A Ranma 1/2 Fanfic All Ranma 1/2 characters copyright Rumiko Takahashi and are used without permission.  CAST A LONG SHADOW  by Mark MacKinnon   Part one: Lapses of Judgement      My hand was beginning to cramp from holding the branch too tightly.  I shifted my weight and tried to ignore the fact that my stomach was one big ball of misery.  I knew I'd be able to see her soon.  That fact kept me hiding there in the tree when all my instincts screamed at me to leave.  I'd be able to see her again, and at the moment that was all I could think about.      Akane.      It was late spring, and the weather was mild.  I could see Kasumi setting the table for breakfast through the open door.  I couldn't hear her, but I knew she'd be humming some pleasant little tune as she worked.  My grip on the branch tightened again as she glanced up, and I cursed myself for reacting.  I'd chosen my position because it would allow me to see into the house without being seen myself.      Which was just the way I wanted it.      Someone came from the dim shadows to sit at the table, and for a moment I couldn't breathe.  Then she sat down and I saw that it was only Nabiki.  I let out a shaky breath and watched in amazement as my free hand trembled.  I needed to get hold of myself.  I needed ...      I needed to leave.  It was stupid, what I was doing, stupid and pointless, and the only smart thing to do would be to leave.      But I didn't.  I *couldn't*.  Not without at least seeing her, just once ...      Someone else came to the table, but I could see right away that it was only Mr. Tendou.  I switched hands and began flexing my fingers in a futile attempt to convince my muscles to relax.  Suddenly, I sensed rather than heard the thrumming of footfalls, someone heavy moving very fast.  I knew what this had to be.      A large panda bounded into the backyard from out of my line of sight, leaping high into the air.  A red blur streaked in from nowhere and collided with the bear, resolving itself into a redheaded girl in a red Chinese shirt and black loose-fitting pants.  Her feet were presently planted in the panda's face, and as she pushed off it flew into the previously tranquil carp pool.  The girl threw a taunt over her shoulder and landed easily beside the pool.      Damn.  Damn damn damn DAMN!  I hadn't been able to admit to myself how much I'd hoped, I'd PRAYED that he wouldn't be here.  But then, I'd been doing a lot of hoping and praying lately, but apparently the kami weren't listening.   Of course he'd be here.  Of course he would.  And ...      And so was she.  Kasumi called something to the odd pair in the backyard as someone else came out to sit at the table.  The girl and the panda scrambled for the breakfast table as Kasumi started setting out the bowls, momentarily blocking my view.  Then I could see her again, and my stomach knotted up even tighter, which I hadn't thought possible.      Akane.  All through breakfast I watched her.  I watched the way she tucked a stray lock of hair behind her ear when she leaned forward to pick up her bowl.  I watched the way she cocked her head slightly as she smiled at something Kasumi said, watched her smile die as the redhead said something to her, watched her fire back an angry retort.  The branch creaked under my grip and I gritted my teeth angrily.  Why did he have to do that?  Why did he have to make her smile go away?  Why?      Too soon, breakfast was over.  Akane looked at her watch, leapt to her feet, and went running into the house.  The redhead took a yellow kettle from a smiling Kasumi and upended the steaming contents over herself, turning into a boy.  Then he too ran into the house.      I leaned back against the trunk of the tree, feeling the rough bark through my shirt.  I tried to draw strength from it's solidness, it's realness.  I badly needed that strength.      After all, I knew where she was going now.  She was going to school, and it would be very easy to follow her.  I'd told myself that I only wanted a chance to see her, that I'd hide in the tree and watch her and be satisfied, but that had been a lie.  I wasn't satisfied.  I needed more.      "Just to see her," I told myself.  "Just to watch her and hear her voice, maybe hear her laugh.  There's nothing wrong with that.  After all, its not like I'm gonna *do* anything ..."      I convinced myself, as I'd known I would.  Even if I would never have admitted it to anyone, I could admit to myself that I wasn't ready to leave Akane alone.      Even though I knew it was the right choice.  The only choice.      Lightly, I jumped from my tree and headed off to shadow Akane.   ------------------------------------------------------------------------      Ranma shot a cautious glance at Akane from the corner of his eye as he ran along the top of the fence.  She still looked mad.  He groaned to himself.  Why did she always have to make such a big deal out of everything he said, anyway?  He hadn't meant anything by it, after all.  And he'd been telling the truth ...      "Hey, Akane," he called down, "you're, uh, not still mad about what I said, are you?"      "Of course not," she said stiffly.  "Now hurry up or we'll be late for school."  Her tone made it obvious that she *was* still mad, and Ranma found his hackles rising in response.      "Oh, come on, Akane.  You know, if you'd just learn to cook, I wouldn't have to be afraid to eat your meals!"      "Why don't you just shut up, you jerk!  Why would I want to cook for you, anyway?"      "Oh, you are soooo uncute!"      "Baaaa-KA!"      "Tomboy!"      The sparring continued as they ran towards Furinkan High's main gate.  Unfortunately, they both knew which buttons to push and both were in a foul temper as they burst onto the school grounds.      "Akane Tendou!  Your beauty is as the urgkkh!"  Kunou's welcome speech met the business end of Akane's book bag as she stormed by him without slowing.  He flailed for balance, then snapped his head back and  whipped out his bokken, pointing it at Ranma.      "Saotome, what have you done to my ackhh!"  Ranma leapt easily over Kunou's bokken and planted a kick on the side of his head.      "I ain't done nothin' to your "ackhh", Kunou," he growled. "Buzz off."  