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* Circles of Time: A Sailormoon Fanfic Series *
*                                             *
* Visit the Web site at:                      *
* http://www.geocities.com/tokyo/9897/ct.htm  *
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WARNING: This chapter deals with adult situations and should be taken with 
caution.  There is no sex (almost) or foul language, but there is violence and 
harassment towards the main character.  You have been warned.

THE INFAMOUS DISCLAIMER:

Sailormoon and the characters of "Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon" were created and 
belong to Takeuchi Naoko.  Other companies such as Kodansha, Toei Animation, 
Bandai, DiC, and Mixx Entertainment hold rights to the show and/or manga.  In 
other words, I do not.  My stories and the characters I create belong to me.  
And if you use any of my characters or stories without my permission I will send 
Tuxedo Kamen after you with his cane!  (I mean it!)

================================================================================


Healing comes so painfully
And it chills to the bone.
Will anyone get close to me?
I'm damaged, as I'm sure you know.

I'm scared and I'm alone
I'm ashamed
And I need for you to know

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me.

I didn't say all the things that I wanted to say
And you can't take back what you've taken away
'Cause I feel you, I feel you near me.

There's mending for my soul
An ending to this fear
Forgiveness for a man who was stronger
I was just a little girl, but I can't go back.

	"Damaged"
	By: Plumb

~*~*~

I will not become my mother.

Every woman says that at some point in her life.  They usually have to eat those 
words years later.  But I am determined to not become my mother.  My mother is 
nothing but a woman without any feelings.  She's a cold-hearted serpent.  The 
only person she cares about is herself.  She never loved Papa, even though he 
loved her.  And she certainly doesn't love my sister and me.  Tell me, how can a 
mother not love her own children?

I am going to leave Kobe as soon as I can.  When I leave I will have my own 
life.  I will find a good paying job, get married and have children.  And I will 
love my husband and my children endlessly.  And my mother will not have anything 
to do with my new life.  She doesn't deserve it.  I disown her.  She's dead to 
me.  Even if she wants forgiveness one day, I still disown her.  She should have 
loved me from the beginning.  There's no point in starting now when it's already 
too late.

	~ Megumi


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Circles of Time: The Letter
By: Masked Maiden

Chapter One: Meiou Megumi (Blessed Darkness)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Winter, 1960
Kobe, Japan

Her hair was the color of the darkness outside the window.  It was long, 
caressing her body down to her waist, even at her young age.  Her eyes were the 
color of dark chocolate.  Yet her eyes, the windows to her soul, were closed to 
the world.  She wanted no one to know how she felt.  Her skin was pale, olive 
tinted.  It was so soft to the touch, but she desired to be left alone.  She 
preferred, for the time being, to be a porcelain doll on display under glass.  
No one knew how she felt.  She didn't know how she felt.  She wanted to 
understand herself better before she spoke to anyone, before she even looked at 
someone...

And she was just ten years old.

Tiny pearl tears escaped her closed eyes every now and then, dampening the bed 
sheets her face was buried in.  Once in a while a couple of sobs made their way 
to her throat, only to be swallowed down in one big lump.  She didn't want to 
make any noise.  She had to be very quiet.  Her mother was in the other room, 
after all.  The little girl didn't want her mother to know she was crying.  Of 
all the things she didn't want her mother to know.  Her mother wouldn't tolerate 
crying in the mansion called home.  It had been a week since it happened.  She 
suspected everyone to be over it by now.

"Megumi... what are you doing?"

>From the doorway of her daughter's bedroom, the mother stood.

"Nothin'..." said Megumi.  Her face remained buried in the soft bed sheets.

"I hope not.  If I come in there and find you crying, I'll want an explanation."

Megumi looked up with one eye, knowing nothing could cover her tear tracks.  
Nothing could cover the little white lie she had told.  Her mother had heard her 
crying and she wanted her to stop.

"Why are you crying?" her mother asked.

The little girl didn't answer at first.

"I asked you a question, Megumi.  It's only polite to answer it."

"I miss Papa."

"Of course, your father.  He's always the reason behind everything."

Megumi looked away from her mother and stared at the darkness her eyes saw when 
her face was against the bed sheets. The darkness was solitary and silent.  
Couldn't she be left alone and cry in peace?  Her papa had died a week ago 
because of a weak heart.  Or so the doctors said.  Megumi thought her papa had 
the biggest, strongest heart of any other man alive.  How she wanted to crawl 
into his lap and feel safe in his warm embrace.  He would let her cry all she 
wanted to.  He wouldn't have cared.  But now he was gone, and she was left along 
with her older sister and her mother.  She didn't want to live with her mother.  
Her mother scared her.  If she had her way, her papa would come back and her 
mother would be forced to leave forever.  And then it would be just her, her 
sister, and her papa.

"You need to stop missing him and stop crying," said her mother.  "Missing him 
and crying over him will not bring him back.  He's not coming back.  You need to 
realize this and get over it.  You have a life to live.  So stop crying!"

"I don't want to!" Megumi shouted, and that made her tears fall faster.  "Papa 
would let me cry!"

"Papa let you and Karei do anything you wanted to.  He spoiled the two of you 
rotten.  I'm not having any spoiled daughters in my household."

"I'm not spoiled!"

"Yes, you are.  You expect everyone to come at your slightest whim.  It's time 
for you to straighten up and act like the mature, proper young lady I expect you 
to be.  Now, stop crying!"

"No!  I can cry if I want to!"

Her mother wasn't going to tolerate Megumi's behavior towards her.  Such 
disrespect toward a parent had to be corrected.  Immediately.  She walked over 
to her daughter.  To Megumi it seemed as if she stomped over.  She raised a 
hand, moved it back and catapulted it towards her daughter.

