Hero*

Rating: PG

Pairing: Lance/Het

Dedication:  I’ve been let down even though I should have seen it coming.  I feel like the rock in my life has slid out from under me, leaving me hanging off this cliff.  Sometimes when I turn around there’s another person there waiting to catch me, but why go for another when you can just get crushed again?  I’m putting my faith in him that he won’t let me down as I learn to cope with the things I’ve gone through lately.  I hope he guides me back to the original rock and let’s me see the real reasons why I loved him anyways.  If I can remember why I loved him to begin with, then everything he’s done won’t be as bad.  In the meantime, he is my guidance and who I turn to when I just simply don’t understand.  Sometimes hero’s fall, and sometimes they’re all we’ve got.  This one goes out to the one person that keeps proving to me that he may not be like the others.

“Lord knows, dreams are hard to follow, but don't let anyone tear them away.”

When he got the phone call he knew without a question.  He heard it in my voice, the quiver, the pain, like I was transporting it through time and distance from my heart to his.  His voice was as soft as it could be with that deep bass tone as he told me he wished he could be here. 

Men, celebrities, they’re all the same.  One hurts you, you either turn to another or you don’t.  But in my life, the men we’re celebrities; hero’s to most girls ten to forty-five years of age.  I’d been in this business long enough…so long I thought I knew and would see anything and everything coming, but I was wrong. 

I’d actually met Lance before anyone.  He had found me the job at Jive and had helped me throughout my career.  We’d been friends for years, even when I did decide to date Nick.  Lance had given me the warnings, telling me what he knew of the group, what things they were into.  But Nick and I had clicked instantly and I thought I had nothing to worry about.

Over the past year I’d learned what exactly went on backstage and behind closed doors.  I’d been dragged into it and pushed out of it so many times by now I knew the routine.  I mean, it was simple on tour, when they were on break, it was more difficult.  The drugs were easier to get, the partying was longer because no one had anything to do.  It became impossible to control Nick and the life he was living.  Finally the last straw was when I saw him giving a one night stand proposal to some girl he’d met at the local store, asking her to come back with him.  Oh wait, I’m sorry, his FRIEND asked for him because you know, Nick can’t do a God damned thing on his own.  I left, he didn’t even notice, not until I didn’t come back to the photo shoot.

He’d called, begged, pleaded, but I told him that I’d had it.  And that was it.  I’m sure he had a new girl in his bed that night.  I can’t say I didn’t care, I can’t say it didn’t kill me, but I can say that now I see this industry as the dirty political bullshit it really is.

And in the middle of this, was Lance. 

“I hear the hesitation in your voice…” he told me.

I didn’t want to run from him, I didn’t want to hate him as much as I hated every person in the business at this moment, but it sure as hell made it hard.

“I know you’re not like him but,” my voice shook with tears down the phone line.

I heard him sigh on the other end and fiddle with some papers.

“I’ll be there in the morning,” he suddenly announced.

“Lance…” I tried.

But there was dead silence.

I hung up the phone in frustration and took a sip of my drink.  Tears fell from my eyes as I stared up at the picture of Nick and I.

How could you do this to me?  How could you let me down?  You were the one who was never suppose to do that.  I trusted you, I respected you, I cared about you.  I gave up all of my fantasies and made the dreams with you come true.  But they weren’t dreams…they were nightmares.  Because of you, how will I ever find dreams again?

“It's a long road, when you face the world alone, no one reaches out a hand, for you to hold…”

The next day passed and nightfall came around.  I didn’t know what Lance had meant by “I’ll be there in the morning,” because he wasn’t here.  I didn’t want him to be here either.  I wanted to wallow in my self-pity by myself.

Tonight was even more difficult on me because Nick’s friend had called, trying to convince me to come back.  Why couldn’t they just let me be?

I sat in the corner of my bed, legs pinned to my chest and just cried.  Why did it have to hurt so damned much?  No matter how many times I tried to stop crying, it’s like I couldn’t.

And then the doorbell rang.

I opened it to see two green eyes staring back at me brightly, a look of pain on his face as he held his bag over his left shoulder.