With that he ran on towards the school, leaving a dazed Kunou lying spread-eagled on the grass.  A figure in a boy's uniform with a large spatula slung over her back walked up to him, gazing longingly at Ranma's retreating back.      "Morning, Kunou," Ukyou said cheerfully, bending down so that her long ponytail slipped over her shoulder.  "Listen, did you happen to notice someone following Ranma and Akane when they first got here?"  Ukyou had been sure she'd caught a glimpse of someone behind the bickering pair, but the figure had vanished before she could get a good look.      "Certainly not," Kunou said with wounded dignity from where he lay.  "I was blinded by Akane Tendou's great beauty."      Blinded by repeated blows to the head, more like it, Ukyou thought with a sigh.  She thanked the prone upper-classman and stood up gracefully.  It certainly wouldn't be unheard of for someone to be following Ranma around, and trouble was sure to follow.  Then she grinned.  Now she had an excuse to follow Ran-chan around.  She could keep an eye out for his shadow, and if anything did happen, she'd be right there to help her Ran-chan out.      Her day was looking brighter all the time.  She began to whistle a jaunty tune as she headed into the school, stepping over Kunou's prone form without a second glance.  After a moment, he levered himself up painfully.      "At least she didn't step on me," he sighed as he headed to class. ------------------------------------------------------------------------      "Baka, baka, baka," I chanted softly to myself from where I hid crouched in the bushes.  I'd gotten too close when that lunatic Kunou'd popped up, and Ukyou had almost seen me.  She threw another glance toward my hiding spot as she walked away.  She didn't look sure about what she'd seen.  I'd gotten lucky.  This time.  But if I kept following Akane around, my luck was bound to run out.      But I couldn't stop.  Not yet.  Just a little longer.  I'd see her at lunch, she'd eat outside of course, and then ... then I'd follow her home, and that would be it.  That would be the end of it.  I'd follow her home, and then I'd ... I'd ...      I dropped to my knees and slammed my fist into the ground, savouring the feel of the impact as it travelled up my forearm.  It felt so good that I did it again, and again, and then I couldn't stop.  I hammered away at the unfeeling ground, squeezing my eyes shut in a futile attempt to stop my hot tears from escaping.  As if I could deny my pain if those tears never fell ...      Finally the muscles of my arm were on fire and my abraded knuckles bled freely.  I slumped forward until my forehead rested on the cool shaded grass and wrapped my arms tightly around myself, as if I could physically hold the pain inside.  I panted like I'd just run ten miles and rocked slightly back and forth, feeling my ragged breaths forcing themselves through a tightening throat.      "Please," I whispered hoarsely into the ground, "I don't know what to do.  What should I do?"      My plea wasn't answered, but then, I'd known it wouldn't be. I'd finally come to realize that there was nobody I could turn to for help.      I was all alone. -----------------------------------------------------------------------        Ranma was in a pretty good mood as he left school that afternoon.  Any day where he didn't get turned into a girl at school was off to a good start in his book.  His good mood soured somewhat as he saw Akane walking ahead of him, nose in the air, ignoring him.  She hadn't forgiven him yet.  He sighed at her stiff back and hurried to catch up to her.      Why'd she have to be so hard to get along with all the time, anyway? ------------------------------------------------------------------------      Ukyou trailed along after Ranma as he left school.  She was worried at first that he might spot her and get the wrong idea; after all, she was just trying to find out who was following him.  Really.  Then she spotted Akane stomping along ahead of him, and she knew she didn't have to worry about him noticing *her* in the near future.      Ukyou felt a sour tightening in her chest as he watched them walk together.  Ranma was strolling next to Akane, one hand behind his head, trying hard to look nonchalant.  Akane was ignoring him.  He tried to start up a conversation.  She snapped back a reply.  His posture became rigid and defensive.  Ukyou shook her head angrily.      "Why her?" she wondered bitterly.  "Why not me?  I'd never make Ran-chan unhappy like that."  She supposed she should have been glad that Ranma and Akane were fighting, but it never seemed to change anything between them.  Ranma came to her restaurant often after their squabbles for free food and a sympathetic ear, but he always went back to the dojo and Akane.  Sometimes Ukyou needed him with an intensity that almost made her ill, but he never seemed to notice.  He never understood.  He never tried to understand.      He never *stayed* with her.      "This is stupid," she muttered to herself suddenly.  She had better things to do than to follow some guy around on a flimsy pretext like ... like ...      Like a love-sick schoolgirl.      She shook her head angrily.  She should be back at the restaurant slinging okonomiyaki.  Even if someone was following Ranma, he'd be able to handle it.  He always did.  He didn't need her help.      She should just go.  But ... she'd come this far already.  Maybe she'd just follow them the rest of the way home.  Sure, otherwise the time she'd already spent tailing them would be wasted.      She decided.  Just to the dojo, and then back to her place for the supper crowd.  Her decision made, she looked up to find she'd fallen a bit farther behind than she'd wanted.  Ranma and Akane were approaching a construction site, their argument heating up.  Ukyou sighed, then froze as she caught a sudden movement out of the corner of her eye.  A figure bounded over the dingy plywood fence surrounding the construction site and pointed something at Ranma.      So someone had been following him!  Then Ukyou saw who it was and groaned softly.      "Ryouga." ------------------------------------------------------------------------      "Raaaaanmaaaaa!" Ryouga bellowed, his umbrella levelled at the unfortunate target of his rage.  