Megumi was so shocked from the pain the slap brought that she did stop crying.  
She stared at her mother with huge eyes as she cradled her red cheek.  Her 
mother was known to go into fits of rage, but Megumi had never once witnessed a 
physical blow.  Was this how it was going to be for now on?

"No more crying," her mother commanded.  "You got that?"

She left Megumi's room before Megumi had a chance to answer.  It didn't matter.  
Megumi didn't feel like answering her in the first place.

A moment later, Karei silently walked into her little sister's room.  She was 
twelve years old, and had many of the same physical features her mother 
possessed.  It was more of a burden than a blessing.  When she looked in the 
mirror, she didn't see her reflection.  She saw her mother, and that was one 
person she wished not to be.

Karei climbed onto the bed next to Megumi.  She watched as Megumi crawled closer 
to her and placed her face in her lap.  Karei bent down and hugged her little 
sister, occasionally brushing away a stray hair.

"Cry all you want, Megumi," she said.  "If Oka-san comes back in here, she'll 
have to go through me first."

Megumi cried like the child that she was as her sister comforted her.  Their 
mother never returned.  She had given up on them.

And ironically, her daughters had given up on her.

Without Meiou Takara, the household grew bitter and cold.  The bitterness became 
the new lifestyle.  And that new lifestyle continued for the eight years that 
Megumi knew she had to say in Kobe.

After her papa's death, Megumi entered a tomboy phase she almost never grew out 
of.  Before everything changed for the worse, she used to love her life.  She 
loved it whenever her papa bought her a new dress for a dinner party the family 
was expected to attend.  Her papa always knew what dress she wanted and never 
hesitated to but it for her.  He knew that even little girls wanted something 
new to wear whenever they attended a special place or event.

The dinner parties and formal outings Megumi attended always looked like the 
places in her fairy tale book.  She loved every detail, from the crystalline 
chandeliers that hung over her head, to the sparkling chinaware the guests ate 
off.  Everything was bright and sparkled like diamonds.  Everyone laughed and 
carried on light conversations of good fortune and gossip.  The whole experience 
of elegance and refinery brought specks of stardust to Megumi's eyes.  She loved 
it all.  She loved it even more when her papa would sit her upon his shoulders.  
When he did that she felt tall and proud.  Megumi could see everything then.  
She was like a queen looking over her beautiful kingdom.

But the fairy tale fantasies dwindled away.  The dresses lost their emanating 
appeal and the parties lost their luster.  Megumi suddenly found a deep hatred 
in her heart toward such things.  They were also things her mother enjoyed.  
That hatred took root and blossomed into a deadly flower.  Megumi no longer 
loved the things her mother did.

She learned that rebelling made her mother mad, and so Megumi rebelled as much 
as she could.  She no longer wore the dresses she once loved.  Instead, she wore 
her play clothes.  When she grew out of her play clothes, she bought shirts and 
trousers with her own allowance.  Her mother would never buy such clothing for 
her.  If Megumi ever bought a dress, it would be one of the dresses that were in 
style - the dresses with thin straps and short skirts.  She found a certain 
appeal for those.

One day Megumi took a bold risk and went to a neighborhood salon.  She had her 
hair cut short, but not *too* short.  She knew people would mistake her as a boy 
if she did.  So a foot of her black raven hair was cut off.  It barely hung over 
her shoulders.  Megumi loved it.  Her mother hated it.

"Your hair should be longer."

"Well, it's not.  So sue me."

"If you weren't family, I would."

That's a lie, Megumi thought.

There were times when Megumi forced herself to put on a show.  She smiled 
politely at the guests and took in the comments of her appearance from her 
mother's companions and co-workers.  (She genuinely smiled whenever a compliment 
came from a handsome face.)  It was only to keep the honor in her family name 
from souring.  And it kept her mother from getting on her case.

Megumi longed for the day when she could set herself free.  For behind the 
dresses and makeup, the proper manners, dinner parties, and cultured outings, 
was a wild stallion spirit.  A spirit that coursed through her veins and kept 
her alive.  It was rebellious, untamable, and carefree.  It urged her to leave 
everything behind and roam free in wide open spaces.  But for now, Megumi 
controlled it the best she could.  But when that day came...

The day Megumi entered high school was a milestone for her.  It meant she only 
had three more years until she could buy a train ticket to Tokyo.  During her 
high school years Megumi had her first crush, her first boyfriend, and her first 
love.  Most of the young men she dated were after one thing and one thing only.  
Sometimes, when the mood was right, Megumi gave them that one thing.  She ended 
up regretting it after it was over, but she made herself think it was better 
than going home early.  Expect for her sister, she wasn't loved at home, so 
perhaps for one night she could let a man love her.

Megumi found other things to escape in other than men.  She found her heart was 
in track and field and basketball.  How wonderful it felt to have a crowd 
cheering her on.  She loved everything about her favorite sports.  They gave her 
a sense of peace and belonging, something to look forward to the next day.  She 
was almost miserable whenever basketball or track and field season was over.

But the one thing Megumi loved with a pure passion was music.  Music was able to 
fill a hole in her soul, a hole she had tried to fill with either sports or 
boys.  Music spoke to her.  Music completed her.  There was just something about 
getting up in front of an audience and singing her heart out that had an appeal 
to it.  She loved singing and playing the piano.  When she got her hands on a 
used guitar at a second hand shop, she loved it even more than the piano.  At 
night when everyone was sleeping Megumi quietly strummed her instrument and 
wrote songs.  If Megumi didn't try to make a career out of becoming a 
songwriter, she decided she would go into music education.  The only one thing 
she loved more than music was children.

