>> >>>> MORE FUN WITH LITTLE JOHNNY I >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle >> >>>> of the night, in search of a glass of water.Hearing a lot >> >>>> of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks >> >>>> in The Act. >> >>>> Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! >> >>>> Horsy ride!Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved >> >>>> that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and >> >>>> seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. >> >>>> Johnny hops on and daddy startsgoing to town.Pretty soon >> >>>> mommy starts moaning and gasping.Johnny cries out"Hang on >> >>>> tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman >> >>>> usually get bucked off!" >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY II >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> A few months after his parents were divorced, Little Johnny >> >>>> passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body >> >>>> and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"Over the next >> >>>> couple of months, he saw her doing this several times. >> >>>> One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. >> >>>> When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top >> >>>> of her.Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, >> >>>> threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, >> >>>> and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!" >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY III >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Little Johnny, on a day when he was being particularly >> >>>> reckless,was playing in the backyard one morning. >> >>>> Soon, some honeybees started swirling around, annoying >> >>>> little Johnny.He began stomping on them in his temper. >> >>>> His father caught him trampling the honeybees,and >> >>>> after a brief moment of thought said,"That's it! No honey >> >>>> for you for one month!"Later that afternoon, Johnny >> >>>> pondered upon some butterflies, and soon started catching >> >>>> them and crushing them under his feet.His father again >> >>>> caught him, and after a brief moment of thought, said, >> >>>> "No butter for you for one month!"Early that evening, >> >>>> Johnny's mother was cooking dinner, and got jumpy when >> >>>> cockroaches started scurrying around the kitchen floor. >> >>>> She began stomping on them one by one until all the >> >>>> cockroaches were dead.Johnny's mother looked up to find >> >>>> Johnny and his father standing there watching her, to >> >>>> which Johnny said, "Are you going to tell her, daddy, or >> >>>> do you want me to?" >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY IV >> >>>> >> >>>> A teacher cautiously approaches the subject of sex education >> >>>> with her fourth grade class because she realizes Little Johnny's >> >>>> propensity for sexual innuendo.But Johnny remains attentive >> >>>> throughout the entire lecture. Finally, towards the end of the >> >>>> lesson, the teacher asks for examples of sex education from the >> >>>> class. One little boy raises his hand, "I saw a bird in her >> >>>> nest with some eggs." >> >>>> "Very good, William," cooed the teacher."My mommy had a baby," >> >>>> said little Esther."Oh, that's nice," replied the teacher. >> >>>> Finally, Little Johnny raises his hand.With much fear and >> >>>> trepidation, the teacher calls on him."I was watchin' TV >> >>>> yesterday, and I saw the Lone Ranger.He was surrounded by >> >>>> hundreds and hundreds of Indians, and they all attacked at one >> >>>> time.He killed every one of them with his two guns."The >> >>>> teacher was relieved but puzzled, "And what does that have to >> >>>> do with sex education, Johnny?""It'll teach those Indians not >> >>>> to fuck with the Lone Ranger." >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY V >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Little Johnny came running into the house and asked, "Mommy, >> >>>> can little girls have babies?""No," said his mom, "of course >> >>>> not." Little Johnny thenran back outside and his mom heard >> >>>> him yell to his friends, "It's okay, we can play that game again!" >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY VI >> >>>> >> >>>> Little Johnny asks his mother how old she is.Her reply is, >> >> >> >>>> "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question." Johnny then asks his >> >>>> mother how much she weighs.Again the mother's reply is, >> >>>> "Gentlemen don't ask ladies that question."The boy then asks, >> >>>> "Why did daddy leaveyou?"To this, the mother says, "you >> >>>> shouldn't ask that" and then sends him to his room.On the way >> >>>> to his room, the boy trips over his mother's purse.When he >> >>>> picks it up, her driver's license falls out.The boy