Ranma blinked, cutting off his insult to Akane in mid-sentence.      "Oh, hey, Ryouga.  Long time no see.  Finally made it back to civilization, huh?"  Ranma finally noticed the enraged expression on Ryouga's face and frowned.  "Oh, what now?"      "Ranma," Ryouga growled, his breath coming in short, harsh gulps, "how could you say such things to Akane?"  His glare would have been enough to knock down a lesser man, but Ranma didn't appear to notice.      "What things?" he asked innocently.      "What things?" Ryouga bellowed, outraged.  "Uncute!  A tomboy! A bad cook!"      "You forgot violent," Ranma pointed out, just before Akane's bookbag slammed into the back of his head.      "Hey!" he grimaced, rubbing the rapidly forming lump.      "Yes, by all means, let's not forget violent," Akane gritted. Ranma opened his mouth to reply, only to be distracted by a shout of rage.  He turned back just in time to leap up and land on Ryouga's outstretched umbrella.      "Hey!" he objected.  "Butt out, P-chan!"  He poked Ryouga in the forehead and vaulted up over his head, spinning neatly in mid-air to land with balletic grace back near the fence.  Ryouga wheeled around and heaved his metal umbrella at his opponent as if it were made of rice paper.      "I told you not to call me that!  Die, Ranma!" he yelled.  Ranma dodged easily and the umbrella sheared through the flimsy fence, disappearing into the busy site beyond.  Ranma stuck his tongue out.      "Byuuu!  Is that the best you can do?  You're getting slow, man!" Ryouga glared at his tormentor, teeth gritted and eyes narrowed.      "You want to laugh, Ranma?  Laugh at this! BAKUSAI TENKETSU!!"  Ryouga drove his index finger into the roadway, sending a large crack snaking towards Ranma.  Ranma leapt easily out of it's path, however, closing with Ryouga and engaging him hand-to-hand.  Akane, her already foul mood not at all improved by the display of machismo she was witnessing, circled around toward the shelter of the fence as punches and kicks flew with reckless abandon.      "Will you two knock it off?" she shouted.  They ignored her. "Honestly!"  She turned sharply on her heel.  "Just once it would be nice if you two could actually hold a conversation without trying to pulverize each other!"      None of them noticed that Ryouga's Bakusai Tenketsu crack hadn't stopped at the fence. ------------------------------------------------------------------------     It all happened so fast.      Ukyou watched Ranma's taunts drive Ryouga to attack. Ryouga seemed even more angry than usual for some reason, and within seconds the two were going at it hammer-and-tongs in the middle of the street.  Luckily there was no traffic.  As Ukyou was sighing and reaching back for her spatula, she saw something out of the corner of her eye.  And froze.      A large crane in the construction site was hoisting a bundle of metal girders to the top of the unfinished structure.  What had caught her attention was the crane lurching suddenly, causing the load to swing out toward the roadway.      She knew instantly what must have happened.  The crack Ryouga had made had reached all the way to one of the crane's supports, causing it to tilt ...      There was slack in the cable as it swung toward the roadway. When the cable jerked taut, it snapped, releasing it's load of girders ...      Right above an oblivious Akane.      None of them had seen it.  The world slowed down for Ukyou as she followed the cable to it's breaking point, unable to believe what was happening, her mind numb with disbelief.  She was frozen in place.      The cable had snapped.      She stood rooted in place.  This couldn't be happening.  It couldn't.  Akane would be crushed, she'd be ...      And none of them had seen it.      No more Akane.  She saw it clearly, the funeral, then afterwards, after a decent interval, Ranma needing comfort, coming to her ...      "If she was gone, you could have him," a little voice crooned.  "Who could blame you, after all?  What could you do?  You're soooo far away ..."      And the girders hung motionless in the air for one gravity defying, heart stopping moment.      An accident.  Without Akane, Ranma *would* come to her.  She knew it.  She'd be happy. *They* would be happy.  She could have the life she always wanted.  The life she deserved.  If only Akane was ... if only ... Akane ... was ...      And the jackstraw tangle of girders began to fall.      Ukyou jerked like a woman waking from a nightmare.  She seemed unable to hear anything but a high-pitched whine and her blood hammered through her body like liquid ice as she opened her mouth.      And screamed.      "AKANE!  LOOK OUT!!"  The world came back to normal speed like an elastic band snapping, Ukyou trying to push her numb body into motion, knowing that her hesitation, a moment that had seemed like hours, had cost her, seeing all three of them turn and look at her instead of looking up, frozen by the terror in her voice.      She tried to point up, screaming at her brain to work, knowing that there wasn't enough time.  Not enough time.      It was all happening ...          ... too fast.  When Ryouga sprang out at Ranma, I'd used the diversion to creep closer, perched on the wall opposite the construction site.  The leaves of a low-hanging branch hid me from view, and anyway, I told my already bruised conscience, those two wouldn't notice anything else once they started fighting.      I ignored the fight.  It was Akane I wanted to see.  She circled away from the combatants, weary disgust plain on her face.  Her hands were clasped primly on the handle of her school bag which she bumped idly with one thigh.  I was entranced.  Just the chance to be so close to her, to maybe hear her voice ...      I almost missed the crane.  Some instinct caused me to look up when the crane shifted.  I realized then what I would have realized sooner if I hadn't been so caught up in spying on Akane.  Ryouga's Bakusai Tenketsu-generated crack must have travelled under the fence and caused the crane to shift at just the wrong time.  The ground seemed to fall away beneath me as I watched the girders breaking loose.      