Within seconds he dropped the bag and pulled me tightly against him.  His arms wrapped around my body as I cried into his shoulder.  He held me there for a while and just let me cry, his soft hands petting my hair and pushing it out of my face.

“Come here, let’s get out of the hall,” he led me into the living area and we sat down on the couch.

I looked up at him, I couldn’t keep a straight face, I just began crying again.

His hands reached under my arms and pulled me like a rag doll into his lap.  I curled up there in his arms like a child and shut my eyes. 

“Lance…you shouldn’t have come,” I tried, sniffling against him, my nose running all over his t-shirt.

“I told you I’d be here for you, let me be…” he insisted.

“But you told me, you warned me and I got involved,” I cried.

“But that doesn’t mean you’re the one to blame.”

“Why did he do that, why?” I pleaded for an answer.

“You’ve got to understand what kind of life so many rock stars live.  We’re basically your average fuck up.  We’ve got money and women throwing themselves at us.  We can afford to do what we want because we have that power.  Some of us know how to control it, some of us don’t,” he answered.

“Then how do I trust you?” my voice was small as I looked up at him.

“And then a hero comes along, with the strength to carry on, and you cast your fears aside, and you know you can survive…”

He looked at me as I sat up, tears filling my eyes.

“I don’t know how you can trust me…” he looked at me sadly.

I began to cry again, “Lance are you like him?” I asked.

He just shook his head and looked at me.

“ANSWER ME TRUTHFULLY, ARE YOU LIKE HIM?!” I screamed.

He stood up as I began to walk away and followed me into the bedroom.

“You can’t be like him Lance, you can’t, you’re all I have,” I cried.

He came up to me, but I pushed him away and finally he grabbed my wrists and looked at me before replying calmly, “I’m not like him.”

I looked at him, my tears stopping as he spoke: “I’m no hero, no saint, but I have morals, I know right from wrong.  I may get fucked up here or there, I may have lost my virginity in the wrong, but I am not a person who has gotten caught up in the life of a rock star.  I don’t want my story on Behind the Music to disappoint the fans we once had.  And most of all, I don’t want to let you down,” he let go of my wrists as I felt my back hit the wall.

His face was only a few inches from mine and I could feel his breath on me.

“I guess my next question is, can you save me?” I whispered.

“You don’t need saving, you need someone to love you and care about you for real.  Nick’s a very selfish person because he had a reason to not get caught up in the life he did, but he chose to anyways.  You’re a great person, you could have saved him and showed him that having fun isn’t always about partying,” he replied, his fingers running down the side of my face.

I just stared back at him as he cupped the side of my face.

“I…I want to trust you, but, how…”

His lips met mine softly; just sweetly enough to see if I wanted to kiss him back.

And I did.

My breathing was quickening as the feeling of his body pressed against mine and tears continued to freely fall.  His tongue licked my bottom lip gently as I sighed against him.

“I’m going to take care of you and help you be whole again, okay?” he promised as he grabbed my hand and led me over to the bed.

He laid down and then pulled me into him, my whole body pressing against his, and fitting into his side like a puzzle piece.  My head found its way into the perfect little spot between his shoulder and neck and I wrapped my arm around his chest tightly.

He leaned in and kissed my forehead softly.

“You really are a hero,” I softly whispered.

He hugged me tightly from the side, one arm down my side and resting gently on my lower back and then other one holding my hand that was wrapped around his chest.

He smiled, “I wouldn’t say that…” he softly chuckled.

“Okay, fine you’re my hero…”

And with that I shut my eyes and fell into a peaceful sleep.

*Music by Mariah Carey

An added dedication:  To everyone who was there for me after what happened with Nick.  I know who are my true friends because of this.  Because you guys supported me no matter what decision I made and you UNDERSTOOD.  This one goes out to my girls that were there: "Jessie" and "Drop Out" and to J, Bobbi, Jess, Mich (and Joshie), Katie, Jen, Lis, Minnie, Sug and everyone else who "GOT IT" and didn't tell me I was a fucking idiot.  I honestly wish you all lived closer to me.  I love you guys, you're my rock(s).

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