looks it >> >>>> over and goes back to his mother saying, "I know all about >> >>>> you now.You are 36 years old, weigh 127 pounds and daddy left >> >>>> you because you got an 'F' in sex!!!" >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY VIII >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> A Sunday School teacher of pre-schoolers was concerned that his >> >>>> students might be a little confused about Jesus Christ because >> >>>> of the Christmas season emphasis on His birth.He wanted to make >> >>>> sure they understood that the birth of Jesus occurred a long >> >>>> time ago, that He grew up, etc.So he asked his class, "Where is >> >>>> Jesus today?" >> >>>> Steven raised his hand and said, "He's in Heaven."Mary was >> >>>> called on and answered, "He's in my heart."Little Johnny,waving his >> >>>> hand furiously, blurted out, "I know!I know!He's in our bathroom!!!" >> >>>> The whole class got very quiet, looked at the teacher, and waited >> >>>> for a response.The teacher was completely at a loss for a few >> >>>> very long seconds.He finally gathered his wits and asked Little >> >>>> Johnny how he knew this. And Little Johnny said, "Well... every >> >>>> morning, my father gets up, bangs on the bathroom door, and yells >> >>>> 'Jesus Christ, are you still in there?'!" >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY IX >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Little Johnny is running around the house making life miserable >> >>>> for his mother. She says, "Johnny, why don't you go across the >> >>>> street and watch them build the house. Maybe you can learn some neat >> >>>> things."Johnny disappears for about four hours and returns >> >>>> later in the afternoon."Did you learn anything interesting today?" >> >>>> his mother asks. "I learned how to hang a door," Johnny replies. >> >>>> Mom says, "That's great! How do you do that?""Well, first you >> >>>> get the son of bitch. Then, you slap the piece of shit up there but >> >>>> it's too damn small.So youshave a cunt hair off here and a cunt >> >>>> hair off there and put the damn thing up." Johnny's mom is >> >>>> floored by his language. "You go to your room and wait until >> >>>> your father gets home!!" Later, Johnny's dad goes into his room and >> >>>> says, "I understand you got in a little trouble today." "All I did >> was >> >>>> tell Mom how to hang a door." "Why don't you tell me," Dad asks. >> >>>> "Well, first you get the son of bitch. Then you slap the piece >> >>>> of shit up there but it's too damn small. So you shave a cunt >> >>>> hair off here and a cunt hair off there and put the damn thing up". >> >>>> Dad screams, "That's it young man. You go get a switch from >> >>>> the back yard." Johnny looks at his dad and says, "screw you, >> >>>> that's the electrician's job!" >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY X >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Little Johnny is bored all day, hanging around the house. >> >>>> He >> >>>> goes into his parents room and finds them having sex. >> >>>> "What are you doing?" Johnny asks. >> >>>> "Uh, well, we're dancing." replies his mother. >> >>>> "What's daddy doing?" >> >>>> "He's my partner, now run along." >> >>>> A few nights later, Johnny goes into his sisters room and >> >>>> catches her having sex with her boyfriend. >> >>>> "What are you doing?" >> >>>> "Ummm, dancing." >> >>>> "What's your boyfriend doing?" >> >>>> "He's my partner, now get out of here!" >> >>>> Then Thanksgiving came around and Johnny's relatives >> >>>> were at his house. Johnny went into the bathroom and saw >> >>>> his grandfather beating his meat. >> >>>> "What are you doing?" Johnny once again asks. >> >>>> "Why I'mdancing." said his grandfather. >> >>>> "Well, where is your partner?" >> >>>> His grandfather replied, "When you've danced as long as >> >>>> I have, you don't need a partner." >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> LITTLE JOHNNY XI >> >>>> >> >>>> >> >>>> Little Johnny was sitting in class doing math problems when his >> >>>> teacher picked him to answer a question. "Johnny, if there >> >>>> were five birds sitting on a fence and you shot one with your gun, >> >>>> how many wouldbe left?""None.", replied Johnny, "cause the rest >> >>>> would fly away." "Well, the answer is four," said the teacher. >> >>>> "But I like the way you are thinking." Little Johnny said, "I >> >>>> have a question for you now.If therewere three women eating ice >> >>>> cream cones in a shop, one licking her cone,the second biting >> >>>> her cone, and the third one sucking her cone, which one is >> >>>> married? "Well," said the teacher nervously, "I guess the one sucking >> >>>> the cone?" "No," said Little Johnny, "the one with the wedding >> >>>> ring on her finger.But I like the way you're thinking!"