None of them had noticed.  They weren't going to, not in time. I knew I couldn't act.  I knew I couldn't reveal myself to them.  I couldn't.      But I did.  My muscles uncoiled and I sprang off the top of the wall, hitting the roadway just as all three were distracted by a shrill scream.      "AKANE!  LOOK OUT!!"  It was Ukyou, but she was too far away to help.  She was pointing up and as I closed on Akane I saw her following Ukyou's panicked gesture, moving so slowly, her expression changing from puzzled to horrified as she saw that she was about to be crushed.      I felt like I was in one of those dreams where you run and run but never get anywhere, but this was no dream.  And I *was* moving, getting closer as the girders plunged like a hard metal stain.  I just didn't know if I'd be in time.      No.  I wasn't going to let anything happen to Akane.  I wasn't going to let her die.      Not this time.  Not again.      I saw her instinctively throw her arms over her head, as if that would protect her from the plunging girders.  A useless instinct, but having her freeze up allowed me to grab her easily as I barrelled through, barely slowing as I scooped her up in my arms.  I rebounded off the fence and bounded clear as the mass of steel hit the road where we had been only a split-second before with a sound like the end of the world.  Dust rose in a choking cloud as several of the girders buried themselves in the roadbed, actually quivering like an arrow in a tree. As the noise died away and the dust began to settle, I tried to bring my breathing back under control.  A tendril of icy sweat snaked down my back, and I shivered involuntarily.      Close.  Oh, man.  Way, WAY too close.      I looked down at the tight bundle curled up against my chest.  I could feel the warmth of her body through my shirt, feel the triphammer beating of her heart against me.  Her eyes were still squeezed shut, her whole body clenched, as if still waiting for the impact that was now never going to come.  I shivered again, but this time not from the cold sweat.      "Akane."  I didn't realize I'd whispered her name until she opened her eyes and slowly looked up to my face.  She smiled hesitantly, and I smiled back, the first time I'd smiled in what felt like a long while.  My heart seemed to swell under the warmth of that smile.  I didn't want to let her go, but I reluctantly set her on her feet, still holding her shoulders gently.      "Are you okay?" I asked tightly.      "I ... think so," she breathed.      And then reality stepped in.      "Hey!  HEY!  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" Akane started in my arms, recognizing the outraged voice.  She turned, slowly, to see Ranma shouting, a pale Ryouga looking dazed behind him.  She turned slowly back to me, her warm brown eyes suddenly filled with confusion.      "R-Ranma?"      I could only think of one thing to say.      "I'm sorry, Akane," I whispered.      Then I ran. ------------------------------------------------------------------------      He wasn't going to make it.  The girders were going to fall on Akane and he didn't have time to do anything about it.  There wasn't time for anything but disbelief.  Not Akane, not after all they'd been through, not this way ...      Then there was a blur of motion and the girders slammed into the road.  Ranma stood frozen, all the warmth and life draining from his body, staring at the dust stirred up by the impact.      "She can't be," he thought numbly.  "No.  She can't be gone.  She just can't."  He thought it over and over until everything around him began to seem unreal.      Then the dust began to settle and he saw a figure standing beyond the twisted steel beams.  And Akane was in his arms, safe. Relief flooded through him, and he remembered to breathe again.  He took a step forward.      Then the dust cleared some more and he got a good look at who had rescued her.      He was tall, well built, and wearing a red, sleeveless Chinese shirt and dark pants.  His dark hair was pulled back into a pigtail. Ranma blinked, looked closer as the man set Akane gently on her feet.      He was looking at himself.  No doubt about it, he had rescued Akane.  But he was standing over here, wasn't he?  The feeling of unreality washed over him again, leaving him disoriented.  If he was here, and he was, then who was ... what ... who ...      "Hey!  HEY!  WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?" he bellowed.  The shout seemed to break the spell that had settled in the wake of the accident.  Shouts rose up from the construction site. Akane turned at the sound of his voice, and he saw her expression change as she saw him, standing next to Ryouga.  She turned back to her rescuer, pulling back slightly.      Then the other Ranma turned and ran, leaping easily over the fence and disappearing into the chaos of the construction site.  That snapped Ranma out of his shocked paralysis and he ran towards the fence, only to stop when he reached Akane.  Her face was pale, her eyes glazed.  She was swaying slightly, and he grabbed her arm to keep her from falling.  She jerked around sharply, tensing like she expected him to hit her.  Then she relaxed slightly and whispered, "Ranma?  It ... is you, isn't it?"  He guided her gently toward the sidewalk.      "Yeah, of course it is," he assured her, helping her sit in the shade.  There was no way he could leave her to chase the imposter, not while she was in this state.  He hovered over her, looking for any signs of injury.      "Is she all right?" someone asked.  The site foreman stood behind them, his yellow hard hat pushed back on his head.  Ukyou came up to stand beside him, a horrified look on her face.  Ranma just nodded and turned back to Akane.      "Yeah, I think so.  She's shaken up pretty bad, though."      "I'm so sorry, I don't know how it could have happened!" the foreman babbled.  "Somehow, the ground gave way under one of the crane supports, but that shouldn't have happened, we haven't done any excavation over in that area ..."  He trailed off helplessly.      A low, keening noise rose above the shouts, causing Ranma to look up.  He quickly found the source.      "Ryouga," he growled.  