Notes:

The world is a dark and lonely place. I just felt like saying that, even though I'm in a good mood. Thank you. -LB

"Grey skies are gonna clear up... Put on a happy face!" I thought that the world is full of death and despression enough already. When in doubt, just sing the Archie Bunker song. Vielen Dank. -VN

our e-mails are: lbouyer@geocities.com and vnaqvi@hotmail.com respectively. Let's get em' coming in droves, 'kay?

Sailor Venus and her pals aren't owned by us, and any information you recieve to the contrary is obviously fabricated by the Sailorjupiter Cabal. To learn about ways to stop the Sailorjupiter Cabal, whose ultimate goal is the eradication of all things Mercurian and Venusian, drink your favorite intoxicating beverage and hang upside down from a fence. You'll get plenty of information. Martians are our friends, though.

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The Autobiography of Sailor V

By Aino Minako, aka Sailor V, aka Sailor Venus

Part 3

And Now, It's Time for Some Fan Mail!

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> In-Box

Well, boys and girls, it's time to check what's in the ol' mailbag for me. (ed. note: You mean the ones you didn't fabricate yourself, right? -Artemis) Just for that, you can keep that kitty litter that you have right now for an extra week. Anyways, being an international star has its perks, and this is one of 'em. I mean, other than using the paper for lighting my fireplace, that is. Anyways, here's what some people have to say about me, and remember: Anyone whose letter appears in this autobiography gets a free "I Love Sailor V" T-Shirt and Sailor V Manga! On that note, let's get on with the show!

Jon Carp (jcarp@med.unc.edu) writes:

>Huh. Questions. Do you mean like an on-line interview, so we have
>questions like, "sailor venus i say your gr8 but my brother thinks
>mercury rulez NEway will u marry me??????????? pleeeeeeez?????"

Umm, Artemis, I thought you said that you'd screen stuff like this out! (Not that I don't enjoy the attention, by any stetch of the imagination.) (ed. note: I want to see you suffer. Just this once.) Oh, allright. You're so petty, you know that?

No. Now go away before I do a Love an Beauty Shock on your lamer ass.

>Sailor Venus, I'm trying to get into the monster fighting business, but
>I live in San Francisco and have never seen a monster, much less fought
>one. How can I attract youma to me like the senshi do?

See, now there's your problem. They're all attracted to me, and you don't live where I live. So just come over to Tokyo, buy some Sailor V merchandise, and you'll be up to your armpits in youma before you can whistle my theme song.

But if you're another one of those Sailor Earth wannabes, just stay where you are. It's getting to the point where we've got to turn them away at the airport, before they even get off. You don't want to know what we do to the people who want to be Sailor Sun.

>You dye your hair, right?

Silly Haruka, always trying to pick up someone new...hey!

>Ms. Aino, I'm a big fan and everything, but can you get me a date with
>Rei? Please?

Why would you want to get a date with Rei-chan? Really, now, I'm a far better choice. I'm the senshi of love, baka! Besides, Rei's too busy with some other gal...er, guy.

>Why do you act like that?

Act like what? As if I were some kind of whacko or something? Don't be ridiculous. I get enough of that nonsense from Mr. Oh-so-wise-and-sage Artemis over here, thank you very much. (ed. note: I wonder if Luna would like to trade senshi with me?)

>Are you disappointed by your attacks? I mean, Mars gets fire, Jupiter
>gets lightning, Pluto can stop time, and you have little chains of
>hearts. Any jealousy there?

Not jealousy, but perhaps disappointment. I mean, it was fun to start with, getting that cool crescent beam. But still, who needs fire and lighting? I've got love: that's more original than anybody else. Water based attacks? Pschaw. And Jupiter Oak Revolution. What the hell's with that? Sorry, Mako-chan, but it had to be said. And besides, I make up for it with my breathtaking beauty which I stun our foes with! Why do you think they don't move while Usagi uses her Starlight Honeymoon Therapy Kiss? They're gawking at Yours Truly, of course.

>Do you ever get the urge to just...smack Usagi upside the head? Because
>god help me she needs it.

Oh, all the time. Why, there was this one time where we were at the mall, and there was this really cute guy, and... (ed. note: koff, koff...) ...Needs what? What's wrong with her? Me and her are like kindred souls, you know. We like the same kind of guys, listen to the same music...exactly what does she need it for?

>Do you want to make $$$ fast?

Sugoi! What do I have to do?

>Um...what's your exact address?

Oh, like I haven't heard that one a thousand times. You'll have to go through my publicist like everyone else.

(note: I've been informed by Artemis that I don't have a publicist. Tough luck. You're not getting my address anyway. If it's really important, give me your number, and I'll get back to you, assuming you take collect international calls.)

And Jadeite_2 (enjin@concentric.net) has this question:

>Ms. Aino, what's your take on fandom?
>How do you handle it? You always wanted to be an idol for millions. And
>as for fame, is Hollywood on your agenda? Or is the American movie
>market too corrupt for you? [You gotta feel sorry for some actors the
>way the reporters hound them] Now eventually you're gonna be stuck up in
>Crystal Tokyo. Are you gonna just sit on your ass all day and let the
>centuries roll by or what? I'm sure playing volleyball all day will get
>boring after a while especially since you know you can beat the shit out
>of everyone you play.