Six months after her eighteenth birthday, Megumi was still in Kobe.  However, it 
was only two weeks away from high school graduation.  After graduation, Megumi 
was a free bird.

Yet there *was* one thing that held Megumi back.  Something... someone...

Kaiou Masoto.

He was the son of a wealthy lawyer, and had been her next-door neighbor since 
she was a baby learning how to crawl.  When she was a child, she found him 
repulsive and annoying.  The thought of catching a glimpse of him made her skin 
shiver with revulsion of him.  But now, Megumi was older and more mature.  She 
learned that Masoto was also older and more mature.  He was now an intelligent 
young man who was in competition with her for the title of valedictorian.  But 
Masoto was a dreamer, and cared nothing for the life of facts and figures.  He 
was planning to attend an arts college in the spring to become a famous 
composer.

"I'll be so famous people will forget the name Mozart."

A short girl with lavender hair became puzzled.  "Who's Mozart?"

Megumi shook her head at her best friend's question.  "You've lived a sheltered 
life..."

"I was only kidding.  Mozart was that deaf composer, right?"

"That's Beethoven!"

Masoto shrugged.  "Well, as least she got the occupation right."

The short girl stormed away, fuming mad.  "Oh leave me alone!  I'm stressed 
out!" 

He wasn't just a man with intelligence and a virtuoso talent in music.  Many of 
the female students found Masoto attractive.  Very attractive.  Megumi couldn't 
take her eyes off of him.

Masoto had to be the most handsome man alive, or at least the most handsome man 
in the land of the rising sun.  Whatever artist it was that created him made a 
true work of art.  There was no flaw about him.  He was a perfect six foot three 
male with broad shoulders, and a well-chiseled chest of hard muscle.  His hair 
was dark brown, like the sodden soil tilled up by a farmer's hoe.  And his 
eyes... they were the most unique and beautiful eyes Megumi had ever seen.  They 
were a clash of blue and green; neither color would give up its dominance.  When 
one looked in his eyes, it was like watching the raging waves of the morning 
ocean at the bay.  And when he smiled, Megumi wished he were smiling only for 
her.

That'll be the day, she would say to herself.  Masoto-san probably doesn't even 
like you as friend.  You never gave him a chance in junior high.

Her thoughts changed one day after a track meet.
It was after the last track meet of the school year.  Megumi placed first in the 
1,000-meter dash after beating the young lady from Mugen-Azuma Gakuen with the 
nickname "Unbeatable Wind."  (Mugen-Azuma was an eastern branch of Mugen Gakuen, 
which was located in Tokyo.  Mugen Gakuen would later be owned by the Professor 
Tomoe Souichi, after the former owner dies in a mysterious explosion...)

"She'll never be able to live up that that name again," Megumi said, proud of 
herself.

Karei wryly smiled.  "Let's not get too cocky over it.  She could have beaten 
you just the same."

Masoto had stayed over that day.  Megumi never figured out why Masoto had stayed 
after school that day until later on.  He never had before.  If he stayed after 
just to talk to her, she was blind to the idea.  She never asked him, and 
frankly, she didn't care.

"How come a pretty songbird like you runs track?" he asked her.

Megumi raised her brow at the peculiar name.  "Songbird?" she repeated.

"I've heard you sing, Megumi-san."

"You have?"  Megumi was shocked, yet thrilled to hear such news.  She began to 
wonder if Masoto loved her singing, and if the "kawaii" name he gave her was a 
compliment after all.  He did say pretty before it!  If it were, did that mean 
he was interested in her?  Or was he only being nice?

"Course I have!  You've sung in front of the entire school before.  I could 
never do that.  Sing, I mean.  I can handle conducting since my back is 
towards the audience.  I couldn't look at the audience, though.  You have a 
talent in that.  I'm just curious to know why you like sports."

"Can't a girl like both?"

"I'm not saying you can't.  You just don't appear to be a sports girl.  Girls as 
pretty as you are aren't into sports."

"So you're saying that since I'm pretty I'm not the type to play sports?"

Masoto hung his head as he leaned over the field's fence.  He laughed to 
himself.  "I'm not making any sense, am I?  I didn't mean to offend you.  What I 
really wanted to do was ask you out tonight."

The whole world stopped.

"M-Me?" she said.  "Tonight?"

"Well, you're the only one around here.  I hope I wasn't asking someone 
invisible out.  Be kind of hard to carry on a conversation here."

Megumi didn't know whether to laugh or not.  It ended up coming out as a nervous 
chuckle.

"So would you like to go out tonight?"

"S-Sure!  I'd love to."

"All right.  I'll pick you up at seven-thirty.  See you then, Megumi-san."

He smiled as he walked away.

And the smile was for ONLY her.

Megumi thought she would die.  If she did, she wouldn't care.  She would die 
happy.

"You better watch it with that guy, Meiou-sempai."

Megumi turned around and saw one of her teammates standing beside her.  "What 
for?" she asked.  "I've known the guy all my life."

"I know that, but you might not know him well enough.  I've heard rumors about 
him... too many, in fact.  The thing is... I've heard they're mostly true."

Megumi picked up her duffel bag and walked away.  "Get real.  I know Masoto-san 
well enough.  There's nothing to worry about."

"Well don't say I didn't warn you!  I'll have a big 'I-told-you-so' speech ready 
if something happens!"

Megumi called her best friend as soon as she got home from the track meet.

"How come you get all the handsome guys?!"