Ryouga had clearly heard what the foreman had said, and was staring at Akane helplessly.  His lips pulled back from his teeth in a grimace as his moan turned into a full fledged wail; then, turning suddenly, he charged back across the road and blasted his way through the wall there with his forefinger.  When the debris had cleared, Ryouga was gone.      "Good riddance," Ranma muttered under his breath, but he knew that he bore a share of the responsibility for what had happened as well.  He suppressed those thoughts sharply as the foreman took something from one of his men and handed it down to him.  Ranma saw that it was a paper cup full of water, and accepted it gratefully.  He got Akane to drink a little, then took a handkerchief from Ukyou and dipped it in the cool water, mopping Akane's forehead.      "Ranma," she murmured, "I don't feel very good."      "I'll take you home, Akane, and we'll call Dr. Tofu to come take a look at you, okay?"  She nodded timidly and Ranma scooped her up easily.  Then he asked Ukyou to grab his and Akane's bags and headed for home, his mind a screaming mass of confusion. ------------------------------------------------------------------------      The cheery spring sun made a futile attempt to warm my skin.  I barely noticed.  I was too busy trying to ignore the tiny, nagging voice of my conscience.      Are you happy now? the voice wanted to know.  You got what you wanted, after all.      "That's not true," I whispered.      Oh, really?  You weren't hoping for a chance to see her again? An excuse, any excuse to hear her voice, to talk to her, to touch her ...      "No."  Louder now, angrier.      You followed them, followed *her*, because you wanted something to happen, a doorway into their lives to open up, because you're not strong enough to do the right thing and walk away forever ...      "No!  That's not it!"      Weak.  And when the door opened, just a crack, you kicked it open and strolled right in ...      "It wasn't like that!" I cried out.  "She would have died!"  In the sudden silence I looked around.  Luckily, the park was almost deserted this close to suppertime, but the few people clustered around the sandbox were all looking at me warily.      Great.  Now people were going to think I was crazy.  Hell, I *was* arguing with myself, after all.  Maybe they were right.  Maybe I was crazy.      Its not like I didn't have good reason to be.      I stood up, turning away from the curious stares, feeling the urge to get away.  I took exactly one step before I stopped again.      I was in Nerima, the place that had become my home.  All around me were my friends, the dojo, my school, Uc-chan's place and the Nekohanten.  These streets and buildings and people formed the landscape of my life.      And there was absolutely nowhere that I could go.      I stood there, shaking my head like a fighter shaking off a hard shot, vaguely aware of the last stragglers abandoning the park with suspicious glances thrown my way.  I tried to lift my foot again but it wouldn't move.  It wanted to know where we were going first, and I had no clue.  I just stood there, empty and alone, a starving man surrounded by steaming platters of food that I could never touch.      You've seen her, the little voice in my head said accusingly, apparently not done with me yet.  You've seen her, and you had no plan past that, did you?  So what now, Saotome?  Time to lay down and die yet?  Huh?      This time I didn't answer out loud.  I just looked around helplessly, wishing with all my might for some clue, some sign as to what to do next.  For once, to my surprise, my wishes were answered as I saw a familiar figure blundering through the trees at the edge of the park.      Ryouga.      The emptiness inside me was flooded with an instant, white-hot rage, making me feel alive again.  I saw the crack in the roadway spreading, saw the girders plunging toward an oblivious Akane, and then I could move again.  I tore off in Ryouga's direction, bounding over a slide and dodging some forlorn chain and canvas swings.  He didn't even look up, not once, as I closed on him.  I fought down a battle-cry as I charged in, grabbing the front of his tunic and swinging him around in a savage arc to slam him up against a nearby tree.  He soaked up the impact with barely a blink, starting guiltily when he saw my face.  Whatever he saw there scared him.      It should have.      "Ranma."  It was a tortured sound, full of pain and guilt.  "I ..."      "You damned idiot."  I barely recognized my own voice, low and charged with menace.  The anger felt so good, better than the emptiness I'd been struggling with ...  "You could've killed her, Ryouga.  You almost did.  And now you're gonna pay."  He couldn't meet my gaze any longer, shifted his eyes to the side, turning his head slightly.      "Do what you want, Ranma.  I won't stop you."  I clenched one fist in the fabric of his tunic, pulling him up to his tiptoes, and cocked the other fist back behind my head.  I looked at his eyes ...      (I'm looking at Ryouga's eyes from where I lie sprawled on the hard ground, and can't recognize the look I see there.  Or don't want to.      "Ryouga ..."  I say, breathless.  A sad little smile tugs at his mouth but doesn't touch the peaceful look in his eyes.      "If I let anything happen to you, she'd never forgive me.  She'd hate me forever, and I couldn't bear that."  He takes a step back and salutes with that damned umbrella.      "Go to her," he says, then wheels and charges into the dark, hurling razor-sharp bandannas ahead of him as the shadows rise up, howling.  As insistent hands pull at me from behind I reach out to the dark, trying to pull him back.      "Ryouga, no ... don't ...")      "Don't," I whispered, and the anger was gone as quickly as it came.  My fist hung uselessly in the air beside my head.  Ryouga showed no sign that he'd heard me.  I took a deep breath and let it out slowly, easing Ryouga back down.  Looking at him, really looking, I could see how sick with guilt he was in the drawn lines of his face, his unfocused eyes.  He loved Akane too, and he'd sooner die than hurt her.      I, of all people, should have remembered that.      