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From: XVincentFX <XVincentFX@aol.com> Add to Address Book Date: Sat, 3 Jan 1998 17:41:54 EST To: w-i-r-e-d@rocketmail.com Subject: Re: story Organization: AOL (http://www.aol.com)
Revenge part 5 ( final part , i hope )
Cloud: Hello, and welcome to part 5 of our adventure, I'll give you an overview of what has happened lately. Well Red XIII and Vincent got pissed off because the narrarator made a sequel and Sephiroth wrote a letter telling us to get prepared for 5 days of storytelling hell. Hojo made plans to poison everyone so the narrarator wouldn't have anything to talk about and he wouldn't create sequels. Rufus,as usual, is planning for total domination of the world, and the Turks are causing devestation and destruction to us, which they aren't right now, but anyway I'm just so happy that this is the last part of this story, yes! no more sequels, and....what the...
Cid: Hey Cloud! Quit talking and help us.
Cloud: whats wrong?
Cid: those F***in Turks are causing devestation and destruction to us!!
Cloud: Well, speak of the devil, oh anyway I have to go, but before I do, so you wont get confused.....
Vincent: You're too late for that!!!!
Cloud: Anyway, I just want to tell you that the narrarator still doesn't know how to spell what's his name's name, you know the dude with the beard and the horse laugh, well he decided that we call him whats his name. Understand? Good.
Cid: Cloud! Get over here now!!!!!
Cloud: oops, gotta go, see-ya!
At Cid's house, Avalanche was fighting the Turks who were causing devestation and destruction to them.
Barret: What the hell.....
Vincent: The Turks are riding jet powered sky cycles!!!!
( sorry! But i had to add a little imagination to this. )
Barret: Blast them out of the sky!!!
Barret and Vincent start shooting the Turks with their guns.
BOOM!!
Reno: AHHH! I'm hit!
Rude:So what, like we care anyway.
Yuffie: Sound the alarms!!!
Cid: For the last time, we don't have alarms!!!!!!!
Yuffie: No, silly, I made my own alarms, watch.
She pulls out speakers the size of Cid's house, turns the volume on max, and plugs in a guitar.
Yuffie: watch this!!
Cid: STOP!!!!!!!!!!!
She plucks a guitar string
BBBBBBBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMM!!!!!!!
The speakers blow up and the force of the sound shoots cid and yuffie out of the house the roof collapsed,the window stattered, and the whole town starts to blow away.
Reno: I'm out of contooooooooooooooooooooooooooool!!!!!
Reno jumps on Rude's bike righ before his crashes into a building.
Rude: RENO!! What the hell are you doing????!!!????
Then the sound waves knock rudes bike out of control and reno and rude crash into a building.
Tseng: Let's get out of here!!!
Elena: ok!!
They fly off back to h.q
Vincent and Tifa are ended up holding on to whats left of Cid's house, the rest of Avalanche are holding on to the ground.
Tifa: don't........think......i could hold on much......longer.
Vincent: I....can't......either.
Barret: Who....did this?
Cid looks at Yuffie
Cid: Ask Yuffie, she was the one with the stereo up full blast!!!
Everyone looks at Yuffie
Yuffie: heh heh heh....uh hi guys...heh heh...
At Shinra H.Q
Rufus: They did what??!!??
Reeve: Reno and Rude crashed on their bikes, and Tseng and Elena escaped.
Rufus: where are they?
Reeve: Mcdonalds
Rufus: What?
Reeve: They seem to be eating lunch.
Reeve: Oh and mister president....
Rufus: Please! Call me Rufus.
Reeve: Ok, Rufus.
Reeve: Anyway,Rufus, I just got a letter from the narrarator.
Rufus: Just now?
Reeve: Well,no,sir, not too long ago.
Rufus: Oh,ok,continue.
Reeve: He told us that he still doesn't know how to spell what's his name's name.
Rufus: What whats his name, the whats his name....
Reeve: with the stupid horse laugh.
Rufus: oh, that whats his name!!
Reeve: He told us to call him whats his name.
Rufus: isn't that what we call him in the first place?
Reeve: yea...no...yea...i don't know.
Rufus: ok, call whats his name in here, reeve.
Reeve: yes, mister...
Rufus glares at Reeve
Reeve: Rufus sir.
Reeve: yes sir.
Since Cid's place is ruined the team hides out in Cosmo Canyon.
