Me?
Joshua Scott Chasez has a problem sleeping?
Is the world coming to an end? It
has to be because I’ve been staring at the black ceiling for what seems like
days, but it’s only been a few hours.
I
rolled over, the green numbers on the clock burning my eyes.
Next to it was my cell phone – something I hadn’t used in days.
I hadn’t talked to anyone since Lance’s wedding announcement – I
didn’t really want to either. Well.
Okay, maybe I really did need someone to talk to about what was going on
in my head, but who?
I
reached over and pulled the small silver phone towards me.
I flipped through the address book, found the number I wanted and hit
send. I glanced back at the clock
again, hoping with the time difference it wouldn’t be too late.
“JC,
what’s up man?” he answered.
“Not
much, you got a minute?”
“Sure,
hold on.”
At
The Same Time
“Lance
are you asleep?” Trinity asked as she stared down at his body.
He was on his stomach face down and staring at the television blankly.
She was muttering off wedding plans and searching her laptop for local
bridal stores.
His
thoughts were far from the wedding decorations and tuxes.
His thoughts were wrapped around the fact that he was actually getting
married. Getting
married can change you, right? Right.
“Lance,
are you sleeping with your eyes open again?”
His
gaze wasn’t taken from the T.V., he just robotically replied, “no, I’m
awake.”
“Good,
‘cause I need your opinion on some stuff,” she replied.
“Honey,
it’s late, do we have to do this tonight?” he asked, content just laying
there thinking.
“Lance,
we’re getting married in three months! This
stuff takes time!” she freaked out.
“Mom
is meeting you tomorrow with the coordinator, then you’ll know all we need to
do. There’s nothing more you can
do tonight, come to bed,” he insisted.
She
smiled and shut her laptop.
“Okay,
you’re right baby,” she kissed his forehead.
Lance
sighed, it was going to be a long three months.
At
The Same Time
“Okay,
sorry, had to go in a different room, what’s going on, it’s late there?”
“I
just hadn’t talk to you in a while,” I shrugged.
“I’m
sorry, we’ll be back in Orlando in a few days.
Kinda crazy all of that wedding stuff with Lance, huh?”
“You’re
going to be next Justin,” I laughed.
“Bite
your tongue!”
“I
saw you and Brit on T.V. – you guys disgust me,” I joked.
“Yeah,
yeah,” he replied dryly, “I disgust myself sometimes with how much I love
her.”
There
was a long silence.
“JC,
you wouldn’t call this late unless the world was coming to an end.
When we don’t tour you are knocked out by 11:30 at the latest, so what
gives?” Justin asked.
I
sighed into the phone.
“Must
be something serious for you to call me and not Lance,” Justin commented.
My
eyes lit up.
“I
don’t always call Lance,” I retorted.
Justin
snorted and then laughed, “yes you do.”
“Whatever,”
I chuckled.
“Really,
what’s wrong C?”
I
smiled and then rubbed my face with my hands.
“I
can’t believe I’m so far gone I’m asking YOU for advice,” I sighed.
“What’s
wrong with me?” Justin laughed.
“Nothing,”
I replied, realizing at that moment that I really was falling bad – if not
already gone.
“Tell
me, what’s wrong?”
“Okay,”
I thought for a second. I knew full
well I couldn’t just tell Justin I was in love with another man, let alone
Lance, because even *I* didn’t understand it, so how in the hell could he?
“So I think I’m falling for someone…”
“That’s
great C!”
“No,
no, Jup, wait. This person well,
already has someone and they’re engaged and in love and…well…”
God I hated talking!
“Oh
man…” I could practically hear
Justin in deep thought. He knew how
difficult it was for me to find someone with the fame and all.
“She must be special if you’re thinking about her like this and
she’s going to be married,” he sighed.
“Yeah, special is an understatement. Anyways, what should I do?” I asked, really hoping he had an answer for me.
“How
does she feel about you?”
“Not
the same,” I simply replied.
“Are
you sure, have you asked her?”
“I
don’t have to ask, just trust me, I KNOW.”
Justin
thought for a second and then blurted, “tell her.”
I
nearly dropped the phone – this was his advice?!?
“Have
you gone mad!?” I shouted.
“Okay,
okay, I’m assuming she’s just a friend, right?” he asked.
“Yeah,”
I agreed.
“Well,
hang out with her, and y’know, feel her out, see if there’s a connection
there. Maybe she doesn’t want to
get married, especially if she’s sending you enough signals that you care for
her this much,” Justin concluded.
Lance,
sending ME signals? I nearly busted out laughing at the thought.
Hang out with him and…YEAH RIGHT.
It
was good advice, really it was, for a GIRL and someone who isn’t one of your
best friend’s…or Justin’s.
“What
if I know for sure that they don’t feel the same?”
“You
never know that for sure unless you ask,” he replied.
“So
what do I do about the whole marriage thing?”
“She’s
not married yet, right?”
“Right…”
“So
you’ve got time,” he simply answered.
A
deep sigh escaped my throat.
“You
really care about her, huh?” he asked.
“You
could say that.”
“Well,
good luck, let me know how it goes. I
gotta jet, Brit’s calling me.”
“No
problem, thanks Jup.”
“I
hope I helped. Oh and JC?”
“Yeah?”
“Do
I know this girl?” he asked.
I
smiled to myself like a goofball.
“I
think you may have met, I’m not sure though,” I guiltily looked up at the
ceiling.
“Does
she have a name?” he laughed.
“I’d
rather not say right now if that’s okay,” I answered.
“I
understand, it’s cool C. I’ll see yah soon, okay?”
