Revenge
At Cid's house, where Avalanche was getting ready for their next mission, Sephiroth was spying on them.
Seph: heh heh heh, that Avalanche won't get away this time! I managed to get ice materia from that ditzy yuffie. heh heh heh.
When he was ready to attack Avalanche,Vincent who was spying on seph shot a tranquilizer in his butt.
Seph: damn.....uh......uh........zzzzzzzzzzzz
He fell asleep. Later Aeris was planting some flowers when Sephiroth materialized next to her.
Aeris: Oh, hi Sephiroth. How are you today, I'm doing great.......
She looks at Seph.
Aeris: Uh Oh!
Aeris: Oh! Excuse me Sephiroth, but you seem to have a tranquilizer in your ass.
Seph ( blushes ): oops. heh heh heh.
He yanks out the tranquilizer and throws it away.
Aeris: Well, bye!
She runs away screaming, the same time when Seph got hit by a school bus.
Hours later, Tifa was practicing her magic when she accidently cast reflect on cid.
Seph: heh heh. I'll get that nogood cid. I always hated him.
When Tifa casted reflect on Cid, Seph casted Ice3 on Cid as well, which it bounced of him and went to seph.
Seph: ......damn........illl.....geeet....meee.reeevenge( damn that ice is cold )
Later Cloud was chopping up watermelons with his sword.
Seph: ha. That Cloud will surely pay for this.
Once again he casts Ice3. But it hits the watermelon.
Cloud: damn, i didnt know watermelons froze that quickly. oh well.
He throws the watermelon away, but misses the trash can and hits sephiroth, knocking him unconsious.
Seph: damn.......
( yawn ) oh. Later in time Seph hasn't gave up yet.
seph: heh heh heh
Seph is riding on Bahamut Zero, flying through space.
Seph: Now go, Bahamut Zero, my flying deformed dragon like summon, go burn Avalanche to a crisp.
He flies warp speed to the planet.
Seph: Stop! Slow Down!
Still flying faster than the speed of light.
Seph: I SAID STOP!
He makes a screeching halt. and seph flies overboard.
Seph: aaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh
slat!!!
Cloud: sephiroth!
Seph: uh oh.
Yuffie: sound the alarms!
Cid: we don't have alarms.
Yuffie: oh yeah.
Seph scrambles to his feet.
Seph: NOW! Bahamut Zero. Come down and fry them to bits!
Bahamut Zero hovers over Avalanche and Seph.
They look at each other and walk away.
Seph: ha ha! You chicken!
Bahamut charges his laser beam.
Seph: ha ha ha ha ha.....ha....huh?
Seph: uh oh! STOP! Stop you stupid dragon!
Seph: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Cid looks out the window.
Cid: What the hell....
Seph came flying past Cid.
Aeris: whats wrong?
Cid: I think im going crazy.
Aeris: Great! Anyway I need you to do something for me........
Seph flies into space and hits a satellite, which he bouces off and flies toward a different direction. Bahamut Zero flies away with glee when Seph came flying by and went ker-splat in Bahamut's ass.
Seph: ewww! It stinks, where am........oh hi there Bahamut Zero, one of the most powerful summons in FF7, how are you.....
Bahamut: RRRROOOOOOAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!
Seph: uh here! eat something.
He threw him a pakage which he gobbled up.
Bahamut ate what was inside it but spit the packageback out.
Seph ( still in Bahamut's ass ): I wonder what I gave him.
He reads the package.
Seph: Hojo's Bean Dip, uh oh!
Bahamut starts to rumble.
Seph: Let's see, if im stuck in a dragon's ass, and a dragon eats beans...... oh god, stop!!!! don't please! im begging you....
Bahamut lets out a sonic boom fart, which the force of the explosion shoots him back to the planet.
Cid was watching t.v when Seph came crashing down in his bedroom.
Cid: ?
Seph: oops, heh heh, i'll be leaving now.
He hovers in the air.
Seph: don't forget i can fly. ha ha ha ha ha ha
He turns around to fly away but runs smack into a wall.
Sepf: oof!
Cid: ?
He flies away into the sky, but gets hit by a airplane and falls back to cids room.
