I
looked like a 16-year-old boy nervously waiting to go out on my first date as I
stood on the other side of Lance’s front door.
I
had knocked and now my hands were shoved deep inside my pockets, my eyes
studying the ground curiously.
He
opened the door and allowed me in.
“The
doormen are finally realizing that I’m not a teeny fan trying to get in,” I
laughed lightly.
“Yeah,
they almost took out Chris one time,” he replied as I made my way in.
“Something to drink?” he offered.
“Got
any alcohol?” I joked. We both looked at each other awkwardly – man had that come
out wrong. He probably thought I
was there to rape him or something…
“Yeah,
let me make you a drink,” he replied as I followed him into the kitchen.
I
studied him carefully as he put all the contents on the counter.
Lance rarely ever let things get to him.
He had to be steaming mad or deeply depressed to show a lot of emotion.
Most of the time he was as calm and cool as he was with that whole
incident Saturday night.
I
looked down to see his hand shaking a bit as he made our drinks.
The
silence was a bit uncomfortable as I nervously watched him stir the contents
together in two glasses.
When
he handed it to me I just stared at him “what the hell is this?” I asked.
He
walked past me with a smirk and replied “sex on the beach.”
I
nearly choked on the sip I had taken and replied “oh.”
We
walked into the living area and sat down – on opposite sides of the room.
“What did you want to talk about?” he asked, his accent showing, making me nearly melt. I loved it. I loved everything about him, from the way his hair stuck up all funny on a windy day to the deepness of his voice the minute he woke up. Fuck, I’m losing it.
“Well,
I know it’s probably stupid and it’s probably me just overreacting and I’m
freaking out and…”
“Josh!
Just tell me,” he laughed, “you always freak out about telling people
things and it never ends up a big deal.”
“I
wanted to talk to you about the other night,” I blurted, sipping uncomfortably
on my…drink.
He
looked down at the ground, his green eyes growing wide, “okay.”
Okay,
so I had hoped he’d say more than that…
“Ummm,
well…I’m kinda confused about…yeah,” I stood up and nervously began to
pace around.
“I’m
sorry, did I make you feel uncomfortable?” he apologized.
“NO!
I mean, no, it didn’t, just…shocked me I guess,” I replied.
“It
took a lot of nerve to do that Jayce,” he laughed.
“But,
okay, now I’m confused,” I squinted oddly at him.
I mean, the deal with Lance is he comes from a down-home good southern
religious traditional family. Even
though the press wanted to make him the gay one because he was so ‘pretty’ I
never in my life looked at him like that. He
was just Lance and I was just JC…but then again *I* never told anyone about
the thoughts I was having either…so what if Lance had kept something like that
from us all this time?
So
the idea sounded good and all, until one remembered the red headed bombshell
that had a rock the size of the moon on her finger.
He
stood up and watched me pace, and put his arms out in the air for a shrug.
“Did
you think that I didn’t remember that night when we won the lawsuit?” his
voice was almost a whisper.
“You
never said anything, so, I didn’t think you did…”
“I
remember I kissed you,” he looked down at the ground apologetically, “I
remember I was plastered,” he added.
“And…I
kissed you back,” I replied.
“Yeah,”
he smiled a bit.
I
shook my head now totally lost.
“Lance,
I don’t get it, why are you bringing this up NOW?
Why NOW after three years of not saying one damned word?” I started to
get annoyed and completely confused by what the hell he was doing.
He
sighed loudly.
“You
really want to hear the story?” he asked.
“YES!”
I shouted.
He
sat down and put his head in his hands.
“Well,
I guess I’ll make this short as possible.
Basically my parents were giving me a hard time about Trin because
well…a guy…a guy I use to hang out with a lot before the group…well he
knows my parents and he ran into them a few weeks ago.
He told them he’d heard about the group and was happy with my success,
but wondered why I didn’t come out of the closet or some crap like that.
My mom called me and asked what the hell he was talking about, was I gay,
is that why the press always makes up shit about me dating guys, blah, blah,
blah. Basically for two weeks
straight I heard her preach the bible at me because she was worried I wasn’t
marrying Trin because I was gay. Whatever,
anyways, I finally got sick of it and that tabloid last week really did me in.
So I proposed,” he shrugged.
I
sat down in the chair next to him and practically laughed in his face.
“You’ve
got to be fucking kidding me Lance. You’re
getting married to prove to OTHER P-E-O-P-L-E that you’re not gay?
Why the fuck do you care what they think?” I damn near yelled in his
face.