I struggled to find something to say, still loosely gripping Ryouga's tunic front.  I'd never been very good at putting my thoughts into words, something that had caused me no end of trouble in my life. Right now, though, I knew it was important that I find just the right thing to say to Ryouga, before he stumbled off and got so lost that he was beyond finding.  I took another deep breath.      "Ryouga."  He didn't look up.  "RYOUGA."  I shook him gently.  He finally focused on my face.      "What."      "How far are you gonna run, man?"  He looked at me, uncomprehending.  "How far?" I repeated.  He shook his head.      "I don't ..."      "How far do you have to run to escape your guilt?  Where can you go where you won't feel shame over what happened?"  He looked away and I shook him again, harder this time, until he looked back. "Listen to me," I said gently.  "I've run farther than you ever could, and I'm telling you it doesn't help.  You can't run away from yourself, Ryouga.  The guilt is just gonna eat away at you, twisting your guts, until there's nothing left.  The only thing for you to do is to go to the Tendou dojo, look Akane in the eye, and apologize.  And let her forgive you."      Some of the life came back into his gaze at that.      "But what ... what if she doesn't?" he asked in a very small voice.  I smiled.      "Ryouga, what happened was stupid and reckless, but it happened and nothing you do can change that.  You didn't mean for it to happen, and she'll know that.  Do you want to wander off leaving things like this?  Leaving her wondering why you never apologized? Why you never even tried to explain?  Why you never came by to make sure she was all right?"      That got him.  I could see it in his eyes as he decided.      "You're right, Ranma.  Its the right thing to do."  He straightened up, threw his shoulders back, drew in a deep breath, and smiled weakly.  I let go of his shirt and nodded.      "Thanks, Ranma.  I know what I have to do now."  So saying, he turned and set off.      In the wrong direction.      "Ryouga!"  He looked back at me, puzzled.  "The dojo's *that* way!"  He gave me a sheepish grin, and I groaned.  How could I have forgotten about Ryouga's terrible sense of direction?      "Well, I guess I can just go back with you," he said sheepishly.  I blinked.  With me?      Oh, holy shit.  Of course.  He thought I was the *other* Ranma! Considering his state of mind after the accident, he might not even have noticed that there *were* two Ranmas.  I had no intention of returning to the dojo, but how could I tell him that?  And if someone didn't take him there, he'd get lost for sure, then all my good advice would be for nothing.      I decided.  I'd take him there and leave him at the front door. That way, I could make sure he didn't lose his nerve.      After all, it wasn't like I had anything else to do. ------------------------------------------------------------------------      Akane was in a bad mood.  Ranma decided that had to mean she was feeling better.      "I'm okay, really," she protested for what had to be the thousandth time.  "I feel much better."  Dr. Tofu straightened up from where he'd been bent over her bed and smiled at her.      "You look better, Akane.  Your colour is good and there's no sign of any injury.  Still, shock can be very tricky and I want you to take it easy for the rest of the evening, okay?  Nothing strenuous, no working out, no martial arts and," he smiled mischievously, "no beating up Ranma.  All right?"  Akane scowled.      "Well, okay, if it's only for one night," she muttered.  Tofu glanced at the wall where Ranma was leaning, staring at the floor.      "No excitement, right, Ranma?"  He looked up and smiled weakly.      "Sure thing, doc.  I understand."  Tofu turned to the doorway, only to be met by Kasumi entering with a dinner tray.      "Oh, doctor, I brought Akane some supper.  I hope that's all right."  She smiled sweetly and Ranma grimaced as Tofu flushed a bright pink.      "Ah, ah, Kasumi, of course, yes, it's ah, fine ..."  He looked totally flustered, completely unlike the calm professional of just moments before.      "Kasumi, you didn't have to do that!" Akane protested.  "I'm not an invalid!  I keep telling everyone that I'm fine!"  Kasumi just smiled sweetly and placed the tray over Akane's lap.      "Oh, Ranma, your parents asked if you would come downstairs and talk to them," she added.  Ranma just nodded and pushed off the wall.  He'd known this was coming.  He walked to the door.      "Ranma."  He turned back to see Akane looking at him, concerned.  He gave her a tiny smile.      "Eat your dinner, Akane.  It's time to face the music."  He closed the door softly on his way out.  Inside, he heard Kasumi say something to Dr. Tofu, and heard him stammer a nervous reply.  He lingered by the door a moment, wishing he could just go back inside, then sighed.  No sense in putting it off.      The look on his mother's face told him he was in for a rough time.  His father sat beside her, intently studying the surface of the table. And Ukyou was there.  He blinked.  He'd forgotten all about her. She'd come home with them, carrying the bags.  He wondered why she was still there.      "Have a seat, Ranma," his mother said cooly.  He sat down opposite his parents, beside Ukyou.  Ukyou glanced up but didn't say anything.  The silence dragged on for long seconds while Nodoka studied her son, then finally she spoke.      "Ranma, I'm very disappointed."  If her tone had been cool before, it was downright *icy* now.  "For you to have placed Akane in danger the way you did was stupid and unforgivably reckless.  Your thoughtless actions could have killed your fiancé, and as I understand it very nearly did."  Ukyou flinched at the word "fiancé".  Ranma took no notice.      "Mom ..."      "Be quiet."  She didn't raise her voice.  She didn't have to.  It carried a cold tempered edge that would not tolerate disobedience.  He shut up.  After a moment, she continued.  "You and your friend Ryouga between you have mastered some powerful and potentially lethal martial arts techniques.  And yet, you don't seem to have mastered a simple but vital facet of martial arts.  Discipline."  