Oxidizing Material:

Check this site out. It's the US government's attempt at scare mongering using the old "duck and cover" advice you learned after the war.

The fun thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous that making your captions can be fun!


If you have set yourself on fire, do not run


If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell really loud


Being stoned causes terrorism


If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder


One day, the world will be a better place


There is a reason you failed chemistry

You can go at these all day. Thanks US government, I feel safer already!

elwoodblues:

lol, they did a skit on this on the Daily Show the other day. It was pretty fucking hilarious.

My favorite?


In case of nuclear radiation, stand directly behind your door, but do not open the door, even if the radiation knocks.

Slavik91:

oriecat:

Use your flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!


Don't go in the first aid tent if you're hurt. We want to keep it nice and white.

elwoodblues:

Circumsized arrows are terrorists. Do the Walking Man as you pass them.


Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead, dead eyes, run the fuck away.


In case of flames bursting out around door, do NOT leave it shut. Always open flaming doors.


Don't get trapped under stuff.


If your dumb ass does get trapped under stuff, amuse yourself in your final moments with shadow puppets.


The '#' keys on your telephone and keyboard are highly radioactive.


Missourri has three cities, all of which will be Designated Whipping Boys in the event of war. The armed forces will use these cities to calibrate their missiles.


In the event of emergency, find a 3-story, 10-foot-high building. The midgets inside will be sure to help you. Remember, just follow the enormous red arrow protruding from your crotch.

Mageth:

One day, the world will be a better place

ROFL!

Alternative caption:

If you find some radioactive material, take it to Texas. They're already fucked up anyway.

Wizardry:

In this time of war, real Americans eat red meat only! Fish and poultry may be terrorists.


Hurricanes, animal corpses and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think about it.


In the event that a terrorist strikes your closet, go immediately to your other closet.


Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend to rub their hands together manically.


The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one(1) armless hand.


To get away from a terrorist attack quickly, take the stairs once in a while, fat ass!


If a door is closed, karate chop it open.


Pose for a picture with your faceless family!


Your garage is a mess. Clean it out.

Mageth:

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.


If you see signs of a codfish attack, be on the watch for any of these men:

Buddrow_Wilson:

note to stoners: These items are poor choices for bong-making material


When the looting begins remember to consider the weight/value ratio. Here we have a few example of high value, low effort


Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region. After 5 minutes and 12 seconds however you may become sterile


After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head


Only the coolest irradiated citizens will be allowed into the 'underground' club


It may be comforting to perform felatio on yourself in your final moments

Mageth:

If you see a nuclear explosion, pull off the road and take some snapshots.

Mageth:

If you're f*****g a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see that s**t.

Mageth:

Remember when the government couldn't access your personal information without a warrant? Well, no more, bucko.

Mediancat:

- In event of emergency, exit in every direction at once to confuse the enemy.


-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell.


If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

-- Rob aka Mediancat

ju'iblex:

in the event of a full-scale attack, of any sort, please make your way outside in order to die. We dont need your kind filling up our already overcrowded health system.

Mecha_Dude:

Note: If you work for the FBI or CIA, put the paperwork that described the preceding attack weeks before it happened into a briefcase that looks like a first aid kit and run like hell

Sakpo:

Remain calm: Even in the event of a new wave of terror attacks Swatch (honory member of the New Europe) will continue to provide the American people with a wide selection of quality suitcases and travel bags.


A quick family snapshot in front of the latest scene of a terrorist attack may became a treasured family keepsake that will preserve precious memories for years to come.


Distance: The farther away you are from the radiation the lower your exposure. Who woulda thunk it?


A state of emergency and widespread panic is often a great chance to loot desirable consumer goods.


Hey, while you're at it, we need some new clocks.


"Wash your hands" of traditional long distance providers. Verizon has a new plan made specially for people like you.

The Lone Ranger:

The middle of a terrorist attack is not an appropriate time to catch up on your reading or paperwork.


In the event that terrorists remove your lungs and stomach, please remain calm.


If you actually need to be told that birds dropping out of the sky and fish going belly-up in the streams is a bad sign, then please remain right where you are. We don't need you taking up precious space in the shelters that could be occupied by people with functioning brains.


Unfortunately, a flashlight makes a very poor lightsabre.


Swinging it around and making "whoosing" sounds won't help.


No pyromaniacs admitted.

mecca777:

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.


If you didn't know this already, stay where you are. There is no place for your kind in the new world.


In case of terrorist attack, sometimes you will want to go where everybody knows your name.


Bear in mind that these people will not only slow down your escape, but will be competing with you for rare and valuable resources. Act accordingly.


If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.