Lance
and I both scrambled for the sheet and pulled it over us quickly.
"I...what...?"
Justin scrambled to find words, but he couldn't.
Justin was by far the most emotional of us all, and I knew that this
would hit him like a speeding train. And
I knew exactly how Justin always dealt with confusion and hurt - with anger.
"Justin..." I tried but he interrupted me.
"HOW
LONG HAS THIS BEEN GOING ON? God
Lance, you're engaged..." his voice trailed off as the realization hit him.
"Oh God JC, this is the girl...the person you've been talking to me
about, isn't it?"
I
just shrugged, I didn't know what to say.
"I'VE
BEEN GIVING YOU ADVICE ABOUT OUR BEST FRIEND!?" he yelled.
"Justin..."
Lance started.
"No,
JC, you said it was a girl..."
"I
didn't Jup, ever, I never said he or she..." I softly replied as he flung
himself in a chair with a moan and dropped his head into his hands.
"This
is not happening..." he muttered as Lance and I exchanged looks. "God,
get some clothes on would you," he added with a whine.
Lance
and I quickly stood up and pulled on some pants.
"Do
you know that I could of easily been Trin or Diane?
God are you having sex?" he looked up at us both, his face pained.
I
shook my head, "no Justin, we're not."
He
just leaned back in his chair and sighed, the realization that all the
complaining and arguing in the world would not change a damned thing.
"I'm
sorry Jup, we really aren't sure what to do, all we know is how we feel at this
point, so that's why nobody knows," Lance looked at him apologetically.
Justin
looked into his eyes, sighed and then replied "well, I know how much JC
loves you, he's told me," he shifted uncomfortably then added "so do
you love him too?"
Lance
just smiled brightly.
"Yeah,
I do, more than you could ever imagine," he replied.
"Yeah,
ain't that right," Justin dryly added.
"So, what's this marriage deal then?"
Lance
looked at me and bit his bottom lip.
"Go
ahead, tell him," I softly replied.
Lance
hesitated for a second, then spoke: "well, in a nutshell, I'm marrying Trin
so my parents don't think I'm gay."
"Are
you crazy Lance?" Justin snorted.
"Until
I knew that JC felt the same, it was all going fine, I thought I could forget
you know, how I am..."
"Lance,
you're gay, this isn't some pre-marital fling?"
Justin asked.
I
just glared at him, he knew we loved each other.
"No,
I...I guess I am."
"Lance,
you gotta tell Trin and call off the wedding. You
owe it to not only her, but yourself and JC.
You can't live like this, sneaking around and being in love, it's going
to explode and everyone you love is going to get hurt," Justin replied.
"I
know that, I just don't know what to do," Lance sighed.
"So
this is all because you're scared to tell your family?"
"The
media too...they already think I'm gay..."
"Lance,
it's not like you to care about what the media thinks," Justin commented.
"What
about the fans, like parents want girls to hang up pictures of a gay guy,
right?"
I
looked at Lance lovingly and replied, "our true fans will stick by us no
matter what."
"What
about you, JC, are you..gay?" Justin looked at me curiously.
“I
don't think I'm gay or straight, Jup, I think if I care about someone the way I
do for Lance that it doesn't really matter what sex they are," I replied.
Justin
looked back and forth between us both.
"So,
umm, this has been going on for a month now behind our backs, right?"
Justin asked.
Lance
and I both nodded.
"So
when were you going to tell Chris, Joey, and I?"
"We
didn't exactly figure out what we were going to do yet," I answered.
"You
are in love with him Josh, how long did you possibly think you could hide this
from not only the world but your best friends?" Justin huffed.
"I
just couldn't blurt it out during a hacky session or over a cup of tea," I
retorted.
"Look,
do you really want THIS to last, do you both love each other enough to take this
further?" Justin looked at us evenly.
We
both nodded.
"Do you want my advice, because it sure looks like you both could use some?"
We
nodded again.
"The
first thing you have to do is call off this wedding and tell Trin.
Because JC or not, you're not straight enough to marry her.