Megumi thought of her friend to be quiet and soft-spoken most of time.  Loudness 
came with excitement.  She had to be excited, or terribly appalled.  Megumi had 
to jerk the phone away from her ear.  She finally spoke when she was sure her 
friend wouldn't scream again.

"Should I tell your darling boyfriend that?" Megumi asked.  "I'm sure he'd like 
to know."

"Kosaku is different.  He's something better than handsome."

Megumi rolled her eyes.  "Oh, yeah, Setsuko.  Sure he is..."

"And what's that supposed to mean?"

"Nothing at all!"

Nihoyomu Setsuko had been Megumi's best friend since the beginning of grade 
school.  Every passing day seemed to bring them closer together into a bond of 
friendship that no force, physical or supernatural, could break.  Megumi in a 
sense needed Setsuko for her survival.  She only knew of three people who truly 
loved her.  Her papa, who was now deceased, her sister, and Setsuko.  If Megumi 
lost one more person she loved, could she possibly live?

Setsuko was a woman of unique character.  There was no distinction between the 
two personalities she, somehow, possessed.  One moment she could be the most 
quiet, soft-spoken, and caring person that graced the planet.  At other times 
she was loud, obnoxious, and gave no inkling of compassion or sympathy.  
Sometimes when an overload of stress was on her shoulders, she appeared to be 
spaced out, "out of order", as Megumi loved to put it.  Those moments made it 
hard to believe how smart she really was.  Setsuko wasn't the academically 
gifted person, but her grades in school were satisfying.

Her personality changes were something Megumi found she liked about Setsuko - 
she would at least get one surprise a day.

Setsuko was also very becoming.  She was the one with the boyishly cut, lavender 
hair, whose eyes amazingly matched the color of her tresses.  Yet Setsuko was 
strikingly... short.  There was a half of a foot difference between Megumi and 
Setsuko's heights.  But her handicap in stature meant nothing.  It certainly 
didn't keep her from having a boyfriend, the handsome senior.  The one with all-
knowing brown eyes and longish deep blue hair.   The one who, to her, was the 
answer to her prayers.

"Well, anyway," Setsuko said, "have a good time tonight."

Megumi's grin was conceived from the purely wicked ideas that entered her mind.  
"Oh, I will."

Setsuko could tell by the tone of her friend's voice what she was implying.  
"When I said 'good time,' I meant to a certain extent!  Don't be so ecchi!"

"I know what you meant.  But if he makes a move, I just might respond."

"And you'll regret it just like every time before that.  I know you, Megumi-
chan.  So please don't even consider it."

Megumi allowed Setsuko's words to go through one ear and out the other.  "I'll 
think about it," she said, like she did every time.

Setsuko knew she wouldn't.  "Megumi-chan, you're hopeless..."

Masoto drove up in his red and luxurious BMW convertible a few minutes past 
seven-thirty.  He was prepared to apologize for his tardiness as Megumi answered 
the door.  But when he took a good look as her, he became speechless.

Her beauty captivated him.  He was drawn to her, like moths to a flame.  He knew 
that if he stared at her for too long he would surely go blind from her 
radiance.  She wore a navy blue fashionable dress that complimented all her 
curves.  Especially her breasts.  The dress was low cut, but hid her small yet 
well rounded breasts just enough for a man to fantasize over them, wondering 
what would it take to have a small peek behind the fabric.  And the dress was 
tastefully short, showing off her long and slender legs.  It was like being in 
the presence of an angel.  

Behave yourself, Masoto said to himself.  Now's not the time or place to gawk at 
her.

Megumi began wondering why Masoto was being incredibly quiet.  The date hadn't 
exactly begun and he was already silent.  "What are you staring at?" she asked 
him.

"Uh..." Masoto felt his ears burn a bright red.  "Nothing... Let's go!"

He held out his hand as a prince would for his princess.  Megumi placed her hand 
into his and was escorted to the convertible.  An invisible trail of bliss was 
left behind as they drove away to the restaurant.

Masoto glanced at her from the corner of his eye.  The night breeze had captured 
her raven black hair, making it flutter ever so gracefully.  Streetlights 
aligned on each side or the highway gave off sources of white light.  The light 
illuminated against her olive skin, giving it a whitish hue.  Was there anything 
that couldn't make this young lady even more beautiful?

I have got to have her, he said to himself.  It'll be a wasted night if I don't.

They went to a restaurant by the name of "Luna Halo", located in the heart of 
Kobe.  Luna Halo "emanated" an atmosphere of space and fantasy, concocted with 
dreams or peace.  The image of tiny stars against a blue-black sky was painted 
on the walls above the shimmering white-silver paneling.  Lights shaped like the 
sun and moon hung from the ceiling, gradually turning around on a transparent 
axis.  Tiny spotlights were also in the ceiling, although bright, made the 
restaurant dim.  Nightly.  There were booths and tables to sit at, as well as a 
bar; stained oak wood was the substance of these.  The floor was black-blue 
blocks together as one.

Walking into that restaurant was almost like walking into space - to be in the 
presence of another time and era.

Megumi and Masoto sat in a corner booth with a window.  Several minutes later a 
waitress came by and took their order.

"So what are your plans after high school?" Masoto asked Megumi, after the 
waitress had left.

Megumi replied, "Setsuko and I'll be leaving for Bunkyo-ku University."

"In Tokyo?"

"Hai.  I want to get as far away from Kobe as I possibly can."

"Because of your mother.  Right?"

"Humph.  I suppose everyone knows about my problems with Oka-san."