Seph: oof!
Cid: ( yawn )
Seph: humph
He flies away, not hitting anything now. He flies to Shinra H.Q. He forgot how to stop and crashes through the window.
Seph: aaahhhhhhhh!!!!!
When crashing through the window, he lands on Scarlet's bed.
Scarlet: hello sephiroth.
Seph: oh my god!
He barfs then runs down the hall screaming when he ran past Reno and Rude.
Rude: whats wrong with sephiroth? he's screaming like a maniac.
Reno: you would be too if you were on Scarlet's bed.
Rude: thats gross
Reno: tell me about it.
Tseng: whats going on.
Reno: oh nothing, sephiroth found himself on scarlets bed and ran down the hall barfing and screaming.
Tseng: thats sick!
Reno & Rude: Tell me about it.
In the president's office, Rufus was talking on the phone.
Rufus: Yes.....hmmm....What!?!....Damn You!....Fine!..Bye!!
Rufus: Scarlet!!!!
Seph bursts in the room.
Rufus: ewww! Who the hell are you, nevermind, you're not scarlet, and you left a trail of vomit on my new rug.....
Seph: I woke up in Scarlets room!!
Rufus: oh! its you Sephiroth, by the way, that is just disgusting!
Seph: That I woke up in Scarlets room?
Rufus: No, that you left vomit on my carpet!!!!!!!!
Seph: oh.
Scarlets voice was on Rufus's intercom.
Scarlet: Mister president, your soldiers managed to steal a very valuable item from Avalanche.
Rufus: What was it?
Back at Cid's house
Cid: My Cigarettes!!
Cid storms into the room
Cid: ok. which one of you stole my cigarettes?
He looks at Yuffie.
Cid: You did!!!!
Cid: You stole my cigarettes, i know, it was you all along.
Yuffie: nope. didn't steal them. the only ones I have are these chocolate cigars, hee hee. Here, you can get high smelling one, take a whiff.
Cid: I'll pass ( damn, she's messed up. )
Back at H.Q
Rufus: Cigarettes!!
Scralet: Yep. They belive to be Cid Highwind's cigarrettes.
Rufus: who?
Scarlet: Cid Highwind, he was the one with that rocket and Palmer was the head of space division and he had the chance to go in space but he had to abort the mission to save his mechanic/wife and it was called off for the next six months then he tried again and you wouldnt let him and you wanted to barrow the tiny bronco and he got pissed off then cloud's friends took off with it and cid made a hasty escape then later on when sephiroth summoned meteor the rocket took off to crash into meteor but before it crashed the team escaped with the escape pod then the rocket crashed into meteor and it almost blew up then it glued itself back together. Oh and he smokes 2 packs of cigarettes a day, he is a expert pilot, blonde hair, blue eyes, thirty-something, and his favorite weapon is his hand-made spear.
Rufus: How did she know all this?
Seph: Don't have a clue.
Cloud,Tifa,Cid,Vincent,and Red XIII bust in the room.
Red XIII: It's about time!
Vincent: That you finally get to confront rufus and his gang from total domination of the world?
Red XIII: No, that i finally get a part in this stupid story!
Vincent: I agree, all i got to do was shoot a tranquilizer up Sephiroth's ass.
Cid: Ok, you pansy ass! gimme back my cigars!
Rufus: ask Scarlet. She has them!
Cid: Want to play tough huh? ok I'll cast Bahamut Zero on you!
Seph: NO! OH GOD! DON'T! I had enough bahamuts for one day!!!
Red XIII: Did you notice that this story is about Cid and his stupid cigarettes, not revenge, devestation, and destuction to the planet and the people who live in it.
Vincent: Yeah. And what really sucks is that we get really little parts and the main characters are either cid, or cloud, or barret, or tifa.
Red XIII: I agree
Vincent: Hey! Mabey if we keep talking like this, our names would appear more, or if we cause devestation and destruction to shinra and thier headquarters, heh heh heh, we might be stars in the sequels that come along!
Red XIII: Sequels?
Vincent: .....
Red XIII: .....
Vincent: lets just keep talking.
Cid: Ok, if you don't hand over the cigarettes i'll set off this bomb!