Cloud: Hello again, well not much has happened though, but heres what. You have to start paying very close attention to these stories because from this point on it will get more confusing by the minute. Now most of the time it will be normal, but then its BAM! your so lost and confused that you have to read a single sentence over and over and over again!!!!! Here is what to watch out for. Remember that at shinra h.q you got to know that "whats his name" is the name for that dude whos has a beard, and that stupid horse laugh. And Be Careful that most of the time people will get into these crazy conversations and throw you off track and the story along with it. Usually these conversations have absolutly nothing to do with the story itself!! So you shouldn't worry too much, but you should look out for Vincent and Cid's conversations and Rufus and Reeve's conversations, they are the one with the conversations who talk about conversations that have nothing to do with the conversations with the story at all! Thier conversations are the worst in confusions so you should watch out for those. And last the thing i have to tell you is that there will be parts to part 5, this is part 1 of part 5 of REVENGE, the story that most of the characters in Final fantasy 7, rumored to be the best game ever made only on the playstation, which was made by squaresoft, which made a few games in the RPG catagory, if you don't know what RPG stands for, it means Role Playing Game, I think squaresoft made wild arms, im not sure, or beyond the beyond, yet those two are RPG's, oh well lets get back to buisness, anyway once again i'll tell you to be very careful about the confusions of the story, and don't forget that......
Avalanche: Shut Up Cloud!!!!!!!
Cloud: Fine, fine, i have to go again, you know, i hope i didn't give you too little information.
Red XIII: Well, since mister FYI over here took up half the story i guess this is the end of part 1 of part 5 of revenge.
Cloud: If you don't know what FYI stands for, it means For Your Information, which I have always wondered.....
Avalanche: SHUT UP CLOUD!!!!!!!
Revenge part 5 part 2
Vincent: Hello there, we are now going to continue with the show, and you were just listening to Cloud Strife, he asked the narrarator he could talk more, but he talked to much, so we wanted a rest and he won't be on in part 2, oh that reminds me, what you see above might confuse you, yea it confuses me too, but that means, part 5 is the part of the story, part 2 means the part of the part of the story......uh, i bet you are still confused, uh hey Cid, do you think you could help me?
Cid, who was eating cookies and milk and watching the Dukes of hazzard.
Cid: What!!
Vincent: I need you to come explain this.
Cid: fine.
Cid: Now listen, this is part 2, of part 5, of the story revenge. How hard was that?
Vincent: I still don't understand.
Cid: What do you want me to do, Draw a picture and illustrate what I just said?
Vincent: It would help.
Back at Shinra H.Q
Rufus: Reeve, where is whats his name?
Reeve looks out the door.
Reeve: He is coming down the hall, sir.
Whats his name walks in.
Whats his name: Gwa ha ha, yes mister president, how can i help you?
Rufus: Whats his name, uh....get me some coffee.
Whats his name: Yes sir, gwa ha ha ha ha ha ha.
Reeve: Is that him?
Rufus: yes, it is him.
Reeve: How can you tell?
Rufus: .......
Reeve: ......
Rufus and Reeve: The stupid horse laugh.
Back at Cosmo canyon. The team was eating dinner.
Cid: What the hell is this s**t?
Red XIII reads it.
Red: Sephiroth's Sushi to go. ( gulp )
Yuffie: Oh my god!! We let a madman cook us dinner??!!??
Aeris: I think we're poisoned.
Vincent: It was Hojo!!
Tifa: What makes you think so?
Vince: Remember what Cait said about Hojo's plan to poison the entire world so the narrarator wouldn't have anything to talk about???
Tifa: but it said Sephiroth.
Vincent: Of course! Sephiroth is Hojo's son, and he wants Seph to do all of Hojo's dirty work! ( I think that was a spoiler, i think, i don't know. )
Vince: Well, I know that every FF7 character will be dead in a matter of seconds.
Narrarator: Witch I think sucks!! Oh well, i'll just write about the final fantasy 3 characters and they will be worshipped more than you.
Cloud: Let's go!!
Barret: Cloud! What the hell are you doing in the story??!!??
Cloud: I paid the narrarator to put me back in the story.
Narrarator: 50 gil!!!! What the hell is this?!?!
Yuffie: Wait!! Cloud wasn't here when we ate dinner, so he's not poisoned!! Hurry, cast poisona on everyone!!!
Cloud: uh....ok.
He casts poisona on everyone.
Aeris: Thank you cloud.
Cloud ( blushes ): uh.....your welcome Aeris.
Tifa: I think im going to barf.
Tifa barfs in a trash can nearby.
Tifa: Well, at least i don't have to worry about poison anymore.
Vincent: Why?
Tifa: That was the dinner i just barfed up.
Meanwhile at Shinra H.Q
Whats his name: Here is your coffee sir.
Rufus: Thank you whats his name, and i decided not to call you whats his name anymore because whats his name is to confusing to others, so i will call you Headgarr.
Whats his name: Headgarr?!?! Thats more stupid than the one i got right now!!
Rufus: Tell it to the narrarator. That was as close as he could go as in to finding out how to spell your real name. So go Headgarr, leave my presence.
Headgarr walks out.