"Well, I can't blame you.  I'd want to leave if I had to live with her.  From 
what Otou-san tells me, she forced your father to change his will so neither you 
nor Karei-san could have any of the inheritance."

"Your father should know.  He was Papa's lawyer."

"Otou-san says you and Karei-san should take it to court.  It's not right for 
her to get everything."

"We wouldn't win.  The only evidence is the will.  That's the only thing the 
court would go by.  Besides, it's not worth it."

"Millions of yen that had your name on it is not worth it?"

She turned her attention to the life outside the window.  "Masoto-san, let's 
change the subject."

He finally noticed the topic of conversation was upsetting her.  So he raised 
his hands in surrender and nodded.  The subject was dropped, and so was most of 
the taking for the remainder of the date.

When they left the restaurant it was nine o'clock.  It was too early to go home, 
and too late to catch the nightly showings at the movie theater.  So Megumi and 
Masoto got into the BMW and cruised around the city of Kobe.

Masoto looked over at Megumi and smiled.  "I have an idea of where we could go," 
he said.

"Really?" she said.  "Where?"

"It's a surprise.  Just trust me on this."

Megumi furrowed her brow at the withholding of information.  But it didn't 
bother her much.  She figured he was only trying to be cute.  She leaned back in 
the car seat with her hands behind her head and shrugged.

"Whatever you say."

His smile grew wicked.  "How about covering your eyes?"

Deciding to play along, Megumi took a hand from behind her head and covered her 
eyes.

"You better not have anything stupid in mind," she said.  "If you do this hand 
will leave an imprint on your face."

"Don't worry about that.  This will be something you'll never forget."

To Megumi it seemed as if he drove for an eternity.  After the occasional stops 
by the traffic lights, and the reminders from Masoto to keep her eyes closed, 
the engine finally turned off.  She heard Masoto take the keys out of the 
ignition and place them in his pocket.  Her ears heard the sounds of nocturnal 
wildlife - the chirping of the grasshoppers and the early June bugs, the hooting 
of the wild owl, and the whispering of the spring wind.  Megumi began to ponder 
over their location.  Where were they?  From was it sounded like, they were very 
close to a woodland area, but the closest woodland area in Kobe was hundreds of 
meters away.  Except for one place.

Mori no Koibito - Lover's Forest

But why on Earth would Masoto pick, of all places, Mori no Koibito?  It was a 
naïve question.  Megumi knew the answer long before she asked the question.

"All right," said Masoto.  "Open your eyes."

Megumi wasn't sure if she wanted to.  At first, when she was talking to Setsuko, 
she wanted to be in a position similar to the one she was in.  But now, what 
happened.  It was as if, supernaturally, her mind had been changed for her.  She 
remembered the last thing Setsuko had said to her before she got off the phone.


	"I'll be praying for you.  I hope you don't make the wrong decision."


Although raised Shinto, Megumi never believed in the power of prayer, or the 
existences of paranormal beings somewhere in the outers of space and time.  Her 
best friend believed in one supreme being.  Her best friend was always talking 
about how God answered prayers.  Megumi wondered if this was the going of the 
Supreme Being Setsuko talked about, or if it was just a change of heart and 
mind.

"What are we doing here?" she asked.

He pretended to be stretching his arms as he placed one around her shoulders and 
stared at the night sky.  She was repulsed by his "discreet" actions.

"I just thought you'd enjoy some star gazing away from the city lights."

Oh I'm sure, Megumi thought.  And what else do you want me to gaze at?

"I don't think star gazing is the only reason," she said.

Masoto wryly grinned.  "Okay, so maybe not.  But what difference does it make?"

"A lot if I don't want to!"

"I want to."

Megumi was disgusted by Masoto's attitude.  If that was how Masoto treated every 
single girl he went out with, she wondered why she'd ever grown to like him... 
to want him, to be infatuated with him.  And she wondered how Masoto became that 
way.  Testosterone was almost always the guilty culprit, but behind it was a 
catalyst of either peer pressure or a woman's beauty.  There was also the 
yearning for control and power, to know he could have a woman as putty in his 
hands.  She wasn't going to let him control her.  Not without a fight, at least.

"I'm sorry," Megumi said to him.  "Sometimes you don't get what you want."

After the very last word came from her mouth, Megumi heard the doors being 
locked.  One after another the latches on the doors went down.  The engine was 
cranked long enough to put the roof up.  In that very short period of time 
Megumi could have undone her seatbelt and jumped out of the convertible.  Surely 
she was fast enough to outrun him, if he had ever chased after her.  Why didn't 
she think of that?  Why couldn't she move?

"I do," Masoto said.  "I always get what I want... And I want you."  He leaned 
closer to her to plant a kiss upon her lips, accompanied by roaming eyes and 
roaming fingers.  Those roaming eyes and roaming fingers were ready to trespass 
into forbidden places.

Megumi instinctively backed away until her body was pressed against the door.  
There was no escaping.

"Masoto-san, no... No!"  She continued to yell for him to cease his action, 
knowing her attempts to stop him with words was futile.  But she was frozen, 
unable to move.  She could only stare at him and know of the monstrosity of his 
intentions.  The only thing she could do was scream, and hope someone would hear 
her.

He covered her mouth with his hand and spat in her face.  "Not another word from 
you.  You do as I say and we'll both have some fun tonight.  Don't be so 
uptight.  Just relax.  This'll be a night you'll never forget."