Y'know, I never was really big on movies. I guess I'm more a singer than an actress. Fandom? I love it! It's great, knowing that there are so many people out there who like who you are and what you do, especially when you were literally born for it.

As for Crystal Tokyo, I try not to cross that water until I bridge it. I'm sure there'll be lots to do, like concerts and stuff. And I gave volleyball a rest ages ago. Now I'm trying badminton.

Chris Davies (cdavies@gpu.srv.ualberta.ca) asks this:

> "So, are Rei and Usagi in love or what?"

No, but I've got the most *fascinating* stories about Ami and Setsuna.

Laura Hudson (lhudson@ids.net) muses over this:

>Dear Sailor Venus,
>
> Hi! I'm a big fan of yours! I know you'll probably never read this, and
>I'll probably get a form-letter mass-mailed response that would break my
>fragile, teenaged heart... (sob...) I just want to say that I think you
>and the Sailor Senshi are the greatest. I have one question: What's with
>the big red bow? Is it some sort of fashion statement. And another: How
>is being Sailor Venus different from being Sailor V?
>
> Your Loyal Fan,
> Uergkj Sofgrgy

Laura, that wounded me to the quick. Sailor V takes the time to reply to all her fan mail! And if you're ever feeling down, just write me. I'll talk with the merchandising company that I have a contract with, and I'll see if I can't send you a Sailor V doll, free of charge. That'll cheer you up right quick, won't it? Good!

The red bow? Of course it's a fashion statement, silly! And I'll be darned if every second girl I see on the street ain't wearing it. You know how they say that imitation is the greatest form of flatulence...

How is Sailor Venus different from Sailor V? Laura no baka! It's the mask, of course!

Paul Cumming (di316@freenet.carleton.ca) ponders this:

> Dear Minako,
>
> I've noticed that your characterization is somewhat different in the
>manga than the anime. In the anime, you appear very passive, not doing
>much to stick out, and only assuming a leading role once in a blue moon.
>(Pardon the pun.) But, in the manga, especially after you first appear,
>you play a very active role, and are a really aggressive fighter --
>certainly not the type of person I'd want to cross! So, my question is
>this: between the manga and anime, which is the _real_ Minako Aino? Are
>you more like your character in the anime, or the manga?
>
> Another thing I've been wondering is this: what do you think of DIC's
>editing of the Sailor Moon anime? When I saw the French version of Sailor
>Moon, I was surprised by the number of references -- in speech and
>on-screen -- to Sailor V. For example, in the first episode, when Umino
>and Naru are taking to Usagi they mention Sailor V, and you are even shown
>on-screen briefly as Sailor V.
>
> And finally... What's it like living with Artemis? He's definitely
>one of my favourite characters, what with his wise-cracking and
>mischievious attitude. Does he ever get on your nerves? Do his jokes
>ever get old? Or, is he a just a barrel of laughs and an all-around fun
>cat to be with?

Hmm, okay, I just had a discussion with the animators a while ago about this. It seems that I turned one of the animators down for a date, and now he has it out for me. But that little matter's been taken care of with a Crescent Beam in the you-know-where. But Naoko-san is absolutely the greatest! Yeah! I even cut her a piece of the SMV merchandising profit pie!

DIC? Oh they're really nice fellows. I don't agree to what they've done to me in their show, but they're good people. I mean, they could have done worse. I saw some of the previews for the Mistress Nine stuff and...well, let's just say that a guy in a basement could have done a better job.

After all, anyone who comes up with Inspector Gadget can't be all bad.

*Artemis*? Why aren't I your favorite character? What's wrong with me, huh? Oh well. I guess not everyone knows personality when they see it. Moving right along... Artemis? He can sometimes be a pain in the butt, you see. (ed. note: Mr. Cumming, you should be asking *me* the exact same question about Minako. -Artemis) See what I mean? But he's gotten me out of some tight spots, that's for sure. I mean, there was this one time where I was swimming in the local pool, and my bathing suit- (ed. note: They *don't* need to know about that, Minako. -Artemis) Oh. Okay. Hee hee hee.

Jupiter Knight (jarcher@direct.ca), when he's not pondering the meaning of life, asks this:

> Have you ever met Naoko Takeuchi, and if so, do you think she's depicted
>you correctly in her mangas?

Take a gander at above letter, Mr. Knight. You a relative of Makoto's? Are you cute?

Jennifer Teed (jellybeen@hotmail.com) spends sleepless nights tossing and turning over this:

>Why did you start off as Sailor V and not Sailor Venus? How was it possible to
>transform and stuff?

Easy. Magic. Hee hee hee!

Thus comes to a close Sailor Venus's In-Box. Remember, nothing's too good for my fans (you deserve *something* for liking me), so if you've got a question for me, just send it on in, and I'll get back to you. That is, I'll give a response. Due to the large volume of messages, no personal replies are possible.

Okay, so there aren't exactly a large volume of messages, but I'm still not giving personal replies. I *do* have other things to do, like saving the world and tests and stuff. So don't send anything that would embarass yourself, and no matter what, DON'T ask me anything about that trip to Hokkaido. I don't want to hear it.

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Hey, look! I can type the alphabet backwards!

zyxwvutsrqponmlkjihgfedcba.

Oh, and in case you're interested, that took me about 7 seconds.--