From: Elki
>Womanspeak English
> ------------------------------------
>* You want <=> You want
>* We need <=> I want
>* It's your decision <=> The correct decision should be obvious by now
>* Do what you want <=> You'll pay for this later
>* We need to talk <=> I need to complain
>* Sure... go ahead <=> I don't want you to.
>* I'm hungry <=> (a) Make me something to eat.
> (b) Stop what you are doing, scrape together
> your last $5, and go drive across town and
> get me something to eat. -- I don't care if
> what you are doing is important.
>* I'm not upset <=> Of course I'm upset,you moron.
>* You're ... so manly <=> You need a shave and you sweat a lot.
>* You're certainly <=> Is sex all you ever think about?
> attentive tonight.
>* I'm not emotional! <=> I'm on my period.
> And I'm not overreacting!
>* Be romantic, turn <=> I have flabby thighs.
>out the lights.
>* This kitchen is so <=> I want a new house.
>inconvenient
>* The car is empty <=> Go fill it up
>* The trash is full <=> Take it out
>* The dog is barking <=> Go outside in your underwear and see
> what is wrong
>* I want new curtains <=> and carpeting, and furniture, and
> wallpaper.....
>* I need wedding shoes <=> the other 40 pairs are the wrong shade of
> white
>* Hang the picture there<=> NO, I mean hang it there!
>* I heard a noise <=> I noticed you were almost asleep.
>* Do you love me? <=> I'm going to ask for something expensive.
>* How much do you love <=> I did something today you're really not
> me going to like.
>* I'll be ready in <=> Kick off your shoes and find a good game on
> a minute. T.V.
>* Is my butt fat? <=> Tell me I'm beautiful.
>* You have to learn <=> Just agree with me.
> to communicate.
>* Are you listening <=> Too late, you're dead.
> to me!?
>* It's all right, dear. <=> You'll pay for this.
>* No <=> No
>* Maybe <=> No
>* Yes <=> No
>* I'm sorry. <=> You'll be sorry.
>* Do you like this <=> It's easy to fix,
> recipe? so you'd better get used to it.
>* Was that the baby ? <=> Why don't you get out of bed and
> walk him until he goes to sleep.
>* I'm not yelling ! <=> Yes I am yelling because
> I think this is important.
>* All we're going to <=> It goes without saying that we're stopping
>buy is s soap dish at the cosmetics department, the shoe
> department, I need to look at a few
> new pocket books, and OMIGIOD there's
> a sale in lingerie, and wouldn't these
> pink sheets look great in the bedroom
> and did you bring your checkbook?
>
> ------------------- /* in answer to "What's wrong?" */
> --The same old thing. <=> Nothing.
> --Nothing. <=> Everything.
> --Everything. <=> My PMS is acting up.
> --Nothing, really. <=> It's just that you're such an asshole.
> --I don't want to <=> Go away, I'm still building up steam.
>talk about it.
> --What makes you <=> I'm going to kill you.
>think there is
>something wrong?
---------------------------------------------------------------
ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED ACTIVITY CALORIES BURNED
---------------------------------------------------------------
REMOVING CLOTHES: ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE:
With partner's consent.....12 Shoes flew off...............35
Without partner's consent.187 Expression didn't change....1/2
Orchestra swelled.............6
UNHOOKING BRA: Birds sang
Using two calm hands........7 Large birds..................7
Using one trembling hand...36 Small birds..................3
Earth moved..................30
Lifting partner.............15 PULLING OUT:
Dragging partner on floor..16 After orgasm................1/2
Using skateboard............3 A few moments before orgasm.500
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS: PENIS ENVY:
For normal healthy man....2.5 For woman.....................3
Losing erection............14 For men......................72
Searching for it..........115
GUILT:
PUTTING ON CONDOM: Despite no formal training,
With erection.............1.5 orgasm comes easily..........53
Without erection..........300 You're enjoying sex,despite the
fact that other people are
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM: starving......................2
If the woman who does it is Sex on your lunch hour........3
Experienced.................6 Putting it on expense account..
Inexperienced..............73 20
If a man does it..........680 AGGRAVATION:
Add (5) calories for retrieving Partner keeps showing plants..5
it from across the room. Partner insists on cuddling the
dog during foreplay..........14
ACCORDING TO NATIONALITY: Partner visiting bathroom for
Italian- Man on top,woman in 7th time.....................10
kitchen....................26 Partner taking phone calls....7
Russian- Woman on bottom, Partner making phone calls...40
Man getting permission.....55
American- Both on top......60 GETTING CAUGHT:
By partner's spouse..........60
SIDE EFFECTS INTERCOURSE: By your spouse..............100
Bouncing....................7 Trying to explain............55
Sliding around..............9 Trying to remain calm.......100
Serious skidding...........12 Leaping out of bed...........75
Whiplash...................27 Getting dressed in one motion500
Thanking partner quickly......2
ORGASM:
Real.......................27
Faked.....................160
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