Megumi could think of only one thing to do, and she did it.  She bit his hand as 
hard as she could -- so hard that she could almost feel the blood trickling down 
her lips.  Masoto yelled in pain and held his throbbing hand, releasing Megumi 
from his grasp.  Megumi took the advantage of her freedom and scrambled to the 
driver's side of the car to unlock the doors.  Masoto grabbed her by the arm 
before her hand touched the latch.  He jerked her toward him and slapped her in 
the face with full force.  She fell against the steering wheel and caused the 
horn to go off.  It went on and on and on...

Masoto grabbed her away from the wheel by the arms and pulled her close to his 
body.  He wrapped his arms around her and meshed her body against his, wanting 
her as close as she could possibly be.  He wanted to feel her full breasts and 
every curve of her body, and he wanted to feel her lips.  Masoto kissed her hard 
and abruptly, easing up and then pounding down on her.  He forced her lips to 
part so he could slip his tongue inside her mouth.

Megumi tried screaming through the kiss, but only muffles and air filled her 
cheeks.  Soon that air would have to be released.

<Oh kami, make him stop!  Please, make him stop! >  His kisses were like knives 
stabbing her, each one more painful than the other.  She started to feel 
something bulge in his pants.  She balled her hands into fists to beat him while 
also trying to push herself away.  Masoto soon became agitated.  He did stop 
kissing, and she was able to breathe again.

"You're mine for the night, so stop fighting," he sneered.  "Or do you prefer 
this night to be a rough one?"

"I hate you!"

"Now, now... let's not feel that way."

"I do, I hate you!  You're nothing but an oversized dick!"

With a hand around each of her wrists, Masoto pushed her down onto the front 
seat of the car.  He slapped her once, and then twice.  His hand became a fist 
and constantly struck her in several places.  Before and after every punch she 
wailed and felt the stinging hot tears of hate and angst fall down her bruised 
cheeks.  

After the beating he grabbed hold of her wrists once more and held her down.  He 
pulled her dress off, unveiling her panties and bra, and laid his body on top of 
hers.

Megumi continued to yell.

"PEASE!  STOP IT!  LET ME GO!  PLEASE, JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!"

He couldn't stand to hear her yell anymore.  He ripped her panties off and used 
them as a gag.

"Shut up!  Just shut up!  I don't want to hear another word from you!  Now be 
quiet and just give in.  It'll all be worth it in the morning..."

As he molested her, she could do nothing but sob and cry for salvation that 
wasn't in reach...

~*~*~

She stood in the dark night cold, staring at the massive house she referred to 
as "home."  Not a light was on, except for the dim outside light that was kept 
on overnight.  

To walk inside and enter its vastness would be a portal into the depths of her 
own heart -- there was nothing to feel except an echoing emptiness that only 
grew louder and more arduous by the minute.

Megumi could hardly place one foot after another without wanting to whimper in 
pain.  She dreaded every step she took, and each step brought her closer to soon 
coming conviction.

Why even continue?  Couldn't it all be a nightmare she would wake up from?  It 
was difficult to tell.  Fantasy and reality gelled together in erratic 
hallucinations.  They wanted to keep her from remembering.  Megumi knew no good 
came from forgetting, no matter how much it hurt or how much she wanted to.  To 
forget of to remember -- that was the question.  The strongest would win the 
battle, and neither would give in to the other.

Megumi just wanted to go to bed.

As Megumi limped inside, she found Karei asleep on the couch after staying up 
for so long, waiting for her to return.  Megumi skulked to her bedroom and 
closed the door behind her.  The solitary sound of the door creaking could be 
heard.  She froze for a moment, intently listening to see if Karei woke up.  She 
heard nothing; Megumi was grateful.

Afterwards she turned the lights on in her room.  Her eyes squinted at their 
brilliant presence.  She walked over to the bathroom connected to her room as 
her eyes adjusted to the brightness.

She preferred the darkness.  In the darkness she was able to hide from the world 
and not be seen.  But even in the darkness, there was the feeling of someone 
watching her.  Weren't there any secrets from the world?

The mirror over her dresser was on her way to the bathroom.  Megumi stared at 
her reflection.

Who was that in the mirror?  Was THAT her?

Evil hands and trailing tears smeared the makeup she had applied with care.  Her 
dress, her favorite dress, was wrinkled and shredded.  Loose thread hung and 
marks were visible.  One of thin straps was torn off and now dangled in the 
back.  That wasn't the worse part, for clothes were material objects and could 
be replaced.  

What about her body?

She looked at her battered face.  There were swelling bruises all over her face 
from the slaps and punches.  One of the punches gave her a black eye.  Red 
manmade force marks were around her wrists and down her thighs, from where he 
held her down and where he... where the blood trailed down her legs... She had a 
feelings those marks would become dark bruises as well.

The rest of her body had similar marks of assault.  She was battered and broken 
into a thousand pieces scattered all over the floor, with no clue as to how to 
put herself back together again.  The mending would never be complete.  There 
would always be that one piece missing for the rest of her life.  It left a hole 
in her soul so large, so vulnerable, so very painful.  She would never be able 
to find it.  It was gone forever.

Megumi closed the bathroom door and turned the shower on.  Perhaps she could 
wash it away...


The grandfather clock in the parlor chimed on the half-hour.  Karei jerked out 
of her catnap and looked for the time.  It was one thirty in the morning, two 
hours and thirty minutes past her little sister's curfew.  She still wasn't home 
yet.  

Karei had decided to stay up and wait for Megumi to return.  She wanted to have 
those lights on right as the door closed so she could scare Megumi to death for 
making her sit and worry.  It would be the last date Megumi could go one for a 
while.

"If Oka-san won't raise her, then I certainly will," Karei muttered to the dark.  
"There's no point in missing her curfew like this!"

