”

 

I looked one last time towards the stage door.  No sign of Brian.

 

“Are you sure he said to meet him here?”

 

Lina looked baffled at Kristin.  “I believe that’s what he said.  Yeah, I’m sure that was.  He told us to tell you if you wanted, to meet him.  I don’t know where he is.”

 

“Should I go in and find him.”  I desperately asked.

 

“Isabelle, you need to get in that car and get to the airport before your flight leaves without you.”

 

I looked from Yvonne to the door that led under the stage.  I was about to go with Carl to the car when the doors burst open.  “Wait up!  Don’t leave yet!”  He cried as he came out running.  Yvonne didn’t seem too pleased with that.

 

“Isabelle.”  Brian said again when he reached me.

 

“Brian she’s going to miss her flight.  Christ!”  Yvonne swore to herself.  “I don’t know why I bother.”

 

Brian ignored her and quickly pulled something out of his vest pocket.  He was dressed for the next set, which included All I Have To Give.

 

“What is it?”  I asked as he handed me a small box.

 

“It’s just something that explains everything I’ve been feeling.  I couldn’t let you leave without telling you that I understand your point now.”

 

“My point?”

 

“Yes.  But first, how did you like the song?”

 

“It’s beautiful.”  I said without hesitation.

 

He nodded.   “I just want you to know that I don’t expect you to just forget about everything and fall back in love with me because of a song, even thought I meant every word of it.”  He slowly brought his hand to my face and gently swept away at my cheek.  At the moment I wasn’t crying, but he was trying to let me know that he knew I had been.

 

I smiled.  “I was hoping you didn’t think I would.”

 

“No, I stayed up all last night, writing.  I want you to know how I feel, and that I completely understand your point now.  I can see where you’re coming from when you say…you want me to think it over.  The letter’s inside.”  He said insinuating towards the box.

 

“I’ll read it on the plane.”

 

He stared hard at my face, his cerulean eyes piercing into mine.  I thought he was about to cry, but all he said was.  “Good bye, Isabelle.”

 

I didn’t realize a sigh had escaped me till after it’d happen.  “Bye Brian.”  I said then out of impulse I leaned over and closed my eyes grazing his lips with mine.  But that’s all it was.  When I moved away he still had his eyes closed and when he opened them I could see the watery glaze that had formed over them.

 

I hugged Lina and Kristin goodbye.  Then followed Yvonne towards the car.  The driver held the door opened for me and I stepped in. 

 

“She needs to make the 12:30 flight.  Can you make it there in time?”  She asked him.

 

“I’ll do my best ma’am.”

 

“Thanks.”  Then turning to me.  “Have a safe trip.”

 

“Thank you.”  I said, and the door was closed.

 

Brian, Kristin, Lina and Yvonne were still standing there as the car pulled away.  I slowly put the box into my backpack.  “I really do love you, Brian.”  I whispered to no one in the back of the car.  I had been dying to say that to him, but what good would that have done.  My eyes welled up and tears fell freely. It was over…our sweet temporary moment of bliss, was gone.

 

 

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