She shot a withering look at Genma, who was still conducting his survey of the table top.  "I suppose we all know who is to blame for that lapse in your training.  I am very disappointed.  This is not the type of behaviour I expect from my son, who was supposed to be raised to be a true man, a man amongst men."  Ranma and his father both blanched at that, Ranma's gaze falling on the cloth-wrapped katana at his mother's side.  His mother had managed to accept their curses, given time, but Ranma didn't particularly want to push his luck when it came to his parent's "agreement" about his upbringing.      "I suppose your obvious concern for Akane's well-being is a mitigating factor, however," she continued, "as well as the fact that you did save her life."      "What?" Ranma asked, surprised.  His mother frowned.      "Your friend Ukyou told me how you saved Akane ..."  Ukyou cleared her throat, looking distinctly uncomfortable.      "Well, that's not exactly what I said," Ukyou muttered.  "I said that Ranma saved Akane ..."  Nodoka frowned.      "That's what I said, dear."  Ukyou turned to Ranma helplessly.      "I didn't know what to ..."  Ranma held up his hand in a soothing gesture.      "Its all right, Uc-chan.  I'll try to explain."      "Yes," Nodoka said, her voice approaching absolute zero. "Please do."      "The guy who saved Akane looked like me.  I mean, he was dressed like me, he looked like me, sounded like me, he even moved like me!  Not too many people would have been fast enough to grab Akane and get clear of those girders.  It was like ... well, I don't have any twin brothers I don't know about, do I?"      "Don't be ridiculous, son!" his father snapped, looking up for the first time.  Ranma scowled.      "Well, I've had plenty of *fiancés* that I never knew about!" he shot back.      "What happened to this ... other Ranma?" his mother interrupted, frowning.  Ranma shrugged.      "He saved Akane, then he took off."      "What?  Didn't you try to follow him?" his father asked, outraged.      "Hey, I couldn't just leave Akane like that!"      "Quite right, dear," Nodoka said reproachfully, "I hope you're not suggesting he should have run off on his fiancé to chase this person."  Genma shut his mouth with an audible snap and went back to studying the table.  Nodoka shifted her attention back to Ranma and Ukyou, looking grim, but before she could continue they heard voices in the hall.      "I'm sorry to interrupt, but Ranma's friend Ryouga is here to see Akane and I thought Ranma might like to know."      "Um, Kasumi, he already knows," a voice came from the hallway.  Then Ryouga walked into the room and stopped dead.      "So, Ryouga, decided to come crawling back, eh?" Ranma growled.  By the expression on Ryouga's face, he thought Ranma was going to kill him.  Well good, Ranma thought, let him sweat.      "Young Ryouga Hibiki," Nodoka said, dropping the temperature in the room yet another few degrees.  "We were just discussing something that involves you.  Please sit down."  He didn't. He raised one shaking hand and pointed at Ranma.      "You ... but ... how ..."  Ranma sighed.      "Ryouga, I ain't gonna touch you, okay?"  At least not yet, he added silently.  "Sit down."  Then he frowned.  Ryouga's mouth was moving, but nothing was coming out.      "Ryouga, sugar, what is it?" Ukyou asked.      "Didn't ... didn't you just walk here with me from the park?" he managed finally.  It only took Ranma a split-second to make the connection.      "Its HIM!" he yelped, jumping to his feet.  He shoved past a startled Ryouga and pounded down the hallway, bursting out the front door looking three ways at once.  He raced out the gate, saw nothing unusual, then leapt to the top of the wall hoping for a glimpse of a red shirt or a black pig-tail.      Nothing.      He turned back to see his parents, Ryouga, Kasumi and Ukyou standing behind him.  He shook his head.      "No sign," he reported glumly.  He jumped back down, landing lightly beside Ryouga.      "Ranma, what's going on?" Ryouga asked.  "Are you saying that I wasn't talking to you?"      "Ryouga, you really believed this guy was me?  He was that convincing?"  Ryouga frowned.      "Come to think of it, he did talk to me instead of hitting me, and he actually gave me some pretty good advice."  Ryouga glared at Ranma.  "I should have guessed he wasn't really you."      "Ryouga," Ranma scowled, "who saved Akane when we were fighting?"  Ryouga looked surprised.      "I, uh ... didn't get a good look at him actually.  I was too worried about ..."  His eyes widened as the implication sunk in.  "You mean ...?"  Ranma nodded.      "The mystery man himself.  The question is ..."      "Ranma.  Ryouga.  I'm so glad to see both of you."  Soun Tendou stood on the front porch, his eyes bloodshot, a sickly smile on his face.  He didn't *look* glad to see them.  "Come over here for a moment, boys, I want to ... talk."  Ryouga shrank behind a cringing Ranma, grabbing his shirt in a death-grip.  Ranma shuddered at the look in Akane's father's eyes.      "Oh, man," he moaned.  "We're dead."      "Father, why don't you come back inside," Kasumi said soothingly, "I'll get you a drink and rub your feet.  Wouldn't that be nice?"      "Not just now, dear," he said cheerfully.  "Oh, boys, what are you waiting for?"  His teeth were clenched together in the least sincere smile Ranma had ever seen.  He tried to move away but Ryouga had latched on to him and was frozen in place.      "Tendou," Genma said heartily, "we've been talking to the boys about what happened ..."      "But they still look so healthy, Saotome," he gritted.  "Let ME talk to them for a while."  He took a step towards the cowering pair.      "Daddy!"  Everyone turned to see an angry Akane standing in the doorway.  "What are you doing?"      "Akane, you shouldn't be out of bed!  The doctor ..."      "The doctor said I'd be fine, daddy, as long as I didn't exert myself."      "The doctor also said no excitement, and he meant it," Tofu said solemnly, following Akane out the door.  "I think everyone should just calm down."  He fixed Soun with a stare and added, "Doctor's orders."  Soun reluctantly unclenched his fists, although he continued to stare daggers at Ranma and Ryouga.  "Good.  