He
just looked away, I could tell he was deep in the thought the way he chewed on
the inside of his mouth and rocked back and forth.
“Oh
my God…” the realization struck me like a meteor from the sky.
He
just looked at me, tears glossing his eyes.
“Lance,
are you gay? Is that why you want
this whole cover-up, because you don’t want people to know?” I nearly
whispered.
He
took a second to think and then replied “Yeah, Jayce, I guess I am,” he
answered, the pain on his face obvious.
“So,
I’m…not…the…first one…you…kissed, am I?”
I carefully replied.
He
just shook his head and smiled back at me.
“I
guess the question now is, why me?” I asked.
He
looked back at me, and smiled, “I don’t have an answer for you Jayce, but my
question to you is, why did you kiss me back?”
I
watched the words leave his lips and my mind screamed because I was in love with
him, but my mouth didn’t know what to say.
“Because…”
his eyes locked on mine, “it felt good.”
He
smiled that big goofy smile at me he does when he’s really happy and then
answered, “so what does this mean Jayce?”
I
shrugged, “I wish I knew.”
There
was silence for a second and then I cleared my throat, now gaining more courage
with the seconds that pass.
“Over
these past three years…did you…think about…y’know what happened?” I
asked.
His
smiled curved a bit, “yeah, I did,” and then he laughed, “stupid huh?”
It
was then I was the one that felt stupid because for three years we’d been
thinking about one another and did nothing and now…well, now he was engaged.
His parents thought he was straight and well…there was a matter of
media, friends and…well best friends.
“No,
I have a lot to tell you, just, I’m still a little in denial we’re talking
about all of this, so, I just need to take a deep breath and relax.
I’m going to use the bathroom, okay?”
I asked.
“Sure,
I’ll go find us something to eat,” he smiled and we both stood up at the
same time, nearly running into one another.
Talk about awkward, we both just admitted something but we weren’t sure
exactly what, just that…I guess we had an attraction for one another.
I
shook my head, I felt like I was in a dream.
Did he just really say all of that to me?
You’ve got to be kidding me…
But
then again this was more of a nightmare. Something
of a dream that’s turned into a reality…and reality wasn’t exactly good at
this point.
When
I returned from the bathroom I looked around and didn’t see him anywhere.
“Lance?”
I called.
I
turned the corner in the kitchen and he popped out at me, “AHHHH,” I
screamed, grabbing my heart.
“Sorry
I thought I heard you call my name,” he and I were face to face and I can’t
believe that I did this.
I
pushed him the short distance against the wall with my hands and held him there.
Our lips were almost touching when I whispered “do you want me to
stop?”
He
stared at my mouth and then back up at my eyes before shaking his head no.
“If
I do this, it changes things between us and for everyone in our lives, you know
this right? You do know that
we’re risking everything and I’m putting my heart on the line for you?
I feel more for you than you could ever imagine Lance,” I felt his arms
wrap around my waist and pull my entire body against the wall and into his.
“It’s
a risk I’m willing to take Jayce,” his hands found their way to my curls and
he pushed head slowly until our lips met. The
same jolt of electricity rocked my body, accept this time I felt it consume me.
My nerves felt like they were shot, everything damn near went black as
his tongue found its way into my mouth, slowly licking and studying every part
of my own tongue.
I
bit down on his lower lip a bit and I heard a small moan escape his mouth.
We
stayed like this for a matter of minutes…I couldn’t stop kissing him, his
mouth was so amazing with the things it did to me and his lips…God they were
so soft.
I
felt my entire body giving out on me and I wanted to just collapse right there,
not to mention the tight straining inside my pants as his hands ran across my
chest.
I
pulled away from him, my forehead on his lips as I looked down and closed my
eyes.
“If
I don’t stop now, I won’t stop at all,” I whispered.
I
heard his head thump against the wall behind him.
“I
know, me too, I don’t think I’ve ever…been…so…” he stopped, and I
looked up to see his face bright red.
“Aroused?”
I finished with a big grin.
“Yeah,
that’s the word,” he reached down and I moved back and he adjusted himself,
“pants are a little too tight today, ehem,” he laughed and rubbed the back
of his neck bashfully.
“Maybe
some dinner?” I asked.
“Yeah,
let me see what I have around here,” he turned to go look, but I grabbed his
arm.
“Lance
if we don’t get out of this house I’m going to fucking devour you, so we
need to go OUT,” I chuckled and rubbed my eye with embarrassment.
“Okay,”
he agreed and laughed back, “Chinese?”
“Sounds
good.”