Tifa: where is it?
Cid: in my back pocket.
Tifa: thats smart.
Cid: huh
Tifa: blow your ass to smitherines, thats the way.
Vincent: hey
Red XIII: what
Vincent: hey
Red XIII: i said what!
Vincent: no, keep talking like this and your name will appear more.
Red XIII: cool!
Red XIII: For those of you readers who are lost and confused here is an overview of what is happening.
( Cloud is doing nothing )
( Tifa is teasing Cid of blowing his ass to smitherines )
( Cid is fighting for his cigarettes )
( Yuffie,Cait Sith,Aeris,and Barret are doing nothing and probably won't be mentioned in the story again. )
( Reno and Rude and Tseng are talking about the scary thoughts of Scarlet. )
( Elena was not mentioned in the story yet but will be soon )
( Scarlet....well.... we don't want to know what she's doing )
( Sephiroth is staring in amazement, now he is felling sick, now he passed out. )
( Me and Vincent are talking )
Vincent: Nice job.
Red XIII: gee, thanks
Vincent: now what do we do?
Red XIII:hey look.
Vincent: what?
Red XIII: see that bomb about to go off in Cid's pants?
Vincent: no, and i don't want to see either.
Red XIII: no, its in his back pocket.
Vincent: oh i see it, so what.
Red XIII: its going to blow his ass to smitherines.
Vincent: heh heh heh heh
Red XIII: whats so funny?
Vincent: its just the way you said it.
Red XIII: that his ass is going to be blown to smitherines.
Vincent: heh heh heh
Red XIII: heh heh, gee, that is funny.
Vincent: watch this. Hey CID! Your ass is about to be blown to smitherines!!!!!
Red XIII ( laughing ) : stop, its killing me.
Vincent ( laughing ): My sides hurt.
Cid: Oh God!
Takes out the bomb and throws it to Rufus.
Rufus: OH NO!
Throws it back to Cid.
Cid: !@#$% Here, take it Vince.
Vincent: No Way! Take It Red.
Red XIII: Yipe! Here you go Tifa.
Tifa: No i better give it to seph.
Sets it in his lap.
Cid: Lets Go!
They all escape, except seph, who is still passed out.
On Highwind escaping from Shinra H.Q.
Red XIII: 15 seconds untill Sephiroth's ass gets blown to smitherines.
Vincent: .....
Red XIII: It's not funny anymore
Vincent: yea, it was funnier when Cids ass was about to get blown to smitherines.
Red XIII: heh heh
Vincent: yea, heh heh.
Back at Rocket Town/Cid's Home.
Cid: ( yawn )
He looked out the window to get some fresh air.
Sephiroth zoomed past Cids head.
Seph: hhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
Tifa: whats wrong?
Cid: yea, I think i gone crazy.
Tifa: Great! Anyway I need you to do something for me..........
Red XIII and Vincent are sitting in the living room drinking tea.
Red XIII: Well, that concludes another story of our weird and wacky adventures.
Vincent: Not to mention Stupid!
Red XIII: Anyway remember that......,.
Vincent: Wait! Elena's name was never mentioned!!
Red XIII: ?
Vincent:When you said elenas name would be mentioned, it never did!
Red XIII: your right, but wait, you just mentioned her name.
Vincent: When?
Red XIII: Just now!
Vincent: oh.
Red XIII: Well as I was saying, thank you for reading this confusing story, if you hated this story, well.... thank you for reading the first line.
Vincent: Well said.
Red XIII: Thanks
Vincent: now what do we do?
Red XIII: Don't know.
Vincent: Think there is going to be a sequel?
Red XIII: I hope not.
Vincent: Hey! I got it! If there is a sequel, lets make it where I kick Cid's ass and Tifa kicks Aeris's ass and.......
Red XIII: That is funny.
Vincent: I agree
Red XIII: Whose ass should I kick?
Vincent: uh.......Scarlet?
Red XIII: Hell No! I don't want to get near her!
Vincent: Ok, uh............Rufus.
Red XIII: Much better.
Vincent: heh heh heh, this is going to be the best sequel.
Red XIII: I agree
End