Karei wrapped her robe around her as she got up.  She grabbed her stomach and 
winced.  It had been tied in knots from all the dread she had put herself 
through since she realized Megumi was late.  

It was becoming too much.  Karei walked to the kitchen and poured her a glass of 
water.  She found a packet of Alka-Seltzer and dropped both tablets in the 
water.  The fizzling liquid hit her stomach like a ton of bricks.

She asked out loud, "Where is she?  She's never out this late... Maybe something 
happened... Oh kami, I hope not..."

That was when Karei heard the shower upstairs.

"What in the world...?"

She followed the sound, walking upstairs and down the dark and silent corridors 
until she came to Megumi's bedroom.  The door was closed, but Karei saw a thin 
strip of light coming from the crack at the bottom.  That meant Megumi was 
actually home.  She must have sneaked in while I was dozing, Karei thought.  It 
didn't answer the question why she was taking a shower, though.

"Megumi?" Karei said.  "Are you in there?"

Karei received no response.  She figured Megumi couldn't hear her with doors 
closed and the shower running.

"All right, I'm coming in there..."

She marched into the bathroom with authority and threw the shower curtain to the 
other side.  A surprised Megumi quickly turned around, almost slipping off the 
shower mat.  She covered her breasts with her arms on reflex and almost 
screamed.  For a moment she almost thought Masoto had followed her home...

"Karei?!"

"Megumi!  What are you doing?!  It's one-thirty and you're taking a..."

Her words ceased.  She stared at her little sister and saw the bruises and force 
marks that plagued her body.  Then she saw the trail of blood that ran down her 
legs.  Karei could feel dear, remorse, and shame in the base of her stomach.  It 
rose to the base of her throat, making her want to sob.  At least it untied the 
gnarling knots her stomach had been in.

Megumi uselessly tried to cover her body from Karei.  "Please... don't look..."

"But you... Megumi...?  Oh, kami, what happened to you?"

"Karei, get out!  Onegai!"

"I don't think so!  You tell me what happened!"

Megumi tossed her head to and fro in hysteria.  "I can't, I can't, I can't..."

"Please, Megumi... Did... did Kaiou-san do this to you?"

She looked at her older sister with eyes that were afraid.  Fear rushed through 
them.  What would happen if she told her sister the truth?  Karei could already 
see what the truth was, but admitting, out loud, had a different effect on 
everything.  If she admitted it to her sister, then she would be admitting it to 
herself...

Megumi nodded.  There, she admitted it to the whole world.  Was everyone happy 
now?!  Something inside of her broke free when the truth was told.  Dungeon bars 
were raised.  She broke down and cried the tears she had held back since it all 
ended.  She wailed, hurt and in agony from the wound she had opened, "HE RAPED 
ME!"

Those three words were a fatal bullet lodging into Karei's heart.  Her mind 
wouldn't accept it -- her precious little sister was raped at the hands of a 
long time friend of the family.  She wouldn't have believed if Megumi weren't 
standing there in front of her.  Why could she not believe her now?  The beating 
she had gone through... how come it had to be her sister?

Karei found a towel in the closet and wrapped it around Megumi's body.  She led 
her out of the shower and gently hugged her, careful not to squeeze.  Like a 
newborn she softly hushed her with a soothing voice, hoping to calm her down 
before their mother woke up.  Megumi still heaved and shook.  Nothing could calm 
her down.

"I tried to stop him, but he wouldn't stop... he wouldn't stop it..."

"Shh... it's all right.  He won't do it again, I promise..."

<At least I hope so...>

"What is going on in here?"

Their mother walked into the steamy bathroom after being awakened by the 
horrific sounds of one of her daughters wailing.  She stood at the doorway, as 
she always did, and stared at Karei and Megumi.  What a scene.  They sat on a 
damp bathroom rug, Karei holding Megumi like a fragile doll in her lap, and 
Megumi whimpering like a beaten puppy after being punished by its owner.  She 
looked as if she had been beaten.  The mother looked at Megumi, waiting for her 
to speak to her.

"Well?" she said.  "What happened to you?"

Karei had never wanted to strike her mother than ever that moment.  "Just leave 
her alone, Oka-san.  It wasn't her fault."

"I'll say if it was her fault or not.  Did some man do this?"

"Why would you care?  You never cared before."

"So it was a man."  She turned her eyes to Megumi again.  "Who was it, Megumi?"

Megumi shook her head.  "I don't know," she whispered.  She didn't want her 
mother knowing who had done it.  Her mother had more faith in Masoto than her 
own daughters.  She wouldn't have believed her if she told the truth.

Her mother walked away, not satisfied with the answer but not caring either way.  
"Well, don't tell anyone about this.  I don't want any slander brought on to our 
family name.  I've worked too hard to get us where we are today."

For once in her life, Megumi did as her mother said.  But it wasn't for her 
mother - it was for herself.  Who would believe her if she told?  It was best to 
keep it a secret.  Maybe she would tell Setsuko someday... but for now, no one 
was going to know about it.

~*~*~

Masoto ended up receiving the honor of being the valedictorian for the Akurai 
Academy's graduating class of 1968.  Megumi remembered watching him walk onto 
the platform and being applauded for his great efforts and accomplishments 
during his three years of high school.  Everyone loved him.  She hated him.  
Setsuko hated him for what he had done to her best friend.  Hoshino Kosaku, 
Setsuko's boyfriend, hated him as well.  He didn't know Megumi as well as his 
girlfriend did, but he knew how much she meant to her.  That was enough to make 
him hate the man.

In fact, they were the only three people that stayed in their seats when Masoto 
received a standing ovation from the entire student body and from hundreds of 
parents and teachers.