Second, you need to really think this through and if being together is
really what you want, then you have to tell your families and Chris and Joey.
Third, you have to think about if this is really worth risking our
careers over. Which is why you need
to tell Chris and Joey."
I
looked at Justin carefully.
"Do...do
you support us Ju?" I asked.
He
looked back and forth from Lance to I.
"I
love you guys, you know I'll support whatever decisions you make.
You both mean more to me than the group.
I'm sure Joey and Chris will agree."
"You
mean if we came out to the world, you don't care?"
Lance sarcastically replied.
"I
didn't say I didn't care, I said I love you and I'm going to support you both no
matter what decisions you make," Justin repeated.
"So...you're...okay...with...this?"
Lance carefully asked.
He
looked at us both for a second.
"Look,
I believe in true love and all that bullshit...and even though I have to admitt
it's a little weird, it's your happiness that matters.
Just don't go getting all touchy-feely around me, it's gonna take me a
while to get use to this." He
smiled at us both.
"I'm
sorry you had to find out this way," I looked around the room and scratched
the back of my neck nervously.
Justin
looked around the room, "okay, I don't even want to know why there's
clothes in a trail down the hall," he stood up.
Lance
and I walked him to the door.
"Thanks
for understanding Jup," I hugged him tightly.
"No
prob, I knew there had to be more to the sequined shirts and pink feathery coats
than you said there was," he laughed.
"Hey,
those are fashion statements," I retorted.
"No,
JC, you might as well wear a shirt that says 'I LIKE DICK, it’s less
obvious," Justin snorted, cracking himself up.
"Better
than being a pussy..." I laughed and pinched his stomach.
"Ouch,
that one hurt my ego, I better get to the gym," he laughed and hugged
Lance.
"Thanks
Just," Lance told him as he left.
"No
prob, don't do anything I wouldn't do," he snorted again and walked down
the hall.
Lance
and I shut the door, leaned up against it and sighed.
"One down...the world to go," I huffed.
For
the remainder of the trip in New York things proved awkward.
Lance and I stayed as far away as possible because of that psychological
bullshit where you think they know just because you're thinking about it so
hard, when in all reality Joey and Chris are the furthest from mind readers.
Justin was all and all pretty cool with it considering how he found out.
Things between Lance and I had changed a bit since Justin had found out
and we'd talked about telling everyone. He
seemed so quiet and reserved most of the time.
I just shrugged it off as him trying not to let Joe and Chris find out
the way that Justin did.
The
flight home consisted of Lance and I paging each other on our talkabouts from
his seat next to Joey and mine next to Chris.
Chris was sleeping as I rapidly punched in messages to him about when we
should tell everyone. He seemed so distant in his responses that by the time we
landed in Orlando, I was paranoid. Did
he not want to tell everyone? Did
the thing with Justin scare him?
When
the five of us took separate cars home, I instructed my driver to follow Lance's
car, and I made some excuse about needing to give him something.
When
the driver dropped me off, I told him to go, that I'd find my own way home.
Lance
saw me walking up the steps behind him, and allowed me in.
"Trin?"
he called, but there was no answer. He
then proceeded to look down at the valet garage and looked for her car, but it
was gone. "Guess she went
shopping," he shrugged and walked past me.
"Lance,
what are we doing?" I blurted.
"What
do you mean?" he asked.
"I
mean US. Every time I bring up
telling people you shut down on me. Don't
you want to stop living this lie?" I asked.
"I...I
don't know what to do Jayce.." his voice was quiet.
"Do
you even want to be with me? I
mean, here I am, head over heels in love with you, ready to tell the world, and
you can't even muster the guts to tell Chris and Joey.
God, I don't get you," I began to get angry now.
"JC,
it's a difficult situation with me and the engagement and everything...please
understand," he pleaded.
"Do
you want to be with me, Lance?" I quietly asked.
"JC,
I'm just so confused right now and scared...I..."
"Well when you fucking figure it out, maybe you could call me and let me know how I'm going to spend the rest of my life, whether it's with or without you," and with that, I turned around and stormed out.