Now, there's no harm done, so maybe we could all just try to ensure another such close call doesn't occur, hmmm?  And Akane, I don't think you should be standing outside in your pajamas."  Akane blushed and nodded. Kasumi thanked the doctor, who immediately began stammering and then walked off, his feet barely seeming to touch the ground.      Ryouga had just begun to relax his grip on Ranma's shirt when Nodoka said, "Now then, boys, I think we should continue our conversation.  And I'd like to hear all about this mysterious *other* Ranma."  Ryouga began to freeze up again and Ranma had to twist around and pry his fingers loose.      "Come on, man.  Time to face the music."  He led an unenthusiastic Ryouga back into the house. ------------------------------------------------------------------------      Akane reclined in her bed and sighed heavily.  The day's events had worn her out, and even though it was early, she was considering just going to sleep.      Ryouga had practically gotten down on his knees to apologize to her about what had happened.  One look at the stricken expression on his face had convinced her that he was as shaken up by the whole thing as she had been, maybe more so.  She'd forgiven him after asking that he try not to fight with Ranma anymore.  She had no idea how long that promise would last, but it had been worth a try.      And then there was Ukyou.  She hadn't been able to look Akane in the eye for some reason, and left soon after Dr. Tofu.  Akane was puzzled by her behaviour.  Of them all, she was the only one who had nothing to feel guilty about.      She sighed again, listening to her neck pop as she rolled it around, loosening the tense muscles.  P-chan had showed up soon after Ryouga left and was huddled next to her on the bed.  She reached down to scratch behind his ears.  There was , of course, one other matter that puzzled her a lot more than Ukyou's behaviour.      Someone knocked on her door.      "Come in."  The door opened and Ranma stuck his head inside.      "Um, you got a second, Akane?" he asked cautiously.  She nodded and he came into the room.  He'd been walking gingerly around her ever since the accident, which was annoying her almost as much as the way he'd been fighting with her before it happened.  She saw him tense as he saw P-chan, and she frowned.      "Leave P-chan alone, Ranma.  For some reason he's very skittish tonight."  Ranma looked like he was about to say something, then just nodded.  He came over to the bed and plopped down in Akane's chair.      "So, uh ... I'm sorry."  She blinked.      "What?"      "I'm sorry," he repeated, looking her in the eye.  "Me and Ryouga should have been more careful, and we could have ... really hurt you."  She could tell he'd meant to say something else, and she could guess what it had been.  "Anyways, I'm glad that you weren't hurt, that's all."  He ran down and looked at the floor, a slight flush colouring his cheekbones.  Akane was impressed.  Ranma was very proud and very stubborn.  It took a lot for him to admit he was wrong. She reached out to place her hand lightly on his arm.  He smiled at that, then looked up at her again.      "Um, there's something else I wanted to talk to you about," he said quietly.  Her smile died quietly.      "You mean him."  It didn't take a genius to figure out what was on in his mind.      "Yeah.  Him.  He saved you, he brought Ryouga back here, I ... who the hell is he, anyway?  You were right up close to him, Akane. Could you tell the difference?"  Akane, shocked by the hurt tone in Ranma's voice, thought about it for a moment.  The look in Ranma's eyes pleaded with her to say that she hadn't been fooled, that there was only one Ranma and always would be.      But she couldn't.  She'd neither seen nor felt any differences at the time.  In fact, the look of concern in the other Ranma's eyes had mirrored almost exactly the look in her Ranma's eyes while he carried her back to the dojo.  She recalled a tender, gentle look that she wished she could bring to his face more often.  She'd enjoyed the feeling of being in his arms ... *their* arms ... more than she'd ever admit to anyone.      "I don't know, I was pretty shaken up, Ranma, but I have to admit I thought it was you," she finally admitted, feeling a bit guilty as his face fell..  "Everything about him seemed the same. Ranma, who could he be?  Where did he come from?  Could this have something to do with your curse?"      "I was wondering that myself.  I don't know who this guy really is, Akane, but I intend to find out."      "How?"      "Everyone who's seen him says he's just like me.  Well, I intend to put that little theory to the test."  He stood and headed for the door.  Akane sat up, alarmed.      "Ranma!"  He turned.  "Be careful, okay?"      "Hey, Akane," he said with a trace of his usual brashness, "you know me."  He winked and walked out the door.      "Yes," she whispered, "that's why I told you to be careful. Baka."  She hugged a whimpering P-chan to her chest and tried to convince herself that there was nothing to worry about. ------------------------------------------------------------------------      I sat with my back against a tree trunk and watched the sun go down.  The evening breeze had cooled somewhat, but I didn't think the night would be intolerably cold.  And if it was, well, I'd just deal with it. I'd been through rough conditions before, training with my father. There was very little I couldn't handle.      I clenched my fingers idly into the soft grass of the riverbank. The river turned here, and this little grove of trees was a perfect place to look down the gentle slope and watch the current flowing by, or to look out over the skyline of the city and watch the sun set.  It was my own private place, a place I came to when I needed to get away from everybody and everything.  I'd never told anyone about it.      So I was surprised when I heard a soft rustle behind me, but only for a second.  After all, I supposed that I should have known.  It did make a strange kind of sense.  I spoke without turning around.      "Hello, Ranma," I said.       End part one. 01/04/97 revised July 23/97 Comments, criticisms, etc. welcome. Send to emmack@ibm.net