He may have been smarter than Megumi, she knew he did NOT deserve such an honor.  
If only she had said something about the rape.  He would have been disqualified 
and she would have been the valedictorian.


	"So, you didn't get valedictorian.  I suppose you slacked a bit at the end 
	of the year.  I'm not very surprised.

	Karei stood up at the dining table and slammed her fork down in front of 
	her mother.  "Oka-san, that's enough!  Megumi worked hard all through high 
	school and you know it!"

	Megumi folded her arms on the table and hid her face from the world.  She 
	did her best not to yell at her mother, although she felt she deserved it.


Why didn't she speak up?  Was it the fear of having everyone know about it?  Or 
was it the fear of believing Masoto would do it again?

Megumi decided it was both.

Two days after the graduation ceremonies, Megumi knew it was time to make her 
dramatic exit from Kobe.  She would slam the door in her mother's face and on 
her old life she was forced to perform in, like a child playing house.  With 
Setsuko tagging along to share the new adventures of college and adulthood, she 
could have a life of independence, without the abuse, without the shame, without 
the remembrances, without the guilt, and without the worry...

Hopefully.  If any of those things followed her, she would be able to stand them 
better in Tokyo than in the place they generated from.

Megumi drove to Setsuko's house to pick her up.  She already said goodbye to her 
sister, never expecting to cry as much as she did.  The only set back concerning 
her leaving Kobe was also leaving Karei behind.  


	"You could always come with us," Megumi said.

	Karei smiled, thinking how appealing that offer sounded.  "I wish I could.
	But don't worry.  I'll be bugging you again in no time."


Karei promised to move to Tokyo when the remaining of her two years of college 
was over.  Megumi couldn't wait for that day to come.

She also couldn't wait for Setsuko to stop saying goodbye to Kosaku.  She was 
about to cry there as well... from boredom.  It was sweet, romantic, yet in a 
sickening, soap opera way.

"I'll come to Tokyo as soon as I get a break from college."

"Please do.  I love you."

"I love you too."

Megumi honked her car horn.  "Let's move it, people!  We haven't got all day!  
We've got things to do and places to see!"

Kosaku kissed his girlfriend goodbye, already kissing her sweet lips.  When 
would the next time be until he could feel them again?  

Setsuko climbed into Megumi's compact import car and rolled down the window as 
Megumi cranked the engine.  She continued to wave at Kosaku as Megumi drove out 
of the pathway.  When they were on the road.  Megumi grabbed Setsuko's shirttail 
and pulled her back into car.  She hit her head on the hood of the car as she 
fell back into the seat.

"Sorry about that," Megumi said.

"No, you're not."

"You're right.  I'm not!"  She gave a wicked laugh as Setsuko pretended to back 
away from her, making a cross with her fingers.

"I think you're getting a little weird..."

For seven long hours the two ladies drove to Tokyo, stopping once to eat and 
twice when they found a place with a rest room.  They managed to make the trip 
at least entertaining.  Megumi and Setsuko sung at the top of their lungs, 
trying to be louder than the music blaring from the car speakers. 

"Oh yes, I am wise, but it's wisdom born of pain..."

"... Yes, I've paid the price, but look at how much I gained..."

Whenever they stopped at a red light, people in surrounding cars would look at 
them, thinking they were asylum rejects.  

But tonight it didn't matter.  By the end of the week the young ladies would 
have entered the real world as college students, with their own jobs, able to 
depend on their own person.  The thought brought a chilling fear for the 
unexpected, but also an adrenaline that was enough to pull them through the 
hardships to come.  If it all soured, they always had each other.

Late that evening, Setsuko almost stood up from excitement.  She pointed to 
something in the distance... a landmark scene...

"Look, look, look!  Right there on the right!"

Megumi smiled.  "I see it."


	WELCOME TO TOKYO


The land of freedom had been found.

======
End of Chapter One


If I say, "Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me," even the darkness will no be dark to You; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to You.

	~ Psalm 139:11,12


~*~*~
Author's Notes: (You knew they were coming!)

Just in case you didn't know...

a) Onegai means, "please."  

b) Oka-san means, "mother."

c) Otou-san means, "father."

d) Kawaii means, "cute."  All of us Chibimoon fans should know that. :D

e) Kami means, "god" or "gods."  In this chapter, it means, "gods" since Megumi 
is raised to be Shinto, and that is a polytheist religion (worshipping more than 
one god).

f) Luna Halo is actually one of my favorite bands.  If you love Christian rock, 
you have to check these guys out!  Go to http://www.sparrowrecords.com/ for 
information on the band and their CD.  (Also, listen to the clip for the song 
"Superman."  It's my favorite song. ^_-)

g) Yes, Kaiou Masoto is Michiru's father.  (Oy, it's hot in here!  Is if just me 
or the flames piling up?)  I don't know if he will change his ways or not, yet.  
I write as I go along, it's all part of discovery.  So you will find out when I 
find out.

h) The lyrics "Oh yes, I am wise, but it's wisdom born of pain.  Yes, I've paid 
the price, but look at how much I gained" are from the song "I am Woman" by 
Helen Reddy.  Yes, I know it's a 70s song and that this story takes place in 
1968.  But I couldn't think of a good 60s song!
 
i) You've read already that this chapter had dealt with the issue of rape.  
Rape, in any form, is wrong and should be stopped.  Too many women, and men, 
have had to be the victims of this crime.  I also touched the issue of verbal 
abuse.  It doesn't matter what form is comes in, abuse is abuse is abuse.  
There's no justifying it.