Headgarr ( to Reeve ): He's gone loony, you better do something and fast!
Reeve: I'll try my best.
Back at the Canyon
Buganhagen: Nanaki, come here for a minute.
Red: Grandpa!!! What are you doing here!! You have nothing to do with this story about revenge, devestation and destruction, not to mention total domination to the world.
Bugan: ok then.
Buganhagen walks off
Vincent: What did you grandpa want?
Red: Beats me.
Vincent: I think he needs a vacation to somewhere far away.
Red: I agree.
Cid was flying a remote control airplane.
Cid ( snickering ): oh Yuffie!
Yuffie: hmmm?
Cid controls the plane where it swoops down and chases Yuffie, which she is running like crazy away from it.
Yuffie: AHHH! I'm being attack from a fighter plane in WW2
Cloud: For those of you that don't know what WW2 means, it means........
Barret: Shut the hell up Cloud!! I'm sure they know!!!!
In the hall at Shinra H.Q, Reno and Rude are running away from Scarlet.
Scarlet: Come here,you two!
Reno: I can't.....run...( huff )......any.....( puff )....longer!
Rude: I'm getting tired....must....stop.
Reno: No, we musn't, Scarlet is hot on....our...heels.
Rude: She's catching up on us!!!!!
Reno: Go Rude! Save yourself!
Rude: I'm not.....willling...to watch Scarlet...put you through such...such...
Reno: Torture?
Rude: yea,torture.
Scarlet catches Reno and kisses him.
Reno: NNNNOOOOOOO!!
Rude: Reno!!
Reno: AAHHHHH!!!!!
Rude: Get off of him, you Bi*ch!!!
Rude jumps on Scarlet and pulls her hair.
Scarlet: OOWWWW! Stop!!!!!!!
In Hojo's lab, Tseng tried to make him......
Tseng: Stop all this nonsense!!! This is Stupid!!!!!
Hojo: Why, I already poisoned Avalanche.
Tseng: Who cares about.....You poisoned Avalanche?
Hojo: Yea, with my new scam, Sephiroth's Sushi To Go.
Tseng: heh heh heh, good idea, excellent.......uh oh.
Tseng just remembered he had that for lunch. He runs out of the room barfing.
In the Highwind
Cait: Hey! Who built Shinra H.Q after it fell over because of Odin.
Yuffie: I don't know.
Cid: Lets run this ship through.
Cloud: You know what happened last time.
Cid: heh heh, PREPARE FOR IMPA....,...OOF!!
The highwind crashes through the office windows again.
Rufus: What the hell is that.........
Here comes Sephiroth.
Rufus: Seph, what are doing here?
Seph: To kill you all of course.
Seph: Prepare to get a taste of LEVATHIAN!!!
Red: Did you say that right?
Seph: I don't know. The narrarator is not really good at spelling that either.
Seph casts LEVATHIAN!!!!
The Turks rushed in again.
Elena: Were too late!!
Tseng: Because Avalanche is about to destroy the Shinra H.Q for the 3rd time in a row and Sephiroth is going to summon levathian and we are going to drown in a matter of seconds?
Elena: No, we missed the party again, dammit!
Tseng: lets have the party now.
Elena: ok.
All of the Turks pull out shotglasses and fill them with wine.
Tseng: A toast, to one of the most suckiest sequels to date.
Red and Vincent: We agree!!
Turks: uh...so do we!!!
Levathian comes at this moment.
Cid: Put on your life jackets, people!
Yuffie: We don't have any!
Cid: Sh*t!!!!!
Barret: Here it comes.
Cloud: Let's go into a battle sequence!!!!
Tifa: Isn't that kinda hard to do in a story?
Cloud: beats me, say what if we.......whoa!!
They all get in a Boss sequence, you know what happens the screen swirls up and the boss music starts playing.
Revenge part 5 part 3
Vince: I never thought that I would live to see the day that we fight summons.
Red: I agree
Narrarator: Since they are fighting, heres what happened.
Cloud casted Bolt2
Barret fired his gun, so did Vincent.
Tifa kicked it.
Aeris casted her limit break Fury band and everybody elses limits filled up.
Cid used his dragon dive limit.
Yuffie casted ice3 which made it HP go 45,763 higher than it was.
Cid: Damn you, Yuffie!
Cait Sith used Slots limit and it turned out......
Cid: Wait a minute! This is stupid, ill narrarate this part! It turned to 3 cait sith and a instant victory, yay! hes dead now on with the story.
Seph: Hey! Thats not fair!!!!
Seph casts Life3 on levathian, he wakes up and causes a tidal wave on everyone.
Seph: oops!
with the waves washing eveything away, and everyone, the water floods Shinra H.Q and it topples over and washes away.
Red: Why us? Why can't the narrarator pick on those FF3 guys.
