Psychotic err Psychic Help Lines

HELLO, WELCOME TO THE PSYCHIATRIC HOTLINE:

IF YOU ARE OBSESSIVE-COMPULSIVE,
PLEASE PRESS 1 REPEATEDLY

IF YOU ARE CO-DEPENDENT,
PLEASE ASK SOMEONE TO PRESS 2

IF YOU HAVE MULTIPLE PERSONALITIES,
PLEASE PRESS 3,4,5,AND 6

IF YOU AR PARANOID-DELUSIONAL,
WE KNOW WHO YOU ARE AND WHAT YOU WANT.
JUST STAY ON THE LINE SO WE CAN TRACE THE CALL.

IF YOU ARE SCHIZOPHRENIC,
LISTEN CAREFULLY AND A LITTLE VOICE WILL TELL YOU WHICH NUMBER TO PRESS.

IF YOU ARE MANIC-DEPRESSIVE,
IT DOESN'T MATTER WHICH NUMBER YOU PRESS.
NO ONE WILL ANSWER.

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