“Thanks
Ju, g’night.”
“Later,”
he hung up.
One
Day Later
Why
tell me why did Joey have to leave town for a day?
I swear I was being tortured for having impure thoughts about Lance.
“You
two are not paying attention!” Trinity
yelled at Lance and I. “Burgundy
or purple?”
Lance
and I looked at each other and then shrugged.
“Trin,
why don’t you go with the lavender since it’s a summer wedding,” Diane
replied as she looked up at us. We
were literally walking a couple yards behind them with out hands in our pockets.
The huge bridal store had anything and everything for any wedding.
The coordinator had advised Lance and Trin to go pick out the colors they
wanted and then look around to get some ideas for some personal touches.
So, here we were. Lance’s
parents had stayed in town to help and when Lance asked his dad to come along
today he laughed and said no. So,
since Joey’s not in town, I got dragged out to the store from hell so Lance
didn’t have to go through it alone. Not
that I minded spending time with him…just. Not. Planning.
HIS. Wedding.
“Trin
says there’s one of these stores in Georgia, so she’s going to fly home this
weekend to find dresses for her bridesmaids,” Lance shoved his hands deeper
into his pockets.
“Cool,
you can hang out with the guys then. Justin
will be back,” I replied, trying not to sound too excited.
We
both looked down at the ground, our baseball caps covering our faces at the same
time. The groups of girls passed,
but didn’t stop, just looked at us oddly.
“Yeah
we’re really overdo for a jam session,” Lance replied as Trinity stopped to
look at some decorations.
There
was an awkward silence, both of us looking at each other a bit too long.
I couldn’t take my eyes off of him, he was absolutely beautiful.
“You’re
not paying attention again!” Trinity
interrupted us.
It
was going to be a long day.
That
Night
It
was another sleepless night for me, accept this time all I did was think about
three years ago over and over.
Why
didn’t I pursue it further, why did I just let him go like that?
He wouldn’t of kissed me if he didn’t WANT to, right?
Thinking
about that kiss just set my body on fire. All
of this time all I thought about was how to deal with my feelings and I never
really thought about anything sexual until…well…right now.
I sighed loudly as I realized my body was quite aroused by my mental
images of Lance and I kissing. My
hand slid down my body and under my boxers.
Just as I was wrapping my hand around myself, the phone rang. I nearly flew out of bed like I was a teenager being caught
by my parents.
I
snatched the phone off the nightstand and pressed it to my ear.
A
semi-frantic “hello” left my mouth.
“Jayce?
You sound startled, did I wake you?”
Lance asked.
I
took a deep breath.
“No,
no, I was uh, just thinking, uh, what’s up?”
I asked.
“Nothing,
Trin’s asleep and I…I dunno, I just wanted to say hi,” the sound of his
deep voice made my issues worse.
“You
sound like something’s wrong,” I commented, knowing full well as my hand
slid back down my body that I was going to hell.
Lance
looked over at Trinity, who was facing the other way snoring and then quickly
reached under the covers and inside his boxers.
He bit his lip feeling guilty as hell before wrapping his hand around
himself.
“Nothing’s
wrong,” He calmly replied, his body suddenly responding to his hand.
I
noticed the change in his vocal tone instantly as I slid my hand up and down
myself.
“You
sound busy Lance, or just…I dunno…out of it, are you sure everything’s
alright?” I asked, my breath
catching a bit in my throat for a second. It
was amazing to me how I could muster hanging upside down, pouncing on a big blow
up toy ball, and Velcro myself to a wall while singing, but I can’t even jerk
off while talking on the phone without cracking my voice.
“Yeah,
it’s fine, just sitting here watching her sleep,” he commented.
I
didn’t mean to say it, but Jesus, I was slowly losing control, so the words
just flew out of my mouth: “no sex for Taz tonight?”
He
chuckled a bit, his breath catching in his throat.
I hope I didn’t embarrass him.
“Uh,
no, not tonight,” he responded with a laugh, “although…” he coyly
replied.
“Although
what?” I asked, my body reaching
the top quicker than I had anticipated. His
voice…
“Just
those male issues that a guy has and sometimes does not want to be around…well
HIS girl,” he replied, guilt stinging his voice.
“God that so didn’t come out right,” he tried to make up for it,
but too late, he already had my attention.
I’d only been in love once, perhaps you could say twice, and I knew
that I never wanted anyone but her.
“Lance,
I mean, are you sure everything’s okay with you and Trin…the wedding plans
were kinda sudden and all,” my hand worked faster and faster.
“I
dunno Jayce, I just…”
And
that was it, he said his nickname for me and I lost it.
I
bit my lip so hard I could feel and taste blood on the edge of my mouth.
“You
there Jayce?” he suddenly ask.
The
liquid that covered my hands was a reminder that I had to come back down from
the temporary cloud I was on.
“Huh,
yeah, I, uh thought you were going to say more…or something,” I stuttered.
“JC?”
he asked quickly.
“Yeah?”
Suddenly
the line went silent as Lance reached his climax, a slight cough leaving his
mouth as his head fell back into the pillow.
“Lance?
You still there?”
Lance
shook himself out of his trance.
“Huh,
sorry, yeah Jayce, I’m just…distracted a bit, I’m sorry,” he turned on
his side, contently and listened to the voice on the other line.
“It’s
okay, you sound tired, maybe you should get some sleep?” I suggested, really
not wanting to get off the phone, I loved the sound of his voice far too much.
But I still wasn’t quite sure why he called…
“Maybe,
I’ll talk to you tomorrow, g’dnight Jayce, sweet dreams.”
“Night Lance."