Kefka: Because we are a whole lot cooler!
Cloud: Are characters are interesting, like Barret who has a gun on his arm, Vincent who has a metallic arm, Aeris whos an ancient, Hojo, who is a freakin loon, Cid...
Cid: who is one of the coolest characters in the game!!
Cloud: Red XIII, who is a tiger with a grampa who is a human. and Yuffie....
Yuffie: Who is very ditzy and gets high off of sugar and has a wild imagination ( drool )
Yuffie: I'm flying!!
Yuffie is sailing on a chocolate chip cookie and flying through the clouds made of Cool Whip.
Yuffie: Dive! Dive!
Yuffie dives off the cookie and lands in some ice cream.
Yuffie: This is heaven! Someone give me a sign that this is a dream.
Then a big strawberry falls on Yuffie.
Yuffie: oof ( this strawberry is yummy. )
Yuffie: OWW!
Cloud, Cid, and Tifa are standing over her.
Cloud: Is she awake?
Cid: Let me check.
Yuffie: YEOW!! STOP IT!!
Tifa: Ok Cid, you can quit slapping her.
Cid: One more time, please!
Tifa: well, ok.
SMACK! Cid slaps her again.
Yuffie: QUIT IT!!!!!
Cid: Damn thats fun!
He walks up to kefka.
Cid: Listen, Smurf, go away, you're pissing me off.
Kefka: I'll show you smurf!!
Kefka casts bolt on Cid
Cid: ow! ok you want to play tough huh?
Cid: yo, narrarator! can i take it from here?
Narrarator: it's all yours.
Cid narrarates the story and casts Bolt 345,876,123,987,678,564,555,678,900,405. Which kefka blows up afterwards.
Yuffie: Wow! It's a shooting star!
Cid: Nah! It's just Kefka's head.
In Shinra Basement
Rufus: Damn that Avalanche!!! This is the third time they did this!!! Headgarr, go get me some coffee!!
Headgarr: The coffee is on the 46th floor.
Rufus: Well, go get some then!!!
Headgarr: it's been destroyed by levathian, sir.
Rufus: Just the 46th?
Headgarr: No, floors 6th and up.
Rufus: up to what?
Headgarr: the top floor, sir.
Rufus: what floor would that be?
Headgarr: the 70th.
Rufus: Ok, run up to the 70th floor and go get me some coffee!
Headgarr: I just said it was destroyed.
Rufus: Destroyed!!?? I can't believe this, by what?
Headgarr: BY LEVATHIAN!!!!!!
Rufus: You don't say. Oh well, wait, what happened to floors 1,2,3,4,and 5?
Headgarr: they are still here.
Rufus: what?
Headgarr: floors 1,2,3,4, and 5.
Rufus: Oh, well run to North America and get some coffee.
Headgarr: North America is not on our planet, sir.
Rufus: Then make some coffee!!
Headgarr: I need coffee beans, sir.
Rufus: Hey, you know what, i think there are coffee beans on the 46th floor, run up and go get some.
Headgarr: For the last time it was destroyed, floors 6th to 70th, no coffee is in this building anymore.
Rufus: It was destroyed, thats awfull news, by who?
The Turks, Reeve, and Headgarr: BY LEVATHIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Revenge part 5 part 4
Red: I'm am so happy!
Vincent: Why?
Red: I just recived notice that this is the final part of the final part of this story.
Vince: Run that by me again.
Red: This is the last part of all there is!!!!!
Vince: YYYYYYYEEEEEEEESSSSSS!!!!!!!!
Red: WOO HOO!
Vince: Let's go tell the others.
They burst into the room
Red: Guess what!?!
Vince: This is the final, final, final part of this stupid story!!!!!!!!!
Avalanche: YAY!!!!!!
They all have a party.
Back in the basement
Reeve: Sir, we just recived a letter that this is the final part!!!
Rufus: What? The final part of the part of the story or the final part of the story?
Reeve: uh.......ummm.....both.
Rufus: YAHOO!! Lets party!!
Which they do.
Later when ALL of the FF7 characters were in a coference room with the Narrarator.
Narrarator: I'm glad to say that this is the end of the Story.
FF7 characters: YAY!!!!!!!!
Narrarator: And that Hojo has created a SEQUEL WEAPON and everysingle one of you will be in it, see you next week.
FF7 characters: SSSSSSHHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Narrarator: Well, thats it for today, see you next story when it gets crazier than this one.
Red: No! It cant be!!!
Vincent: I waited all my life!!!!
Tifa: I CAN'T STAND THIS!!!!!!!
Rufus: DAMN!! NOT ANOTHER ONE!!!!!
Red: I HATE SEQUELS!!!!! AND I HATE THAT HOJO!!!!! HE MUST DIE!!!!!!
Vincent: I agree.
The End ( really )